Talking to Club Owners

[Newbies46514]

O.k. so I've told you guys that we're supposed to have our first ever experience (hopefully) into this lifestyle and that we're going to a club this weekend. So, I contacted the club for an invite, Club Utopia in Ft. Wayne, IN. The first contact we got back a blank page...no invite. So I tried again, giving more information, being completely honest. I told them that we would like to go by the names Andy and Laura Kay...Our real names are Andrew and Laura, K is my middle initial...this is what people refer to us as and this is what we prefer. We also told them that we'd prefer to not use our last names at first, so we're apprehensive, big freakin' deal it's our first time!!!

We get this message back telling us that if those names are not the names that appear on our driver's liscenses that we would not be granted access to the club...we were told this IMO a very rude way.

So I wrote back, told them why we requested to go by those names and that we were basically insulted by their insinuation that we were not being honest. I understand that they have to be very careful operating a business like this, but their response really ticked me off! I told them that if I was mis-preceiving their message I was sincerely sorry and that my husband and I really want this to work, that we were excited, we were happy, we were looking forward to this...Now we feel like as soon as we show up we will be immediately judged by their staff on our honesty.

I've already shot this e-mail response off...do y'all think we're screwed??? I really hope not, we really want this to work!!! GRRRRR! All responses are welcome...even if they're not what I want to hear. Just be honest with me. Thanks!

Laura-Kay

[EternallySingle]

Discretion is one thing, but any club, especially a sexually oriented one, is putting itself on the line by letting people congregate. They have to have some verification that you are who you say you are for various legal reasons. In the case of a place like Club Utopia they have to make sure that you are of legal age to attend and that you are not a danger to their other guests. Asking to be listed as someone you are not is going to throw up a lot of red flags with the management. As I've never been inside Club Utopia (got invited twice...long story ) I can't say if you wear name tags or are just allowed to mingle on your own. But it is a member's only establishment, and I think I remember a sign-in sheet (that I didn't get a chance to...never mind) and members roster that your driver's license would be compared to. For that reason, you would have to use your real name, and can tell everyone you meet your nicknames when you get inside.

I would say stop worrying so much about giving the club your real name. In my opinion, that is making up an excuse to find something wrong with the place...or maybe an excuse to hold off swinging a little while longer.

but thats JUST my opinion

[LikeMinds321]

Hi Laura-Kay,

I can understand your caution and desire to have your full identity kept private from other club goers. I would think the club owners would understand this since you explained your desire for this.

The names you requested for registration are nearly identical to your birth names; I really don't understand their oposition to you using them. Now if you tried to use a different last name that would be another matter. But I don't believe you were trying to do that, right?

If the owners understood that you don't want them to give out your last name to others when you arrive at the club, and only put your first names on your name tags, I would think they would be okay with that.

I am surprised they weren't warmer toward you in their correspondance.

It sucks when things like this happen. I feel for you.

You'll have to decide how badly you want to attend this club.

Good luck.

LM

[wetpanties]

Don't lower your safety net. We wouldn't go there either under the circumstances. They can have their rules - so can you.

[JandL]

I've heard nothing but good about club utopia. It's probably some sort of a miscommunication. Just email them with your real names and then when you get to the door ask the owners for a tour (I've read that is common practice there). Tell them through email and again at the door that it's your first time and that discression with your names is a must. If it is still a problem you can always leave at that point. However, I can't imagine it being a problem from that point on.

Just my 2 cents on that, but I have yet to go there either.

[fun_pairTX]

Any club is going to demand to see a drivers license before they allow you access. I have never seen a club that used peoples last names for any purpose other than their record of your admission. This is only to cover their legal liability.

[DandK]

I would ask the club if your real names would be kept in confidence for age verification and see-if-you-are-who-you-say-you-are reasons. See if nicknames are allowed to be used inside once admitted into the premises.

Just my $0.02

Kytn

[CB_n_Red]

I don't know what the legal situation is in the US, but in the UK swingers clubs are private members clubs and as such are required by law to be able to identify club members. It's the norm here to prove identity on first attending a club with one or more forms of ID - driving licence, passport, utility bill etc. UK clubs do stress that the information will not be passed on (that would also be illegal here).

I woudn't be surprised if the situation is similar on your side of the pond.

CB

[taomaster]

Originally Posted by CB_n_Red

It's the norm here to prove identity on first attending a club with one or more forms of ID

The same appears to be the case in all the clubs we've visited in the Netherlands and Belgium. The French seem happy to just take your money, no questions asked.

[mrbandsatl]

We would be concerned if a club did not screen attendees carefully, requiring a drivers license. Using you real name for verification does not require that you introduce yourselves to others by your real name.

Have fun...
Bob (and Sandy)

[Dave_kat]

We've been to a few clubs around the U.S., and we've not had the pleasure (or displeasure) of having to wear name tags.
In this day and age though, with everyone running around wanting to sue everyone (probably a little of a broad stroke there), and of course this puritanical view of sexually oriented business, requesting some proof of ID is not only acceptable, but in our opinion one of the best ways from keeping people out of jail or worse.

We ourselves choose to just go by Dave and Kat, and while that is our names shortened, we do not identify ourselves by last name. If we want to tell someone that, it's our choice. We've never run into problems with people just outright asking us our last names, or people really getting concerned with them (other than getting in the door).

If you really want to go to this club, our suggestion is this.
Start Over. Basically send them an email that says something like the following:
We apologize for any problems our last few emails might have cause, but we are new to this and very nervous.
Our names are........, and we have ....... interests.
We've read online reviews etc about your club, and we really think your club would be the best choice for us to get our feet (and perhaps other things) wet.

We are new to this, and we don't know quite how things work. If, for instance, you have people wearing name tags, we would prefer ours to be "such and such", as we are nervous about giving our last names out in general conversation. We know you have legal issues that do require us to disclose our last names, and we are certainly willing to do so where it is not for general knowldge.

Anyway, something like that might work and get those feelings sorted out.

BTW, most of the clubs we've gone to have a time where they stop allowing new members to appear, and well, the amount of clothes people wear after that tends to be very little. We can just imagine Dave running around a club naked with a name tag stuck to his privates that says "Hi, my name is Dave".......

[Newbies46514]

O.k. a lot of you have posted and I really, really appreciate it!!!! The thing is as far as we are concerned...Laura-Kay and Andy are our real names. <g> It's what everyone calls us, from our mothers to our friends to our co-workers. <g> So as far as we were concerned we were giving them our real names. lol

Now, I just scanned the posts so I'm gonna go back and read the rest throughly...so there may be edits here. <g>

Thanks everone!!!

Larua-Kay

Start Over. Basically send them an email that says something like the following:
We apologize for any problems our last few emails might have cause, but we are new to this and very nervous.
Our names are........, and we have ....... interests.
We've read online reviews etc about your club, and we really think your club would be the best choice for us to get our feet (and perhaps other things) wet.

Already did that, did that in the second e-mail that I sent them last night explaining why we prefer these names as opposed to Laura and Andrew...got a very positive response back basically explaining all the legal issues all of you have covered and apologizing for 'ruffling our feathers'. I wrote back thanking them for their understanding and patience and apologizing if I let my temper get the best of me. (kids all over me yesterday, overbearing father who still thinks I'm 15 and he can tell me what to do and a flat tire after getting out of the grocery store last night with full cart of groceries and two kids in tow did not do anything for improving my mood last night...lol)

Anyway, all is good for now...we'll see what it's like at the door. <g> Thanks to everyone who weighed in on this!! It's nice to know their are people out there with like minds!

-Laura-Kay

[kandj]

I sure wish I had seen this post earlier, I could have cleared things up for you right away. We are members of Club Utopia, so we know you'll have a great time once you get there. Just remember to not rely on others approching you... don't be afraid to walk up and talk to someone. I have yet to meet an unfriendly person there! The owners are great people, as well as all the other staff. I remember being nervous about giving out our personal information when we first joined, but it's all water under the bridge now. To be honest after all the people we have met there, we still do not know the last names of any of them! If you have any more questions or concerns just give us a shout and we'll help ya if we can!
Kev and Jo

[buchu70]

Originally Posted by fun_pairTX

Any club is going to demand to see a drivers license before they allow you access. I have never seen a club that used peoples last names for any purpose other than their record of your admission. This is only to cover their legal liability.

Ditto... Also, why not use your full names on the form? You could end up running into someone you know at the club anyways.

[JustAskJulie]

Basically the names you gave are YOUR REAL NAMES, no different than me saying well my real name is Julia but I go by Julie, so it really shouldn't be an issue. I think it's just a case of a misunderstanding. If they have a phone number listed for their club I would suggest giving them a call and discussing it with the hosts via phone rather than email tag as it can be much harder to read what people mean when you can't hear the intonations in their voice and you can waste a lot of time going back and forth via email over a simple misunderstanding that could be cleared up in minutes by phone.