question about swing clubs

[TxCoupleUs]

I guess this is sort of a continuation of our intro thread that my husband started That was the first time we had ever been to a swing club. We've actaully talked about it, fantasies, etc. for a couple of years. We were in Orlando a couple of weeks ago and went to this particular club we had seen on the net. This may sound silly, but I was so nervous to go in! I guess in some ways it was scarier (what a goofy word- I sound like a 5 yr old) than I had imagined, and not as intimidating in others. First off, it looked nothing like the website, but that's our fault for walking into a place without word of mouth or whatever. There was a regular bar area, and then another room with a dance floor. As soon as we walk into the dance area, there is a girl going down on another girl standing up. This was supossed to be an off- premise club. Now I'm not a prude by any means, but being nervous and not knowing what to expect, this threw be a little !!! My husband mentioned not being approached, and that was a good thing- I would have froze and looked like an idiot ! There was a couple we were interested in, but it's so new to us, and we're not ready to make that move yet. It was exciting just being there, and a definate turn on, but I guess we were looking for something a little more upscale. Anyway, any advice on where we should go from here? Thanks for listening to my rambling

[frenzb4sex]

TxCouple-

Please please PLEASE don't apologize or feel that you were in the wrong about anything. For one, it's an exhilirating and nerve-racking doing anything new (especially when it's naughty)--that's completely natural.

I guess my question is--what do you men by any advice on where to go from here? Are you asking about going back to a club, swinging as a whole, how you perceived the situation, what?

I think that overall, chalk this up to a learning experience. It appears that you went in with expectations of how the place would look/be, and it failed. Then you expected an off-premise club, and it wasn't. And then, you were thinking of making that first approach, and it didn't happen---probably from expectations of either getting rejected or them actually saying yes and then the assumption that "game on! Let's get naked!".

See a common theme here? I always love the cliche, if you expect something, you will always, always fail. Why? Because no matter what, it will be different than what you have set up in your mind. That leads to insecurity, apprehension, and fear--which seems to be exactly what you experienced.

What did your husband have to say about it? Was he turned on by just being there? Was he just as fearful as you were, with the "deer in the headlights" look? Start there to get a good feel as to how you want to proceed-with everything.

Perhaps you jumped the gun of your comfort levels-perhaps going to a club was a little premature. Would meeting couples 1:1 be better for you to start? Those are some of the things you have to decide on. It took Lora and I a long time before we set foot in a club, and it was so worth the wait.

The number one thing to remember is to have fun. If you are not having fun, then you need to restake those boundaries until you feel that comfort zone and fun is right where it needs to be. Swingers are constantly restaking, so don't think that you have to be stagnant or hold your ground forever--this isn't a career decision. Just relax, go with the flow, have a great time, and things will play out (literally).

Take care, and thanks for sharing your experience!!!

Tim

[TNT]

Every club you attend will be different. If going to clubs is what you want the best thing to do is visit a number of them until you find the one you feel most comfortable in.

As far as seeing one woman going down on another woman well, you will see this at some off-premise clubs. People tend to push the limits of what is allowed and what is not allowed no matter where they go.

As for not being approached while there...something I tell every "newbie" we meet at the club we go to is that it takes people time to get to know you. Not necessarily know you in having talked to you, but just knowing your faces when you walk into a place. For the regulars at a club when you see someone new walk in your never sure if they are there just to check things out or if they're there because they are serious about the swinging lifestyle. It's true this can be found out by talking to the "newbies", but most regulars just don't want to waste their time on someone new and will wait until they have seen you there a few times before approaching you.

You are lucky that you live in Texas (not sure what part) and there are numerous clubs out there. Check out the <a href="http://www.swingersboard.com/clubs">club listings</a> here on this site. One way to get to know people before you go to a club is that most clubs that have a web site also have a chat room associated with it. Start spending time in the chat room before you go, get to know the people through chat that also attend and once you make your visit to the club you already kind of know people there.

Always remember it is about you two and have fun.

Good Luck !
Teresa

[lisabbiny]

I felt the same way the first time I went to a swing club all by my self! at least you had your hubby to protect you. I was overwelmed with people trying to hook up.
Lisa

[TxCoupleUs]

We have talked about just going to a regular club and doing alot of flirting with another couple. We really enjoy being in a sexually charged enviroment. My wife is more timid that I am. I'm pretty sure I'm ready to see it all! However, we are taking it slow. I've told her that I would love to see her play around with another guy but she's a little shy about it. Thats why we wanted to go to a swing club. I thought we might at least be approached by someone. I guess we will just try a couple of other clubs until we feel comfortable with one. My wife feels relieved that no one approached us, but would have enjoyed it if we were. Afterall, thats why we went in the first place. Does anyone recommend an on-premise club. She says she may want to go, but not if we have to hook up with anyone. We would like to just sit and watch. Any advice???

[fun_pairTX]

No one understands the word no, than swingers that are habitues of ON Premise clubs. Just because someone approaches you or even propositions you, it doesn't mean that you have to drop your drawers and hit the floor. Take things at your own speed, but don't shut yourselves out of clubs.

PS Flirting and overacting in a vanilla club still doesn't hold a candle to a swing club.............

I'm not sure where abouts in Texas you are but the Velvet Curtain in Dallas is a real nice club.

It was our first club and it was very clean. It was an off premise party but it was a mardi gra party so there was a lot of tits out of there bras trying to earn beads but that was about it.

But if you went upstairs it got a little wilder. Not straight out sex but close. But when you first get there they give you a tour and when they take you upstairs they drop a little warning. So if that is too much then you just dont go upstairs.

We ended up upstairs by the time the night was over!!

But overall the atmosphere was great. It was like a regular night club but everyone inside was extremely sexualy charged!!

[De and Ci]

From our experience, the incident you described tends to happen later in the night when the patrons have had a fair amount to drink and have loosened up. At the club we go to, when that happens on the dance floor the mgmt. will politely remind them that they can't do that.

Just keep going to the club and enjoy the atmosphere-if another couple approaches you, just talk to them, be friendly, let them know your a newbie, so on. If they invite you to their house or something-just tell them your tired and just going to go home-they'll understand.
Before long, you'll figure it out and will be having lots of fun-regardless of whether you decide to swing or not

What part of Tx do you live in?

[TxCoupleUs]

Thanks for the great advice. We live in S.E. Texas...Houston area.

[newtoswingingfl]

I have to ask-- if you don't mind sharing, which club in Orlando did you visit? My wife and I visited Club Tastebuds for the first time last weekend. We were pleasantly surprised and had a great time. This was not only our first swinger club experience, but really our first SWINGER experience since deciding to give the lifestyle a study.

[TxCoupleUs]

Club Tastebuds was the club we went to in Orlando.