Single Males and swing clubs

[SluttyWife]

Swing club society more often than not rejects the single male.
I am wondering if there is a way we could include them?



Slutty Wife

[mrs good times]

The club we attend is couples only on Friday and single males permitted on Saturday. We have only been on Saturday once and didn't care for it. We were playing in the room and this guy walks in fully clothed with his drink and sits down to watch. We asked him to leave and he did but it's just not what we are into.

However I think its a fair approach on the clubs part because obviously some like that situation.

[VegasLee]

We only go to clubs that allow single men.

It works better for us since we are not the "couples only" type couple.

There is some good clubs that allow single men. All the parties we promote and events we do also allow single men.

[TNT]

The club we attend allows single men in but only a few and they have to stay at the bar unless approached by a couple to join them at their table.

We also co-host a social and we allow single men as most of the couples who attend enjoy their company. The only requirement is that they RSVP and bring a copy of their confirmation e-mail with them before they are allowed in. We allow 10 per social and would you believe that we usually only have about 2-3 show up (haven't figured that one out yet).

Because of them RSVPing and not showing we had to institute a new rule. They get one chance to show, if they don't show and don't contact the host prior letting us know they can't make it, then when the next one rolls around we deny their RSVP. We're hoping that this will stop those who are not serious about attending taking up a spot and allow those who are to attend.

Teresa

[jcbicouple]

We've only been to one club, and they do allow single males. We've found that most of them are very polite, and are a welcome part of the club. They aren't treated any differently than anyone else. (OK, they do get charged more to get in. ) The reason we don't visit other clubs is the bias against single males, especially bisexual single males. We wouldn't attend a club that had special rules for the single males. We've read the horror stories about the rude, pushy single guys at clubs. However, in our experience, they are the exeption, not the rule, and we don't think this should be held against everyone. After all, we've read nearly as many, if not more, horror stories about rude pushy couples. In our opinion, these people should be dealt with on an individual basis, whether they are a couple or a single. We understand that everyone (and every club) has different preferences. Many couples are looking only for couples and the elusive bi female. We enjoy the single guys, probably more than the couples or single women. Not sure we can answer your question about how we can include them, but we certainly support them! (well, the polite ones anyway. LOL)

[Spoomonkey]

Slutty Wife

The responses have been about clubs - but I took your question to mean here on the message boards. It is a good question, but I think we involve them here the way any club that is open to single men would... If you are respectable, not whiney or pushy, and generally show a little class, their posts are read and responded to. Eternally Single is a good example - as well as another guy I know here, who I won't name because I think he is listed as a couple and I don't want to tell tales out of school...

We personally enjoy single men. I am not sure why there is such a charge for me as the straight male to be a part of a MMF, but either way, that is a favorite next to couples. But, we have seen the ugly side of single men and are a little gun shy right now. I know that there are great guys out there, and we certainly hope to be more open and involved. I think it is just a matter of single men being decent and mature and understanding the lifestyle and the couples who are involved in it.

As for the message boards, I don't know... Not a lot of them involve themselves...

Spoomonkey

[austxmark]

I know the bias against single men both as part of a cpl and as a single male myself. We rarely swung with single males as a couple..no bias it was just easier to stay with couples but we did make an occasional exception. Now I am divorced and other than the couples we knew when I was married I get mostly shunned by the rest of the couples. Kinda funny to as I am a reasonable looking guy in pretty good shape and all. But i guess its the few bad ones that make it hard for the rest of us.
I think the willingness show by the posters on this thread is a bit more open that the couples in general.

[EternallySingle]

Clubs are a sore point for me. I've only been to three, as a single man, where I wasn't totally ignored for the $80.00 to $200.00 dollars I paid for admission, and one of those clubs was in Europe! On average, the rules you have to follow are so drastically different than the rules for single women and couples that I find it a waste of my time to even try to get in.

I was invited to one in Indiana BY THE OWNERS because I wrote on another board that the staff at many clubs go out of their way to make new single men uncomfortable. What happened? The doorman not only wouldn't let me in but he threatened to call the police when I tried to use my cell phone to call the owners. At another, the first time I went there without my date, a very drunk couple called security on me when I told them I wasn't interested and asked them to leave my table. After three other similar experiences I more or less shunned clubs. The problem? The chances of me, as a single man, meeting anyone to swing with are slim to none unless I go to a swing club.

But why would I go somewhere if I am ignored or treated badly because someone else EXPECTS ME to behave inappropriately? I wouldn't, and neither would most single men who have any experience swinging as part of a couple, as most of my experience has been. What does that leave club going couples and single women with in terms of single men?

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by Spoomonkey
Slutty Wife

The responses have been about clubs - but I took your question to mean here on the message boards. It is a good question, but I think we involve them here the way any club that is open to single men would... If you are respectable, not whiney or pushy, and generally show a little class, their posts are read and responded to. Eternally Single is a good example - as well as another guy I know here, who I won't name because I think he is listed as a couple and I don't want to tell tales out of school...

We personally enjoy single men. I am not sure why there is such a charge for me as the straight male to be a part of a MMF, but either way, that is a favorite next to couples. But, we have seen the ugly side of single men and are a little gun shy right now. I know that there are great guys out there, and we certainly hope to be more open and involved. I think it is just a matter of single men being decent and mature and understanding the lifestyle and the couples who are involved in it.

As for the message boards, I don't know... Not a lot of them involve themselves...

Spoomonkey

Well thought and well said..Spoomonkey!

I personally looove single males provided they are gentlemanly and as many of you say, "respectful". I too, get a charge being the center of that M/F/M... But in my experience have found the single males we've met kind, considerate and very careful to do whatever they could to ease the situation.

<scratching head> I'm not sure exactly why we've had such enormous luck with them (and thus have warm and fuzzy feelings for them more often than not) but I think we can chalk it up to the settings we stage our encounters at which are very upscale thus we meet some pretty extraordinary men.

The men we have successfully hooked up with take the time to get to know Mike..not just me for instance and refrain from making very overt moves in the presence of hubby, until we take it back to the bedroom..ahem..hotel where both men ply their attentions on luckly little me. I think that is key.

I see far more hesitation and uncertainty about what constitutes "doing the right thing" and "f@#$%ing up" on my lovers' parts than anything else. Poor souls.
Not male-male competition as one might expect.
They want to do this again and again if we give them the greenlight and luckily for me they travel and we travel otherwise I wouldn't have time for any of this online stuff.

I'm wondering now if the single males who lurk on SwingersBoard feel this hesitation on the boards and if this is what might keep them from participating. ??

My jaw is on the floor ES about your unfortunate situation
with a couple calling the police. My heart! That's so terrible!




;-*

Slutty Wife

[EternallySingle]

Originally posted by SluttyWife
Swing club society more often than not rejects the single male.
I am wondering if there is a way we could include them?



Slutty Wife

The only way to include single men in swing activities is to give them the same freedom of movement given to couples and single females. The only way that will happen is if the couples and single women who attend on a night single men attend are there because they wish to meet single men and the couples and single women not looking to meet single men don't attend, and that is not likely to happen at most swing clubs.

This is the reason many night clubs have theme nights. It is easier to weed out the single men that are undesirable if you are more concerned with finding someone you can connect with than if you are looking for who to avoid. As my uncle used to say, "If you expect to find trash, you will never find the treasure."

[Spoomonkey]

ES

If single men had the same freedom as couples and singles, then it may make them more easily involved. At our club, single men are pretty much free except for the "don't touch" rules... The common sense stuff that sadly needs to be put on a piece of paper; ie. don't walk into a room where people are playing unless you are invited; don't grab a boob just because it is in a state of free-swing; etc.

Men tend to be pretty decent - sure there are a few assholes, but there is enough of a couples atmosphere that Mrs Spoomonkey could hug nearly any married guy in the bar if she felt uncomfortable and I was off wandering.

At the other club - guys were just as free, but pretty much all assholes. We were surprised at how forward and downright vulgar they could be. Mrs Spoo felt unsafe, honestly, and we left early.

Unfortunately, you don't have good clubs AND good men together all of the time. The clubs you describe sound horrible, frankly. They probably feel like they have to over-police the single guys. Who knows what "bad experience" started that off. At the same time - there are those single guys who - if not overly-policed - would turn a party bad in the blink of an eye.

Maybe - and this is just a thought - clubs could offer a three visit membership for single guys, during which time they can check out the club, see how things happen, etc. And at the end of those three visits, the owner could sit down and evaluate them (based on couple comments, observation, etc) to decide whether or not they should continue - whether or not they belong in the club environment. Some of them, honestly, don't... And the good ones are great to know!

I doubt the clubs that allow single men would go too far to restrict them, since they make a shit load more money off of them than they do off of couples and females.

Spoomonkey

[EternallySingle]

...the number of jerks tend to fall off when they find they can't get anyone to pay attention to them or they are always thrown out for causing trouble. Once word gets around that the jerks are not welcome, the more well behaved boys start attending.

As far as the few clubs I've tried to attend here in the midwest (mostly in Chicago and Detroit), single men were allowed for one reason: To pay the rent. At one particular club, I was invited because my ex-girlfriend told them our breakup was only due to her moving, not anything I did so I should be allowed to keep our membership. My first night was boring. Everyone apologized for BW moving and how bad I must feel, but when I attempted to just chat and join their conversations, I was ignored. Some of the couples actually asked me to leave the club or "go try and pick up one of the single women". The single women acted like I wasn't man enough because a woman they thought was my "ticket" left me for a job in California. The second night I got in free because I agreed to help the DJ. A couple got drunk and...well, I've told that story at least three times on here.

The point is, if the couples who believe single men are intruding on the lifestyle outnumber the couples who believe single men have a place at the clubs, the only single men who will frequent the club are the one or two that have friends there and the dozen or so just trying to find an easy lay. As I've said before, no one is going to go someplace if they don't feel welcome or comfortable, and single men do feel uncomfortable at clubs where they are restricted. Thats one of the reasons for the restrictions. To discourage them from coming, not to make couples and single women feel safer. Just simple party planning logic. Make the undesirables not want to come to your next event, and make them pay double if they do.

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by EternallySingle
This is the reason many night clubs have theme nights. It is easier to weed out the single men that are undesirable if you are more concerned with finding someone you can connect with than if you are looking for who to avoid. As my uncle used to say, "If you expect to find trash, you will never find the treasure."

Hmmm..hadn't thought of theme night...maybe something like
a "Knight In Shining Armour" party where the single men
are at their very best?

"Someday My Prince Will Cum" party where all the couples into MMF can mingle with the sexy singles? Holy cow! That would be a party!



;-*

Slutty Wife

[JonnyBlaze]

me and my girl are thinking about going to a club for our second experience. i would want to go to one that allowed single men. mfm's are what turn me on. dont get me wrong, id love a couple because i think that me being with a woman would make my girl get into it more.
Slutty Wife were you "slutty" before you got married? i mean was your relationship open before marriage? im working on getting my girl to be slutty for me im thinking if i married her she would be more open to things. do you have any tips on what i can do to bring out the slut in her? it usually only comes out when we break up. i never get mad hearing about her sleeping with other guys tho. its allways turned me on.

JBlaze

[SluttyWife]

Originally posted by JonnyBlaze
\Slutty Wife were you "slutty" before you got married? i mean was your relationship open before marriage? im working on getting my girl to be slutty for me im thinking if i married her she would be more open to things. do you have any tips on what i can do to bring out the slut in her? it usually only comes out when we break up. i never get mad hearing about her sleeping with other guys tho. its allways turned me on.

JBlaze

Hi JBlaze,

I had a slutty past but not in the swinging sense and my first marriage was of the more vanilla variety....I feel after a couple of years in therapy as a reaction to that. I was in a totally different place then trying to make sense of my life, all the while trying to meet other people's ideals and expectations of me and doing what I thought was the best for our marriage...(would you believe) NOT being a "slutty wife"? LOL...Now it's been my claim to web fame and I hold the actual trademark to it! LOL...

Currently I'm in an altogether different sort of relationship ...."nonmarriage" Sir Mike and I like to call it.. where we have a WIDE OPEN road to exploring and celebrating my hypersexuality/sensuality! Not as XXX-rated as some might think but very open to possibility. We are brutally honest and communicative to a fault and we find this very liberating!
We feel this is a more SHARING relationship all in all....
and that swinging is one of the ways we go about SHARING.

Now about how to slut the fiancee up! Wowie zowie!



I hate to toot my own horn but I put out a few lifestyle newsletters for wives and single femmes dedicated to loving sensual exploration. It is my life's work and a labour of love for me. Kind of a Martha Stewart-esque hands-on approach to learning more about unleashing your sexual side. They are light reads and quite fun. I'll refrain from posting about that here but any search on the Internet for Slutty Wife will get your grrl where she needs to go.
I can certainly offer you my help in this small way, but I wholeheartedly recommend getting far closer to each other and sharing the more intimate side of yourself with her. That's an excellent starting point with many rich rewards.

I must confess, JB I'm a little disturbed hearing about the two of you "breaking up" and these issues surfacing as a result.





I'm not trying to point a chiding finger at you, certainly not Dr. Laura-style... but don't you know after reading this post that swinging is about sharing, trust and open communication? I never like to recommend this lifestyle to couples who are in rocky states or are unsure of their relationships. You must STAY together and be secure enough in your relationship in order to be free and healthy (in both mind and body) enough to PLAY together. Really!

I wish you two good luck and many,
many loving heart-to-hearts and lots of time
getting to know each other on a whole new level.

;-*

Slutty Wife