Choosing among your friends and avoiding Hurt feelings?

[Avantgarden38]

We are attending a dance party at a club in a few weeks with some of our swinger friends.

We are close with two of the couples that will be there.

How do we go home with one couple and not hurt the feelings of another?

We know our friends pretty well and feel this may be an issue.

This is our first time being at a social event with more than one couple. We have never been to any swinger events and only ever swing in private with one couple at a time (so far). We aren't sure our friends are attracted to each other or are comfortable with a group of six encounter.

Any suggestions or experience with this?

[JustAskJulie]

Do your friends know each other? Perhaps this is a good time to introduce them?... then if everyone gets alone just go home with everybody.

[yawanna]

We know of a very kewl couple who host occasional house parties..and have taken us along with them to other's house parties and this is how they deal with this:

I'd suggest that at the get go... you tell the ones you are pretty sure you don't want to 'go home with' that you may be spending some time, and perhaps even getting together with after...another couple.

It's all about choice and if they understand this activity at all...they will understand and not be 'bitter'.

[SexhoundDog]

I think I agree with Julie on this. You'll probably run into one of the couples first, and while chatting with them and you see the other couple, flag them over and introduce all. If it appears like they hit it off pretty well, invite everyone over. Since you're at a swinger event, they must all know that anything could go, right?

If it appears that they don't hit it off at all well, maybe it might be best to tell everyone you're going home alone. I guess you could always then call the couple you'd like to be with for the evening.

But on the other hand, Yawanna's suggestion is good too. At some time, you'll eventually have to deal with it if intros don't go as you like, or for that matter, the couple that you don't think you'll go home with may eventually do the same thing with you.

Will be interesting to see everyone else's comments too.

[LadyCleo]

I agree with the posts above and have this to add:

Introduce the 2 couples to each other. And invite both sets back to your home (or wherever you were planning to play) That way you aren't putting pressure on one set to accept the other and you are not having to choose one over the other. That way it will be on your turf, so to speak.

Good luck,
LC

[N&G]

I think the real question is whether you would like to have both couples or not. If you would rather just get together with the first couple then I agree with Yawanna. If you are thinking of inviting both couples then it would be a good idea to mention it to the first couple beforehand in case that is not what they had in mind.

It should be noted that in general 3 is a bad number. There is a good chance that two couples will end up going off together and leave the third couple with each other. This is probably the only situation where you need to structure the pairing off while everyone still has their clothes on . If this is a "sleepover" then there is usually time in the morning for another play session so everyone gets to play with a different partner.

[yawanna]

And invite both sets back to your home (or wherever you were planning to play)

I have to say absolutely do not do this. How will it go over if some play and others don't...or are excluded. We have on two occasions foregone playing with people we wanted because people we weren't interested in were in the same room.

Conversely....I was once in a room at an after the club party where one couple weren't desired by the other 3..and the other 3 played anyway. I was SO embarrassed and pissed by that behaviour and lack of care or concern for the non included couple.

Bad form IMHO.

[Brit_Pair]

If you're really concerned about offending or hurting one of these couples, then do the self-sacrificial thing, and go home with neither. It's one night to have to deny yourselves. But if that's one night too many, then I'd go with Yawanna's suggestion and choose one and explain things to the other: the pitfalls she raised concerning inviting them all back with you swing the argument for me.

[LadyCleo]

Originally posted by yawanna
I have to say absolutely do not do this. How will it go over if some play and others don't...or are excluded. We have on two occasions foregone playing with people we wanted because people we weren't interested in were in the same room.

What I meant when I suggested this was if all people are interested. Not if one couple was completely disgusted by the other couple.

I was trying to give them another option for having some fun time.

If the poster is concerned about the compatability enough to worry that one will not play, obviously, they shouldn't invite them all back to play. In that case, ask the couple that you are most interested in if they are interested in the other couple. Feel out both couples b4 inviting them back. If after talking with both couples, one set is not interested in the other, politely tell the couple that you are less interested in that you will have to hook up with them later and then go home with the more interesting couple.

I say that that the truth is where you should always be.

LC

[Avantgarden38]

Thank you all for your advice.

We have thought about this carefully and really don't want to "choose" between our friends. Someone is going to have hurt feelings, even if only a little. It isn't worth the risk.

We are going home by ourselves for a night of fun.

Thank you Brit_Pair for your perspective. All of the other ideas were a big help too!! But for this situation we think this is the best solution.

[fun_pairTX]

The lifestyle is about the choices we make. We are supposed to make these choices free of the jealousies and conventions that are imbedded in societies concept of a "relationship". I can't see pussyfooting around a club event , or abandoning our plans because another couple might get jealous. The lifestyle is supposed to be the exact opposite of that. No Jealousy should be on the door, if anyone can't understand that then they should find another hobby.