Looking for advice, do's and don'ts for our first club visit

Romily · 03-10-2004, 03:23 PM

First - hello to everybody

I am absolutely new to the swinger scene...so bare with me

My partner and I are playing with the fantasie of swinging for quite a while now - he has been to a club before (that was before I met him with his ex) - I thoug hhaving had an interesting sex life and a threesome once (MMF) have never really considered swinging or the like before I met him.

But over the time my curiosity got bigger and bigger, and now we found a club in a nice setting (its a sauna place most of the time, with hostinga party twice a month) where I feel really comfortable and the people organising it seem to be nice - so we are planning to go to the next party.

I'm very much looking forward to it - but am also quite nervous

So...any tips and do's and dont's???

Thanks in advance!
Rom

**Alura** · 03-10-2004, 03:32 PM

Welcome from Oklahoma, Rom! We're glad you've joined us!

There are lots of suggestions and we don't even have to retype them Just visit the New Swingers Forum and look in the Archives, too. There's a lot to read!

If you can't find the answer to your question, just ask. The wonderful folks on this board are not reluctant at all to share their opinion.

Mr. Alura

biblonde · 03-10-2004, 03:39 PM

Welcome to the board!! and dont worry about being nervous..i think we all feel that way even after being in the lifestyle for a while...just talk alot and go as slow as the slowest person and have lots of fun!! best of luck to you both!

Romily · 03-10-2004, 04:15 PM

Thanks for the warm welcome!

I'm sure that I at least want to try it out, maybe just having sex with my partner when others are around, without swapping the first time we go to a club. At least that would be my initial idea, maybe I change my mind and want more - but I know he wouldn't mind

It's just that I am wondering a bit about expectations other people have...he ensured me that it is very relaxed, and nobody will force anybody - and i know he would never do anything I wouldn't enjoy as well. It's just...is it really ok if you go to one of these clubs and not participate to start with?

Probably just need some reassurance

Oh yes, and a very practical question- what to wear? It's a club with a big sauna area, so I would think nothing?!?

03-10-2004, 04:30 PM

We went to our first club last weekend worried about the same thing. But everyone we met were respectful of our comfort level and boundaries. Granted there wasnt that many of them.

No full swap was about it but we told people that and they did not push at all. It made for a very enjoyable fun experience.

03-10-2004, 04:49 PM

As far as what to wear.....

Very kinky seemed to be the thing for woman. Men dressed pretty much normal.

Mrs naughty felt over dressed at the club but felt under dressed in public if that helps any??

**good times** · 03-10-2004, 08:00 PM

Welcome

The first time we went to the club my wife and I were so nervous we thought we might lose our dinner. Once we arrived though, the people were great and nobody tried to push us into anything. Another thing to keep in mind is that it would be highly unlikely if you were the only newbies at the club that night. The club we regularly go to has at least a few new couples every week and I've seen it when about half of the people attending had never been their before. Just relax and introduce yourself to the people and you will have a good time. The only time I see people not having a good time is when they hide in the corner and don't interact with anybody, but even those people usually end up coming back.

03-10-2004, 08:33 PM

good times has a good point.

On our first club visit there were a lot of new people.
I dont know if you saw our thread in the General swingers forum under "Our first lifestyle event" but we actualy met the greeters before we even got to the club.

Their sole purpose was to greet first timers to the club and show them around. They were busy doing that all night. One couple after another.
I was surprized to see how many new people were there and they said it was pretty much average.

dragonlady · 03-27-2004, 09:50 PM

HELP mine and my husbands first time at a club I did lose my lunch I really had a great time do you think my lunch will stay down next time?

Chemistry_0518 · 03-28-2004, 10:31 PM

Just keep in mind that you always have the right to say "NO". And believe it or not, the people who attend most clubs will respect that wish. You are under no obligation to do anything except enjoy yourself!

Vjklander · 03-28-2004, 11:02 PM

It sounds like you have a good idea to just go the first time, look around, get your feet wet, and use the atmosphere to stimulate your own passions. A little voyeuriam and exhibitionism never hurt anyone.
I would recommend also having some pre-arranged signals between you for:
1. This is so damn hot I wanna play with someone.
2. This person isn't my type but I don't want to hurt his/her feelings so distract their attention while I slip away.
3. I wanna go home now.

dragonlady · 03-29-2004, 07:12 PM

thanks for the words of wisdom

janaandjames · 01-14-2006, 05:57 PM

I'm sure that I at least want to try it out, maybe just having sex with my partner when others are around, without swapping the first time we go to a club. At least that would be my initial idea, maybe I change my mind and want more - but I know he wouldn't mind
>>>

you should take tiny steps at first... going and having sex with each other is great .
also, you can be flirty, and play "some" with people.
set your boundaries.
maybe start with just some touching ...
then go further next time

It's just that I am wondering a bit about expectations other people have...he ensured me that it is very relaxed, and nobody will force anybody - and i know he would never do anything I wouldn't enjoy as well. It's just...is it really ok if you go to one of these clubs and not participate to start with?

Oh yea, ive found clubs to be very nice .. usualy no one is pushy, everyone is nice and all that.
people respect your boundaries pretty well as long as you voice them

jana

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03-10-2004, 03:23 PM	#1 (permalink)
Romily Registered Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6 Location: hertfordshire Status: Couple	Looking for advice, do's and don'ts for our first club visit First - hello to everybody I am absolutely new to the swinger scene...so bare with me My partner and I are playing with the fantasie of swinging for quite a while now - he has been to a club before (that was before I met him with his ex) - I thoug hhaving had an interesting sex life and a threesome once (MMF) have never really considered swinging or the like before I met him. But over the time my curiosity got bigger and bigger, and now we found a club in a nice setting (its a sauna place most of the time, with hostinga party twice a month) where I feel really comfortable and the people organising it seem to be nice - so we are planning to go to the next party. I'm very much looking forward to it - but am also quite nervous So...any tips and do's and dont's??? Thanks in advance! Rom

03-10-2004, 04:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a	Mr Here We went to our first club last weekend worried about the same thing. But everyone we met were respectful of our comfort level and boundaries. Granted there wasnt that many of them. No full swap was about it but we told people that and they did not push at all. It made for a very enjoyable fun experience.
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a

03-10-2004, 04:49 PM	#6 (permalink)
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a	Mr here As far as what to wear..... Very kinky seemed to be the thing for woman. Men dressed pretty much normal. Mrs naughty felt over dressed at the club but felt under dressed in public if that helps any??
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a

03-10-2004, 08:00 PM	#7 (permalink)
good times Mod Squad Member Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 6,919 Location: Reno, Nevada Status: Married to Mrs Good Times Swing Lifestyle Name:randp	Welcome The first time we went to the club my wife and I were so nervous we thought we might lose our dinner. Once we arrived though, the people were great and nobody tried to push us into anything. Another thing to keep in mind is that it would be highly unlikely if you were the only newbies at the club that night. The club we regularly go to has at least a few new couples every week and I've seen it when about half of the people attending had never been their before. Just relax and introduce yourself to the people and you will have a good time. The only time I see people not having a good time is when they hide in the corner and don't interact with anybody, but even those people usually end up coming back.
	__________________ R (He is R, she is P)

03-10-2004, 03:32 PM	#2 (permalink)
Alura Just a hick Okie Join Date: May 2001 Posts: 8,133 Location: Tulsa, Oklahoma Status: Widower	Welcome from Oklahoma, Rom! We're glad you've joined us! There are lots of suggestions and we don't even have to retype them Just visit the New Swingers Forum and look in the Archives, too. There's a lot to read! If you can't find the answer to your question, just ask. The wonderful folks on this board are not reluctant at all to share their opinion. Mr. Alura

03-10-2004, 03:39 PM	#3 (permalink)
biblonde Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Aug 2003 Posts: 1,020 Location: sacramento Status: couple Swing Lifestyle Name:curious1918	Welcome to the board!! and dont worry about being nervous..i think we all feel that way even after being in the lifestyle for a while...just talk alot and go as slow as the slowest person and have lots of fun!! best of luck to you both!

03-10-2004, 04:15 PM	#4 (permalink)
Romily Registered Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 6 Location: hertfordshire Status: Couple	Thanks for the warm welcome! I'm sure that I at least want to try it out, maybe just having sex with my partner when others are around, without swapping the first time we go to a club. At least that would be my initial idea, maybe I change my mind and want more - but I know he wouldn't mind It's just that I am wondering a bit about expectations other people have...he ensured me that it is very relaxed, and nobody will force anybody - and i know he would never do anything I wouldn't enjoy as well. It's just...is it really ok if you go to one of these clubs and not participate to start with? Probably just need some reassurance Oh yes, and a very practical question- what to wear? It's a club with a big sauna area, so I would think nothing?!?

03-10-2004, 08:33 PM	#8 (permalink)
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a	Mr here good times has a good point. On our first club visit there were a lot of new people. I dont know if you saw our thread in the General swingers forum under "Our first lifestyle event" but we actualy met the greeters before we even got to the club. Their sole purpose was to greet first timers to the club and show them around. They were busy doing that all night. One couple after another. I was surprized to see how many new people were there and they said it was pretty much average.
Mr&Mrs-naughty Guest Posts: n/a

03-27-2004, 09:50 PM	#9 (permalink)
dragonlady Active Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 14 Location: flint mich Status: couple	first time HELP mine and my husbands first time at a club I did lose my lunch I really had a great time do you think my lunch will stay down next time?

03-28-2004, 10:31 PM	#10 (permalink)
Chemistry_0518 Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2003 Posts: 158 Location: Suffern NY Status: female	Just keep in mind that you always have the right to say "NO". And believe it or not, the people who attend most clubs will respect that wish. You are under no obligation to do anything except enjoy yourself!

03-28-2004, 11:02 PM	#11 (permalink)
Vjklander Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2002 Posts: 834 Location: VA Status: Couple, Straight M, BiFem Swing Lifestyle Name:Vjklander	It sounds like you have a good idea to just go the first time, look around, get your feet wet, and use the atmosphere to stimulate your own passions. A little voyeuriam and exhibitionism never hurt anyone. I would recommend also having some pre-arranged signals between you for: 1. This is so damn hot I wanna play with someone. 2. This person isn't my type but I don't want to hurt his/her feelings so distract their attention while I slip away. 3. I wanna go home now.

03-29-2004, 07:12 PM	#12 (permalink)
dragonlady Active Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 14 Location: flint mich Status: couple	thanks for the words of wisdom

01-14-2006, 05:57 PM	#13 (permalink)
janaandjames Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 123 Location: kansas Status: female half of couple Swing Lifestyle Name:janaandjames	Re: newbie questions... I'm sure that I at least want to try it out, maybe just having sex with my partner when others are around, without swapping the first time we go to a club. At least that would be my initial idea, maybe I change my mind and want more - but I know he wouldn't mind >>> you should take tiny steps at first... going and having sex with each other is great . also, you can be flirty, and play "some" with people. set your boundaries. maybe start with just some touching ... then go further next time It's just that I am wondering a bit about expectations other people have...he ensured me that it is very relaxed, and nobody will force anybody - and i know he would never do anything I wouldn't enjoy as well. It's just...is it really ok if you go to one of these clubs and not participate to start with? Oh yea, ive found clubs to be very nice .. usualy no one is pushy, everyone is nice and all that. people respect your boundaries pretty well as long as you voice them jana

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