Having a couple over after the toddler goes to bed?

[newbieswinger]

maybe this is a crazy question.
my son is 16 months and we don't have a babysitter we feel comfortable with. he goes to bed at 8pm. our bedroom is next to his and we have a king size bed. as long as nobody is yelling or screaming i don't think he would notice anything. we also have a large barn that we use for storage mostly. maybe we could move a tv, bed, and couch out there. that seems like it would give a trashy impression though.

[N&G]

The answer of course is to find a babysitter that you are comfortable with. Many couples will not be comfortable playing with a child in the house and not everyone has sex quietly. Kids notice EVERYTHING. He also will only be 16 months old until next month so you need to look at the long term aspect of this. What are you going to do when he is 2 or 3 years old? If you use the barn does that mean that the child is left alone in the house? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

[socolais]

Sometimes "ideal solutions" have other concerns that make them somewhat less desirable. No one knows your son like you do (at least at this age). If both of you think you would be comfortable with that arrangement, I say go for it. Just don't get lazy with the precautions. And make sure everyone knows the house rules. There may be occasional interruptions in the playtime, know in advance how you'll take care of those needs. Other couples with young kids know that the kids come first and I think most are willing to make allowances in the playtimes.

I wouldn't want a steady diet of that kind of playtime, but if everything else worked out and I was confident your son was well cared for, I'd be willing to play and be tolerant of any necessary interruptions.

[des1re06]

We would never play with children in the house.

The barn would be a different story though.

[Chicup]

No law says you can't have sex downstairs.

At 16 months nothing he sees will register as anything.

Older children are another issue.

The only issue is a lot of swingers, especially those without kids will find just having a kid anywhere near them a turn off. We did before we had kids, now its just a fact of how our lives are.

[newbieswinger]

thanks for the input, i'll have to think this over. we have a video monitor that when he's asleep and we're in the barn we can clearly see him to answer the question of leaving him alone.

[SecretAsianMan]

Kids are a tough call - most people feel uncomfortable with having a child TOO close to that type of activities (it makes people feel like they've got to be restricted & at least refrain from vocalizing) so a babysitter would probably be ideal... heck, even a babysitter after you've converted the "barn" into a play-area wouldn't be a bad idea

[2inSanDiego4u]

Originally Posted by newbieswinger

maybe this is a crazy question.
my son is 16 months and we don't have a babysitter we feel comfortable with. he goes to bed at 8pm. our bedroom is next to his and we have a king size bed. as long as nobody is yelling or screaming i don't think he would notice anything. we also have a large barn that we use for storage mostly. maybe we could move a tv, bed, and couch out there. that seems like it would give a trashy impression though.

If the child is under 3, they will probably not be affected by it as long as you're not too noisy! If the bedroom door is locked that would avoid the problem of him/her actually seeing anything too sexual.

The "sex barn" idea sounds good too. If you set it up properly it could be a lot of fun for everyone involved!

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by N&G

The answer of course is to find a babysitter that you are comfortable with. Many couples will not be comfortable playing with a child in the house and not everyone has sex quietly. Kids notice EVERYTHING. He also will only be 16 months old until next month so you need to look at the long term aspect of this. What are you going to do when he is 2 or 3 years old? If you use the barn does that mean that the child is left alone in the house? That doesn't sound like a good idea to me.

I have to agree with this. Granted we don't have kids (and don't plan to) so I'm sure some would say we just don't "get" what it's like to swing when you do.....

[sexcupid]

I have kids (they are 7 and 8 now)....but even when they were toddlers, I would not have considered having playmates over at the house. And as swingers now, we as a couple are not comfortable with the idea of playing with children in the house, no matter what their age.

I'm sure there are some potential playmates out there that would have absolutely no problem coming over.

Now, the question I am most curious about...many parents try to find a reliable/trustworthy baby sitter in pretty short order just for having an evening out now and again. Have you had problems with past babysitters or is there just some preconceived notion that wanting to have a night out to yourselves to do adult things makes you horrible parents? (Hey, I used to be married to one of those...and at best we went out 2-4 times per year...Valentines Day, anniversary, and a company christmas party were guaranteed 'date nights'.)

And as far as the video monitor in the barn. Handy if you are out there just doing work or puttering around...probably not so ideal during a playtime. To effectively monitor the monitor, it means one of you is probably not paying attention to your play partner.

Good luck!

[newbieswinger]

I think we've put off the idea of having them over to our place. julie mentioned in another thread the safety aspect of having strangers near my child. right now we're thinking about going to a club for the labor day party.

my problem with babysitters is that i had a personally bad experience so i can't bring myself to leave him with anyone other than dh. my mother was watching him while i had surgery. when i got out of the hospital and went directly to her house my son was down stairs crying bloody murder and my mom was upstairs ignoring him to strip on her cam for some guy in India.

I tried to post on other thread and it won't let me. why can i post here? any ideas? i would ask somewhere else but i can't post anywhere else. i have an email into julie

ETA: i've been able to post on two threads so i'm not sure why i couldn't post on other threads. i'll figure it out eventually

[Chicup]

dh?

Someone I think posts on the childrens boards out there. Only place I've seen dh is when my wife posts there

We had a couple one evening after going out that wanted us to go back to their place to play but they had a child that was less than 2 yrs old that they would have at the house. And we immediately, said no. My fear is that if the child can walk, it can get out of it's bed and what would you do in the event the child comes walking in looking for mommy or daddy during a play session??

I would say find a babysitter. I know that it is hard to do but I think that the majority of couples would not feel comfortable with playing in the presence of a child in the house.

MrsVan

[Chicup]

We have long time friends with kids young enough that we play with the kids there. We are careful, and never came close to a problem.

We once met a new couple who wanted to play with their 12 year old daughter in her room (they said she never comes down) and we got out fast.

[two42lovers]

We'd have no problem playing behind locked doors with a 16 month old sleeping in the house, but it would be important for everyone involved to be aware and sensitive to the situation. As a child gets older it gets more complicated. How old a kid can be, if the parents are behind locked doors with music playing, and the kids never see anything?

Food for thought:
How old were you when you realized your parents were having sex? Is it wrong for children to know their parents have sex? At what age is is OK for kids to know? If the parents are homosexual, are there different rules? If the parents are poly are there different rules? If they are swingers are there different rules?