Ok to go to clubs and just flirt and dance with no intention to swing?

[Utopian Couple]

Okay, here is the situation...
We are in a very committed relationship here, and are having the most intimate, most connected, most satisfying sex of our lives. We have no interest, either of us, in f@#%ing anyone else. Period. We have both been in too many rough relationships to not know what we do want. This past weekend we had our first experience at a "lifestyle" club. It was great(see our other post about "Alternatives" for more on that), and the kind of unwind evening out we had been looking for. All we want to do is flirt a bit and then flirt a bit more, have some good adult conversations, be able to dance a bit lasciviously, dress(or even undress) a bit provocatively, and just let our hair down. Our day-to-day life is pretty uptight and pretty upstanding so it is nice to change hats now and again for a change of pace. Is this a legitimate thing to do? Is it an acceptable attitude to have in these clubs? We don't want to or intend to lead anyone on that is looking for more. How common is this in "the lifestyle" the just wanting to flirt and play, but not really hook-up with anyone? Everybody cut loose, are sincerely interested in hearing opinions, attitudes, and experiences in this matter especially from others that feel this way.
Thanks in advance,
Utopian Couple

[Spoomonkey]

The great thing about the lifestyle is that it isn't a religion. You don't have to quote a creed or accept a certain doctrine to be an accepted part of the community. The lifestyle changes everytime someone new comes in - because everyone brings their own fantasies, worries, expectations, fears and boundaries.

What you are describing happens at our club. Couples come to be playful - but not to play. As long as you aren't leading people on, then what harm is there? The social atmosphere in a swing club can be electric - and in itself can really pull down your inhibitions and let you be a little "naughty". You have every right to enjoy that.

Spoomonkey

[intuition897]

Spoomonkey is right. Although you will probably find some couples who will misunderstand and think that anyone who goes to a lifestyle club is there to get nailed...period. As long as you're not leading them on, I wouldn't worry about it. If you become 'regulars' around the club you go to, the people there will get to know you and what kind of couple you are. What you add to the erotic atmosphere is more than welcome in any reputable club. Personally, I find the mystery of the unknown much more erotic than someone laying it all out on the line and saying, "So do you guys wanna f**k or what?"

[CB_n_Red]

Got to agree with Spoo. How a couple lives the lifestyle is entirely a matter of taste and preference. You may find that some people will be less than enthusiatic about your non-participation, but it wouldn't bother us at all.

Hey! It's cold and white here!

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by intuition897

someone laying it all out on the line and saying, "So do you guys wanna f**k or what?"

Is that the style in North American clubs?

Maybe there are some major differences between clubs either side of the pond! (Thinking of one of the questions we answered in the Spotlight Interview).

At the club we usually go to it would more likely be "Shall we adjourn to one of the playrooms?" after a conversation of suitable length.

CB

[a_couple_in_pa]

Originally Posted by Utopian Couple

Is this a legitimate thing to do?

All interests are legitimate.

Is it an acceptable attitude to have in these clubs? We don't want to or intend to lead anyone on that is looking for more. How common is this in "the lifestyle" the just wanting to flirt and play, but not really hook-up with anyone?

This is very common in the clubs. In fact probably more than actual swingers. As your concern, just don't lead anyone on. Just tell anyone you're flirting with, that you only play together but don't mind flirting.

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by CB_n_Red

Is that the style in North American clubs?

Maybe there are some major differences between clubs either side of the pond! (Thinking of one of the questions we answered in the Spotlight Interview).

At the club we usually go to it would more likely be "Shall we adjourn to one of the playrooms?" after a conversation of suitable length.

CB

OMG, no. I was just exaggerating. I was just trying to think of the crudest possible way someone could approach us, and that was it. Actually it has never happened yet. Anyone who has little enough class to say something like that, typically we see them a mile off and they don't get to a point in the conversation to interject it. I don't think there's much difference across borders from the sound of it.

[CB_n_Red]

Originally Posted by intuition897

OMG, no. I was just exaggerating. I was just trying to think of the crudest possible way someone could approach us, and that was it. Actually it has never happened yet. Anyone who has little enough class to say something like that, typically we see them a mile off and they don't get to a point in the conversation to interject it. I don't think there's much difference across borders from the sound of it.

Phew! That's a relief! Must say, it didn't seem very likely, but with no way of knowing it seemed like a good idea to find an answer there.

Reckon you're right - there probably isn't all that much difference between UK and US or Canadian clubs. Maybe one day we'll get to find out first hand.

CB

[Utopian Couple]

Wow...TY for all the replies. We most appreciate it. It is good to know we can just have fun and have no one expect more. We both have learned that being in"the lifestyle" is a very subjective phrase, and means different things to different folks. It seems as if it is more of a mindset than any particular act. Shoot , neither of us knew she could work a pole as well as he did! flamethrow Ty all agin, Utopian Couple

[JustAskJulie]

Sadly to many who are intersted in much more than that, your interests are probably much more inline with what is becoming a majority of people at socials and swing clubs. As others have said, just be honest and upfront with those you meet about your interests (or lack of), so that you don't lead anyone on.

[circusjones]

I just wanted to say that this has been our interest from day one. We were just looking for a way to spice things up, and a friend suggested a lifestyle club. We don't swing and we've never had a problem with unwanted attention... we just don't send any signals... that's all. The clubs, like others have said, are what you make of them. You can be as monogamous as you want, or if you want to get more involved with others, there are many there to keep you company. Have fun!

[Vantabulous]

Julie,

I sense your heart sinking a little.

From one of the last places that you'd think to hear this from, I think I understand...

Van