Is it wrong to secretly set up a 'chance encounter'...?

[miamimark]

Hello everyone,

I've done my share of having my ex-wife be with other guys to fulfill her fantasies and mine in the past. That was a long time ago.

Recently, I've been dating someone for a while and we are both in love with each other. We've shared all our past experiences and fantasies. I've confessed that I get really turned on by picturing her get hit on at a bar/club and dancing with a guy seductively and watching.

So here is my dilemna. Is it wrong to have someone hit on her at a 'chance encounter' that was really set up by me. I was thinking of having a guy buy her a drink and dance with her one night when we go out. Maybe it would lead to us going to someones house afterwards and playing a game like truth or dare .. etc .. etc.

I've been debating this for a while and know it would never progress if she didn't want it to. I would never have the guy be forceful, just flirtateous and sexy.

I put my request on craigslist just to see and talk with some possible guys and there are a few who are interested. If this is something I go ahead with, I would also appreciate any ideas or suggestions as to how to best do this.

HELP!!!! Thanks a million

[sexyshelby]

If it was me, I'd be pissed at you. Possibly to the point of leaving you. This is not the way most women want to be treated.

What was her reaction when you told her about your swinging past? If she was interested, develop the fantasy further and if it leads to reality, then great, but make sure its at her pace. If she wasn't interested, then I think you already have your answer.

~SS

[miamimark]

Sexyshelby,

I agree and probably should have explained it a bit more. She had said she was curious and interested and it turned her on to think of me watching her play with some guy (tease, touch, oral). This is why I was thinking of the situation but it WOULD NOT go further than whatever her pace was. It would just be someone to flirt with her and let her take the lead. Otherwise it would simply end right there.

Also, I would be there at the chance encounter and make sure she knows I'm ok with the situation. It isnt' a test or anything like that.

Does that make more sense.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by miamimark

She had said she was curious and interested and it turned her on to think of me watching her play with some guy (tease, touch, oral).

So - why not just explore it together? Why the "set up"?

If she is hit on at the club randomly, and she is in love with you, chances are she is going to reject such an advance. After all - you have talked about fantasies (which lots of couples do) but nothing more than that. Just because she has talked about being watched by you - or you've told her that you would love to see her get hit on - this doesn't mean that she won't put on her "real world" clothes when she is out at a bar.

Start together. That'd be my advice. Throwing her into a situation could cause her to back away from it entirely - and in a worst case scenario could actually cost you a relationship with someone who at least seems willing to talk about it.

Spoomonkey

[good times]

First I have to say that I agree with what everyone has said above, but I did want to comment about one thing that you said specifically.

Originally Posted by miamimark

I would never have the guy be forceful, just flirtateous and sexy.

What makes you believe that you can control what some guy does once you set him up with your girlfriend? Once he meets her, it is beyond your control and he can do whatever he wants, and probably will.

I would discuss it with her and further develop whether she is interested or not, but I sure wouldn't spring it on her in the way you propose, and I would absolutely advise against just turning some guy lose with her.

[miamimark]

Wow ... I guess everyone is right about it. This is why I'm glad I posted my question in the first place before I did anything. The last thing I want to do is complicate the issue or even worse ruin the wonderful and beautiful relationship I have with this woman.

I'll just let it go and if it comes up at a later date in conversation I will take it from there. I'll keep an open mind and only progress with something if she asks or mentions she wants more.

THANKS A MILLIoN!!!!!

[NJMarine]

Miamimark...

Just so you know...I've thought of doing the same
Think it would be so hot to watch my gf be a little slutty at the bar.

-Tom