Going to a club with another couple, without my husband

[WhosBtchAmI]

ok so obviosly I'm nerviouse about my * first * time in a club . . I DEFINETLY don't wanna be alone ( being with hubby counts as alone he's never been before either so even alone as a couple) So I meet a couple last sat. for the first time. We realy seemed to hit it off. . . and their memebers of this club and they told me I should join . .so I did. no the ? is . .hubby said he was ok with me going to a club without him as long as I'm with someone we knew. Not that I don't wanna trust these ppl but they are thinking about going to a party a week from this sat. and want me to come. ( hubby won't be able to make it he has to work) So how do I know for sure that they won't go off with all their friends that they know there and leave me to figgure things out for myself. Considering I JUST met them I don't realt know how much I can trust the situation . . but I REALY wanna go. . . . I just need to make sure I'm not gonna get dumped on Any ideas???

getting together with them to get to know them better is not gonna be as easy as i would hope . .around their work scedual and hubbys work scedual and finding a sitter for the kids. I just don't wanna sit here and think that it's a waist of time I'm sick of sitting here day in and day out i wanna go out and have some fun before i go nuts head bang

[JustAskJulie]

I would say that as long as you are pretty new you and especially since you don't know this couple very well you are better off to wait until you can return to a club with your hubby. There is really no need to rush. There will be other club nights and other parties when your hubby can attend with you and you can both enjoy yourselves together.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Dito

I agree with Julie, there will be plenty of opportunities for you and your hubby to go and enjoy the experience together.
In the mean time work on building a friendship with them and see what happens.

Mr Spoomonkey and I always go to the club together. Even with our "home" club I wouldn't go if Mr Spoo couldn't or vice versa. We have a lot of friends there so it isn't so much a safety issue we just don't "play" separate . . . it is too much fun to enjoy the experience as a couple.







Mrs Spoomonkey

[WhosBtchAmI]

it's not realy the "without hubby thing" chances of us getting chance to go together ANYTIME in the near future are slim. with his work scedual and finding someone to watch both kids. We do play seporatly so thats not the problem . . I think it's just more the nervouse idea of first time going to a club by myself or with someone . . i've hear stories . . but sometimes u realy can't help but ask urself is that REALY what happens. . . or am I gonne go and just sit on the sidelines and watch the hole evening cause no one will be intrested in me . . I dunno soapbox

How far is this club from your house?

Do you have people that know you swing that will be by the phone that night in case you need to be picked up??

[Mich149]

Originally posted by WhosBtchAmI
So how do I know for sure that they won't go off with all their friends that they know there and leave me to figgure things out for myself....

....I'm sick of sitting here day in and day out i wanna go out and have some fun before i go nuts head bang

Two things-

1) You said it yourself, you just met these people. You don't know them, they don't know you. I personally would never put myself in a stranger's hands like that. As far as knowing for "sure" that they won't leave you there to figure things out for yourself? Quite frankly, you don't can't and won't. That's why trust is so important.

2) Make sure you're not rushing off to do this just because you're bored and want to get out. If that's your only reason, then this is NOT a decision you should base on that desire. I can't not stress how much you should NOT rush into this. If you're bored and want to go out for a semi-sexual rush, find a club and just dance with a stranger (or five - lol). Lots of fun, little risk.

[OhioCouple]

Ditto to Mich149. Too many things can happen at a club that you most likely will NOT be prepared for and know how to handle in a way that won't make you or your husband regret it tomorrow. I personally think you are playing with fire here. You don't know the other couple and you won't have the comfort of having your husband there to insure your well-being. As Julie said, you are better off to wait until both you and your husband can attend a club together. If that takes a year or more because of scheduling conflicts, so be it. Better safe and comfortable than sorry.

[WhosBtchAmI]

ok so yeah bordom is DEFFIANTLY the big picture here. . . I love my kids to death and their not much for conversation. I don't realy have much in the way of frineds around here . . at least not *privilage* friends. . . hubbys been in a bad mood lately . . .and I'm always horney lol. I just REALY need some social interaction . . .and when it comes right down to it . . I don't think I'd feel any more comforatable in a dance club or even a bar by myself then i would in a swing club. It's just that hole trying to be carful not to hook up with the wrong person (people) but at the same time part of me just doesn't care anymore . . . I think I've just kinda gotten to the point that im so starved for affection from ANYONE that I might do something stupid just to get a quick thrill. I CANNOT stay couped up in this house every day anymore . . I'm bored, i'm lonely, im horny ( toys aren't cutting it) I just need someone to hold me in their arms and tell me evrythings gonna be ok, that if i ever need a friend they'll be there as soon as i call um, that if i need a sholder rub they'll be there . . . if I need 5 hours of none stop passionate sex ( ) they'll be there. . . ok so maybe now at this point this post is kinda leading away from the clubs topic but yeah . . I dunno . . . I love my husband to dealth but somedays I just realy need more. As I've said before and I'll say it again . . . Too much is NEVER enough.

It sounds like your husband needs to read your last post.

Have you communicted that to him the way you have here?

I know sometimes it is easier to talk here than it is face to face but this sounds like something your hubby really needs to hear.

Maybe you already have, I dont know.

[WhosBtchAmI]

I have told him how bored i've been . .and how lonely it gets around here . . .all he says is that there's not much he can do about it he has to work ( someones gotta pay the bills) and after work hes always tired. I dunno . . . Im just SICK of being bored

What if you planned a get away weekend for the two of you?? After you already planned it how hard would it be for him to take time off if he HAD to.

Mrs naughty got into kind of a rut in her mid 20s with the kids and all. She was a stay at home mom and just felt like she needed to get out.


One day out of the blue she told me she wanted to go out somewhere that was loud and abnoxious. I asked some of the single guys at work where to go and they took us out.

Up until that point we really did not get out much at all. Actualy I can count on one hand how many times we went out .


She has been a little party girl ever since.


You said you told him this :

I have told him how bored i've been . .and how lonely it gets around here .

Which I can gaurantee you that is all he heard. Us males have a hard time reading into something our wives are trying to tell us. Reading between the lines is not one of our strong points.

I would try putting it like you did here:

I think I've just kinda gotten to the point that im so starved for affection from ANYONE that I might do something stupid just to get a quick thrill. I CANNOT stay couped up in this house every day anymore . . I'm bored, i'm lonely, im horny ( toys aren't cutting it) I just need someone to hold me in their arms and tell me evrythings gonna be ok

You have to spell it out for us sometimes. We are kind of slow.head bang

BTW:,

If you do spell it out for him make sure you do it in a non threatening way. Our egos are easily bruised.

[hmr]

Dito Mr naughty!

[WhosBtchAmI]

trying to get away for a while sounds like a great idea in theory . . . problem number one : finding someone to watch the children ( I have a 3 1/2 yr old whos special needs and a 4 month old) Because of my son being special needs I can't just trust any babysitter with him . . . usualy the only ppl that watch him are either my or hubbys mom. Problem number two : money we're trying to save money to move in 2 months bills are getting kinda tight my car broke down last weekend ( $360 set back) and some MORON pulled a hit and run on hubbys car last night out in our appt parking lot.

Just seems some days he's more worried about his car then about my feelings . . . . (REALY starting to think maybe this post belongs in another section not realy so much about the clubs thing now if someone wants to move it thats fine )

It's not that i'm unhappy in my marrage, or that my feeling for him have changed, I love him very dearly, I guess maybe this could be part of a set back of being Polyamory ( just in case anyones not sure what that is here's some good info http://www.xeromag.com/fvpoly.html ) I just feel like somethings missing, even with being swingers . . I still feel an emptyness . . . that longing for friends / relationships with others . . . I just don't like to be alone . .and thats how I've been feeling lately.

[Spoomonkey]

I don't want this to sound anything but supportive of you... You are in a situation that would really make anyone want to escape! But what I am reading isn't about a need for swinging... So - the club idea with the strange couple needs to be tabled for a while.

It honestly sounds like you are in a state of crisis that isn't going to be solved on a message board - no matter how much we love and care for each other around here. You are obviously at the end of your rope - and the temptation is to just let go and drop and see what happens. The better thing is - as hard as it will be - is to start climbing a little bit...

Mr&Mrs-naughty - as they often do - have given you some excellent advice. Before you step out and play - talk to your husband. Swinging - or polyamory really isn't anything without having the first "amory" in the right place. I don't think anyone, in good conscience, could encourage you to go a club in the state your marriage is in. It just isn't the right thing for you and your family at this time.

I know things are tough - I can read it in your posts - you are desperate and really wanting to know that things will be okay. All I can tell you is they won't be simply by getting a little intermarital play time. That isn't the answer you need - nor is it the answer you are really looking for. You are in an emotional crisis right now. The weight on your shoulders is obviously heavy. My heart goes out to you - but making a mistake in the lifestyle (something you and your husband share) is only going things worse.

Spoomonkey

[JustAskJulie]

Spoo said it best. Swinging should NEVER be something to fill in what you feel is missing. It should be something you do to add to an already great relationship where NOTHING is missing.

You really need to work on your relationship with your hubby before you go off and swing, especially alone. At this point becuase of how unhappy you are at home what is very likely to happen is that you will go out and have a great time with someoen else and then what? It just reminds you of how unhappy you are at home and it becomes a downward spiral.

Work on your happiness at home before you start trying to seek it outside the home.