Advice to newbies on going to swinger clubs

**TNT** · 09-29-2003, 10:12 PM

Don't be afraid! Seriously, we attended our local social last night, and it came to me while sitting there holding two beautiful women on my lap that the people we party with are truly other than my brother the best friends I have. One of the women attends as a single when her husband has to work and requests that Teresa and I escort her as they don't play alone. The level of trust in us that this implies touches me, but even more lets me know that my behavior is correct. For us the clubs are just a meeting place with like minded friends( insert theme from Cheers here) and one of our ambitions is to operate a club. Many of the people who come as newbies are unsure what to expect when attending a club or social. Here goes:

1. We recommend an off premise club for your first experiences. Besides being much easier to find, they offer a no pressure environment as no sex is allowed, only good conversation and sexy dancing.

2. The people there will not jump you when you come in the door.
Most clubs offer an orientation meeting for first timers and will offer to introduce you around, but if your wish is to sit and observe you can do that too.

3. One of the most common complaints about any club is the "cliques". We have never had that problem, but we TALK to the regulars at a new club. Understand that many of these people are old friends and perhaps intimates. Introduce yourself and become part of the clique.

4. No expectations. On your first visits go with no plans to have sex with any one but your SO. Some people are disappointed when their fantasies are not immediately fulfilled, but hey, you should just have had a good night. Go home and make mad passionate love together while whispering about which of the people you met would be fun to fulfill those fantasies with.

5. Use the people you meet as a sounding board much like this forum. We have spent many nights at a table with a newbie couple just answering questions and giving them the benefit of our experience. We have the tshirt from most experiences and hell, if you talk to the newbies, when they are ready you usually get picked for that first time because you made them feel comfortable.

Any questions?

Ted

naughty A · 09-30-2003, 11:09 AM

ok... here are some questions

what is the best time to arrive at a club?

early, soon after they open the doors? or after there are already a fair number of people there?
my opinion... early is better gives you the opportunity to talk to people in smaller groups

what is the right size for a club? i.e. number of people in attendance or is that also more a personal preferrence?
smaller - 30 couples... sure less likely that you will meet someone you hit it off with perfectly... but you will get to know all of them fairly well

is your preferrence for smaller clubs that meet more frequently or large clubs that meet less often?
.... well I'm sure you know where my opinion lies ... what's yours?

**TNT** · 09-30-2003, 10:03 PM

Getting there early is always good, allows time to talk before the crowd arrives and the music goes up.

We too probably prefer the smaller crowds, however at a larger function if we know several people we just form our own small party within a party. Teresa is a social butterfly and will usually circulate through the crowd greeting old friends and meeting the new ones. I normally entertain our core crowd. I have found my most effective attention getter is wearing a tie, as many of the lovely ladies just want to take it off. I also dance (poorly), but the willingness to dance usually results in my receiving the attentions of several ladies again. Men that don't dance are my best allies.

The countdown to Bewitched on the Beach is getting low. Boy do I need a 3-day party!

Ted

Elusive BiFem · 10-01-2003, 08:39 AM

Thanks, TNT, for writing up this "manual" on attending a club. I think there are probably MANY of us who are hesitant to go because we don't know what to expect...how to act...what to wear...and also because we're afraid that we'll sit in the corner with a neon sign flashing on our forehead - NEWBIE!! NEWBIE!!

- EBF

BiCoupleTN69 · 10-01-2003, 02:55 PM

I think an on-premises club is the best ffor a first time swing couple.

Why?

I think it allows you to see other actively participating in the lifestyle.

The questions that puts in your heads can be used to have discussions about your own personal rules.

You have the oppuntunity to see people say yes and see people say no. You learn it is "OK" to turn someone down or say our boundries are here and we do not do that.

It allows people to go at their own pace without getting into a room with another couple without knowing what is about to happen.

It allows new couples to see the people of all shapes, sizes, and personalities enjoy swinging.

I think on premises clubs answer more questions and offer less stress for new couples.

my 2 cents

Elusive BiFem · 10-01-2003, 05:25 PM

Hi there, BiCoupleTN69! I've never been to either type of club, so I can't really discuss this on either side, but I can always ask questions!!

Coming from zero knowledge base, I would think that the off-premise club would be best for newbies simply because the temptation to participate would not be there...at least not as readily available. From what I've read, many people have made mistakes by jumping into the actual "swing of things" too soon, placing their relationship in jeopardy. Those without experience might find it very difficult to say no to the temtations...kind of like a kid in a candy store...eating up all the candy without a clue of how sick they are going to be later. Also, in that type of environment, some people could be pressured into doing and acting in ways they would not normally act in.

I would think that going to the off-premise club would allow for the titillation and excitement, yet leave room for a couple to give some serious thought to the outcome...being certain they were proceeding because BOTH chose to do this, etc.

All the other things you mentioned could be found in an off premise club. Right?

And tho' written in statement form, these are questions. - EBF

krustyandnancy · 10-04-2003, 03:36 PM

Since we're a shy couple of newbies, I thought I'd quote something I just wrote in the Introductions Forum:

Quote:

Originally posted by krustyandnancy
Yes, we do like to have fun and try not to take things too seriously...but on the other hand, we're actually a really shy couple (especially Nancy). We're actually more comfortable in an anonymous situation, which is why we have been able to unwind at the adult theater...but checking out the swingers clubs is something we're working up the nerve to do. Contrary to the norm, I think we may actually try out an on-premise club for our first experience, since we may be reluctant to mingle with others until after we've unwinded and seen the crowd unwind as well. Despite the fact that we've chatted with a number of friendly couples online and feel great about the people here on this site, it may take some time before we can be very social with other couples in person or meet people in more private settings.

Hope all that made sense!

This is a great discussion...looking forward to more views, comments and suggestions!

-- Krusty (and Nancy)

Maus-Katz · 12-31-2003, 08:26 AM

... to see if anybody has anything to add, since we're going to our first on-premise club tonight.

We're nervous and have been doing our best to keep expectations and preconceptions to a minimum.

Any warnings or advice we should be aware of?

M

frenzb4sex · 12-31-2003, 08:41 AM

TNT--Wonderful post. Where Lora and I live, however, there isn't a club within 2 hours of us, and the closest we've come to a club atmosphere is a few meet and greets, where 30-40 couples attended.

We've heard wonderful things and some not-so-wonderful things about the clubs themselves as well as some of the patrons, and at this time, we are not so inclined on "getting on the dance floor" so to speak, much in due part because, as stated, these clubs are almost 3 hours away.

But my question is this--for all of those curious and REALLY new couples out there, would you suggest meeting with couples one on one to get your proverbial "swinging" feet wet, or do you think that going to a club can be done at any time, regardless of swing experience?? While you do paint a very positive picture for the clubs and I appreciate the perspective, I was wondering what all of you thought about the experience level of swinging and how it may affect a person's enjoyment level at a club.....

Tim

geeman · 01-01-2004, 12:05 PM

We went to an on-premise club for the first time, and I'm glad we did. We didn't play with anyone that first time, but like BiCoupleTN69 said, it gave us a chance to see other people playing and made us feel more comfortable about it. In the beginning we would have felt uncomfortable meeting a couple at an off-premises club and going somewhere else for the sex.

I would suggest starting on a couples-only night, as sometimes the single males can be overwhelming.

Maus-Katz · 01-01-2004, 01:36 PM

Last night we celebrated our anniversary and the New Years at an on premise club and I must say it was a blast! There were about 50 or 60 couples there and unfortunately we couldn't meet as many as we would have liked to. Like Geeman, we didn't play with anyone (but we met some wonderful couples and made plans to meet with them soon). Nervous at first, we walked about and then settled into a heated game of foosball. OK, so that's not the most interesting thing to do at a swing bash, but it took our mind off our nervousness and allowed some time for the "liquid courage" we had poured ourselves to take effect. After L beat me severely (it didn't help that I was missing a player's feet), we were much more at ease, especially when a couple introduced themselves and we had a chance to chat with people. We are definately planning on returning in a couple weeks for the pojama party!

M

darling · 01-02-2004, 07:55 PM

On premises relieves the pressure of feeling you have to do something. You can go, observe and not do a thing and still not feel like you are disappointing anyone.

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09-29-2003, 10:12 PM	#1 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,004 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 24	Advice to newbies on going to swinger clubs Don't be afraid! Seriously, we attended our local social last night, and it came to me while sitting there holding two beautiful women on my lap that the people we party with are truly other than my brother the best friends I have. One of the women attends as a single when her husband has to work and requests that Teresa and I escort her as they don't play alone. The level of trust in us that this implies touches me, but even more lets me know that my behavior is correct. For us the clubs are just a meeting place with like minded friends( insert theme from Cheers here) and one of our ambitions is to operate a club. Many of the people who come as newbies are unsure what to expect when attending a club or social. Here goes: 1. We recommend an off premise club for your first experiences. Besides being much easier to find, they offer a no pressure environment as no sex is allowed, only good conversation and sexy dancing. 2. The people there will not jump you when you come in the door. Most clubs offer an orientation meeting for first timers and will offer to introduce you around, but if your wish is to sit and observe you can do that too. 3. One of the most common complaints about any club is the "cliques". We have never had that problem, but we TALK to the regulars at a new club. Understand that many of these people are old friends and perhaps intimates. Introduce yourself and become part of the clique. 4. No expectations. On your first visits go with no plans to have sex with any one but your SO. Some people are disappointed when their fantasies are not immediately fulfilled, but hey, you should just have had a good night. Go home and make mad passionate love together while whispering about which of the people you met would be fun to fulfill those fantasies with. 5. Use the people you meet as a sounding board much like this forum. We have spent many nights at a table with a newbie couple just answering questions and giving them the benefit of our experience. We have the tshirt from most experiences and hell, if you talk to the newbies, when they are ready you usually get picked for that first time because you made them feel comfortable. Any questions? Ted __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

09-30-2003, 11:09 AM	#2 (permalink)
naughty A Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Mar 2003 Posts: 997 Location: windsor ontario Status: couple - female half	ok... here are some questions what is the best time to arrive at a club? early, soon after they open the doors? or after there are already a fair number of people there? my opinion... early is better gives you the opportunity to talk to people in smaller groups what is the right size for a club? i.e. number of people in attendance or is that also more a personal preferrence? smaller - 30 couples... sure less likely that you will meet someone you hit it off with perfectly... but you will get to know all of them fairly well is your preferrence for smaller clubs that meet more frequently or large clubs that meet less often? .... well I'm sure you know where my opinion lies ... what's yours? __________________ The proper response to "Good morning" is not "Prove it!"

09-30-2003, 10:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
TNT Julie's Helper Join Date: Jul 2001 Posts: 4,004 Location: baker, fl, usa Status: couple SLS Name:tblonde312 Blog Entries: 24	Preferences Getting there early is always good, allows time to talk before the crowd arrives and the music goes up. We too probably prefer the smaller crowds, however at a larger function if we know several people we just form our own small party within a party. Teresa is a social butterfly and will usually circulate through the crowd greeting old friends and meeting the new ones. I normally entertain our core crowd. I have found my most effective attention getter is wearing a tie, as many of the lovely ladies just want to take it off. I also dance (poorly), but the willingness to dance usually results in my receiving the attentions of several ladies again. Men that don't dance are my best allies. The countdown to Bewitched on the Beach is getting low. Boy do I need a 3-day party! Ted __________________ Ted and Teresa No lifetime is enough unless you live it in such a way as to make it enough.

12-31-2003, 08:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Maus-Katz Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 79 Location: Albuquerque, NM Status: Married Couple	Reviving this thread... ... to see if anybody has anything to add, since we're going to our first on-premise club tonight. We're nervous and have been doing our best to keep expectations and preconceptions to a minimum. Any warnings or advice we should be aware of? M __________________ She is L He is M Our cats are N,O,P,Q,R Our dogs are S,T Our fish are... oh nevermind

10-01-2003, 08:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,400 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Thanks, TNT, for writing up this "manual" on attending a club. I think there are probably MANY of us who are hesitant to go because we don't know what to expect...how to act...what to wear...and also because we're afraid that we'll sit in the corner with a neon sign flashing on our forehead - NEWBIE!! NEWBIE!! - EBF

10-01-2003, 02:55 PM	#5 (permalink)
BiCoupleTN69 Active Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Posts: 24 Location: NW Tennessee Status: Couple	I think an on-premises club is the best ffor a first time swing couple. Why? I think it allows you to see other actively participating in the lifestyle. The questions that puts in your heads can be used to have discussions about your own personal rules. You have the oppuntunity to see people say yes and see people say no. You learn it is "OK" to turn someone down or say our boundries are here and we do not do that. It allows people to go at their own pace without getting into a room with another couple without knowing what is about to happen. It allows new couples to see the people of all shapes, sizes, and personalities enjoy swinging. I think on premises clubs answer more questions and offer less stress for new couples. my 2 cents

10-01-2003, 05:25 PM	#6 (permalink)
Elusive BiFem Active Member Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 3,400 Location: Texas Status: Single Female	Hi there, BiCoupleTN69! I've never been to either type of club, so I can't really discuss this on either side, but I can always ask questions!! Coming from zero knowledge base, I would think that the off-premise club would be best for newbies simply because the temptation to participate would not be there...at least not as readily available. From what I've read, many people have made mistakes by jumping into the actual "swing of things" too soon, placing their relationship in jeopardy. Those without experience might find it very difficult to say no to the temtations...kind of like a kid in a candy store...eating up all the candy without a clue of how sick they are going to be later. Also, in that type of environment, some people could be pressured into doing and acting in ways they would not normally act in. I would think that going to the off-premise club would allow for the titillation and excitement, yet leave room for a couple to give some serious thought to the outcome...being certain they were proceeding because BOTH chose to do this, etc. All the other things you mentioned could be found in an off premise club. Right? And tho' written in statement form, these are questions. - EBF

12-31-2003, 08:41 AM	#9 (permalink)
frenzb4sex Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 239 Location: Central Illinois Status: Male of Couple SLS Name:frenzb4sex	Experience Level? TNT--Wonderful post. Where Lora and I live, however, there isn't a club within 2 hours of us, and the closest we've come to a club atmosphere is a few meet and greets, where 30-40 couples attended. We've heard wonderful things and some not-so-wonderful things about the clubs themselves as well as some of the patrons, and at this time, we are not so inclined on "getting on the dance floor" so to speak, much in due part because, as stated, these clubs are almost 3 hours away. But my question is this--for all of those curious and REALLY new couples out there, would you suggest meeting with couples one on one to get your proverbial "swinging" feet wet, or do you think that going to a club can be done at any time, regardless of swing experience?? While you do paint a very positive picture for the clubs and I appreciate the perspective, I was wondering what all of you thought about the experience level of swinging and how it may affect a person's enjoyment level at a club..... Tim __________________ "I can resist everything except for temptation..."

01-01-2004, 12:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
geeman Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 52 Location: Texas/Ohio Status: Male half of couple	We went to an on-premise club for the first time, and I'm glad we did. We didn't play with anyone that first time, but like BiCoupleTN69 said, it gave us a chance to see other people playing and made us feel more comfortable about it. In the beginning we would have felt uncomfortable meeting a couple at an off-premises club and going somewhere else for the sex. I would suggest starting on a couples-only night, as sometimes the single males can be overwhelming.

01-01-2004, 01:36 PM	#11 (permalink)
Maus-Katz Here to Stay Join Date: Dec 2003 Posts: 79 Location: Albuquerque, NM Status: Married Couple	Well, we did it! Last night we celebrated our anniversary and the New Years at an on premise club and I must say it was a blast! There were about 50 or 60 couples there and unfortunately we couldn't meet as many as we would have liked to. Like Geeman, we didn't play with anyone (but we met some wonderful couples and made plans to meet with them soon). Nervous at first, we walked about and then settled into a heated game of foosball. OK, so that's not the most interesting thing to do at a swing bash, but it took our mind off our nervousness and allowed some time for the "liquid courage" we had poured ourselves to take effect. After L beat me severely (it didn't help that I was missing a player's feet), we were much more at ease, especially when a couple introduced themselves and we had a chance to chat with people. We are definately planning on returning in a couple weeks for the pojama party! M __________________ She is L He is M Our cats are N,O,P,Q,R Our dogs are S,T Our fish are... oh nevermind

01-02-2004, 07:55 PM	#12 (permalink)
darling Swingers Board Addict Join Date: Oct 2002 Posts: 180 Location: Ohio Status: Couple	On premises relieves the pressure of feeling you have to do something. You can go, observe and not do a thing and still not feel like you are disappointing anyone.

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