very uncomfortable around family now!!

[azwildcat]

well, i have a stituation here on my hands and need your thought's on this for i will make my decision on how to handle this soon .
ok, here goes my younger brother's girlfriend has come on to me several times she's a very nice girl and they seem pretty happy together, but it seems that everytime i'm left alone with her she turns it on thicker, yeah, i'm bi and love women but not at the expense of my brother.
what i need to know is should i tell him about this or just leave it alone. it's just that i feel very uncomfortable anytime i go see my family ( she lives with my brother) and i am very close with my family. so, i'm having a very hard time with this and don't know how to handle this at all.

[Elusive BiFem]

I believe I would talk to her rather than my brother, as in, "Drop it. He's my brother and I'm not going there."
If she is bi, he may already know it. Even if not, that is for them to deal with.
Unfortunately, others can sometimes spot things in relationships that those involved can't see, but if we point it out, they become upset with the one doing the pointing. That could cause even greater family issues. -EBF

[BiloxiCouple]

I guess we could extend out our rules a little on this one.

Don't mess with family.

She may not be family but she is involved with the family.

Another rule we have.

If it doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.

This doesn't feel right.

Tell her no. Don't turn this into a Jerry Springer special.

[azwildcat]

well, the stitation has gotten to the point that i'm staying away from my family and as for her being bi well, i get the feeling that she is with everything she's tried to do when noone is around and i've made it know to her just how i feel about it all.
i also must mention that my brother dislikes anything to do with being bisexual, he left his ex-wife because she turn out being bi .
(my family doesn't know i'm bi)

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by azwildcat
well, the stitation has gotten to the point that i'm staying away from my family and as for her being bi well, i get the feeling that she is with everything she's tried to do when noone is around and i've made it know to her just how i feel about it all.
i also must mention that my brother dislikes anything to do with being bisexual, he left his ex-wife because she turn out being bi .
(my family doesn't know i'm bi)

I find it interesting that your brother has no truck with bisexuals, dumped his ex-wife because she turned out to be one, and damned if he didn't end up with yet another one. That ought to be the topic for another thread (why we pick the sorts of people we do as partners/spouses).

You said you have already told her to knock it off (coming on to you). There isn't a whole lot more you can do beyond that. Has she cooled it? For damn sure don't let her know that you are bi, because if your brother ever tumbles to the fact that she is, and dumps her as well, she would likely out you in the process just for the hell of it.

This gal doesn't sound very stable; it's one thing to come on to someone, even if it's ill-advised as in this case. But if the person keeps making suggestions even after she's been told NO, that's not normal. If possible, try to avoid situations where you are left alone with her.

Play it by ear, but I would not let this isolate you from your family. You said you are close to them; there are few things in life more important that having close family ties. Don't let this silly twat mess that up for you.

All the best...

Bear

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by BiloxiCouple
She may not be family but she is involved with the family.

Biloxi said it all right there for me. Long before I ever explored my bi-side, there was a family that was very much like our own and attended most functions. She was very bi and kept coming on to me and didn't really try to hide it. At the time it just made me feel very uncomfortable (much like you are feeling) not that she was bi, but the fact that she didn't seem to care about her actions which could cause a family disturbance to the 'nth degree.

My opinion, since she isn't taking your not so subtle hints of "NO", then I would go to your brother and say something to the effect of. "Hey, SuzyQ keeps coming on to me for some girlie action and it bothers me. If I wanted some girlie action, I certainly wouldn't look for it within the family."

This leaves you where you are not lying about your own bi-sexuality, nor are you committing to it. You are just expressing you distaste for unwanted advances.

[teknurse]

I agree with Elusive Bi-Fem. Tell her hands off.

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by OhioCouple

My opinion, since she isn't taking your not so subtle hints of "NO", then I would go to your brother and say something to the effect of. "Hey, SuzyQ keeps coming on to me for some girlie action and it bothers me. If I wanted some girlie action, I certainly wouldn't look for it within the family."

I could not disagree more. It's not her place to tell her brother. In situations like this, the one doing the telling often catches as much heat, if not morese, than the one who is being told on (the brother's girlfriend in this case). For her to go and tell her brother, who already has a problem with bi women to start with, is only going to make a bad situation worse, with wildcat right smack in the middle, where she does NOT want to be.

The way to handle this is for wildcat to privately tell that silly bitch to back the hell off with the sexual advances. It might do to remind the girl that her boyfriend, wildcat's brother, has a thing about bisexuals and remind her of what he did when he found out his ex was bi. Unfortunately, with some people, it is necessary to pick them up and slam them down hard in order to get their attention; this girl sounds like one of those. And as I said before, avoid situations where you are left alone with the girl.

Bear

[Uneed_Love]

Originally posted by OhioCouple
My opinion, since she isn't taking your not so subtle hints of "NO", then I would go to your brother and say something to the effect of. "Hey, SuzyQ keeps coming on to me for some girlie action and it bothers me. If I wanted some girlie action, I certainly wouldn't look for it within the family."

This leaves you where you are not lying about your own bi-sexuality, nor are you committing to it. You are just expressing you distaste for unwanted advances.

Hummmm I find this a bit too direct IMHO and I am not sure that if I were in the place of the brother I should appreciate to hear this said this way ?....

Before to go to this I should do a last trial with my sister in law in order to be sure she had perfectly understood that it's a NO WAY for You then if she still does not want to hear this I shall do as Mrs "O" says but only if every other attempts had failed.

JC (half of Uneed_Love2)

[azwildcat]

hi, everybody and thank you for all your great advice.
sorry that i haven't been on lately to reply to any but thank's bear_and_bunny for having my best interest at heart.
well, things came to blows with my brothers girlfriend and myself it happened again so, i told her to either stop or i would tell well, she just kept on. so, at this point i just straight off and punched her in the mouth, it might of been the wrong thing to do but at the time it felt right and to make a long story short i don't think i have to worry about it happening again.but thank you all for your help.

[pna42]

That's not the kind of situation that calls for violence. You've probably just opened a huge can of worms. I wouldn't let her scare you away from my family though. Why does your brother just HAPPEN to find 2 bi-sexual women in a row? Something doesn't seem right there.

[OhioCouple]

I agree with Pna42, I don't think it was the kind of situation that should have led to such a violent ending, (unless there is more that you didn't share, azwildcat) not when other avenues could have been utilized. Not saying that I wouldn't have wanted to do that myself, but I would have refrained.

Bear_n_bunny and JC, My opinions were based on the fact that azwildcat stated that she was very close to her family, which I assumed meant her brother also.

If the avenues have been exhausted by trying to 'talk' to the girlfriend of her brother, then if she is 'close' to them (as she indicated) it would be wise to talk to him. I don't know how other people were raised, but my experience with my brothers is that "they" could do darn near anything they wanted to do, to antagonize me, but wouldn't tolerate so much as a slight injustice from anyone outside of themselves to do the same.

It was just my opinion, based on my experience. I feel that if placed in this situation, and that if I had exhausted all possibilities to resolve the situation, I could go to my brother and talk to him. Number one, he would know that I would never do anything to hurt him intentionally, and two, he would believe me.

[azwildcat]

well, pna42, my brother wasn't home at the time it all happened, but he didn't ask for any explaintions. so, i left it up to her to tell him, i'm sure knowing my brother he'll get both sides of the story and then we'll all sit down and talk about it . it'll be real interesting to say the least.
but she did have it coming to her.

my brother does know that i have his best interest at heart and well, i'm not going to get in his way if he's happy. so, if it could of worked out without this ever happening it would of been better,but it did and she'll learn that when i say no i mean it.<EG>

[pna42]

I'm still curious as to why your brother is with another bi-woman. If he knows she is bi and 'uncomfortable' with it then the problem will fix itself.

[azwildcat]

well, pna42, i really don't think that my brother knows about her being bi which is going to be a big shock to him. i really don't know how he'll handle this when he finds out. but if she hurt's him then she better watch out cuz noone hurts my brother's like that.
sorry for all of you who might not agree with this but he's family and family is important.:p