Abusive male club owners? Am I wrong?

[Chicup]

Anyone else think Bob's favorite movie is Psycho?

Just a thought.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by Chicup
Anyone else think Bob's favorite movie is Psycho?

Just a thought.

Chicup, If I have to agree with you 110% one more time this week, I'm going to have a heart attack!

Lori

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by Bob123

She is experienced in swinging he is not

She told him to leave and go find another girl

She broke the couple's only rule

I totally agree with you on these statements Bob. She was experienced, she did tell him to leave, and she did break the rule.

But this guy had to physically push them off of her earlier in the evening, so he just goes off and leaves her alone in a room with them later?

I have to admit, I don't understand why she would give them a blow job to occupy them when you can just get up and leave the room.

And I don't understand how as soon as they enter the club this guy leads her to the back and right off the bat he's screwing her. Was there no foreplay? Was there no flirting? Was she naked as soon as she walked through the door? I think that we are missing something here.

AND there are always two sides to every story and we have not heard her side yet. Of course this guy is going to paint a guilt free picture of innocence.

[JustAskJulie]

I have to agree that everyone made mistakes here. Too often couples who are new to the lifestyle find themselves in situations like this where advances are made that they don't stop simply because they don't know what to do or don't know wha'ts ok or what's not and just don't want to make waves.

Your girlfriend should have spoken up early on when she was unhappy with what was happening. YOU should have spoken up when you saw guys making unwanted advances on your girlfriend - you knew they were unwanted, but you let them continue.

I will even go so far as to say that you shouldn't have left her alone in a room with two guys who had already made unwanted advances on her. You knew she was sore, she knew she was sore and most likely was done for the night. That should have been enough for you guys to call it a night and head home but you stuck around for more.

Basically, you need to talk to her and admit that you made a mistake and point out that she also made a mistake (by not saying something/ stopping things that she did not want). Instead of trying to blame the other for what happened admit that it was both of your faults.

As far as the club owners go, I agree that they should not have been playing at the club without their wives, especially since it was a couples only club and in essence they were single males. In addition to that from what you said it seems that they took advantage of their position in the club to assume that they had dibs on any female that walks in the door (I've heard of this happening all too often at clubs). I would suggest that you find a new club to attend. Since these two are the owners of this particular club I doubt it would do much good to say anything to them. However, you can let others know what you experienced there (by posting a review on this site and others).

I may get bashed for this but, I agree somewhat with Bob Why were either of you in a room with a person"persons" you had issues with? If your wife did not want sex with these men SHE AND YOU SHOULD HAVE TOSSED THEIR ASSES OUT ASAP!. Being left alone with your wife in a privite room had sent the message to these assholes that they had the go ahead to have sex. Before I EVER enter a privite room whom ever I am with we talk about what is to go on. Just last night I had a man in a privite room before we ever opned the door I told him it was only a bj NO SEX. You should not fight about this mistake "learn from it". Things get out of hand very fast. Your wife seems mad at you for HER NOT DEFENDING HERSELF. She should relize this was your 1st time in a club situation and of course you are not going to know everything. I belive she is wrong in passing her anger off on you. There will be many times things may happen that she dose not like and you won't be there to protect her. She should take a stand 4 herself or this will not be the last time she gets taken advantage of "that is not your fault". She could have told the guy you have to wait till my husbands here "we only play together", SHE took it on herself to start a BJ WITHOUT YOU. I have had people try to get a quickie in on me while my hubby was in the bathroom or something....I have told men and women to SLOW DOWN untill hubby gets back. I would not go to any club with your wife again untill she can speak up 4 herself. I would tell her up front no sex not even a BJ untill you are their with her. Not everyone has the rule about being together 4 sex..but YOU TWO DID! She broke that by BJ on a guy without you! She did not have to use her mouth she could have used her FEET and went to find you instend of trying to play with men she was not comfortable with

[naughty A]

Xerogirl

ALL the participants made mistakes.

and she may have had slightly more experience 4-5x but I'd still consider her a newbie.

and they had never interacted as a couple before... maybe if she had been alone she would have felt free to just leave... he doesn't say if her previous experience was as a single or as part of a couple.

Arguing about who was at fault isn't going to solve anything...

I'm not bashing, just hoping they can put it back together...

Naughty A.

[Chicup]

Xerogirl - I think that a lot of blame goes to his girlfriend here, BUT Bob seems to think all the blame should, when its pretty clear that everyone made some big mistakes.

[Roxysbayou]

Originally posted by xerogirl
Your wife seems mad at you for HER NOT DEFENDING HERSELF.

There will be many times things may happen that she dose not like and you won't be there to protect her. She should take a stand 4 herself or this will not be the last time she gets taken advantage of "

Although I do feel like he does have some fault in what happened that night, we all have to be responsible for our own actions.

Xerogirl is right, she should have defended herself if she found herself in a situation that she didn't want to be in. She should have gotten up and left. Instead she decides to give head.

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by JohnSwings
My girlfriend (quite bi) and I (straight) went through my first swing experience at a local on-premise club last Saturday night. This was my first experience, her 4th or 5th (she did some swinging before I met her a year ago.)

I think a point some may be over looking as the original post had a lot of details, is that this was only "HER" 4th or 5th time. She was by far Not an Experienced/Seasoned Swinger . We have had far more experiences than that and have made more mistakes than we care to recount. If four or five experiences qualifies someone as being knowledgeable in handling all swinging experiences, well.... then we rate a minus 10 on the qualification scale and are the dunces of all swingers.

My opinion stands that each of them made mistakes "EQUALLY". It isn't anything that can't be worked out if they choose to swing again. She will know better to speak up, perhaps they will make some private signal that let's each other know that it is time to get out of this situation, he'll have learned that more ofen than not it isn't wise to leave any woman alone where single men are involved (owners or not) while at a swingers club. They will both have learned that the club they attended is not one for them as the club owners were wrong, wrong, wrong....from the word go and hopefully they will warn any other swingers that they meet with about that club and spare another new couple from making the same mistakes they did.

Lori

[OhioCouple]

Originally posted by naughty A


.....and she may have had slightly more experience 4-5x but I'd still consider her a newbie.

I just now saw your posting and had I seen it I could have saved myself from some typing.

Lori

[danc694u]

Despite what everyone else says.

I'm pissed at the owners behavoir!!!!!

Two things would have happened had it been us.

#1 they would have been told politely to ^%$# off the first time.

#2 We most likely would have left and never returned.

We've only had one club owner try this BS. And he was quickly set straight. Bottom line...Club Owners are there to run the event, and play Sheriff in the event trouble is started.

Find another club. Sit down, talk to each other, and make some SOLID rules for each other, before you go.

[Brit_Pair]

It's probably the Neanderthal in me, but I'm surprised that the club owners didn't have to get down on their hands and knees at the end of the evening to try and locate their missing teeth.

[danc694u]

Originally posted by Brit_Pair
It's probably the Neanderthal in me, but I'm surprised that the club owners didn't have to get down on their hands and knees at the end of the evening to try and locate their missing teeth.

I agree.....

They're behavior was totally unacceptable. And since we live close to that area, and might well attend that club. I would like to know the name of said club, so we could avoid it.

[JustAskJulie]

Regarding this being her 4th or 5th exprerience. While it may have been her 4th or 5th experience even, it may still well have been her first time at a club.

I've seen many newbies get in situations at parties and clubs that they don't know how to handle mainly because they aren't sure what it is appropriate (as he stated) or because they are scared to offend hosts or other people who may be there. I think this is a lot of what happened here.

I definately agree that the club owners hold a lot of blame, they should have been understanding with this couple as newbies and helped to guide them not pushed them into things they weren't ready for. Also, as "seasoned" swingers which I would assume the club owners would be, they should have been able to tell from body language how (un) comfortable this couple was with what was going on and backed off.

JohnSwings - have you guys managed to work this out? I would suggest showing her this thread even to help her see that it wasn't just your or just her, and that a great deal of blame does lie with the club owners. I hope you guys can work this out.

[FrenchConx]

There are some issues that John and his girlfriend need to work out. I recommend a great book called "Together Sex" By Ed Allen for you both to read. It is fairly short and has some good information including the situation you mentioned. I used to think that we should all set rules before heading to a club, but too often I see people getting into disputes because these rules are broken, even though they really weren't too unhappy by whatever "action" took place. People often take these actions to be a breech in trust and it can escalate to a bigger problem than it really is. this book sheds a new light on this subject and is worth the read.

Allen also has a very small book called "Considering Swinging" a guide for beginners- maybe that would be a good read as well (both are available on Amazon or the ILA site (referenced below)).

Now for the tough part. These owners sound like real jerks and are giving our lifestyle (and anyone that comes in contact with them) a bad name. The International Lifestyle Association (ILA) was started to create a level of standards from within our community. Any business that joins must adhere to principals outlined on the site or face losing their membership. We also have a program (that is brand new) where we are feilding complaints of businesses that do not follow these standards.

It is not an inquisition, rather a chance for the business to know that there may be some problems and open lines of communication. Most times, many of the problems can be resolved and are simply due to misunderstandings. Businesses deserve to know when there are serious complaints (like this one) and more importantly, customers need to know when an abusive situation is present.

I ask you to e-mail me at frenchconx@aol.com to discuss this further so that we may try to mediate the situation. If we cannot resolve this, we need to remove them from the ILA list. To do nothing would simply allow others to succumb to the same abuse as you have mentioned.

Bob Hannaford
www.theILA.org