Got to the club but couldn't go in

[Spoomonkey]

I... ummm... Respectfully disagree with this post...

Did your wife apologize for making her mistake on the motorcycle? God knows she sould have... Right?

Spoomonkey

[Mich149]

flamethrow Okay - this is the first time I'm posting because someone made me mad, and I know that's never a good idea, but this is just heinous.

Mr. Man, it is GirlieZ's perfectly normal right to decide to change her mind if the situation bothered her. She doesn't have to apologize for her feelings or not wanting to be rushed into something. She has the right to move into swing clubs and/or the lifestyle at whatever speed she wants. She should NOT have to feel like she has to go in to appease someone else. This is HER choice and HER thoughts and she is absolutely not "wacky" for having them.

Maybe she will decide to go to a club and maybe she will look back one day and feel she had nothing to fear, but right then it didn't feel right and THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!

[GirlieZ]

First things first....I'm glad that you are not my husband.

I'm not going to deny that I felt horrible about allowing my husband and our friends to drive to the club. That is where my apologies end. My husband was very understanding, caring, nurturing and loving~~AND DISAPPOINTED~~but what makes him so outstanding is the fact that he was more concerned about my comfort level than his libido. He kissed me on the cheek and told me not to worry about it. He knows that it will happen in its own time.

[shyanne3296]

Your spur of the moment decision only works some of the time. As I have found out in my past experiences with women is this: Except for "love at first sight", everything takes time. If your man had just planted a seed of thought in your mind believe me that seed would have become a full blown tree with just a little time.
Chill out, relax, have a drink if need be, If he builds it, you will cum and cum.




Shyanne3296
Formerly and still the owners of the Shyanne Social Club in Houston.

[DandS]

Wow, my husband taught me how to ride a motorcycle 10 years ago and I'm sure I made plenty of mistakes..... but he was very patient and encouraging and 10 years later we own a pair of bmw touring bikes and travel all over during the summer. Thank goodness he was patient with me or or we would not be riding together today.

Same can be said for going to a swing club for the first time....I was terrified and fortunately he was very patient during the long period of time it took me to become comfortable with the lifestyle. If he hadn't been we would not be doing this together today.

GirlieZ do what feels comfortable for you....as it feels comfortable for you and don't let anyone else make you feel like your feelings are invalid. If you cant get into this together and both be happy it's not worth doing!

My 2 angry cents!
Mrs DandS

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by De and Ci
...Sure enough, she clutches the handgrips, inadvertently cracking the throttle open, releases the clutch and freezes, luckily the ground was wet, able to knock her off the bike before she crashed into the side of the house, left a big mark in the yard. Ughhhhh! Well she eventually learned how to ride.

I do hope you meant to express this in a better way than it is presented. Based on your analagoy, I feel fortunate to not be your life partner and being 'taught' to ride until I eventually got it. I'm just not the crash and burn type.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

As Mr Spoo expressed earlier about our similar experience, if she can't say "no" to going to the club how will she ever feel comfortable or safe once there to say "no" about participating in certain activities?

The lifestyle is all about giving your spouse/partner the freedom to say "no" even if it means you don't get to do something that you want to do. The Mr. and I have found that ususally when we say "no" then the next time we are eager to jump into that very same thing. Sure it sometimes makes for a disappointing night, and opens lots of conversation over dinner out and a few beers, but it is worth it when we come out on the other side of a "no, not this time", stronger, happier and ready to 'play' again.

That's my two cents for what it's worth. I just know that we wouldn't be where we are in the lifestyle if we didn't always put each others feelings first instead of our own wants.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[De and Ci]

Jeez! What a response.

GirlieZ, It has nothing to do at all with libido. It's the utterly irrational fear. If someone has moral issues with swing clubs excuse me-couple's clubs, I can understand-if you told your hubby "screw you-I'm not going you pervert" thats understandable. But to say you want to go, then start freaking out in the car-that would make me mad-maybe I'm wrong-but what's the worst that can happen??? Some slobbering swinger dude foaming at the mouth who says "Ahhh fresh meat just walked in-lets get her", then tell your hubby you want to get the hell out of there-I'm sure he'd comply. I'd bet at least half the patrons don't swing at all-they are there just for the sexy atmosphere. Come on, please go and tell us all about your experience-I'm sure it will be anti-climactic.

Regarding me espousa and the dirt bike, she wasn't wearing a helmet-my mistake but she said she didnt need it-was suppose to be to get feel of bike. If she crashed she could have busted her head open-the whole thing scared the shit out of me-wasn't funny at all. Yes, I got mad at her later (helmet issue)-but put her in open field next time and she caught on. She always (and I) wears a helmet now.

Yes, I sometimes have fears of stupid shit too, But I tell myself to get a grip and think logically. It's just a pet peeve of mine when someone says they are going to do something then starts going apeshit and "no I can't-oohh I'm scared". Bungee jumping, skydiving, clearing a double on mx track-that's one thing. But couples club, strip club, bridge club--come on!!

[yawanna]

and if she didn't know how to swim..would you throw her off the dock?

[fun_pairTX]

Don't ever attempt to teach your wife skydiving.

[GirlieZ]

Originally posted by De and Ci
[b]Jeez! What a response.

. But to say you want to go, then start freaking out in the car-that would make me mad-maybe I'm wrong-but what's the worst that can happen??? Some slobbering swinger dude foaming at the mouth who says "Ahhh fresh meat just walked in-lets get her", then tell your hubby you want to get the hell out of there-I'm sure he'd comply. I'd bet at least half the patrons don't swing at all-they are there just for the sexy atmosphere. Come on, please go and tell us all about your experience-I'm sure it will be anti-climactic.

Regarding me espousa and the dirt bike, she wasn't wearing a helmet-my mistake but she said she didnt need it-was suppose to be to get feel of bike. If she crashed she could have busted her head open-the whole thing scared the shit out of me-wasn't funny at all. Yes, I got mad at her later (helmet issue)-but put her in open field next time and she caught on. She always (and I) wears a helmet now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ha...funny thing about the helmet...she said that she didnt need it. Same thing goes about a condom? She wants to get the feel of a cock? Oh yeah...if she would get some STD you wouldn't think that was funny either. Would you be mad at her then?
( I guess I have to get one strange analogy in there)

Yeah...I see your point...but you are way off base. I am allowed to say NO at anytime....end of it...I didn't want anyone to analyze my fears and how irrational they are~~I wanted to know their experiences and how they came through. Seems I received more supportive responses than your post telling me how irrationally I behaved. My husband and I talked (MOST IMPORTANT) and AGREED that we should do things when they are right~~and for some reason it wasn't right then. I was thinking rationally and clearly~~and at that time I did what was right.


As for going and telling you all about it~~forget it. Your posts have been rather meanspirited. There are ways of giving your opinion without making someone feel "nutty","irrational","freaked-out" and "stupid".

[IndyGirl2004]

Girlie Z,

I can totally understand how uncomfortable you must have felt on the spur of the moment situation. We haven't gone to a club yet, or done anything, but you can be sure that we're talking about things. Summer's coming and I bet we visit a club sometime over the next few months. If either of us feel as if we are uncomfortable, at any point, we will stop the process. Then, if we want to try it again later, we will. Of course, one or the other of us might be disappointed, but what's more important is that we will be in the situation together.............afterall that's what it's about, right? It's not just about one person's wishes, but both and I agree with those who encourage you to take your time to decide when, and if, the time is right for you. The fact that your husband is so wonderful about things is great!

There's no reason to push anyone into any of this. If you are interested and comfortable enough to move forward, fine. If not, then that's fine, too.

A person who would push another into something that he or she is not ready for is very selfish at that moment. Obviously, you can see by most of the responses you got here, most people are not like that.

Fear is there for a reason. Yes, some fear is irrational and sometimes it is good to go against one's instincts and move forward, when the situation is important enough to warrant it. I doubt seriously that your situation was and the fact that your husband was encouraging to you afterward proves it.

Good luck to you in whatever decision(s) you make. It sounds like you and your husband have a very good relationship and know what to do to keep it that way whether you move forward in the lifestyle or not.

Hugs to you both

[Brit_Pair]

I'd agree with the sentiments of the majority of the posters above. You acted within your own comfort levels, something that you're entitled to do at all times. Your husband supported your decision not to go into the club, and has been fully understanding about your concerns. Little else matters, IMHO. Take your time, consider your desires and keep talking with your husband. Perhaps with a little more warning next time, you'll feel comfortable and confident about going inside.

[bear_n_bunny]

Originally posted by Mr&Mrs-naughty
Instincts can be driven by fear of the unknown. A lot of times taking chances is all about going against your instincts.


If I always follwed my instincts I wouldnt have had nearly the fun I have had in life so far. I am not saying to never listen to them but think about why you are having them before deciding wether to leap or not.

You only live once.

Bah. Every damn time I have bucked my instincts in a given situation, I lived to regret it. I don't explain it, I just report it.

GirlieZ, I repeat; trust your instincts. Sure, you only live once (now there's a blazing statement of the obvious if ever I heard one). But if something doesn't feel right, if you are not comfortable, for WHATEVER reason, back off and think things over. One of the biggest mistakes people make in this lifestyle is diving in, for reasons of "going along", or making your partner happy, or what-have-you, before they are ready, with the result that they often end up having a miserable experience.

Clearly your OM did not have a problem with you backing out at the last minute, and he would have been an insensitive dickweed if he had. So don't sweat it, hon.

Take your time and ease up to it. When you are ready, you will know it. The main thing to remember here is that this lifestyle is NOT that damned important. The fate of Western Civilization does not hang in the balance on whether or not you go into a given situation, including one you are not comfortable with just yet.

-- Bear

[bear_n_bunny]

Just to clarify things for those of you who have not been to a "club" yet;

Everything depends on what kind of club it is, under the heading of a "swingers club". There are two basic categories, "off-premise" and "on-premise".

"Off-premise" clubs are just what the name implies. These are clubs that, for all intents and purposes, are no different than any other club, with a bar, tables, dance floor, loud music, etc, that you have ever been to. The only difference is that these are clubs where swinging couples congregate. No sexual activity takes place at off-premise clubs, which is why they call them "off-premise"... Truth be told, there is often plenty of slap-and-tickle, usually of an oral nature, taking place in a dark corner or back room somewhere, but that's it. If you and whatever other couple(s) you are with want to play, you would go somewhere else.

"On-premise" clubs are also just what the name implies. These are clubs where sex does take place on-site, as it were. I don't know about other parts of the country, but in Texas these are private establishments, sometimes in residential homes, sometimes not, and they do not sell liquor (liquor licenses and sex do not mix in the great state of Texas.... A buffet perhaps, and certainly set-ups, are about it. There will be a room or rooms set aside for sex, with common areas for conversing, games, dancing or what-have-you. Getting into an on-premise club is much more involved than going to an off-premise club, where you can just walk in the door. On-premise clubs will generally have some kind of vetting process, where you are checked out to one degree or another in order to make sure you are not a member of the news media, law enforcement or just plain riff-raff (you are going to pay a lot of money to get into this place, and the operators generally try to make sure that everyone admitted does not fall too far into the lowlife category). Just as in any other swinging environment, you are under no compunction to do anything you don't want to.

Hope this answers some of your questions...

-- Bear