We chickened out...

[iapr]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

We actually decided before we left to eat to skip going the other night, but I see your point, and likely, you are correct. We both realize, regardless, we're taking a very big step. We're not going to go for full or even soft swap, and we were (and still are) fully expecting that likely, nothing will happen, anyways, not the first time or first several times, other than we'll end up meeting some new people, maybe becoming friends with some of them.

The Mrs states she has zero interest in other women, and no interest in sex with another man, but is willing to entertain the idea of having sex with another couple in the room, and possibly, maybe, someday, letting another woman "help" give me a blowjob. I'm not going to pressure her, at all. We're going forward at the pace of the slowest person, which right now is her.

Not that I wasn't a willing participant in bailing out on going last night...

Yeah I think the real issue here is do you want to go to the club or not? The issue isn't really about clothes or when dinner is served. If you wanted to go to the club you would have.

If checking out this club is something you are actually wanting to do your first step is getting your fears, apprehensions and overactive imaginations under control.

Off premise clubs are a place where like minded people can meet in a private setting to dance, mingle, flirt, meet new people and catch up with old friends. they are not wall to wall naked bodies with people groping and coming on to each other all over the place. The main thing that separates most off-premise clubs from a normal vanilla dance club is the women are more touchy-feely on the dance floor with each other and you may see an occasional boob-flash. Other than that if you have ever been to a vanilla dance club and survived it intact you will be fine at an off-premise club.

Your no-swap preference will not be an issue at an off-premise club because it is a good bet that 80+% of the people there are not looking to hook-up at that time anyway.

Off-prem clubs are a good place to party and meet people and dance and flirt and have fun but they are not necessarily a good place to actually have any kind of encounter.

Don't let your actions be dictated by fear. If you want to get out and dance and party and meet people and have fun, get your ducks in a row and get out and make it happen.

[warrencouple]

First, once again, thanks everyone for the support!

I'm not so sure it was fear, although that may have something to do with it, as both the Mrs and I are not outgoing people. With people we know, we're OK, large groups tend to put both of us in our shells.

One of the things I want to try to do, when we go, is participate, if they have "mixer" games, get out an dance, maybe play some pool with another couple.

Iapr: Yeah, we've been doing enough reading on this, to know that on off-premise is going to be no worse than a regular nightclub, maybe a touch more "raunchy," but we can both survive that. We've both got dirty minds... We've kicked around the idea of going to an on-premise club, but there's very few in our area (2, I think)

Once again, thanks everyone!
Mr.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

First, once again, thanks everyone for the support!

I'm not so sure it was fear, although that may have something to do with it, as both the Mrs and I are not outgoing people. With people we know, we're OK, large groups tend to put both of us in our shells.

The fear is TOTALLY NORMAL! The first time I tried to go meet another group of swingers.... it was in a vanilla location for a m&g, just a bunch of folks getting together to play pool and hang out. We got there and got in the parking lot and then I totally chickened out and wouldn't get out of the car.

To this day I'm still nervous going into a new event that we haven't been to before.

[Edison Carter]

Ed here-- One of the best things I was taught was that you are not a man if you cannot cook or dress well. Now, with clothes this means you make an effort as to what works for you, not what you think works for you, or what you hope works for you.

I have found that keeping it clean and simple always works: Single color pressed slacks, leather belt with a single colored long sleeve shirt , leather shoes, always is the safest way to go. Once you have a better 'eye' for clothing you can try something more. The biggest mistake I see men make is clothing that fits poorly or that is old.

And if you go into the a nice clothing store, find a great sales clerk to help you.

Lastly, knowing you are dressed well, can be empowering in a social situation.

[MrkLin]

Looking back, our first trip to a swing club (an on-premise club) was hilarious. We were both scared to death, had no idea what to expect, and knew absolutely nobody. Lin curled up into the fetal position, while sitting upright, and would have whimpered if she thought it wouldn't have attracted so much attention. Several years later, we've loosened up quite a lot, to say the least.

You're talking about going to an off-premise club, so you won't feel any of the kind of pressure we put on ourselves that first time (and we know that our nervousness was all self-imposed.) Just think of it as any other kind of nightclub. Go, mingle, dance, have some fun. It's been our experience that the only difference between an off-premise club and a vanilla nightclub is that just about everyone at the off-premise club shares a common interest. Just go and have a good time. If you meet someone, fine - but if you don't, that's fine too. Think of it as a night out for yourselves.

If you haven't already, check out my blog. I wrote an entry titled; "What Happens at a Swing Club." It's geared more toward what happens at an on-premise club, but there's a lot that's also applicable to an off-premise club.

[Adam-n-Eve]

Originally Posted by warrencouple

Personally, I'd like to be able to just wear jeans (clean of course), and a collared polo style shirt, but it seems the suggested attire tends more towards "business casual"

I've been to one of our local clubs on two occations, wearing jeans and a blue unadorned t-shirt. No one said anything about it and I had a great time. To be honest, I was planning to go in nice slacks and a dress shirt but Eve talked me out of fearing I'd be a little overdressed (I don't own Dockers. With me it's either slacks or jeans). Until now, I hadn't even given it a second thought. Looking back, I can't tell you what the other guys wore, though I didn't get the impression I was out of step with the rest of the group.

Maybe I should buy a pair of Dockers for the club. Are assless Dockers still in style?

Adam

[warrencouple]

Mrs here. I think part of our problem is, neither of us is comfortable dressing up. We're jeans and tee shirt kinda people. Unless there's a wedding or a funeral, the only time we dress up during the year is for the company Christmas party. Dressing up and feeling uncomfortable is not conducive to this sort of thing. If I don't feel comfortable, it's gonna show in my demeanor. (Yes, the women can pretty much wear whatever they want to this club but I'm referring to Mr as well, here.)
I think, yes, we were nervous and kind of looking for an 'out', which we both jumped at. The club is near where we went for supper; we planned on eating first and then going to the club so all we'd be having there would be a soda or two. Not being "dressed" by the time we were ready to go eat was an excuse we both took. We've worked out more clearly what we want to wear and it'll be comfortable enough that we'll be able to wear it all day and not have to change before we leave so that excuse will be gone.