Planning our first club visit

[NymphsInLove]

Hey everyone,

Thank you all again for the very friendly and warm welcome. You are all a wonderful group of people! I've learned a lot just by reading around the boards.

So....Mr. Nymph and I are planning to visit one of the clubs around here. We're soooo ready and eager, and I'm having a hard time making do with porn and toys. *sigh*

It's getting ridiculously distracting, all my hot and steamy thoughts. I really am not the most patient person, lol!

We're hoping to attend the event this Saturday, and I'm really hoping we'll be able to register in time. The club we're planning on going to is Club D&D in Gatineau - it seems to have good ratings and reviews on this site.

It took us awhile to work up the nerve to even think about going to a club; we're both definitely open and ready to a full swap experience, and even better a MMF one! But the thing that's held us back is that Mr. Nymph's job is the type that does have certain moral standards held to it (no, he's not a teacher). Honestly, I wish we could just bring a friend home, but I know that's not a great idea.

The other thing that made us nervous at first was the idea of STD's. We're each other's firsts, so that has never been an issue before. The whole idea of bodily fluids from random strangers in public places grosses me out, but I think that's just paranoia talking. I know in reputable clubs the premises should be clean and sheets/towels available, and everyone probably has similar concerns anyways.

So, basically, I'd love some advice for these newbies. We fantasize about playing our first time out, but is that a bad idea? I guess it's about our comfort level, but generally speaking is our fantasy of a hot orgy our first night out unrealistic?

[avid]

I think your expectations of your first night are going to depend on you, and the club you choose.

My partner used to go to D&D quite often, and he says it's good. It's on-premise, so at least some kind of action is possible.

I know that when we first started, we got all hot and bothered just thinking about it, which made it so much more fun, even when we "only" had sex by ourselves.

I wouldn't worry too much about being "outed" at the club. Remember that your area is decidedly populated with government workers and officials. From what I understand from my partner, there are lots of professionals attending - everything from doctors to politicians. Everyone there would prefer to keep their hobby quiet.

Above all, go to have fun. Maybe someday, we'll get to visit there too!

[sweet_tna]

The best thing you can do is go there without any expectations other than to have a good time. There's no way to know what will (or won't) happen once you get to the club, so try to just relax, enjoy the atmosphere, and meet some new folks.

As for the STD's VegasLee posted a great thread about whether this hobby/lifestyle is worth the risks (disease, exposure). I'd link it for you, but (A) I don't know how, and (B) I don't want to dampen your enthusiasm, since you already have those concerns. Just keep them in the back of your mind as you go through your decision making process.

Let us know how it goes,

=)

[good times]

Their is nothing wrong with fantasizing about what might happen, it just isn't a good idea to count on it actually happening on your first visit. The hardest part for us on our first visit to a club was actually getting out of the car and walking to the door. We sat their for 15 minutes asking each other, "you ready, you sure you want to do this?". Once we got past that it was a breeze. We spent our first visit with that, "deer in the headlights" look on our faces, and didn't really even consider hooking up with anyone, even though we did get a couple offers. So, my advice is to just go and have fun, with no expectations but be ready for whatever you feel comfortable doing.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by good times

Their is nothing wrong with fantasizing about what might happen, it just isn't a good idea to count on it actually happening on your first visit.

The truth is spoken here.


Have fun.
Go with no expectations.
Enjoy the experience.
Come back here and tell us about it.

[NymphsInLove]

Thanks for the great advice. We're definitely heading into it with no preset ideas of what we want to happen, and we're going to go with the flow.

It seems that the process, despite my impatience, isn't going to be rushed! We did call the owners of the club, and left a message - haven't heard a live voice yet. That, and the 50 cm's of snow we're going to get by the weekend probably means we're not going much of anywhere this Saturday.

*disappointed sigh*

Oh well, I suppose we'll have to make do with our fantasies and porn for now...

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by NymphsInLove

The other thing that made us nervous at first was the idea of STD's. We're each other's firsts, so that has never been an issue before.

Hi Nymphs,

I know that this will be your first club visit, but would this also be potentially your first swinging experience, ever? You're each other's firsts - are you still each others "onlys", as well?

[cplnuswing]

It sounds like you are on the right track, you have communicated together and thought about what you are doing.

As others have said, the first time to a club it is probably better to not have any expectations other than to have a great time together, which is really the goal to begin with. If something else happens, great, if not, nothing lost, you still had a fun and sexy evening out together. Sometimes the harder you try to meet an expectation, the harder it is to meet it. So, just go with the flow, don't force it.

We understand and share the fear of being outed, but the club is about the safest place you can be. If they saw you there, how do they explain how they saw you without outing themselves? Could it happen, yes. Chances of it happening, tiny.

STDs are kind of the same way. Is it possible, sure, just like a lot of other bad things in life. Is it likely, not at all. When considering things like that, I always like to measure them against the fact that multiple times every day we do the most dangerous thing possible, and that is put the key in the ignition and turn it. What sucks is you can take all the precautions and do nothing wrong and still get whacked. But, we don't worry about it every time we do it, it is just an acceptable risk in life - be a hermit at home and no chance of a car wreck, or take your chances leaving the house to lead your life while doing whatever feels necessary to protect yourself.

Have a great time and let us know how it goes!

[NymphsInLove]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Hi Nymphs,

I know that this will be your first club visit, but would this also be potentially your first swinging experience, ever? You're each other's firsts - are you still each others "onlys", as well?

Hi Tybee - To answer your question, yes, we're still each other's "onlys". We got married young (22), and we've gotten more and more crazy in the bedroom in the last 9 years, to the point where I really should have a frequent shopper's discount at the local sex store, lmao.

Which is neither here nor there, really. Neither of us have ever gone past first base, so to speak, with anyone else before. I've found that in the past few years, I wonder more and more what it would be like having a different partner. I really didn't expect it to ever be a reality - shockingly, instead of being jealous, Mr. Nymph was incredibly turned on by the whole idea.

So, taking that into consideration, do you have any additional advice for us very wet-behind-the-ears noobs? We definitely appreciate it!


cplnuswing -- That's very very true, I never thought about it that way (about the other couple not wanting to be outed either!) And yes, we know that the risk with STD's has to be weighed against the benefits. It's a toughie for me - I mean, I *am* an ex-germaphobe-OCD sufferer here, lol!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by NymphsInLove

Hi Tybee - To answer your question, yes, we're still each other's "onlys".
... Neither of us have ever gone past first base, so to speak, with anyone else before. I've found that in the past few years, I wonder more and more what it would be like having a different partner. I really didn't expect it to ever be a reality - shockingly, instead of being jealous, Mr. Nymph was incredibly turned on by the whole idea.

So, taking that into consideration, do you have any additional advice for us very wet-behind-the-ears noobs? We definitely appreciate it!

You two sound awesome, and I think that your background together and your relationship sound wonderful. You do sound ready!

I can't speak from personal experience as a one-and-only couple (Mr. Tybee and I are a second-marriage couple, we had kids with our exes and other experiences before each other). We didn't start swinging until after the two of us got married, and even then we were very nervous at first and had to gently ease into it.

The advice I would offer is that if things seem very fast-paced to you at the club, just know that no matter what's going on or how fast, you do not have to go that fast. If you are in there having a great time, talking and flirting, and within 30 minutes someone is trying to corral you into the sex room and you're just not that ready to start, don't feel pressured in the slightest bit to go forward.

Often, a new fun couple like the two of you may get a lot of attention. Some people might be thinking, "Oh, fresh meat!" Just know that no matter what, YOU are in the driver's seat, not others. Very often, newbies (even people with more checkered pasts) can be a little manipulated by more experienced swingers. Newbies tend to let others take the driver's seat. It's perfectly OKAY for the two of you to flirt, dance dirty with people, whatever you want, and not have to be obligated to "follow through" in the sex room later. Does that make sense?

Your first time might be pretty intense for you on several levels. It will be the first time either of you have ever experienced another person sexually. It will also be the first time you see your partner kiss someone else deeply, touch them, and watch them have sex with somebody. There is nothing wrong at all with taking this slow, if that's what you want. If you want to go smooth and easy the first time, you might want to find a couple you're comfortable with, share with them that this will be the first time with anybody else, and share with them precisely what pace you want to move in. In other words, if you want to start with lots of nice foreplay, share that. Sometimes, swinging can move very fast. Sometimes, it can be practically wham-bam with some people (which might make you feel kind of weird, especially if it's your first time). So what I'm trying to say is, this is your first experience...communicate what you want, be the "drivers", and if you don't want to get into a hit-and-run, just steer out of the way of the oncoming vehicle.

Now, go and have a great time, and let us know how it went!

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by NymphsInLove

The other thing that made us nervous at first was the idea of STD's.

Have you discussed what your style will be as far as protection? Some couples are condoms-always couples, Some never use condoms, there are some who prefer no-condoms but will wear one if you insist, and there are some who say they're a condoms-only couple but will go without upon request or with "special friends". So, you have a decision to make! If you have an absolute preference (or requirement), it might be something you want to add to your profile, too.

We're a condoms-only couple (in swinging), and we stick to our guns on that.

Originally Posted by NymphsInLove

The whole idea of bodily fluids from random strangers in public places grosses me out, but I think that's just paranoia talking.

A lot of us aren't interested in taking on random stranger's bodily fluids. It's not paranoia, it's a preference, and you're entitled to it!

[NymphsInLove]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

Have you discussed what your style will be as far as protection?

Oh yes - condoms only, it's a must! Even if we weren't worried about STD's, I'm not on the pill, and 2 little mini-me's are quite enough, lol. We also are used to practicing natural birth control, so we'd only swing (if we ever find the right partners) when I'm definitely infertile.

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

A lot of us aren't interested in taking on random stranger's bodily fluids. It's not paranoia, it's a preference, and you're entitled to it!

LOL, thanks for the reassurance. I think I have the newbie's fear of going to a club and there being all sorts of unknown "stuff" on chairs, door handles, tables......not to mention all over the actual playrooms. :P Now, I know that's on the paranoid side!

[Tybee Swing]

Hi Nymphs,

Did you go to the club on Saturday? How did it go for you?

[NymphsInLove]

Hi Tybee!

No, we didn't get to go on Sat. We had a humonguous blizzard that buried half of the province in snow. :P We still wanted to go, but we decided it wasn't exactly a matter of life and death, lmao.

In the past weekend though, we have managed to meet a few couples on Swing Lifestyle and have had some nice chats. We're looking forward to meeting them.

We're all setup to go next Sat....but I have the nasty feeling that my period is just around the corne. Which'll suck, since I never feel like doing anything but curling around a hot water bottle and inhaling Ibuprofen during that time of the month, dammit.

[jdc50]

We are also a couple who got married after college but in high school we were each others first and only. We thought of going to swing club a few times but then medical problems of mine (him) has ruled it out and the wife does not want to try anthing on her own.

We have always wondered what it would be like to experience either having someone else in her or him in some else. Guess we will never know but hope you enjoy yourselfs.

Let us know how it was.