Unsure how to proceed - His wife doesn't know he is bi-curious

crazycouple425 · 07-01-2008, 07:40 PM

My husband and I have played with a couple on more than one occassion and I frequently participate in "dirty" chats with the other male. During our conversations he confided that he is really bi-curious and would love to explore that. His wife however knows nothing of this fantasy. He has asked me to locate another male to participate in a MMF experience. I have discussed the situation with my husband and he is okay with my participation, however; we are both uncomfortable with his lack of communication with his wife. I took the step of locating another party, but now am not sure I want to go forward with it. After all, if it were me, how would I feel. Any input appreciated!!!

NakedInSeattle · 07-01-2008, 07:41 PM

"Back away from the lying and cheating!"

sweet_tna · 07-01-2008, 07:46 PM

You're right to be hesitant in this case. As has been said over and over on this board, communication is essential in the lifestyle. This guy NEEDS to talk about his bi urges with his wife before this goes any further. If he's not comfortable discussing this stuff with his wife, what else might he not be telling her . . . ?

=)

**fun4Ds** · 07-01-2008, 07:54 PM

Holy cowabunga, I could never imagine going as far as swinging and not telling my wife something like this.... I cant even imagine having a chat without her knowlege of everything, by reading the archives and catching up. I mean, I chat with women... I'm not very good... but it gets pretty hot sometimes.... Mrs fun knows every word spoken and even every pic shared.

Tell this guy.... Bi Bi, untill he speaks with his wife about this.... He is really putting you in a bad spot.

LikeMinds321 · 07-01-2008, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazycouple425

...We have contacted someone to try to set up a playdate, but I'm having second thoughts. I haven't developed a strong relationship with his wife, but wonder how I would feel.

From your post it sounds like you're not considering your husband for the other male of the MMF and you've already contacted another male.

I took a look at your Swing Lifestyle profile and from reading it, I'm surprised you'd even consider this, based on what your profile says:

We are not into drama...Respect our feelings and boundaries and we will respect yours...Honesty is another must. Please be honest with us and we will be honest with you...we only play together.

You wrote your profile that way for good reasons, think about all of them and how important it is for you to reflect on them right now.

What you are considering would be disrespectful to the wife, lacks an honest approach to swinging, and voids communication with all parties involved. I think this is why you are having second thoughts.

I think you have come to your senses and I'm so glad you have.

LM

crazycouple425 · 07-01-2008, 08:17 PM

LM, thanks for that. Your advice is so true and puts it into better perspective for me.

two42lovers · 07-01-2008, 08:50 PM

Yes - it's time for him to have a talk with his wife. We'll just bet if he does, it all comes out good.

bryanlee · 07-01-2008, 10:30 PM

I don't understand how anyone could enter into swinging and not feel comfortable talking to their SO about absolutely everything. For us this has torn down any communication barrier we ever had. There is not a single thing that either of us would not feel comfortable sharing with the other.

I would bet that he is scared she may not be into the idea him being with another man, or that she may be judgmental about it, but from what i understand this is a big fantasy for a lot of women.

No matter what he has to communicate his desires to his SO. If he can't do that then he has more serious problems to attend to.

Just my .02

Bryan & Sharon

realcplub2 · 07-02-2008, 05:45 AM

I concur with the advise thus far, and yes its easy to get caught up in someone elses fantasy. However, the drama involved in such a reality is never part of the fantasy.

The part I am a bit curious about myself is, given the fact that they already play as a couple, and yet, they havent shared this fantasy together at any point?

In any case, its best to politely say no, unless he wants to sit down over a cup of coffee with you and his wife and discuss this further.. Might be interesting to hear that conversation, or at the very least what he says to that..

***JustAskJulie*** · 07-02-2008, 08:43 AM

You can't make him talk to his wife, but you can talk to him and point out that he should and that you feel that him doing this without talking to her would be cheating and you don't feel that you can in good conscience be part of that.

**LFM2** · 07-02-2008, 01:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by crazycouple425

I took the step of locating another party, but now am not sure I want to go forward with it. After all, if it were me, how would I feel. Any input appreciated!!!

I think you answered your own question.

If it was you, and your husband was going to go behind your back to search out a bi experience without including you, you know how you'd feel.

That's how she's going to feel.

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07-01-2008, 07:40 PM	#1 (permalink)
crazycouple425 Active Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 10 Location: Lehighton, Pa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:crazycouple425	Unsure how to proceed - His wife doesn't know he is bi-curious My husband and I have played with a couple on more than one occassion and I frequently participate in "dirty" chats with the other male. During our conversations he confided that he is really bi-curious and would love to explore that. His wife however knows nothing of this fantasy. He has asked me to locate another male to participate in a MMF experience. I have discussed the situation with my husband and he is okay with my participation, however; we are both uncomfortable with his lack of communication with his wife. I took the step of locating another party, but now am not sure I want to go forward with it. After all, if it were me, how would I feel. Any input appreciated!!!
	Last edited by crazycouple425; 07-01-2008 at 08:52 PM. Reason: Privacy of Parties Involved

07-01-2008, 07:41 PM	#2 (permalink)
NakedInSeattle Loving life (style) Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 449 Location: Seattle, WA Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:NakedInSeattle	Re: Unsure how to proceed "Back away from the lying and cheating!"

07-01-2008, 07:46 PM	#3 (permalink)
sweet_tna Being good is overrated Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 4,221 Location: Poconos, PA Status: The boss of Mr. Sweet Swing Lifestyle Name:Sweet_tna	Re: Unsure how to proceed You're right to be hesitant in this case. As has been said over and over on this board, communication is essential in the lifestyle. This guy NEEDS to talk about his bi urges with his wife before this goes any further. If he's not comfortable discussing this stuff with his wife, what else might he not be telling her . . . ? =)
	__________________ I'd rather go to hell for doing something I enjoyed than heaven wondering what it's like. Last edited by sweet_tna; 07-01-2008 at 08:18 PM.

07-01-2008, 07:54 PM	#4 (permalink)
fun4Ds Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 6,476 Location: Behind door #2 Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:mrmrsfun	Re: Unsure how to proceed Holy cowabunga, I could never imagine going as far as swinging and not telling my wife something like this.... I cant even imagine having a chat without her knowlege of everything, by reading the archives and catching up. I mean, I chat with women... I'm not very good... but it gets pretty hot sometimes.... Mrs fun knows every word spoken and even every pic shared. Tell this guy.... Bi Bi, untill he speaks with his wife about this.... He is really putting you in a bad spot.

07-01-2008, 08:17 PM	#6 (permalink)
crazycouple425 Active Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 10 Location: Lehighton, Pa Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:crazycouple425	Re: Unsure how to proceed LM, thanks for that. Your advice is so true and puts it into better perspective for me.

07-01-2008, 08:50 PM	#7 (permalink)
two42lovers Luv seeing friends quiver Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 298 Location: California central coast Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:two42lovers	Re: Unsure how to proceed Yes - it's time for him to have a talk with his wife. We'll just bet if he does, it all comes out good.
	__________________ Tell the people you love how you feel, and do what your heart tells you.

07-01-2008, 10:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
bryanlee Slave to Vanilla_Sugar Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 108 Location: Jacksonville, Florida Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:bryanlee	Re: Unsure how to proceed I don't understand how anyone could enter into swinging and not feel comfortable talking to their SO about absolutely everything. For us this has torn down any communication barrier we ever had. There is not a single thing that either of us would not feel comfortable sharing with the other. I would bet that he is scared she may not be into the idea him being with another man, or that she may be judgmental about it, but from what i understand this is a big fantasy for a lot of women. No matter what he has to communicate his desires to his SO. If he can't do that then he has more serious problems to attend to. Just my .02 Bryan & Sharon
	__________________ "Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich"

07-02-2008, 05:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
realcplub2 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 806 Location: North Central Florida Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:putnamcocpl	Re: Unsure how to proceed I concur with the advise thus far, and yes its easy to get caught up in someone elses fantasy. However, the drama involved in such a reality is never part of the fantasy. The part I am a bit curious about myself is, given the fact that they already play as a couple, and yet, they havent shared this fantasy together at any point? In any case, its best to politely say no, unless he wants to sit down over a cup of coffee with you and his wife and discuss this further.. Might be interesting to hear that conversation, or at the very least what he says to that..

07-02-2008, 08:43 AM	#10 (permalink)
*JustAskJulie* Your Hostess Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 29,211 Location: In my House Status: Female Swing Lifestyle Name:swingersboard	Re: Unsure how to proceed You can't make him talk to his wife, but you can talk to him and point out that he should and that you feel that him doing this without talking to her would be cheating and you don't feel that you can in good conscience be part of that.

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