Got to the club but couldn't go in

[GirlieZ]

Ok...here is how the story goes:


My husband and I went out with this great couple. My husband and the other guy have been friends for years. During dinner we chatted it up and tried to decide after dinner plans. My husband (who is very outgoing) brought up going to a club. The other couple was all for it. I, not wanting to be the odd person out, said "Yeah, sure~~lets go". I thought that I would be able to do it and have a good time. So...we drive to this club. I talk to my husband the whole way, explaining my uncertainty. He encourages me and tries to ease my mind. We pull into the parking lot and I tell him that I just can't go in....I didn't feel right about it. I wanted to go....I really wanted to go....just when it came down to it...I couldn't go. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I felt like I ruined everyone's night.:slam"

Has anyone had a similar experience and finally went to a club and loved it? What are the clubs like? HELP!!

[BradAndJanet]

GirlieZ, there's nothing 'wrong' with you. I think you felt pressured by the spur of the moment decision and you needed more time to get comfortable with the idea. It's understandable to get 'cold feet' when suddenly faced with the unknown. Happens all the time with us humans!

We've been to exactly one club (off-premise), so I'm hardly an expert in the subject. We did enjoy ourselves very much, and yes, we were pretty nervous at first. I'm sure some others can relate their experiences and if you do a search, you should find several threads on the subject.

Like any other nightclub or bar, there are probably wide variations in swingers clubs. However, most of the stories I've heard are good ones and it seems that the boundaries of newcomers are generally respected.

-B

[Spoomonkey]

We had something "kinda, sorta, roughly" similar happen not too long ago. We were at our usual club and there were some couples there that we have played with and enjoy. However, there was another couple there that we really didn't know, though they were close with the others...

As the night unfolded, it eventually was conspired that we would all go to the largest room in the club and pile up... fun, fun fun! Except that that wasn't quite how things worked out...

One of the couples we knew well bowed out because the numbers were just too much for them. And I assumed that Mrs Spoomonkey would want to back out as well (for different reasons - I thought she was looking for something else) she said "okay."

Unfortunately, Mrs Spoomonkey didn't quite understand the whole picture. She went to the restroom to "scope-up" (a must do for those of us who play in clubs!) and I stayed upstairs and chatted with the other couple... But then the couple we didn't know showed up. I knew that was going to happen - and thought that Mrs Spoo did too - but when she came back to the room and saw everyone in various stages of disrobe (I was still clothed because I wanted to wait for her) she froze like a car without oil...

She didn't know the couple, wasn't really attracted to the couple and wasn't expecting them to be there... So - as gracefully as we could - we bowed out... It was awkward and we decided to call it a night...

Mrs Spoomonkey felt exactly the way you did. She felt like she ruined my fun and probably hurt/insulted a couple that we like quite a bit...

But the truth is - you sometimes have to make big decisions in a very quick time. And if you don't keep and use your right to say "no" you will be in some miserable situations within this lifestyle. You did the right thing... No - maybe it wasn't at the perfect time - but being able to say "no" now, in hopes of maybe being able to say "yes" later, can really save you and your husband from some misery down the road. Saying "no" is your right - always remember that

As for clubs - we were reluctant at first, but enjoy them now. Mrs Spoomonkey told me (she is busy doing useful stuff) that for her a club is no different than any bar - except for the occassional nudity... I'm not sure I agree, but it is sooo much easier to play at clubs than on-line (IMHO). Then again, we played with couples before trying the club - and maybe that eased us into it...

It sounds like you just need more time to talk things out and get comfortable with the idea...

Oh - Mrs Spoomonkey is also telling me (I sound kinda schizo don't I? ) that at any club, nothing is expected. You can go a few times just to watch people. No one is going to pressure you. As long as you and husband are on the same page, you can go at your pace and let things happen as you are comfortable with them.

Spoomonkey

I was also VERY nervous going to our first club. If we didnt drive 150 miles and spend $80 on a motel room I probably would have chickened out at the door.

We had talked about trying the swing thing and we even had a few by chance encounters. I brought up the idea of going to a swingers club and she took it from there. I dint even know we were going to a club when I got a call at home confirming our RSVP.


When we got inside I almost felt like I was going to toss my cookies. But I had a few drinks and the people at the club REALLY went out of their way to make us feel at home.

I geuss the best way I can put it is like this:

It is actualy scarier(SP?) standing outside the door of the club than it is to be inside of it.

[GirlieZ]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey


But the truth is - you sometimes have to make big decisions in a very quick time. And if you don't keep and use your right to say "no" you will be in some miserable situations within this lifestyle. You did the right thing... No - maybe it wasn't at the perfect time - but being able to say "no" now, in hopes of maybe being able to say "yes" later, can really save you and your husband from some misery down the road. Saying "no" is your right - always remember that

As for clubs - we were reluctant at first, but enjoy them now. Mrs Spoomonkey told me (she is busy doing useful stuff) that for her a club is no different than any bar - except for the occassional nudity... I'm not sure I agree, but it is sooo much easier to play at clubs than on-line (IMHO). Then again, we played with couples before trying the club - and maybe that eased us into it...

It sounds like you just need more time to talk things out and get comfortable with the idea...

Spoomonkey

My husband said that he could tell that I was getting more and more upset the closer we got to the club. He said that he could hear me breathing faster and faster and knew that I was in turmoil. I told him that I felt like my heart was going to beat its way out of my chest. He was alright with it...and said that he is allowing me to "pave the way" .

We've made plans to go check out a club on our own....on a night when it won't be so busy. In the mean time we will keep talkin!

[sexyRus_inMass]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
I It is actualy scarier(SP?) standing outside the door of the club than it is to be inside of it.

I agree. I was so nervous our first time at a club but now I see I had nothing to worry about. I "overthunk" it and reality turned out to be nothing like the images I had conjured up in my mind.

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by GirlieZ

Has anyone had a similar experience and finally went to a club and loved it? What are the clubs like? HELP!!

I don't know if you'll find my first time experiences helpful at all but I'm more than happy to share.

I've had plenty of fright in my day...even going into a strip club for the first time I think we passed by the place around six times and left the front door twice. <blushing> I felt terrible about being such a pain in the butt but was relieved to have a partner so considerate of my feelings. When we did finally go, it was almost as instantaneous as your decision not to!
It turned out allright after all. Bought ten laps much to Mike's annoyance.

The swing club wasn't as scary, but the thought of it sure was.
We went with another couple the very first time to an on-premise party in Texas and they pretty much held our hands for the most part. We didn't have sex with anyone just mingled and met people and conversed with them. I was really afraid of porn star type women "taking away my man"..

Oh! The monsters I created in my head! This was so not the case. People looked like normal folks to my surprise! Lucky for us the hostess was very accomodating to newbies and this club wasn't as "clique-y" as many are. We really felt no pressure to go down the hall to the bedrooms although people all around us were. So I can honestly tell you it was a little like going to a party any of your friends might throw where a couple might go to a bedroom upstairs for a "quickie". The only thing that reminded us that we were at a "swingers" party was the number of women running around in lingerie after 11 and more men in robes than not. That took a little getting used to, but there were a few couples who remained "dressed"
for the most part. I cannot say we loved it the first time around but we did enjoy the experience the second time already knowing just what to expect. By our fourth visit it felt more like a gathering amongst friends with new couples to meet.

We've visited many clubs on our travels and they have run the gamut from "hotel bar scenes" replete with access to hotel rooms upstairs, to house parties to true "pleasure palaces."

The club we have grown to love has been our own.

;-*

Slutty Wife

[Mich149]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
I was also VERY nervous going to our first club. If we didnt drive 150 miles and spend $80 on a motel room I probably would have chickened out at the door.

Our first went pretty much the same way. We thought it would be a great intro to things and since we were going with a group of people from here, we thought we'd be mroe comfortable. Well, we went in, and I still don't know if it was the music, the people or whatever, but we were just never able to loosen and ended up not going to another club for almost a year because we just didn't enjoy it.

Then pretty much the same group of people form here on the board met at another club and everything just "popped" for us. We now really enjoy our club nights there and even started going to a second club occassionally.

Mich,

I love happy endings!!

[JustAskJulie]

The same thing happened to me.. before we ever even attempted going to a club actually. The club we were interested in was a private group and we had been talking to the hosts about trying to meet them or another couple from the club to act as our "sponsors" to the club. An opportunity came up where many of the couples were meeting out one night to shoot pool and they invited us to join them there. We made it to the bar parking lot and I did the same thing. I just couldn't go in. I freaked out and we went home. We did later finally meet another couple from that club for dinner and they did become our sponsors and when we went to the club we enjoyed ourselves greatly.

Since I've been single I've actually repeated the same thing with a club I had been to once. I'm still not sure how I convinced myself to go to the club alone the first time I went. But when I tried to go a second time I made the 45 minute drive to the club only to get there and chicken out.

Sometimes things just don't feel right for whatever reason, and if that's the case you shouldn't follow through (at least that's my opinion).

[bear_n_bunny]

Julie is right. First, last and always, follow your instincts. If something doesn't feel right, then walk away, and don't worry about upsetting anyone. If they really care about you, they will understand, especially when you are first starting out.

It takes time to get used to the idea of swinging, and there's nothing wrong with ramping up slowly until you get used to the environment. Remember, you don't HAVE to do anything if you don't want to.

-- Bear

Instincts can be driven by fear of the unknown. A lot of times taking chances is all about going against your instincts.


If I always follwed my instincts I wouldnt have had nearly the fun I have had in life so far. I am not saying to never listen to them but think about why you are having them before deciding wether to leap or not.

You only live once.

[MrYaWanna]

Some time ago YaWanna and I got invited to an on-premise club here, a rare thing! So we thought Hell Ya!! Gotta go there!!

Well! We walk into the place and it was set up with washrooms in the centre, bar on one side and orgy room on the other. So we stroll in, get the layout of the place and have a drink. Then we decide to check out the other side! In we go to the orgy room and we both stopped dead (I'm sure our mouths were wide open and our eyes popped out). We stood still for a few moments, looked around. Then we looked at each other and knew we were both thinking the same thing - Let's get out of here! lol What a surprise to us, we never expected that reaction.

We had one more drink and bolted from the place, never been back and it's closed now.

I think anytime you try something new there's a mix of excitment and fear. If you over think it beforehand that could doom your experience or as we found out, if you don't think about it you may get a surprise!

Now we know if it's something new, have no expectations. Go, check it out and leave. That way we can talk about it later and see what we liked or didn't like.

Have fun!!

[xlr8tr&A]

It seems everyone here has it happen on the way or at the door, we have both chickened out just making on line reservations for a hotel in the same city...........................But we gonna do it soon, I can feel it! X&A

[De and Ci]

GirlieZ,

I can't judge you, but I if my wife had done the same thing, I would have been pissed. I'm assuming it was a typical couples club open to the public as opposed to a private houseparty/orgy.
When we first went to a couple's club, we were a little uneasy but common sense told us if we didn't like it, we could just leave. Trust me, I'd bet a million bucks that once you step through the door you'll be wondering why you were thinking such nutty thoughts. The most you'll likely see is a little topless dancing and some kissypoos, other than that, just people sitting at tables or the bar drinking and socializing.

You should apologize to your hubby for freaking out and offer to go again. If you start acting freaky on the way there, just get a grip on reality, tell yourself your a normal person and that if you don't like the place, you can leave. Trust me you Will NOT BE ATTACKED! It's not like your going bungee jumping!

For some reason, this reminds me of teaching my wife how to ride a motorcycle, I get her a Honda XR100, explain over and over the throttle, brakes and clutch. She knows how to drive a standard auto. Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.