Clubs - good for novices?

[30sCoupleInKC]

My girlfriend and I are both in our early-mid 30s and have started to openly discuss swinging. We don't just talk about it during the throes of sex, we talk about it during the most sober of times.

We've both realized that the thought of having sex with only 1 person for the rest of our lives is extremely depressing.

However, the idea of putting an ad up on an internet site to meet another couple is (to us) ridiculous. There is simply too much pre-planning involved and the potential exposure to freakazoids is too high.

To us, a private party would be ideal. But since we don't know any swingers (yet!), we want to check out a club. The problem is, neither of us knows what to expect at a club. I've searched this forum for HOURS and haven't found a narrative that walks us through what typically goes on at these clubs.

Another concern is that since she and I are above average in the looks department and that we'll have to deal with a lot of men and women who are touchy and won't understand that our first visit to the club is only investigative (perhaps not?)

Is a club going to be completely overwhelming for two curious novices such as my girlfriend and I?

[Sybert99]

John and Allie have an awesome Podcast show about their swinging lifestyle at www.swingercast.com. I was listening to episode 2 earlier tonight and it was about their first time at a swing club. In fact, several of their shows are about swing club visits.

(My wife and I are about to go to our first club on Saturday, so their shows have been great for my "research".)

[Amanda69]

If the clubs you are looking at have websites you might check those out. Most have descriptions of their clubs and what to expect when you attend.

Going to a swing club is really no different now than going to any other club judging by Toronto. There is always a lot of action on the dance floor, there is often something going on in the darker corners. Everyone usually greats each other with hugs and kisses.

There is often a host couple who if you ID yourself as new will ensure you meet a few people who can help introduce you around and answer questions.

Now in the US there are many on premise clubs. Unfortunately I can't give you information on those as I haven't attended one yet.

Clubs here go with a "No means No" policy and men are encouraged to ask first before touching. Of course once they get to know you, the asking becomes a moot point.

Another concern is that since she and I are above average in the looks department and that we'll have to deal with a lot of men and women who are touchy

I am going to give the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean this in a we are superior to them kind of way. All people are attractive in one way or another, variety is the spice of life. What is attractive to you may not be attractive to me etc. Hey not everyone lusts after Angelina Jolie.

If someone approaches that you are not comfortable with simply let them know that you are new and not comfortable with them touching you. Communication is a large and important part of the lifestyle, both with each other and with other's that you meet.

Play safe and have fun.....

[good times]

Dito what Amanda69 said. In our opinion clubs are the best way to introduce yourself to the lifestyle. All the clubs we have been to have been on-premise clubs and the people are generally more friendly and respectful than the people we see at regular non-swinging nightclubs.

[curious1103]

Originally Posted by 30sCoupleInKC

...The problem is, neither of us knows what to expect at a club. I've searched this forum for HOURS and haven't found a narrative that walks us through what typically goes on at these clubs....

Is a club going to be completely overwhelming for two curious novices such as my girlfriend and I?

I don't know if this is what you had in mind, but here goes:

Most on-premise clubs will require you to fill out a brief questionaire posted on their website (assuming they have one and that's how you knew of their existence) which they will respond back with an invitation for you and your SO, which you are required to print and bring along as proof of invitation. Their response will include directions to the club and where to park.

When you get to the entrance and knock, or ring the doorbell, the bouncer will look you over and you present your printed invitation. You will be allowed in and be introduced to the club owners/organizers and be taken to an office for an "interview." This is so they get to know you and that you know exactly what kind of club you just stepped into. They don't like surprises or drama, as I'm sure you don't either. They'll go over house rules, number one being "No means No" and probably have you sign a waiver. They'll want to check your driver's license to make sure that you are who you say you are, and will write your names down and keep them in a private file. They are protective of their club and want to make sure yours and their safety is looked after. Once all the formalities are out of the way they will introduce you to an established, long-standing member who will give you a guided tour of the premises: where the bathrooms are, the kitchen, alcohol policies, locker rooms, hot tub, dance floor, pool hall, play area and play rooms - what to expect, rules to follow, consideration for other guests/members. They will stop and occassionaly ask if you have questions before proceeding to the next level. They are well aware that your nerves are shot and have probably been bombarded with visual and sensual overload. Go with an open mind. You will see naked people. You will see couples or groups engaged in all sorts of sexual activity out in the open. Ask all the questions you can think of. They won't be embarassed or flustered - they themselves have been there before and know exactly how you feel. The tour will probably end in the locker room where they will ask you to leave your belongings, and from there you are free to walk about and explore. You are not obligated to do anything. Look, observe, dance in the dance area, play some pool, observe some more. You alone will know what to do from this point on.

These are true-life experiences of the on-premise club that my wife and I frequent. We've been there a few times already and are comfortable with the surroundings. We like to dance, look at the other couples around, mingle with them, play some pool and end up in playing in the rooms. We haven't swung with others yet. Perhaps one of these days we'll expand to include other playmates. We are in no particular hurry to rush into things.

Hope this helps.

[ShellyM]

hey,
we go to an off premise club pretty frequently, and everyone is very, very nice...and we have a blast. However, there does tend to be "cliques" there.
But just have an open mind and have fun.

[30sCoupleInKC]

Originally Posted by Amanda69

I am going to give the benefit of the doubt that you didn't mean this in a we are superior to them kind of way. All people are attractive in one way or another, variety is the spice of life.

Amanda, yes we most certainly meant it that way.We're both pretty humble in real life but the anonymity of the Internet can allow me to be a little more frank. My standards are much wider than hers, however LOL. Arrogance is indeed a huge turn-off.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by 30sCoupleInKC

Another concern is that since she and I are above average in the looks department and that we'll have to deal with a lot of men and women who are touchy and won't understand that our first visit to the club is only investigative (perhaps not?)

.....

Amanda, yes we most certainly meant it that way.We're both pretty humble in real life but the anonymity of the Internet can allow me to be a little more frank. My standards are much wider than hers, however LOL. Arrogance is indeed a huge turn-off.

So...what you're saying is that you'll "lower your standards" more than your wife will, and are willing to grant someone a pity fuck?? Maybe that's a bit more extreme than you intended, but I guarantee you that if you go into a club with that attitude, someone will take it that way. You'll be a lonely couple of wallflowers.

Being above average in the looks department can be an asset...and is just as likely to be a liability. Mr. and I don't consider ourselves unattractive. We just realize that we're averagely good looking. No one is sidling up to us with modeling contracts. But we're okay with this, because we know that others will find us attractive, and it's more about being comfortable in your own skin than anything. About confidence. To be perfectly honest? We avoid the "pretty people" generally. No, it's not because "they wouldn't have us anyway"; we just wouldn't be interested in having our evening wasted by being condescended to in any way. That isn't fun.

This isn't a beauty pageant. If you rely primarily on your looks to win you dates, you'll likely be surprised at the lack of swingers beating a path to your door. Some will, of course. Everyone is someone's type. I'm just saying that being extremely good looking - in the lifestyle - is not the advantage you might suppose. However, casual confidence, politeness, genuineness, honesty and friendliness are definitely the best assets you could possess. There needs to be a balance between looks and personality.

[30sCoupleInKC]

Originally Posted by intuition897

So...what you're saying is that you'll "lower your standards" more than your wife will, and are willing to grant someone a pity fuck?? Maybe that's a bit more extreme than you intended, but I guarantee you that if you go into a club with that attitude, someone will take it that way. You'll be a lonely couple of wallflowers.

Being above average in the looks department can be an asset...and is just as likely to be a liability. Mr. and I don't consider ourselves unattractive. We just realize that we're averagely good looking. No one is sidling up to us with modeling contracts. But we're okay with this, because we know that others will find us attractive, and it's more about being comfortable in your own skin than anything. About confidence. To be perfectly honest? We avoid the "pretty people" generally. No, it's not because "they wouldn't have us anyway"; we just wouldn't be interested in having our evening wasted by being condescended to in any way. That isn't fun.

This isn't a beauty pageant. If you rely primarily on your looks to win you dates, you'll likely be surprised at the lack of swingers beating a path to your door. Some will, of course. Everyone is someone's type. I'm just saying that being extremely good looking - in the lifestyle - is not the advantage you might suppose. However, casual confidence, politeness, genuineness, honesty and friendliness are definitely the best assets you could possess. There needs to be a balance between looks and personality.

I think you're reading into my comments and letting some past bad experiences color what you perceive I'm trying to say.

All I was trying to say is that I consider many people attractive that other guys might not. Many of my past girlfriends (while all slender) were not what you would consider attractive. But they were to me.

My current GF and I are not snobs. We will happily hang out with anyone.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by 30sCoupleInKC

I think you're reading into my comments and letting some past bad experiences color what you perceive I'm trying to say.

All I was trying to say is that I consider many people attractive that other guys might not. Many of my past girlfriends (while all slender) were not what you would consider attractive. But they were to me.

My current GF and I are not snobs. We will happily hang out with anyone.

My apologies. This post was written pre-coffee. Actually we haven't had any really bad experiences so far this way; they never got past the email phase. We just noticed that some people tend to get really hung up on the physical, and it's a turn-off. The way your post was worded, I misinterpreted what you were saying. We've tended to be picky, too. Physical chemistry IS important, but we're pickier about personality. We've found that a really likeable personality tends to make someone we might not have otherwise noticed suddenly quite attractive. Likewise, supermodel good looks suddenly become unattractive when they turn out to be ugly on the inside.

I think we're both agreeing with one another while seeming to disagree.

[She_n_Jaybee]

Here's another walk through, and having attended the club that couple walked you through, I can vouch for their accuracy. Instead of restating, I'll try to flesh out the rest of the experience.

My girlfriend and I on a good day consider ourselves average. She sometimes goes through the "I'm too fat, I'm too old..." routine, but don't most women at some time in their life? Looking over our recent experiences, we just realized that we are apparently much better than average. Younger and younger swing partners keep approaching us and they keep getting more attractive. We're not complaining. Back to the narrative.

The tour and rules are fairly standard with any club. Unless you attend a club that allows single men, you will probably have very few problems with people touching without your consent, and even if they allow single men, initially they will be well behaved.

The club will have probably have a bar/drinks area. I've not found one that serves alcohol, but many allow you to bring your own and some have someone to get you soft drinks. They may also have some food. Have seen everything from light snacks to full buffets (food and soft drinks are typically included in admission price), the rest of the main club area will resemble your typical night club. Dance floor, lights, sound system, possibly a DJ, there will be tables, chairs, maybe a pool table or dart boards. Within the main social area, things will be about like at your average bar. Except you are less likely to have obnoxious drunks. People will be dancing with their partner, often quite a few women will be dancing in a group. The only noticeable difference from any other night club will probably be the attire (at least early in the evening). You'll see a lot more skin and a lot more public displays of affection (PDA's). If you restrict your evening to that area of the club, you may be approached by others. Some will want to sit and talk all night. Some will want to get through the introductions and then go find a place to get naked. They will be at least reasonably polite, and will not get upset if you have no interest.

If you go to an on-premise club, there will probably be an area for more intimate activities. Depending on the club, you can probably stand and watch without anyone touching or bothering you. If you happen to be playing while watching, others may approach looking for an invitation. Don't worry though, your space is inviolate. If they come too close for your comfort just a word or a shake of the head will move them away. If the club allows single men, you may have to repeat yourself every 10 minutes or so. The single guys tend to swarm to watch and can be a bit overly enthusiastic. Any problem whatsoever, inform a member of the staff. They will immediately deal with the offenders.

From our experience, the more attractive you are, the less people will approach you. There is an intimidation factor at work. But feel free to approach anyone that you find of interest. There is no obligation. Your girlfriend may experience some mild groping, but almost all of it will come from other women. And just a word will stop that.

From our experience, your first evening at a swingers club will be just like any other nightclub. It just has other options if you so desire.

Enjoy!

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by She_n_Jaybee

From our experience, the more attractive you are, the less people will approach you. There is an intimidation factor at work.

So THATS our problem at the clubs