How Much Swaping Really Goes On?

[dirtykids]

Bear,

To answer your questions regarding on or off premise, and level of attractiveness, you need to read more the replys after the initial thread.

Yea, you are right. Because we don't swap then, that makes us not real Swingers. Does that make us less...... say, honorable? Less fun? So what if we like to watch and be watched and be in a setting of like minded people. Only then, are we among our piers(sp). Perhaps the the clubs should be renamed the: Swing/Vouryer/Exhibition association. From what has been replied, most don't swap, and most go for the excitement of being in a sexually charged atmosphere. And, whats wrong with that? At least there is a place for us to go. It sounds like you are unhappy with people who don't fit the bill of "Real Swinger".

Dirtykids

[Doc n Missus]

Originally posted by dirtykids
My husband and I have been to several clubs and we are a bit suprised by how much, Swinging (swaping) really goes on. We are considered a very attractive couple and personally, we don't look to trade partners but, we do enjoy performing and watching others. However, what we've noticed is that we would extimate the number of couples who choose to swap is very low say, 5%. Most couples choose to attend for the same reason, to be watch and watch.

This brings up two questions:
1) Are we right or wrong in our estimation of the no. of couples who swap? What would others estimation to be?

2) It's pretty obvious of why anyone would want to watch but, I have a time explaining the thrill of having someone watch us.

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Dirtykids

.

You aren't far off base, in our travels (been to many clubs) we have not seen many partners exchanged. Maybe its the changing times and or attitudes but we don't see as many people exchanging partners and see more people in personals who just wish to watch and not swap.

Hope this helps........

The Doc

[yawanna]

I'm not speaking for Bear; this is my own version of what I've been told..... some people think that until you fully sexually swap partners with at least one other couple, you aren't swingers. Kindof like a swinger graduation? I dunno lol.

One of the things about swinger get togethers is that yes, there will be a lot of flirting, some folks may play, some may not.

The flirting, dancing, groping, kissing is lots of fun but doesn't mean that sex will follow. It still boils down to if you ALL want to get more intimate, or not. Have no expectations. I've been to events where I've kissed, groped and danced with every man there...and we never went any further.

We've seen how this can cause some couples consternation. If she's kissing me and grabbing me, why aren't we going 'all the way'? Because.... that isn't their desire for you at the moment. They are just having fun in a sexually charged atmosphere. And ya, you may see them go to the 'back rooms' with another couple, and you may not understand that. They found a couple they were hot to trot for, and who felt the same towards them. With you, they were enjoying some light flirtation and fun, nothing more obviously if you weren't asked to do more.

I can see how this confuses some people new to this. It's mostly exploration and sexually titilating fun and nothing more until you connect with a couple on a more intimate level through that exploration and you all think 'YA!!!' and off you go for more intimate play.

Reading this just burned my butt:

quote:
at least until we got into the hot tub, and the half dozen or so pretty people who were already in it promptly got out and stayed out until we got the message and left, after which they all promptly piled back in.

How rude they were!!!!

[shoreguy]

Maybe we're just sluts in NJ.

Always seems like there is a lot of sex going on at the on-premise clubs, and I presume it to be mostly swapping. It's usually not just one couple involved.

At the meet-n-greets (or off-premise party at a non-lifestyle establishment), there are a lot more newbies showing up. Some don't want to go the whole way on their first night. Not that we haven't played with some newbies after the party was over.

Online personals work better for us because there's a lot more info passed in the profile and we seem to make better matches that way.

I imagine like anything that it varies from region to region or club to club. But I can assure you, at least around here there is a lot of it happening.

[Doug19482000]

So how do us watch and want to be watched couples meet each other. When we go to a club we usually sit alone because we assume most other couples are there for more. Should there be a Form for couples who only want to watch and be watched? We belong to another site but nearly all the couples there are looking to full swap. We're just not ready for that yet. Any suggestions?

[Spoomonkey]

We've only been to one club - and only once did we leave without playing. We are a full swap kind of couple.

However, if an exhibitionist pair (regardless of what definition they fall under; swinger, non-swinger, undergrad...) approached us with "we'd love to watch you two" I think we'd be flattered and - assuming there was chemistry and cross-interest - I think we'd be very happy with that kind of play. Mrs Spoomonkey's first "swing fantasy" was actually more along the lines of "same room" stuff.

Everyone has a different way of playing - and we not only respect that, but are often intrigued by it. So - if you are ever in a club, and meet a couple you like, I say don't worry about what they'd do with a different couple, ask if they'd like to play with you, within your boundaries. There is no doubt that would be incredibly erotic and highly charged. And if those things are there, we'd love to be too

Spoomonkey

[fun_pairTX]

When you go to an ON Premise here in Texas there is a lot more swapping going on than anything else. Maybe we live a little faster or a little larger than a lot of folks in other locations do. There are motel and house parties out here that are very much "leave your drawers at the door" events. It can be very literally walk in, and climb on.

[yawanna]

Should there be a Form for couples who only want to watch and be watched? We belong to another site but nearly all the couples there are looking to full swap. We're just not ready for that yet. Any suggestions?

There isn't much more you can do than what you are doing now....be open about your desires in meeting other couples. Just keep it out there and stay positive...and patient

We know of and have met several couples where both are completely straight, and they have a similar challenge, given the preponderance of bi women in couples. I myself am not 'bi inclined' and this hasn't stopped us from attending house parties and meeting other couples for fun and frolic. I am usually asked if I am bi or not, and my answer allows other couples to decide about going further, or not.

As I think about it tho, rarely have we been asked if we full swap or not, or same room or separate. Hmmmmm.

[kandj]

We go to Utopia as well....... actually alot. We normaly go on Saturday nights just because there are way more people there than on Fridays. There are always exceptions to the rule though. For instance I heard that last night was pretty busy there. As for for how many swing vs. watch.... that varies as well. All I can attest to is that we've never had any problems finding an interested couple to play with

[silverlover]

As in our own case we may not be considered swappers but best friend lovers and haven't strayed past that yet. So here's my two cents. I am thinking swapping in our catagory exceeds well above the 5% suggested above for one simple reason....... many of us are to shy to openly admit swinging goes on in a relationship yet practice the art every chance we get. These same people don't read this forum or advertise for others but do enjoy bedding someones spouse for a night of bliss. I have to say upon my observations it goes 12.5% if you included the "closet swappers"

[J&T Indiana]

Originally posted by kandj
We go to Utopia as well....... actually alot. We normaly go on Saturday nights just because there are way more people there than on Fridays. There are always exceptions to the rule though. For instance I heard that last night was pretty busy there. As for for how many swing vs. watch.... that varies as well. All I can attest to is that we've never had any problems finding an interested couple to play with

Yeah it was pretty busy. One sign-in sheet was full and another had about 10-15 lines taken up. Three single ladies, and more single men than normal.

We almost always play with the door/window shade open and the chain up... we had tons of people watching the entire night. No "hook up" though. Maybe we should talk and see how it goes.

[dirtykids]

The resonses have confirmed my thoughts about how much swinging really goes on. Sure, some places are "hotter" than others but, for the most part, the amount of true Swinging is minimal.

Also, I appreciate the truth spoken here. It's easy to build an image of having the greatest sex anywhere but; there is comfort in numbers of people of who have similair experiences.

Dirtykids

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[yawanna]

I think this is a great thread for the couples new to on premise clubs to read. Will alleviate their fears of feeling they must have sex with any and all present.

We have mostly off premise clubs here in Ontario which means that when couples meet at the club and want to play more, they must relocate to a hotel room or other after hours party to do so.

These are invitation only and most certainly mean there will be swapping going on. Same with house parties.

Again...it's all desire and connecting when YOU choose to do so..no matter what the venue.

And then there are the 'one on ones'.. couples who meet other couples for dinner or drinks, and more, if everyone clicks.

This is one poll I would have liked to have seen - how much swapping really goes on, and where.

[fun_pairTX]

Things seem substantially hotter in the south. Our on premise club had between 50 and 60 couples last Saturday night and not only was everyone except the staff nekkid, most of the ppls were not with their regular partner. We have never been to an on premise club where swapping wasn't the norm.

[Vjklander]

We have gone to a few clubs basically just to socialize. If we want to share pleasures, we meet for dinner and take it from there. Although we swap mates, we always play in the same room, usually in the same bed. So I guess we are someones definition of "real".
Please let me know when the elections are held for the swinger's grand poobah and definitions board.
J

btw, there is no 'a' in 'definitely'