Abusive male club owners? Am I wrong?

[Brit_Pair]

It would be nice to be able to always employ the maxim: "Give them your trust until they give you reason not to."

Realistically - given some of the less tasteful traits of human nature - that's impossible, maybe nowhere more so than in this lifestyle. However sad it might be, perhaps the maxim should read: "Give me a reason to trust you, and I'll trust you."

[teknurse]

First of all I am sorry you had such a bad first experience. I have only been to one club and mine was great.

I think your girlfriend needs to take some assertiveness training classes prior to attending her next club. I couldnt imagine allowing anyone male or female do anything to me I did not want or like. At the club we were at the second guy I was with keep trying to stick his fingers up my ass, I asked him to stop once, he tried it again and ended up on his ass on the floor which ended our interaction. You need to ask your girlfriend if she intends on having sex with everyone that asks to avoid feeling uncomfortable. or stand up for herself. You manhood should not come into question but perhaps she should be asked if she is woman enough to to control her own actions and take responsibility for them. This was not a rape. I am sure the club owners value their reputation and business over a one time sexual encounter. If not they should be out of business soon.

Secondly, why are you having sex with people who dont know your boundaries. Did either of you tell the owners that you did not engage with others if both parties are not in the same room? Or was this some secret just between the two of you? Telling them may have given your girlfriend a polite excuse not to interact with the owners until your return. She obviously is not comfortable with letting her wishes be known.

Finally dont place blame but spread the love. I hope things get better for you. Life is full of learning experiences and I hope you can use this as one of them.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally posted by JohnSwings

I naively believed men would be gentlemen at clubs. Obviously, the "trust but verify" philosophy is the only way to go.

John

Unfortunately, men aren't even gentlemen half the time at "gentlemen's clubs".

It sounds to me like she is still sorting a lot of things out in her head about that night. As she does she will tell you all and you can work through it together.

[R&C]

JohnSwings,

You asked a question back a page or so to the effect of "what could I have said". The thing that has worked for me is "Which part of NO didn't you understand?" At the first point EITHER of you felt uncomfortable with any one in the club tell the owners. If it is the owners tell them anyway. If they don't DO something about it LEAVE. There are better places and SAFER places to be.

In my estimation this isn't a "club" I would ever attend, and had they tried that with my wife one of us would have fed them their lunch. The first clue here is that the "owners" are violating their own rule. The second is how can they attend to the saftey and comfort of their "guests" if they are off partying. This wasn't a "house party", but a club. THey had no buisness of partying with anybody.

[OhioCouple]

I wouldn't go back to this club period. As it was supposed to be a couples only club, even though the owner was their alone, he obviously allowed certain singles in as Johnswings refers to the other single male as the 'owners' friend, several times....not co-owner. Even it that is just a fluke, there is no way I would go back to a club in which I was take advantage of.

Johnswings, keep allowing your girlfriend to open up about that night. I know all to well how when something goes wrong and you are ashamed of your own behavior that it is easier to be angry with the one you love the most. It sounds as if you are working this all through. Keep on working on it.

Lori