Your Thoughts On Strictly Single Guy Voyeurs at Parties

[boitoy]

Hey all,

First off, I'm new to this board and to the swinging lifestyle. My dilemma can be found here.

What I'd like to know is, at parties, how do you feel about single guys watching you do your thing while we look on and masturbate? I've been researching the swinger lifestyle for about a month now, and although I am somewhat sexually inexperienced, I have a strong feeling that I would find it incredibly stimulating just to be in that type of party environment- having people getting intimate all around me, going to a room and masturbating while watching a couple/group, or sitting in a jacuzzi with others (not participating in any play- except for some kissing, perhaps).

If I was at a party with you, and I did the above, <warning, going into shrink mode here > how would you react? Would you be angry/irritated- how would you feel? A lot of these club parties say they are committed to being "pressure free" but, once you get there, would a person (especially a single, young male) be free to do the above and leave?

[Sadie]

I have been at parties where there have been people just watching or masturbating while other couples have been playing. What concerns me is your age... I, personally, would feel uncomfortable with your young age. I will be interested in hearing other people’s response to this question. Maybe my bias comes from not swinging with anyone under the age of 30.

[TNCountryCpl]

Boitoy,
We are new to swinging...but will give you my 2 cents worth anyhow!
I think the issue that you are going to run into in this case is not necessarily you watching and masturbating........it is, again, your age! Of course, when you are at the club, you are not going to have a huge sign saying "I am 18" though either and if you look older than 18 (which you said in a previous post) and act more mature than 18......then you may not have a prob. I am not saying you should be untruthful though.......personally that would make me angry and question anything else you would have to say. But in the event of possibly playing with a couple that doesn't necessarily need to be the absoulute first thing that comes up (no pun intended!!) but not the last either. Basically, if you see they are interested in including you that would be a good time to bring it up........
That is how I would feel if I were with someone your age and in the situation you suggested. Not sure if I even answered your question for you though?!

[OhioCouple]

I can only speak from our experience which just happened to be our first and last experience at a club on a night where it was a single and couples evening. The place was over flowing with single men, there were probably at least two for every couple in attendance. While on tour of the club upon arrival there was a couple having sex in an open area room and there were at least a dozen men surrounding this couple masturbating. I personally found it unnerving as they were making more noise than the couple were. Oviously this didn't not bother the couple that was having sex, I just didn't find it a very appealing sight. It reminded me of the days of the XXX movie theaters, I didn't care for it then and obviously still do not.

As others have said, age will probably be your biggest barrier, however if you are as you represent yourself on this board, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how receptive others will be towards you. First and foremost be honest and respectable with anyone that shows an interest. If they ask your age be honest, but I don't see why you should offer it up in general conversation. If the club you have found accepts 18 year old men, then obviously there must be some demand for your age group. If you can stand out among the crowd (which with your attitude presented here shows) I'm sure you will get to entertain your fantasies.

Good luck!

Mrs. O

[boitoy]

Thanks all of your replies.

Based on what I've read, I do plan to be honest- I would feel more comfortable, too, being that way. I'm thinking of perhaps speaking with hosts of the party house too, to see what they think I should do (make a public announcement, share only if asked, etc.).

Sadie, its good to hear that at the parties you've attended, there have been people just watching/masturbating. That's how I hope to enjoy my first party, with perhaps some kissing if the opportunity arises (I know, I'm such a bad boy ). But what I fear is that this "innocent" behavior will make others angry, especially because I'm a single guy! I'm sure they expect the few single guys at the party to be hungry and to fully participate. I also don't want others to regard me as a "pervert" or selfish. True, I will be there mostly to pleasure myself (through masturbation, but should I have the chance to kiss women, I probably will). I keep imagining this scene where I'm walking around from room to room with my bottle of lotion, while others slip looks at me, thinking that I'm just a pervert going around watching others.

OhioCouple, your experience has given me a new question: Do couples in private rooms generally allow voyeurs or not? I know it's an ironic question, but would they usually mind if they had only one person masturbating while watching them, as opposed to five or ten?

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by boitoy
OhioCouple, your experience has given me a new question: Do couples in private rooms generally allow voyeurs or not? I know it's an ironic question, but would they usually mind if they had only one person masturbating while watching them, as opposed to five or ten?

Each couple is going to be different as to what they prefer and in actuality it can change based on the mood of the evening. For example, there are times that I like to be a voyeur and not a participant and others where I am full speed ahead. The best thing to do is when you are talking to others and getting to know them, if they have an interest in you, most likely they are going to ask what you are into also. That is when you can relay to them your fantasy. If it fits into something that they find erotic, you may very well get an invitation to a private room.

Private rooms are just that in a club, although some do have window with blinds in which the couple(s) can choose to open if they like and all are allowed to watch them.

I would suggest talking with the club management and finding out what the general rule of thumb is and how it is perceived by the couples. If most shy off to private rooms, your best bet is to get to know some of the couples and you may get an invite to watch. For myself, I know I would be comfortable with just one male watching...but to have a half a dozen or more would just make it difficult for me to enjoy the experience at all. And it's all about pleasure for all involved.

You are aksing all the right questions, boitoy, and you'll certainly get a lot of good information from the members of this board. Ones that you can apply to help you get your foot in the door...so to speak.

[JustAskJulie]

Whether or not a person is into exhibitionism/voyeurism really varies from person to person. The key if you do get to attend a party/club is to ask ahead of time. If you see someone playing just ask them if they mind if you watch before you sit down and unzip your pants.

[Chicup]

To be quite honest I can’t see this appealing and we would avoid any clubs that have a lot of men who in my book would be either losers unable to find a woman on their own or odd men with a fetish like this. Now maybe this works for some couples, and that’s great, but we would stay away.

I’m far more curious as to why an 18 year old would be doing this. Eighteen is about the time when you start to have your first ‘real’ relationship, not watching people about three times your age have sex while you jerk off.

[VegasLee]

The thing I think I like the best about this lifestyle is it is for all ages, fetishes and desires.

It is not the same to any one person that I have ever met in it.

What works for one may not work for the other but it does not make either of them bad, just different.

[boitoy]

Originally posted by Chicup
To be quite honest I can’t see this appealing and we would avoid any clubs that have a lot of men who in my book would be either losers unable to find a woman on their own or odd men with a fetish like this. Now maybe this works for some couples, and that’s great, but we would stay away.

I’m far more curious as to why an 18 year old would be doing this. Eighteen is about the time when you start to have your first ‘real’ relationship, not watching people about three times your age have sex while you jerk off.

Yeah, I'll admit, it's something that most guys probably don't have an interest in. But this whole idea of watching people having sex around me really appeals to me; I just really can't explain why! Plus, I've fantasized for a while (and I'm 18 ) about being with an older woman. Just having the chance to makeout with one at a party would be an extra bonus for me! Know it soudns kinda pathetic, but that's how I'd like my first experience to be at a party.

Oh, an OhioCouple, thanks for the compliment! I really am hoping by doing this research now, if and when I do go to a party, it will be enjoyable for me.

[geeman]

I definitely think that you should ask before whipping it out. Even if the couple is playing out in the open, I think you should still ask. We don't mind single guys as long as they show some respect. It's just our opinion, but a guy who starts out the night masturbating at the first hint of skin denotes someone with no self-control.

It can be strange how it works out sometimes. I remember one time we were playing in a semi-open room (again - the key word here is open). A guy comes into the doorway and starts masturbating. I looked over at him, and as soon as I made eye contact, he slinked away. Funny thing was, I was going to ask him if he wanted to join us!

[StacyCat]

Originally posted by geeman
Funny thing was, I was going to ask him if he wanted to join us!

Its one thing to watch someone. Its another thing to be masterbating while watching :-) When thinking about it, I wouldnt mind a guy masterbating while watching me, but I only think that would work if I was attracted to the guy on some level. strange guys that im not into masterbating to me (in person) is just not cool. (online, fine, whatever, I dont have to see it :-)

[boitoy]

Originally posted by StacyCat
Its one thing to watch someone. Its another thing to be masterbating while watching :-) When thinking about it, I wouldnt mind a guy masterbating while watching me, but I only think that would work if I was attracted to the guy on some level. strange guys that im not into masterbating to me (in person) is just not cool. (online, fine, whatever, I dont have to see it :-)

StaceyCat, I was originally satisfied with this answer, but after thinking it over more, I have more questions! If a couple tells a single guy that it's OK to watch them, does that assume that masturbating is OK as well. I mean, if the guy's there watching a couple go at it, what should he do, call a timeout and ask for permission?

[lcjtsd]

Last time Mrs. LCJSD and I were at the Green Door Here in Vegas we were in the Couples Only room downstairs. When you first go in there, there is a hallway with little rooms with curtains on each side which leads to a larger room with couches all around. This room has a blackout window so others can watch but it is very discreet. (You can't see them from inside the room although you know they are there.)

Anyways, Mrs. LCJTSD and I were in the larger room. There were quite a few couples in the room, all in various states of fun. Quite arousing indeed. Before you knew it, our clothes were off and we started doing our thing. Being a vouyer myself I was looking aroung the room at the others and then I saw him. He was standing at the entrance to the larger room just looking. I don't know where his SO was. Most likely in one of the smaller rooms as you can't get in unless you are a couple.

I was instantly pissed. Needless to say that pretty much ended things for me. Some single guy just standing there, leaning against the doorway with his arms folded, and staring was a total turn off!!! If his wife/girlfriend had been there standing with him I wouldn't have minded at all. Heck, you know people are watching through the window.

If I wanted to be watched by a single guy we would have went upstairs where there are open Vouyer rooms. Even there we have had guys just walk in close and just watch without even asking if it were OK to come into the room.

I my opinion at least, most times it would be courteous to at least ask if it's OK to watch. Especially if you want to see a "close up".

Single guys bug me most as it seems that most only want to watch and not participate.

There is my .02.

[joseph3d]

We'd like to say that the single men in a swingers club can sometimes be a turn off.

What does matter is if couples want other couples or females only and there are single guys there, it ruins their experience. We have gone to clubs only on those nights where single men are not allowed. In most cases, this is on Saturday night.

Single guys should make friends first, and later while in friendly conversation with his new couple friends, ask them if they mind him watching them. Under such circumstances, it might be a turn on for them. I remember once where the woman turned (after lots of talking and laugher before) and asked the younger man who was masturbating in the same room, "cum on us while we do it, won't you"? It appeared to be a turn on for all of them.

As someone else mentioned, you might even be asked to join in.

But if a guy just walks up and starts jerking off, it's often viewed as rude.

And as a couple, we think so too.