Couples who don't play at a swing club

[NakedInSeattle]

My feelings on this (and I've stated it before) is that some people like to go to swing clubs, parties, etc. and stay on the "fringe" of swinging. I think it makes them feel "naughty." They'll probably never jump in. There is always the voyeur aspect as well.

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by Wildthingplus

I'd like to address the issue of going to a sports club and not watching the game, going to a dance club and not dancing etc...What the Heck for? If I go an amusement park, for goodness' sake, I'm there to ride, not wander around!

In my case, the reason I go to sports clubs and dance clubs is pretty simple...that's where the women are. Beer, music, and tits are all very effective distractions from the "Look at them Bengals go!" mentality of most sports bars around here. If sports were the only thing to watch, and dancing was the only thing to do, I'd probably be spending a lot more time at home.

Originally Posted by Wildthingplus

Geez, people, on a Saturday night at a crowded place, there's got to be someone you find appealing enough to play with!

Geez, you would think so! But there's more to it than just finding somebody whose "parts" fit with ours. This will be her first experience in this sort of enviornment. I think it's more important that it be a positive one, than it is to do it by somebody else's timetable. Again, my reasoning is simple...if this never turns into a "committed relationship" of some sort, I don't want her to leave thinking that she was "used" or that her basic values were compromised in some way. Nor do I want to leave her with an inaccurate impression of what this lifestyle is really about, which I fear could happen if we hop into bed with somebody just because they're "cute" or "available."

A house party would be the ideal situation for us, but for a number of reasons, I'm somewhat hesitant to contact any of the couples who host them in our area.

If she weren't open to the possibility of this, we wouldn't bother going to a club in the first place. At this stage, knowing that any visit could turn into our first swinging experience carries a pretty high titillation factor in and of itself. But until the right combination of people, place, and mood come together, we're happy just to "be"

[EvilMJ]

I actually agree with JNCC on this one.

I go to gay bars, but I am not there to hook up and I am not gay
I got to a kareoke bar, but I do not sing
and I go to swingers dances, but don't always hook up

To each is own. Some people like the naughtiness factor, the voyerism of it all.

They don't bother me all that much

[imsnowman]

Why is this a problem? :rollseyes
Each to their own. Have fun your way and let others have fun their way.

[jennandjamesinm]

Not everyone is at a swinger's club to play. At the club that we go to, there are always newbies that are just checking out the scene or people that just like to go for the atmosphere. We go in with the thought that we aren't going to play, but that we are going to have a good time. We might dance, drink and talk to others, but never head back to the rooms to play on some nights. The last time that we went, we ended up at a table with 3 brand new couples and James ended up being the "ambassador of swing" and we talked openly to these newbies. At least we don't have to deal with the assholes that are at vanilla clubs, the door charge is too steep for the riff-raff that frequent vanilla bars. To each his own we say.

Jenn

[nhouston]

I didn't realize it was 'all or nothing'. We are very new to this and go to a off-site club in Houston a couple of times a month. We have no intention of swapping with anyone at this time but do enjoy the atmosphere. We are getting more comfortable with each other and the lifestyle each visit but- it may take us months before we swing, if ever. We do enjoy meeting other couples and our 'newness' hasn't seemed to be an issue so far.

[imsnowman]

Originally Posted by nhouston

I didn't realize it was 'all or nothing'. We are very new to this and go to a off-site club in Houston a couple of times a month. We have no intention of swapping with anyone at this time but do enjoy the atmosphere. We are getting more comfortable with each other and the lifestyle each visit but- it may take us months before we swing, if ever. We do enjoy meeting other couples and our 'newness' hasn't seemed to be an issue so far.

It absolutely is not "all or nothing". If you're having fun continue. Some folks may have a problem but that's their problem. It's not something you have to fix or cater to.

[lovedoctor]

Originally Posted by Better Half

We are newbies so we have a limited perspective compared to most. Who knows, maybe a year from now we will go back and read our own early posts and wonder how we could have been so stupid.

For our first brush with swinging we decided to go to an on-premise club. We didn't know anyone the first night, and we were definitely like fish out of water. We certainly didn't play because we didn't even know if we would continue down the road. We had sex in a room by ourselves (doors and blinds closed) because just doing it in a semi-public place turned us on. We essentially did the same thing the next night. So we certainly did not play with anyone else, but then again it was our first two times in a club.

When we look back on this a year from now maybe we will feel different. Right now I compare it to a regular organization of which I am a member. We have lots of members that pay their yearly dues and then never show up for the activities (which are free). Some people complain about the people that never come out, but not me. If they want to pay the dues and then not come out, that is more room for me at the activities, and more money for the organization. Even if people come to a club and don't swing, they still probably pay an entrance fee. If they didn't come, maybe the club owners would have to raise the entrance fee for everyone.

However, I can see that my analogy above does not fit this situation exactly. I can understand that it would be frustrating to talk with people all night only to find out that they never had any intention of playing, no matter what.

I hope you don't think that you were stupid starting out a year from now! Naieve and inexperienced perhaps, but your posts on this board have been articulate, well thought out and wise beyond your experiences to date. So keep on posting and growing in your experience.

I really do like your idea of playing by yourselves until you got used to "the scene."

Mr LD and I have yet to go to an on premise club by ourselves. I am always a little nervous even with the couple we go with regularly. Maybe that is because I have not taken the time to get to know anyone else there. That is starting to change a little bit now that I do not feel like such a wallflower. I don't know why I haven't totally gotten beyond the "nervous" feeling whenever we walk in there since that's just not like me! I usually feel like I own the room, LOL...

OK, back to the thread....

[JnCC]

Originally Posted by EvilMJ

I actually agree with JNCC on this one.

My dear, we probably agree on more than you think. We're just standing at opposite ends of the same elephant...

[04kingpin]

We have been planning to visit some local clubs with no intention of playing until we were sure there would be no issues between us. Some people seem to forget that it is a huge step. One of the reasons we havnt yet is we were worried about the reaction we would get from others if we didnt play. I see now that some people take offense to non players. I hope they are in the minority. It seems to me that for first time players there SHOULD be some reservations.

[HotMoCpl]

Okay, I'm gonna play hard ball right back. It is estimated that nearly 75% of those who go to off premise swing clubs.....get this....do not swing. I'm leaving it to my wife to find the partner we both want and it is not an easy task. There is so much to consider. If you run into us, please don't be offended, but we will take our sweet time to find the right play friend(s).

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by 04kingpin

We have been planning to visit some local clubs with no intention of playing until we were sure there would be no issues between us. Some people seem to forget that it is a huge step. One of the reasons we havnt yet is we were worried about the reaction we would get from others if we didnt play. I see now that some people take offense to non players. I hope they are in the minority. It seems to me that for first time players there SHOULD be some reservations.

It is very much the minority, at least with the folks we know. All are welcome. It's more about the party then who's doing who, or if they are even doing at all. And if someone is really concerned about that, then they probably aren't right for you to begin with. So go and have fun.

Mr. WS

[dscouple2]

Quite a few times, we've gone to our local club, socialized, had a few drinks, danced, didn't see anyone we felt like hooking up with, and ended up screwing each others brains out by ourselves. First we're 'softies', secondly, we're picky - especially me (annie). While I enjoy women, there are very few and far between that ignite something that make me want them, and there are very few straight softies out there.
Bad annie

[ktown]

We have been going to our local club for years and clubs around the world and we don't swap at all but we are into watching and being watched which no body has ever had a problem with that and we have met some good people.The sights and sounds of the clubs are some of our best memories.There might be a lot less people playing now days also because of S.T.D.S which are always on peoples minds and condoms don't stop everything all the time.
We could never go to a club and just dance because there is just too much hot stuff going on so if they can handle it more power to them.

[Chicup]

The big pain in the ass for us are posers.

We don't go to a club expecting to play every time, but we go with the 'if things work out' mind set in terms of playing.

So we meet a nice couple and chat, and chat, and chat, they seem great, they seem interested in us, its getting late, oh well not tonight lets exchange numbers/email. Oh sorry we are busy that night, etc.

Later we find out that this is what they always do, and they don't play. Great, turns out he just likes to watch people having sex.

Another couple, really nice, our age, etc etc, chat, chat, naked hot tub. Oh we are more into being nudists...sigh.

Getting to go out for us is a biggish deal, we need a baby sitter, the right timing with a ton of other life commitments on the table, to be in the right mood, the right time of the month, etc. We go to a swingers club we want to find SWINGERS. If you are new and unsure thats fine, if you don't find anyone there attractive, thats fine, if you decide you are not in the mood tonight thats fine, but when you have NO intention of ever playing you are wasting our very limited time.

We are not part of the slutty crowd, we like to get to know people a little, talk about normal things, and this makes us 'safe' for the posers. Its happened offen enough that we won't go to a club unless its to meet someone we know or talked with prior to going. I'd hate to join the 'wanna fuck' crowd, its not our style, but we are not there to just people watch or be part of a fashion show.