Need advice - A party for the first time?

[Couplehavingfun]

We're newbies just trying to lose our swinging virginity. The other day I told my husband that he should take a picture of my pussy on a silver platter to add to our pics in our ad/profiles -- to see if we got more serious responses.

So. We've been reading, discussing, fantasizing, planning, and have ads on a couple of sites, but haven't had our *first time* yet (drumming fingers on desk - LOL). We *were* getting frustrated for a while (it's almost like going on an interview for a first job -- How am I going to get any experience if no one will give me a chance to prove myself), but realized that it was better to wait and meet couples we felt we had things in common with/were comfortable with, thought we might have an attraction with, etc. So serious about positive meetings are we that we were VERY honest in our ads/profiles, to show whomever we met from one of our ads that we're open and honest. I really think it helped weed out what we didn't want responding. Sure enough, we got in contact with, and were contacted by, couples we thought we'd like to meet. We have been chatting and emailing, but some disappeared (I understand from reading that this is typical) and one that has been scheduled to become a meeting has fell though twice now. We have one meeting definitely set up for a couple of weeks from now.

Among all this communication, and nothing actually happening, we met a couple that wanted to meet us alone, and has invited us to a party they host at a hotel. They were nice enough to tell us who else they were inviting and we looked them up. The majority of the couples invited had nice ads/profiles, and seemed like people we might have written to ourselves. One of the couples on the guest list is a couple we made the definite date with.

We want to attend the party, because we're curious, turned on by the idea, and like the idea of getting lost among the crowd, LOL. The party is this weekend, so it would be before the meeting we actualy have scheduled and before anything else we may schedule. Is going to a swing party a bad idea for a first time swinging experience? We *think* we'll enjoy it and that it will be a good time for both of us. Also, I feel like I might have less stage fright if everyone is busy, and it's not just us and another couple alone together the first time. There also should be plenty to sample and choose from -- a hot buffet if you will, LOL. Then again, I don't know *what* to expect in a private party situation at all. Please shed some light on this for me. I figure you guys with experience can tell me what to expect in a party at a hotel situation, as well as give my husband and I advice on the pros and cons of a party as a first time swinging experience for us.

M ~ the female half of Couplehavingfun

[JustAskJulie]

You mentioned that this party is at a hotel, but I'm not sure if it's an off-premise party (many are held at hotels) or a private (hotel room) party where sex will be occuring during the actual party.


If it is off-premise I say go, definately and have fun. Perhaps even let the other couple you have made definate plans with know that you will be there and that this will give you a chance to meet earlier than expected.

If this party is a private party being held in a hotel room where sex is going to be taking place during the party, I say wait and meet the other couple first on a one-on-one basis (well two-on-two) and see how things go there. Typically I don't reccomend on-premise parties for newbies.

[Couplehavingfun]

Yes, this is a private party in a hotel room. We've been told by the hostess that there's no pressure to do anything, and that they've never had any first time couples leave, although they did have one first time couple watch most of the evening and then soft swap.

The hostess is being seriously cool, and going to send me more information before asking for a final confirmation from me.

R has pointed out some pros and cons, but I am starting to think that maybe this isn't a good idea for our first time.

[LadyCleo]

My husband and I went to a party as "virgins". The 1st hour was a social hour while people arrived. The next half hour, people started having sex on the floor at my feet. We left soon after that. We told the hosts that it was too fast for us and we went home.

That being said, it was a good experience for us. It was a learning experience. We confronted things that we didn't know to talk about. It really helped us to decide what we do and don't like.

Our next time out was to an on-premise club. We had a GREAT time! I really believe that it was in large part to the experience that we had at the private party.

The next encounter after that was a couple that we met at the club. We invited them to our home.

And after that was another on-premise club over Labor Day weekend. There were 450+ people at that party.

Whether you play or not, you will gain an enormous amount of visual experience. It will give you more things to talk and think about.

One hard and fast rule that WE use (well, actually two) is if one doesn't like half of the couple, we don't play. I don't want him to feel pressured to play with someone he's not attraced to just because I am and vice versa. And we don't change the rules in the middle of a party. It's too easy to be swayed by what is happening and then you have to go home and do some clean up.

So, I say GO. And try to have fun.

Good luck to both of you!
LC

[OhioCouple]

Excellent advice and posting, Lady Cleo.

I couldn't agree with what you said more. We went as 'virgins' to a club the first time, went several more times and then we also went to a private house party. It gave us a lot to talk about and we learned more about our preferences and ourselves in general. How could you know, if you didn't go?

The main thing to keep in mind, Couplehavingfun, is make sure you have some sort of signal (private) that let's the other know that 'all is good to go, or let's get the hell out of here'. Please trust me on this one. We sorta learned that lesson the hard way. :slam"

Go, and go with the mindset to just enjoy the experience, as LadyCleo said. It sounds as tho the hosts have explained things pretty well to you and it is a no pressure environment. It will be a great experience for you.

Please let us know what you decide and how it all plays out for you.

Mrs. O

[Couplehavingfun]

Thank you for your reply, JustAskJulie. I am definitely taking your advice and everyone else's into consideration.

Perhaps even let the other couple you have made definate plans with know that you will be there and that this will give you a chance to meet earlier than expected.

I did do this out of amusement and friendliness, but haven't heard back from them yet. A big WHATEVER to them. LOL. Whether or not they plan to attend, if they don't answer back in a friendly manner pretty soon (since the party is Friday) -- well that says a lot about them to us.

Lady Cleo and OhioCouple -- Mrs. O, thanks for your replies/sharing your experiences. Can you hear that sound? That would be the sound of R applauding your suggesting we go to the party.
Your posts makes a lot of sense and are egging on my mischievous side...

Posted by Lady Cleo:

One hard and fast rule that WE use (well, actually two) is if one doesn't like half of the couple, we don't play. I don't want him to feel pressured to play with someone he's not attraced to just because I am and vice versa. And we don't change the rules in the middle of a party. It's too easy to be swayed by what is happening and then you have to go home and do some clean up.

Posted by OhioCouple --Mrs. O:

The main thing to keep in mind, Couplehavingfun, is make sure you have some sort of signal (private) that let's the other know that 'all is good to go, or let's get the hell out of here'. Please trust me on this one. We sorta learned that lesson the hard way.

I am very proud of us. We haven't even met another couple for a drink yet, and we have these same systems in place already. Those were decided upon in our first serious -- *we're going to do this* -- conversations. That said, we have a twisted sense of humor and we both have *joked* about "taking one for the team."


And as if my complaints about getting started in the lifestyle were being heard, we have been getting more serious email from other couples, and this weekend we are meeting a cute couple that just emailed us yesterday saying that they were interested.

Whether or not we dive in and go to the party on Friday night remains to be seen....

[Couplehavingfun]

I should say that we've had plenty of opportunites to meet with other couples (including the couple hosting this party), but haven't been approached by too many we thought we wanted to get to know better, or our schedules didn't work out...until now. That said, now we're jumping into a party situation. LOL.


So, we're diving in...

We RSVP'd that we would be attending the party tomorrow night. There will be 6 other couples and us.


Wish us a good time!

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Couplehavingfun

I am very proud of us. We haven't even met another couple for a drink yet, and we have these same systems in place already. Those were decided upon in our first serious -- *we're going to do this* -- conversations.

Woo Hoo for ya'll!!! That is awesome! Ya'll are going a lot better prepared than we did our first time! I'm sure you will have a great time.... You definitely have the TWO THUMBS UP, and I am sure you will have a great time!

Go and enjoy!

[Couplehavingfun]

Thanks, Ohio Couple. I just got back from doing a little shopping.

Tomorrow night should be interesting...and fun.

[Couplehavingfun]

<p>So...we are no longer first timers. Hee...</p>

<p>The night went like this:
We were invited to a party and when we got there at 9:00pm. Outside of the host couple, we were the only ones that showed. So, we sat in the lounge and had drinks with them and chatted. While chatting, one other couple called and said that they were on their way and would be there in a half hour or so. Then the host couple asked us if we'd like to go up to the room with them and we said that we would.</p>

<p>And a good time was had by all.</p>

<p>As the host couple was getting to leave (they had to leave by 11:00 -- babysitter issues) -- the other couple gets to the room. Everyone chats for a bit, The host couple is sorry they have to leave, but does go, and we hang out chatting with the couple that just arrived. One thing leads to another and we sleep with them, too. We stayed with them at the hotel until around 4:00 this morning. We all left smiling with plans to get together again and have exchanged short, complimentary, emails today.</p>

<p>It was a fun night. We're meeting with another couple on Sunday evening. I think we're realy going to like this swinging thang. </p>

[Elusive BiFem]

Well, it looks like ya'll went from 0 to 60 in record time!

I'm glad all turned out well, and that you had an enjoyable evening. Your story might prove to be rather inspirational to those that have been "drumming" their fingers on the desk for a while (referring back to your original post on this thread).

Have a "restful" Sunday! - EBF

[Couplehavingfun]

<p>I know, how funny is that! We took to it like ducks to water, too. No hesitation or any other problems. Ya know...lights on -- we were checking everything out, watching each other, and both had a great time. The other lady and I had some fun with the men at the same time, too. </p>
<p>I wish I was having a restful Sunday, but between Church, a birthday party one of my children is attending (carpooling -- I'm driving one way for that), buying and cutting up oranges for one of my children's soccer teams' half time snacks, grocery shopping, driving to my son's soccer game (yup - bringing those oranges) and rooting, making dinner, and getting things ready so that getting ready for school and work flow in the morning...it's not all that restful.</p>
<p>Oh, and we have are meeting another couple out for drinks tonight...and we'll see where that goes. When it rains, it pours... </p>

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally posted by Couplehavingfun
I wish I was having a restful Sunday, but between Church, a birthday party one of my children is attending (carpooling -- I'm driving one way for that), buying and cutting up oranges for one of my children's soccer teams' half time snacks, grocery shopping, driving to my son's soccer game (yup - bringing those oranges) and rooting, making dinner, and getting things ready so that getting ready for school and work flow in the morning...it's not all that restful.</p>
<p>Oh, and we have are meeting another couple out for drinks tonight...and we'll see where that goes. When it rains, it pours... </p>

I'm exhausted.

- EBF

[Couplehavingfun]

<p>OMG, we are tired! We met the other couple last night and got home close to 4:00 am again. They were a very nice couple, and we had fun talking, sharing laughs, and having drinks. We were all a little nervous, so we took a long time before deciding to get a room together, and that's why the night went on so long -- into the morning. We need to just lose the stage fright and step this whole meeting thing up a bit in the future, so we can start and end earlier and not be wrecked the next day. LOL.</p>

<p>Oh, and the two couples we met, before the couple we met last night, both want to try and get together next week. We need to space things out a bit and catch up on some sleep before meeting with either couple again. LOL.</P>

<p>After this weekend we can say that it's official now -- we're swingers. </p>

[OhioCouple]

I'm glad everything went well for you, Couplehavingfun. It sounds like you are your hubby had a great time and had no issue crop up. However...

I'd like to give you a little piece of advice, based on our experience. Don't dive in too quickly into other avenues and don't over do it to the point that swinging consumes your life, rather than you controlling it. We went full swing on our first meet and everything was great. However, we started making a bundle of mistakes, because we thought everyone and everything would always be "hunky dory". We were so excited that it didn't cause any problems in our relationship (with our first meet) that we wanted to experience everything. It soon be came and endless sea of meeting people, going to clubs, house parties, searching ads, etc. About six months down the road, I was burnt out. Literally. We called a halt to everything, in order to get our priorities in order. Things such as:

How often do we want to swing?

How many dinners do we have to do a month to find the right swing partners? We must have had dinner with somewhere around 20 different couples and only two were what we thought we were seeking. And both of those turned out to be mistakes in the long run.

Do we really enjoy the clubs and house parties? We were so wrapped up in the excitement of everything that I got carried away one night at a club. We weren't ready for that.

We made revisions and then resumed swinging after about a month. The following year brought on a whole new set of revisions and we stopped swinging for four months and only recently resumed doing so. We think we have it figured out now, but who knows what next year will bring?

While I know there are probably people that could swing everday of the week, I highly doubt there are many that do. (Not saying this is what you are doing). I'm just cautioning you, based on our experiences and many others that I have read on this board too, to take it easy and try not to make the same mistakes that many of us newbies have. Because it is so very easy to do.

Mrs. O