This man was NOT asked to join us at all...

FloridaFlirt · 07-18-2007, 09:20 AM

I was at a party recently with my boyfriend. We were invited into a room with another couple and a single guy to play. This was a house party where folks could mill about and look into rooms and join in (if asked).

I was busy showing off my oral skills when suddenly I felt hands and lips on me. Normally I woudn't mind it, but when I turned to see who it was, it was a man that I had never met. It really freaked me out! This man was NOT asked to join us at all. I said rather abruptly "Who are you?" My boyfriend heard me ask this, and stopped what he was doing to come over to make sure I was okay. The guy left a few seconds later...

Turned out he is part of a couple whose wife is looking for women only. (Yep you guessed it--another married lesbian!)

How should I have handled this situation? and how do I handle a similar situation in the future?

Thanks in advance....

**TNT** · 07-18-2007, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

How should I have handled this situation? and how do I handle a similar situation in the future?

Sounds like you handled it just fine.

I've been in similar situations many times before. I just look at the person, tell them they were not invited and didn't ask if they could touch. They have always backed off right away and usually don't bother me the rest of the night.

I'll never understand why people think that just because you're a swinger and in a swinger environment that the rules of polite society are suspended.

Teresa

VegasLee · 07-18-2007, 12:12 PM

Seems to me you handled it just fine. If they don't ask, they don't get to touch and that is the way it has to be.

People, please make note here, it was NOT a single guy that stepped over the line here. As we have found over the years we have many more problems with married men then we do single men.

Tybee Swing · 07-18-2007, 12:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

This man was NOT asked to join us at all. I said rather abruptly "Who are you?" My boyfriend heard me ask this, and stopped what he was doing to come over to make sure I was okay.
...
How should I have handled this situation? and how do I handle a similar situation in the future?

Thanks in advance....

Hi! I think that you and your boyfriend both handled it just right. Yes, this has happened to me (usually they sneak up behind you where you can't see them, a rear assault if you will). How to handle it in the future? Just like you did. Being abrupt is perfectly appropriate, and probably even necessary!

FloridaFlirt · 07-18-2007, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VegasLee

Seems to me you handled it just fine. If they don't ask, they don't get to touch and that is the way it has to be.

People, please make note here, it was NOT a single guy that stepped over the line here. As we have found over the years we have many more problems with married men then we do single men.

Indeed it was NOT a single guy....all of the single guys I know in the lifestyle are polite and know better than this guy did.

My opinion: I think the "married lesbians" are driving some of these married men to desperation in the lifestyle.

**BiloxiCouple** · 07-18-2007, 01:43 PM

So if I am doing the math right, the "married lesbian" made her husband a "married single"? This isn't a hit against true single guys. It is a hit against "married singles" for whatever their excuse is for their behavior.

Tybee Swing · 07-19-2007, 07:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

I think the "married lesbians" are driving some of these married men to desperation in the lifestyle.

He's the one who made the conscious decision to try to steal some action by butting in uninvited. It doesn't matter to me how "desperate" a man is, he never has the right to do that. No matter what their excuse is, you don't just reach out and take.

If he has a problem with his wife, if he's feeling left out, let him grow a pair of balls and TELL HER that he's not happy about it. Let him step up to the plate and deal with his marital issues or swinging issues.

FloridaFlirt · 07-19-2007, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

He's the one who made the conscious decision to try to steal some action by butting in uninvited. It doesn't matter to me how "desperate" a man is, he never has the right to do that. No matter what their excuse is, you don't just reach out and take.

If he has a problem with his wife, if he's feeling left out, let him grow a pair of balls and TELL HER that he's not happy about it. Let him step up to the plate and deal with his marital issues or swinging issues.

I wholeheartedly agree, Mrs. Tybee.....perhaps they are not cut out for the lifestyle as far as parties go....(BTW, did you ever get down here?)

And BiloxiCouple, your math is spot on. This guy was made a "single" by virtue of his wife's wishes.

It doesn't matter how the guy got to be a single....the rules still apply.

dayhiker · 07-19-2007, 11:57 AM

I'm curious about this guy's wife. Seems like I've heard of this happening a couple of times how.
Is she is being selfish in going off to get what she wants out of swinging and leaving her husband to fend for himself?
Should be be helping him get some and then get what she wants as well?
thanks
dayhiker

Quote:

Originally Posted by FloridaFlirt

I wholeheartedly agree, Mrs. Tybee.....perhaps they are not cut out for the lifestyle as far as parties go....(BTW, did you ever get down here?)

And BiloxiCouple, your math is spot on. This guy was made a "single" by virtue of his wife's wishes.

It doesn't matter how the guy got to be a single....the rules still apply.

rotten&spoiled · 07-19-2007, 10:21 PM

Well I guess you would consider me very close to one of those "married lesbians" you speak of. I would never leave my hubby feeling left out that way. To make it easier for him if we do go to parties and he wanted to play with a girl that was part of a couple I would gladly play with the man even though that is not my preference. It is my top priority to make sure we are both having a good time.
Furthermore, I cannot believe anyone here or anywhere for that matter would touch without being invited that is disgusting and if any guy touched me without being asked I would probably kick his butt severely. So you have a lot more self control than I could ever have.

twoforone100 · 07-20-2007, 02:43 PM

About as you did. patrick pattie

Rascal · 07-20-2007, 04:25 PM

Hmmmm, I hate to admit it.... but I have been "tempted" to be the offender. LOL I've been at parties where I've been on the sidelines while my partner was playing while watching some of the activities.... and I can completely understand his "wanting" to join.... now he has the problem of whether to "ask" or since you're (or in my case another girl) was going down on one guy while wagging her tail around. She was engrossed with her oral administrations and I couldn't get my eyes off that delicious looking tail wagging around in front of me! lol I took the assumption that she was willing.... and gently caressed her bottom and eventually her clit.... before taking up the position behind her. She made no effort to oppose only to moan acceptance when I entered her. :-) She had a good time and I figured that my "asking" was my caressing of her derrière and her not objecting? :-)
Another time I didn't get involved when a man and a woman was going at it.... he came.... pulled out, got up and left! She was still breathing hard with her legs still splayed, recuperating and I had this very strong desire to go over to finish the job he left undone! .... I refrained, but only because I was also worn out! lol I think that the circumstances "might have" presented itself such as you were making yourself "available"? and while asking might be the polite thing to do... what would you have expected him to do? Tap you on the shoulder and interrupting while you're exercising your oral skills or merely to caress a part of you hoping for acceptance? ... You obviously didn't accept and he went away. But I think it might have been that he thought you were "open" to other advances. Now I'm also not talking about a house party of 6 or 8 people... in both these parties there were lots and lots of people that came and went.... It's nice to be polite... but when you're in the middle of a small orgy.... presumption of acceptance can be not too far away when you're in the middle of a bunch of naked bodies. I don't know what the exact situation was.... but it's obvious that he assumed that you might be interested in additional attentions. His touching and kissing was his way of asking.... your objection was your way of telling him no! He could have done it differently... and not knowing what the situation was I could think that you could have also done it differently, saying no thanks and maybe moving his hand away. Having been in similar situations I "think" that sometimes I can intuitively tell... whether she wants additional attention... It all depends on the situation... that you're both in! :-) I'm just trying to keep an open mind here.

VegasLee · 07-20-2007, 04:42 PM

As a host in a club that sees over 40,000 people a year at it we keep it simple... if I or any of my security sees someone "move in" without being asked or asking, they see the front door from the outside.

There is NEVER any reason for touching someone without prior permission in this lifestyle or any other time. Petting and kissing is not asking. This applies to the women as it does the men.

rpu3 · 07-20-2007, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rascal

Having been in similar situations I "think" that sometimes I can intuitively tell... whether she wants additional attention... It all depends on the situation... that you're both in! :-) I'm just trying to keep an open mind here.

If someone just couldn't help themselves because of my activity with my chosen partner or partners, or made assumptions on our behalf and decided to touch without permission, they'd find themselves being dragged out by whatever body part got their attention to the owner for removal from the club or party.

I completely agree with VegasLee: touching and kissing is no way to ask someone if they can join in. If a group were interested in others joining in, they would signal or directly ask you.

Glad your "intuition" has worked out for you to date... hope it doesn't fail you in the future and you get kicked out or accused of assault or get your ass kicked by some woman like me that takes GREAT offense to anyone who assumes rather than asking. Just because a woman's ass is in the air at a club or party doesn't mean she wants someone not in her party anywhere near it.

I like your club's simplicity regarding the rules, VegasLee. Nice to know there's yet another set of eyes to help watch one's back.

lovinher · 07-20-2007, 05:29 PM

This is the kind of thing that I worry about. If a guy pulled something like that on Lovinhim I might be the one getting the boot out of there.

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07-18-2007, 09:20 AM	#1 (permalink)
FloridaFlirt Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 71 Location: Um....Florida? Status: a polyamorous "W"	This man was NOT asked to join us at all... I was at a party recently with my boyfriend. We were invited into a room with another couple and a single guy to play. This was a house party where folks could mill about and look into rooms and join in (if asked). I was busy showing off my oral skills when suddenly I felt hands and lips on me. Normally I woudn't mind it, but when I turned to see who it was, it was a man that I had never met. It really freaked me out! This man was NOT asked to join us at all. I said rather abruptly "Who are you?" My boyfriend heard me ask this, and stopped what he was doing to come over to make sure I was okay. The guy left a few seconds later... Turned out he is part of a couple whose wife is looking for women only. (Yep you guessed it--another married lesbian!) How should I have handled this situation? and how do I handle a similar situation in the future? Thanks in advance....
	__________________ As long as it's safe, sane and consensual...it's all good....:)

07-18-2007, 12:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,947 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: What would you do in this situation? Seems to me you handled it just fine. If they don't ask, they don't get to touch and that is the way it has to be. People, please make note here, it was NOT a single guy that stepped over the line here. As we have found over the years we have many more problems with married men then we do single men.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

07-18-2007, 01:43 PM	#6 (permalink)
BiloxiCouple Julie's Helper Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 3,998 Location: Biloxi, Mississippi Status: Couple with benefits and retired Swing Lifestyle Name:graceful	Re: What would you do in this situation? So if I am doing the math right, the "married lesbian" made her husband a "married single"? This isn't a hit against true single guys. It is a hit against "married singles" for whatever their excuse is for their behavior.
	__________________ *Live in the moment before they are gone.*

07-19-2007, 10:21 PM	#10 (permalink)
rotten&spoiled Here to Stay Join Date: Apr 2007 Posts: 17 Location: Waterford, Michigan Status: s. Female	Re: What would you do in this situation? Well I guess you would consider me very close to one of those "married lesbians" you speak of. I would never leave my hubby feeling left out that way. To make it easier for him if we do go to parties and he wanted to play with a girl that was part of a couple I would gladly play with the man even though that is not my preference. It is my top priority to make sure we are both having a good time. Furthermore, I cannot believe anyone here or anywhere for that matter would touch without being invited that is disgusting and if any guy touched me without being asked I would probably kick his butt severely. So you have a lot more self control than I could ever have.

07-20-2007, 02:43 PM	#11 (permalink)
twoforone100 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 216 Location: Richmond Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:twoforone100	Re: What would you do in this situation? About as you did. patrick pattie

07-20-2007, 04:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
Rascal Here to Stay Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 27 Location: Springfield, Va. USA Status: Single male looking for female or couple Swing Lifestyle Name:Rascal	Re: What would you do in this situation? Hmmmm, I hate to admit it.... but I have been "tempted" to be the offender. LOL I've been at parties where I've been on the sidelines while my partner was playing while watching some of the activities.... and I can completely understand his "wanting" to join.... now he has the problem of whether to "ask" or since you're (or in my case another girl) was going down on one guy while wagging her tail around. She was engrossed with her oral administrations and I couldn't get my eyes off that delicious looking tail wagging around in front of me! lol I took the assumption that she was willing.... and gently caressed her bottom and eventually her clit.... before taking up the position behind her. She made no effort to oppose only to moan acceptance when I entered her. :-) She had a good time and I figured that my "asking" was my caressing of her derrière and her not objecting? :-) Another time I didn't get involved when a man and a woman was going at it.... he came.... pulled out, got up and left! She was still breathing hard with her legs still splayed, recuperating and I had this very strong desire to go over to finish the job he left undone! .... I refrained, but only because I was also worn out! lol I think that the circumstances "might have" presented itself such as you were making yourself "available"? and while asking might be the polite thing to do... what would you have expected him to do? Tap you on the shoulder and interrupting while you're exercising your oral skills or merely to caress a part of you hoping for acceptance? ... You obviously didn't accept and he went away. But I think it might have been that he thought you were "open" to other advances. Now I'm also not talking about a house party of 6 or 8 people... in both these parties there were lots and lots of people that came and went.... It's nice to be polite... but when you're in the middle of a small orgy.... presumption of acceptance can be not too far away when you're in the middle of a bunch of naked bodies. I don't know what the exact situation was.... but it's obvious that he assumed that you might be interested in additional attentions. His touching and kissing was his way of asking.... your objection was your way of telling him no! He could have done it differently... and not knowing what the situation was I could think that you could have also done it differently, saying no thanks and maybe moving his hand away. Having been in similar situations I "think" that sometimes I can intuitively tell... whether she wants additional attention... It all depends on the situation... that you're both in! :-) I'm just trying to keep an open mind here.

07-20-2007, 04:42 PM	#13 (permalink)
VegasLee Laura's Male Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 1,947 Location: Las Vegas, Nevada Status: Laura's Male	Re: What would you do in this situation? As a host in a club that sees over 40,000 people a year at it we keep it simple... if I or any of my security sees someone "move in" without being asked or asking, they see the front door from the outside. There is NEVER any reason for touching someone without prior permission in this lifestyle or any other time. Petting and kissing is not asking. This applies to the women as it does the men.
	__________________ You all laugh at me because I am different. I laugh at all of you because you are all the same.

07-20-2007, 05:29 PM	#15 (permalink)
lovinher Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,003 Location: cleveland area Status: married to lovinhim	Re: What would you do in this situation? This is the kind of thing that I worry about. If a guy pulled something like that on Lovinhim I might be the one getting the boot out of there.
	__________________ I know I was born. I know that I'll die. The in between is mine. (PJ)

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