Swinger Clubs (for Newbies)In Ontario(Canada),Upstate NY

[snowrain]

Hi,
I debated whether to put this ad in situation help or here and decided to post on both forums...

We never had sex outside marriage before.
I Have been fantasising about visiting about visiting a swingers club since couple of years and mentioned it to my wife(very shy and never even talks back her fantasies to me though she recently started getting wet with my talk)..She agreed to visit a swingers club after explaining her that we dont need to do anything until we like to participate ..can anybody suggest what kind of clubs to visit keeping in mind

1)we might surely not do any thing for long time expect visit and see how she likes
2)We might not go ever beyond soft swing
3)we are late 20's couple (so find right crowd)
4)We live in Toronto area and looking for clubs which are atleast out of GTA area(couple of hundred KM from GTA)
5)When I ask her what would be the limits when we visit the clubs -- she says I dont know and too shy to discuss about it..(any suggestions on how to get going on this part?)
I have narrowed my search to BSC in buffalo any suggestions regarding this club?

appreciate any suggestions for sensual first time experience.

Thanks..

[graygo98]

Hi, good to hear from a fellow Torontonian.

First, going to a club is a great way to ease into (or not) the lifestyle. You will find that there are usually quite a few people present who are voyeurs or interested in only flirting/soft swing. So, you won't feel left out.

You will also find that the erotic atmosphere will be a spur to real conversation between you and your wife, which is really important and especially at your stage. (You will also likely see things that will make yours eyes pop out a bit, if you are a bit shy and inexperienced. This will also make for some deep conversation and likely hot sex later when you are home.)

The best thing, though, is that there is generally a completely pressure free atmosphere. People aren't going to be swarming you making you feel uncomfortable. In fact, you will be able to relax a lot more than is often the case in a vanilla club.

I am curious though. There are some great clubs in Toronto. Why would you not want to go to a club in the GTA?

[snowrain]

worried about running into people We know..and also dont want to go to a club where many singles frequent.

Can you suggest soem real good clubs for people in our situatuion?

[BiloxiCouple]

Close Encounters, Gulfport MS It will give you distance and is very discreet. Probably won't run into anyone you know. They only allow six singles a night and they are restricted to the bar area unless invited away by a couple.

[tscpl]

We were once told an hours travelling time is just about right.

[interested-05]

I dont know how far it is to Syracuse from toronto, but Syracuse social club is a good club for newbies. We live 5 hours away from there ourselves, and enjoyed our visit there. no pressure, the owners were very considerate and made it clear , if you feel harassed let them know and they will have any problems dealt with. They do not allow single men, but do allow single women. Find them on line, you both have to talk to them in order to be invited.
As far as 1 hour away from home. I think many cples consider 1 hour to be an acceptable distance to drive for a party. just keep in mind, if they are at the club with you, they are there for the same reason you are. Accept the surprise, laugh about between yourselves, you all have something fun to share.

[bbarnsworth]

Originally Posted by snowrain

Hi,
I debated whether to put this ad in situation help or here and decided to post on both forums...

We never had sex outside marriage before.
I Have been fantasising about visiting about visiting a swingers club since couple of years and mentioned it to my wife(very shy and never even talks back her fantasies to me though she recently started getting wet with my talk)..She agreed to visit a swingers club after explaining her that we dont need to do anything until we like to participate ..can anybody suggest what kind of clubs to visit keeping in mind

1)we might surely not do any thing for long time expect visit and see how she likes
2)We might not go ever beyond soft swing
3)we are late 20's couple (so find right crowd)
4)We live in Toronto area and looking for clubs which are atleast out of GTA area(couple of hundred KM from GTA)
5)When I ask her what would be the limits when we visit the clubs -- she says I dont know and too shy to discuss about it..(any suggestions on how to get going on this part?)
I have narrowed my search to BSC in buffalo any suggestions regarding this club?

appreciate any suggestions for sensual first time experience.

Thanks..

I would not worry about going to a local club and running into someone you know. There was a thread about this recently....let me see if I can find it...Nope, can't find it quick. If someone else can, please post. Anyways, the consensus was you're just as likely to run into someone you know at a more distant club than one near by. Other people have the same anxiety you have. So, where do they go? If you're not going to go in the GTA, then your only options are Kingston (pretty far), Buffalo and Windsor/Detroit (again, far). Your options are probably fairly limited to London or Buffalo. So, the people concerned about running into someone they know (you!) might show up there too. You just can't predict, and playing that game is fruitless.

Just find a club that's right for you (as best you can tell) and go. Don't worry about running into someone you know. If you do, what are they going to do? Blow you in? You could just as well blow them in. Relax.

As for the conversation with your wife, careful. You're in uncertain territory here. I definitely would NOT attempt doing something with another woman that you had not specifically discussed with her, this being the first experience. My wife and I discussed all possible scenarios at great length before our first experience. In the end, 95% of the scenarios didn't happen but just knowing for sure what the limits were helped.

You might try putting forth specific scenarios to your wife. "Ok, I know you're shy about this, so how about I suggest different scenarios and you can just answer yes, no, or I don't know" then ask "May I touch another woman?" for starters, then add "in private areas?" and keep going until you find the limits of her acceptance. If the limits of her acceptance are not touching other women, THEN LIVE WITH IT. Do not try to convince her. This will most likely backfire. Patience. Patience. Patience a thousand times patience. Also try scenarios vis-a-vis her; "Are you ok with another man touching you?" "In private places?"

A quiet, unopen wife can be difficult for this. You're going to have to take things slowly. If you jump the gun too hard, you could shut the whole thing down and make it a very negative experience. There's no race here. Some couples take YEARS to get to the point of swinging of any kind, much less full swapping.

Another avenue to try; have dinner with a swinging couple with the understanding that NOTHING is going to happen on that occasion, or maybe at all. Just talk with them about the lifestyle, and get questions out there, asked, and answered. My wife and I would love to do this with any curious couple (and will whenever the opportunity arises).

If you do go to a club, prepare your wife; let her know that there will be naked bodies, people having all sorts of sex, etc...etc... There are private rooms, but there are equally non-private areas, and people take advantage of them. We're not wildly experienced, but I can tell you this; it's a heck of a lot more relaxed than you might think it would be. I've done a LOT of clubbing in my life. I used to frequent R. P. M., there in Toronto (now Guvernment) for example. The atmosphere at those clubs can be electric. But, I can tell you this; in my limited experience in swinger clubs, there was a lot less...tension, shall we say. People were more relaxed, and having a great time. Everybody knows what you're there for.