I think I finally get it! (Approach to the Lifestyle)

[MulderNScully]

It has been four years since I first went into a swing club with Scully and it has been a struggle trying to adjust my attitude towards meeting others intimately. Add to it the adjustment Scully had to deal with, origninally being a SWBiF in the lifestyle, in dealing with me as well. But I think I finally get it! I think just coming to a party, club, or convention with the attitude of "I'm just going to meet people and hang out" instead of pushing so hard for something sexual to happen has garnered surprising results.

Five times I've come with this attitude and maybe 3 out of the five we've found ourselves playing with another couple. The other two were happily spending some "us" time together in the room having loud, rough sex. I think it is about not trying to push the issue and just letting things happen as they do. Am I on track with this or am I off?


Mulder
(Mulder and Scully)

[BCinIN]

You're dead on. Hooking up with another couple isn't something you NEED to do (at least it shouldn't be--if it is I'd say there's a problem), so just enjoy the night with each other, and enjoy meeting other couples and hanging out. If things work out for play, so much the better!

[rpu3]

Originally Posted by MulderNScully

I think it is about not trying to push the issue and just letting things happen as they do. Am I on track with this or am I off?


Mulder
(Mulder and Scully)

I think you are on the track. Others opinions may vary, of course.

We've never gone to the club expecting to get together with other couples. Nor have we gone to the club intending to NOT do anything with other couples. We walk in expecting nothing more than to dance, socialize and have a great time with each other, and that's what we get most of the time. It's easier for us to just be relaxed about our evenings out at the club, and if something happens, well, great! Otherwise we had a nice night out together.

Sounds like you are having a better time with shift in your approach - good for you two!

[MulderNScully]

I guess your right about just letting things flow rpu3 (hope I got that right). The times where we just let things happen with no expectations really pay off when something does happen. To think I'd get so overly frustrated because things weren't happening on "my" schedule as opposed to just going with the flow of the evening. The previous approach tends to stress a person out big time.

We love sex and all, but if we can't be happy with the end result of us going in the rooms alone and having a good time together than we are not in the frame of mind we should be.

Mulder
(MulderNScully)

[Spoomonkey]

You know - the only bad nights we have ever had at the club were the nights when we left upset that we didn't play with anyone...

Of course, the problem wasn't that we didn't play, it was that we were so intent on playing that we missed a good time! We play less than 50% of the times we go (probably a lot less, but I don't pay attention to it anymore) and after a while, you stop thinking about it. In fact, a lot of nights we go and forget that we are in a swing club... We are at our "dance-karaoke-random-chicks-naked" club

When you get to a point where you realize that the club is just a good time, then anything can happen - or nothing at all - and you are just enjoying the atmosphere!

Besides - our best experiences haven't come from random club hook-ups but from people we build friendships with.

Sounds like you guys are well on your way!

Spoomonkey

[des1re06]

Exactly the way we approach this! The majority of the time we go to a club, party or resort, we only play with each other. But WOW is the sex great! It was wonderful before, but after those types of parties (occasionally during), it's explosive.

Mrs. D

[MulderNScully]

Hey, I'm curious, when you two just having some great sex together and no one else do you find yourself being a bit exhibitionist and leave the door open for others to see or do you keep it open. It depends on the mood Scully and I are in, but we've left the door open a couple of times and had a few people crowd around and watch us go at it. Before my penis had stage fright, but I think that happens more when I am in a group of people with the door open. Now days it doesn't matter my penis is raring to go and we have a great time "before a live studio audience".

Mulder
(MulderNScully)

[lost_j1]

As with the rest that posted. We go to have fun, adult time away from the kids(our time). We go just to relax, drink, and dance the night away. Atleast to us we notice the people who are there enjoying them selves. Laughing, moving around, and dancing compared to the ones that just sit and watch everyone else. Those are more the couples we tend to gravitate towards. We figure that they are enjoying them selves and having a blast that they might be fun to hang around with. Most often we will play at the club or party and have a blast. Then again when we are just in the mood for us time we also have a blast. Even when it's my wife and me having sex in the play room I have noticed the lurkers come from everywhere. Same as if we play with a couple in the play room. It's like it's just us four then we start to get all hot and heavy and clothing is coming off and WHAM... The door way or room start to get crowds of people standing there watching. Freaky at first, but later on I see it as there loss. The whole night they have the chance to meet us. Then when they are standing there watcing they have that look like that could have been us. Most time we leave the door open so they can enjoy to watch. BUT there are other times where we just want quality time with each other or the play partners and we close the doors. RELAX it's just sex.....lol


JAY!!!

[DRxDON]

As one of those 'dreaded single males' this is DEFINITELY the way I approach it. I like going to the clubs for the free uninhibited atmosphere. Most of the time I don't even hook up with or meet anyone but I still enjoy flirting freely..I'm a shameless flirt All of the women like my guileless friendly manner and I have a great time. If anyone is interested, I wait for them to approach me.