Protocol for club event

[kittyscave]

Hi. Hubby and I are so excited to be going out to a club with some new friends we have made. We will meet at a hotel and book a room before heading over to the club. But, I have a few questions that I really don't necessarily want to ask them and risk looking like a dork. So, I'll just be an anonymous dork here!

We have kids, they don't. So my female friend may be able to dress as she wishes for the club, but I might have to get changed. Should I do this at the hotel? In the car on the way over? At the club?

When are the boundaries, likes/dislikes, etc. usually discussed?

When we are at the club, do I dance mostly with my husband or does the "swapping" start more at this point? What if there happens to be another atractive man there I would like to dance with? Given we are going with the other couple, should I treat this as I would a normal date and stick with them?

Other than condoms and perhaps my change of clothes, since we are going to the hotel afterwards, is there anything else I should bring that wouldn't normally already be in my purse? I'm not sure I will be adventurous enough to incorporate toys at this point.

Any other advice (aside from "quit over thinking it") for the first time?

Thanks!!!!!

[screaminggood]

Welcome to the Board. I have kids, too, so I know what you mean about how to dress. I usually change in the car, but if you have a hotel room, I'd go ahead and change there.

We don't usually arrange "dates," so I can't really answer the exclusivity question for you about if there is another man there....although I have the same question about when I see a triad!

But I do usually warm up by dancing with my hubby and later changing to my person of choice. On or beside the dance floor is where we usually discuss preferences (my opinion is that it should be done before you're back at the hotel so nothing is misunderstood).

Good luck and have fun!

[tittietwister]

From one overthinker to another - you didn't mention the type of club - straight or lifestyle (sometimes the straight ones are sexier than the lifestyle clubs). If a trendy straight club you could probably just dress for it from home. If a lifestyle club my wife will wear a wrap dress or trenchcoat over her slut clothes. Makes for a fast and easy transformation.

If the couple is as you describe - friends - then the discussion on likes/dislikes should have already happened. I would want that fairly clear before commiting to play much less booking a room.

I would treat it like a date as you describe unless all are comfortable with getting a little wild and flirting with some strangers. Just be open to cues on their part like talking about who is cute.

in terms of dance partners, I would start the swapping there. I actually find the flirting and buildup as enjoyable as crossing the finish line - in some ways more.

As a guy I'm not an purse expert but I would suggest some breath mints and a small bottle of lube. Make sure the bottle closes tight as you don't want it to leak.

Happy Sex!

[LikeMinds321]

Hi kittyscave~

I think protocol depends on what you and this couple are expecting for your evening together, along with a number of other things.

You refer to them as "new friends." Have you met them before? I'm guessing that you've never played with them since you asked about when you should discuss boundaries, likes/dislikes. If you feel there is the possibility of playing with them, I think the boundaries should have been discussed by now, and certainly before you head to the club.

Are you intending to share the same room, or each get your own room? We don't typically share a room unless we are absolutely certain that we are going to play with a couple (which means we've played before and have all agreed we're getting together to do so again) and even then, it's only when we can drive home after playing that we all split the cost of one room.

If we are meeting far from home and want to stay the night we always each get our own room. This way we have a place to our own to sleep, can take a break if MrLM and I need to talk privately, and I do change clothes there.

When we set a date to play with a couple, or highly expect to play and that's what everyone is hoping for, we give our full attention to that couple. The dancing and conversation before heading to the room to play is part of building up to sex that makes it all the more fun.

How to handle your visit to the club with new friends depends on your relationship with them. Sometimes the arrangement is very casual and open, no discussion of play because you don't know if you'll all want that (especially if you've never met). In that case I thinks it's good to make it clear that you are there to socialize at the club and, of course, get to know them better. Each couple may separate at times and chat with others, dance with others, but if you're getting along well you'll find your way back to each other and spend most of your time together. If this is your plan, you can dance with another man if asked, and if you think you would like to get to know him (and his wife) better, ask for a way to contact them and do that at a later time.

Some couples can be offended if you give any attention to others, and I guess this is why I want to stress that it's good to know what you are all expecting of the evening.

Have a good time and let us know how things go.

LM

[kittyscave]

Thank you both for the input. It sounds as though we should engage in additional discussion before Sat. night. We have all met on one occassion and really hit it off. We have exchanged several relatively inocuous emails, as well. The understanding is that we are getting a room in order to play when we leave the club. Hubby and I will return home (lest our children burn it down). Not sure what our friends intend to do. They have been active for over 4 years, so we have sort of been following their lead. Perhaps, however, they may have forgotten a little bit what it is like to be a newby. So, if they do not bring up boundaries and expectations in the next email, I will do so.

Thanks again!!!

[cplnuswing]

Originally Posted by kittyscave

When are the boundaries, likes/dislikes, etc. usually discussed?

You definitely want to get this ironed out before the big day, sooner rather than later. With their experience, a little bit perplexing it hasn't come up already since how do they know enough to commit to the meet if they don't know what it is you are up for? Maybe just trying not to give the impression they are coming on too strong, but usually that gets discussed pretty quick.

Originally Posted by kittyscave

When we are at the club, do I dance mostly with my husband or does the "swapping" start more at this point? What if there happens to be another atractive man there I would like to dance with? Given we are going with the other couple, should I treat this as I would a normal date and stick with them?

This can get complicated, but you have the advantage of having met before and all are interested (at least so far, although rules haven't been discussed). We got ourselves into a situation one time where we did much the same thing with the meeting at the hotel first, etc. But, we had never met, just talked on the phone, traded pics, and chatted a lot. In person, the chemistry wasn't equally strong all the way around, and the Mrs eventually started dancing with other people. It didn't result in any drama, but it was somewhat awkward. But, what do you do? Due to the distance, etc., a club trip is a big weekend for us, so you don't want to spend those rare nights feeling like you are locked down if things aren't clicking and you went with the expectation of playing (more on that later). That night was our first experience also, and in retrospect, not surprising that by not listening to our gut feeling the experience turned out to be less than satisfying. Not terrible, just not as good as hoped. Be careful not to let your excitement overwhelm your judgement, it's easy to do at first. After several experiences now, we have decided that for us anyway it is much better to error on the side of too selective rather than not enough.

Originally Posted by kittyscave

Any other advice (aside from "quit over thinking it") for the first time?

Go with no expectations other than have a exciting evening out with each other. Expectations are often not met, for whatever reason, so best not to have any. Trust your feelings, don't feel like you are obligated to anything. Most of all, have fun!!

[socolais]

The information already in this thread is impressive.

I wouldn't be so concerned that the boundary discussion hasn't happened yet. The experienced couple could easily read the clues during playtime and everyone could have a great time with no emotional discomfort using minimal rule discussion. I think it's improbable that the new couple would have less-restrictive boundaries than the more experienced couple.

I say that from experience. Our first several playtimes were with much more experienced couples and we discussed the rules and preferences during the foreplay. (I'm not saying that's the best protocol, but I know it can work)

And I'll betcha they haven't forgotten the "excitement of uncertainty" beginners experience. I think it's reasonable to assume that they'll enjoy sharing the experience with yall as a special treat because they'll be charged in a unique way by your excitement.

Don't be reluctant to say no or stop. It isn't likely to spoil the mood or hurt anyone's feelings. It's quite OK to save some activities for future playtimes. I've found, when I decline an invitation for any specific activity, I'll suggest an alternative and the playtime continues without a hitch.

[JustAskJulie]

The important thing is your comfort. You've got a lot going on in this one night... Is this your first club visit and your first time swinging with this couple?

Going to a club with another couple can be both fun and stressful just because of what you described. You are there with them but you don't want to feel tied at the hips to them. You all plan to end up together at the end of the night so it shouldn't be a big deal if you talk to other people or dance with others, or whatever. The club should be kind of the start of foreplay so yes you probably will swap partners to dance some throughout the night but that doesn't mean you ignore your own partner either.

As far as the getting dressed issue. I don't have kids but sometimes what I wear to the club isn't something I am comfortable walking through a busy hotel lobby in either, so I will often change at the club. Go with what makes you comfortable.

I looked back did I miss where you said they were experienced and how much so? Reading the other posts that seems to be the concensus (that they are experienced) is that the case?

[Pinmonkey]

What about reminding the more experianced couple that the newer couple is new and ask them what to expect. This way there are no surprises.

[good times]

Can't ad much to what the others have said so far except to say that, if we go to a club with someone who we intend to play with that night, we don't usually go off and mix much with others, and would probably consider it bad form if someone else did so with us.

Then again, we make it a point not to do this, we refer to this as, "taking sand to the beach". Normally, if we already know we are going to play with someone, we don't go to the club. The reason for that is that at most of the local clubs we are well known enough that just interacting as we normally would with the people we see at the club, would distract from interacting with the couple we want to play with enough to possibly mess up what we have going with them. Also, for some reason, it never seems to fail, that if we go to the club with someone we have already committed to, we meet someone who really trips our trigger, which forces us to choose between getting to know this new couple better and hoping the other couple is understanding (they usually aren't), or ignoring the new couple that wants to get to know us in order not to hurt the original couples feelings (in the end, usually the best choice). We have learned this one the hard way, but still seem to have to do it once in a while to reinforce why we shouldn't do it.

On the other hand, we will often tell couples we have played with, or want to play with in the future, when we will be at the club. Sometimes we will even go to the club together, but we make sure that everyone understands that we are going to the club to meet people and hang out with others, which may, or may not, include them. In other words, we make sure it is understood that we are going to the club with them as a matter of convenience, but do not expect to play with them that evening. We also make sure it is understood that we may go off on our own and not interact with them again until it is time to leave.

In this case, having already made plans to go to the club with this couple, I would definitely discuss with them ahead of time whether they are expecting you to hang out with them all evening, or do they expect for everyone to go their own way at the club and then get together back at the hotel. Our experience has been that most new swingers will expect the former, you to hang out with them, while more experienced swingers may expect the later. When I say experienced here, I am referring to experienced club goers, not necessarily how experienced they are at swinging.

[realcplub2]

Lets start at the top..

Plenty of folks here and elsewhere involved in this lifestyle have kids, and we like most, dont wish them to know what Mom and Dad are off doing..

If sexy dress is a issue, and you are checking into a hotel room anyway.. change there before going to the club


Next

Initailly boundaires are discussed, before you set up a "date", but, if they havent been, explain yourselves at the club.. and REMEMBER just because you are at a club, You arent REQUIRED to do anything else, unless you are BOTH READY

Again as far as the club goes, Do what you feel comfortable with.. Dance with your Husband, if you want to dance with the Other Husband ask, him AND her.. Hell Dance with her if you are so inclined..

As far as what you need for afterwards.. Snacks, Drinks, Cups, .. some sort of soft music is nice, not required.. Condoms are usually the guys responsiblity.. Your husband and the others.. as far as Toys.. go at the speed you are comfortable with..

Now, all questions have been answered in detail.. here is the simple answer

DON"T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF.. there is always a 7-11/ conveinent store nearby