Let me hear your " I thought I was in love story "

[Tortured_Soul]

I have been with a few women in my life.... I guess around here, who hasn't? I don't consider myself to be a swinger but I have swapped partners a few times ( albeit 99% of the time it's the same couple ). The thing I am in total love with this woman , she is 10 years older than me and she is beautiful, hell I'd go as far as saying she is perfect... in every sense of the word. The problem is this... we are both married with children....and she is my wife's best friend.... oucha, I know.


Now, this is what I want from you guys, I want to hear about times that you felt like this. Was it always just fucking -or- were there times that you just felt like that one particular person might just be the one?

Help me get out of this haze I am in...........

[Estaque]

I think you should go for it. True love is hard to find. You two should get divorces and be together, I just know it will work out for you. It happens every day in the swing-world.

[intuition897]

So, um...what does your wife think about all this?

EDIT>> And don't mind Estaque. I think he's been having a rough day, so he may come off as a little...brusque.

[Tortured_Soul]

Originally Posted by Estaque

I think you should go for it. True love is hard to find. You two should get divorces and be together, I just know it will work out for you. It happens every day in the swing-world.

You made me laff with that one... the funny thing is ... that's how I feel about the whole thing.

How does my wife feel about it? I don't know how to tell her I am in love with her best friend... it's kinda hard.

[singleagain]

dude...you'd better listen to intuition897 and get yourself in check. you're about to mess up a lot of people just to take care of your own self...

[Estaque]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

You made me laff with that one... the funny thing is ... that's how I feel about the whole thing.

How does my wife feel about it? I don't know how to tell her I am in love with her best friend... it's kinda hard.

What do you care what your wife thinks? You're in love man, you gotta go for it! True love doesn't come around often. Your wife will get over it, and that hefty child support payment and alimony will get her through those lonely nights...

[intuition897]

I guess I just mean that in your posts, you've scarcely mentioned your wife, and extolled the virtues of this other woman. And outlined all the things that you want. I get the feeling that the only reason you are reluctant to mention it to your wife, or do the unthinkable and end a relationship if it has little to no hope of survival, is because of how it will affect you. You feel it will "disappoint" your wife and kids - maybe "hurt" them, even - but you have this low-lying reassurance, barely beneath the subconscious, that tells you "They're young. They'll get over it." What you might not realize is that the choices you will make will impact the course of their lives. Do not fool yourself; you're going to rip your wife's heart out when she finds out you are choosing yourself over her. She trusted you to not do this. And kids learn what they see. They learn not to trust. They learn to 'get while the gettin's good'. They learn to look out for #1, and the rest of humanity be damned.

I'm afraid you will not get a green light from this crowd to follow your penis to greener pastures. If it's true love - not infatuation, but true love that brings you peace, and makes you not fear growing old because you will grow old with this person - then you should respect your wife enough to be honest with her, and let her know that you cannot live a lie and remain in a relationship built on something that doesn't exist. if you do not love your wife, she needs to know. You are NOT doing her any favours by keeping her in the dark. Like it or not, she IS involved, and it IS her business.

[good times]

Dito what Ituition said. While it doesn't really have any bearing on the right or wrong thing to do here, I am curious. Does this other woman know about this, and is she ready to throw away her marraige for this too?

[Tortured_Soul]

Originally Posted by good times

Dito what Ituition said. While it doesn't really have any bearing on the right or wrong thing to do here, I am curious. Does this other woman know about this, and is she ready to throw away her marraige for this too?

First off, I am not following my penis... I'll make that clear. The other woman DOES indeed know about the way I feel, and she has the same type of feelings towards me. I never planned for this happen ( swinging or falling for this woman ), it just happened. I can't say either one of us are ready to " throw away" our marriages at this point.... actually it hasn't even been discussed, not even remotely. I never said I was going to ditch my wife for this woman... all I wanted to know was if anyone had similiar experiences, that's it. You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

First off, I am not following my penis... I'll make that clear. The other woman DOES indeed know about the way I feel, and she has the same type of feelings towards me. I never planned for this happen ( swinging or falling for this woman ), it just happened. I can't say either one of us are ready to " throw away" our marriages at this point.... actually it hasn't even been discussed, not even remotely. I never said I was going to ditch my wife for this woman... all I wanted to know was if anyone had similiar experiences, that's it. You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

I am sorry Toucheres Soul, if you are feeling like you have to take the defencive. I can say that, Yes I was in your spot before, minus the swinging part. I left my husband because the relationship just wasn't any good for me.He was an ass. But, I did "fall in love" or so I thought, with another man. It was a hard time for my ex and I. Looking back now I realize that leaving my husband and going into a relationship with this other guy was a huge mistake. I wasn't ready for such a change.
I am thankful now to have Dog, my current boyfriend. He is wonderful to me and I feel 100% confident that he will be the man I grow old with.
I agree with the idea that if you are entertaining the thoughts of another women then there are issues that need to be looked at in your marriage.
You are in a tough spot right now with you feelings, be careful with them and the feelings of the others around you.

Please understand that MOST of the people here are really concerned about your welfare. Try not to take offence when you hear something you don't want to hear. think about it for awhile before reacting maybe it makes sence to you, maybe not.
But please don't think that a child or spousal support check with keep your wife warm at night when she is hurting over your decision, should it be to persue a relationship with her girlfriend.
My ex made the assumption that money could take his place at night while he was out with his girlfriend. It really doesn't.

Good luck with your issue, I hope in the end it all turns out alright for everyone involved.

Your friend,
Prettylady

PS. If you do decide to become invovled with this other women, you should end your current marriage first. Not only for your wifes feelings but for yours and your future love. The two of you will suffer as well while in an affair. You wont be able to be together when you want to be, or hold hands in public, you will always be looking over your shoulder for people who could "out" you.
So basically, its not just the other husband and wife that will get hurt. You and this other women will suffer as well.
I have experienced what it is like to not be able to be with the one you love. It sucks worse then being in a marriage that is bad for you. Heart ache is the worst kind of ache there is.

I am not a supporter of extramarrital affairs, but I know what it is like to fall in love with someone you can't have. I hate to say it but Equate is right to a point, you can't control who you fall in love with and it is hard to stay away. Sometimes to hard.
Best wishes
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Tortured_Soul]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I am sorry Toucheres Soul, if you are feeling like you have to take the defencive. I can say that, Yes I was in your spot before, minus the swinging part. I left my husband because the relationship just wasn't any good for me.He was an ass. But, I did "fall in love" or so I thought, with another man. It was a hard time for my ex and I. Looking back now I realize that leaving my husband and going into a relationship with this other guy was a huge mistake. I wasn't ready for such a change.
I am thankful now to have Dog, my current boyfriend. He is wonderful to me and I feel 100% confident that he will be the man I grow old with.
I agree with the idea that if you are entertaining the thoughts of another women then there are issues that need to be looked at in your marriage.
You are in a tough spot right now with you feelings, be careful with them and the feelings of the others around you.

Please understand that MOST of the people here are really concerned about your welfare. Try not to take offence when you hear something you don't want to hear. think about it for awhile before reacting maybe it makes sence to you, maybe not.
But please don't think that a child or spousal support check with keep your wife warm at night when she is hurting over your decision, should it be to persue a relationship with her girlfriend.
My ex made the assumption that money could take his place at night while he was out with his girlfriend. It really doesn't.

Good luck with your issue, I hope in the end it all turns out alright for everyone involved.

Your friend,
Prettylady

PS. If you do decide to become invovled with this other women, you should end your current marriage first. Not only for your wifes feelings but for yours and your future love. The two of you will suffer as well while in an affair. You wont be able to be together when you want to be, or hold hands in public, you will always be looking over your shoulder for people who could "out" you.
So basically, its not just the other husband and wife that will get hurt. You and this other women will suffer as well.
I have experienced what it is like to not be able to be with the one you love. It sucks worse then being in a marriage that is bad for you. Heart ache is the worst kind of ache there is.

I am not a supporter of extramarrital affairs, but I know what it is like to fall in love with someone you can't have. I hate to say it but Equate is right to a point, you can't control who you fall in love with and it is hard to stay away. Sometimes to hard.
Best wishes
Your friend,
Prettylady

Thanks for the advice.

[good times]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

First off, I am not following my penis... I'll make that clear. The other woman DOES indeed know about the way I feel, and she has the same type of feelings towards me. I never planned for this happen ( swinging or falling for this woman ), it just happened. I can't say either one of us are ready to " throw away" our marriages at this point.... actually it hasn't even been discussed, not even remotely. I never said I was going to ditch my wife for this woman...

I didn't mean to imply that you were following your penis even though in my attempt at a brief post it may have came off that way. I simply didn't get the complete picture from your original post and wanted clarification. thanks for clearing it up.

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

all I wanted to know was if anyone had similiar experiences, that's it. You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

I can't really give you any good advice beyond what has been said so far because I, in fact, have never fallen in love with a swing partner. But I am sure it has happened occasionally as we have seen posts to that effect here previously.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

Actually, yes I can. I have liked and respected our play-friends, and thoroughly enjoyed their company. But love? Love that compares to what I feel for Mr. intuition? Not a chance. It's like comparing apples to oranges.

And sorry about the following-your-penis quip. If it were true, then I meant it, of course. But if it doesn't apply to your situation, please accept my apology.

[TNT]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

Well, actuallly I can ...I've been in love with the same man for well over 25 years...I have had sex with many men but I have never fell for any of them.

We have swing partners that we are very fond of and would miss them terribly should they no longer be in our lives but....we are not in love with them beyond the love you have for a dear friend.

I don't have much advice for you other than maybe some distance between you and this other woman...take the time to really, really, really think about your feelings for her and your wife...it could be just a case of the grass being greener or ...it could be the real thing.

Either way, I think you need to discuss this with your wife...she should have been the first one you did this with instead of the other woman.


Teresa

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Tortured_Soul

You guys can't tell me you never fell for one of your partners. Total BS.

Add me to the list of "yes I can."

Spoomonkey