He stood us up twice - should we still pursue him?

[Hemera]

He's hot. He's good in bed (so we hear, through the swinger grapevine--I know, I know, gossip, but still). He's, well, really, really hot. He's a photographer and a model. He's sweet and knows how to show a good time. He has an affinity for "plush" girls and their boyfriends/hubbies.

But he's flaked on us two times now!

Should we keep trying? We really like this guy and feel that if he meets with us, he'll be more apt to not flake out in the future, if he's into a future meeting. He leads a busy life and I can understand that, but to say "I'll be there at 7" and then never show up, only to call the next day and say that his car broke down/he forgot/his mom called makes us a little wary of his intentions and understandably disappointed. We know he's for real for various reasons, but we now feel like we're trying to "hook" this guy, and we don't want to feel that way!

Advice? Keep pursuing or give it up?

[sexyshelby]

Plenty more fish in the sea...

~SS

[DGrey]

Arrange another meeting.
Stand him up.

End of story.

We have no tolerance for people who can't manage to call/text/IM or whatever the second they know they can't make it.

E

[sexyshelby]

Ohhh, evil pan! I love it.

~SS

[Hemera]

Originally Posted by DGrey

Arrange another meeting.
Stand him up.

I have SO fantasized about doing that.
He was introduced to us by good friends that we have been with before. The last thing I need is Mr. Flake telling them that we're horrid and vengeful.

[DGrey]

Have you told your friends that he's flaked out on you twice already? If so, what have they said to that?

I say stand him up, call the next day and see what he has to say about that. Use one of his stories...your car broke down. Plain and simple. See if he likes it.

All you have to do is call the next day and see if he gives you an excuse for not showing up. Seriously, who's to say he'll even show at another scheduled meeting.

E

[Hemera]

Originally Posted by DGrey

Have you told your friends that he's flaked out on you twice already? If so, what have they said to that?

I say stand him up, call the next day and see what he has to say about that. Use one of his stories...your car broke down. Plain and simple. See if he likes it.

All you have to do is call the next day and see if he gives you an excuse for not showing up. Seriously, who's to say he'll even show at another scheduled meeting.

E

*hand over heart* I had promised to myself that I won't go gabbing about everyone else in the group. I always wonder what really is permissible to tell others about a person they swing with. The "rules" are so fuzzy.

With my luck, he'll tell me, "Oh, it's okay, my cat died so I couldn't come anyway"

[DBL D]

Only TWICE?

Keep your options open. Unless you are keying on him...(never a good idea to "key" on anyone IMHO)...I'd let it slide and let him contact you. If he doesn't maybe you'll see him around somewhere and will have a chance to talk to him about it..OR...Maybe you should get the word out about how hot you guys are and maybe it will get around to him.

Male D

[MoonLightKiss]

Originally Posted by Hemera

*hand over heart* I had promised to myself that I won't go gabbing about everyone else in the group. I always wonder what really is permissible to tell others about a person they swing with. The "rules" are so fuzzy.

With my luck, he'll tell me, "Oh, it's okay, my cat died so I couldn't come anyway"

As far as gabbing, I would say its rude to kiss and tell, but I don't see the harm in asking said friends who refferred him something along the lines of "He has flaked on us twice now, is this something that happens often with him because of his schedule, or is he just not interested?" then see how they respond. I don't think it falls into the category of gossiping, but hey, I have been wrong before, so don't take just my word for it.

But I agree with all the rest here...stand his ass up...

[Amanda69]

Definately share the info with your friends who recommended him, they might even have some insight into his behavior.

You said he "flaked out" on you. Are you saying he stood you up? Had a poor excuse? Maybe the reasons were genuine and the guy is still interested. It is always amazing what we allow our minds to assume without checking it out.

I would suggest honesty with the guy. Hey we invited you twice, you flaked out twice...are you interested in hooking up or not? No problem either way we just don't want to feel like we are wasting our time or yours....

[Chicup]

Ok we have a really hot single guy (assuming his problem isn't sneaking away from a wife) who keeps not showing up.

Ok I see two ways to read this....

1 - He is a really hot guy and hangs out with swingers. Odds are hes out for 'action' and you guys are #2 on the list. So he plays with the swingers when he can't get a date with a single female. He plays you guys and then when his date pans out he comes up with a lame excuse. You are the fall back for the evening.

2 - He really is a flake which is why he is a hot single guy alone.

I'd guess #1 based on the story here, but either way you owe him nothing. If a couple does that we just let them contact us and set something up but we won't go out of our way to get stood up again.

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by DGrey

Arrange another meeting.
Stand him up.

End of story.

E

I consider this game playing and wouldn't advise doing this.

Hemera, if you find his cacellations reflect poorly on his character, why would you behave the same way? Arranging a meeting for the purpose of cancelling on him is only bringing yourself down to his level.

We would not arrange another date with him, nor would we write him again. If he contacted us we would decide at that time if we wanted to give him another chance. If we decided to do so we would clarify our expectations at that time.

I believe in always having a relationship end with you holding your head high, feeling proud of how well you handled yourself in a sticky situation.

LM

[2jersey]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I believe in always having a relationship end with you holding your head high, feeling proud of how well you handled yourself in a sticky situation.

We feel the exact same way. However, this fellows actions are abusive and inexcusable. You could probably speak harshly to him (if it makes you feel better) and you would still be on high moral ground.

[edmustang]

I'm going along with LM on this one. You're not in third grade anymore. If the guy can't or won't follow through on his promises, don't bother with him anymore.

[NandTfromCA]

If we really want someone, we might give them a little more leeway (right or wrong, it’s true) but clearly there is a line. In our book, this guy has crossed it.

We would probably be done trying to meet someone the first time they did this, but the second time would certainly be the clincher. It is just so easy to pick up the phone and call someone when you are running late or can't make it. Even if he didn't have your cell#, he could call the place you are meeting to let you know.

We would NOT set another time to meet him but, if we ran into him somewhere we would be sociable...and who knows???