Bad reputation of house parties?

[socolais]

I've read several comments about how house parties are such an undesirable opportunity that folks completely avoid them. Their reasoning is usually implied that the parties are "too intense", "hard core", or "less intimate". While we have to acknowledge the existance of "drop yer panties at the door and put a couple of notches in the bedpost" kind of parties, we have found they're more the exception rather than the rule (at least, locally).

We've found local parties to be relaxed and friendly, very much like the descriptions of the social activities at some of the popular clubs. Parties have become one of our favorite play opportunities - all the comforts of home with the excitement of party sex.

If your preference for avoiding parties is based on first-hand experience, I'd like to hear the story....

[VegasLee]

Like you we have found all kinds of house parties in Vegas.

Some are very social, bar b q, swim. You could almost bring your kids to them then there are the hardcore parties.

I will admit, for five years we held a monthly house party and we had a room where you checked your clothes. It was a very hardcore party for about 15 people each time and limited to only those invited but they knew what kind of party it was and that is why they came to it.

I think in most areas people can find the type of party that they are comfortable with. What gives people a bad taste is not taking the time to find out what kind of party they are going to and then find out it is not for them so "all" house parties become bad.

[N&G]

The types of parties held are based on the type of people that attend them. Hardcore groups have hardcore parties. Social groups have social parties. Anyone who complains about a party being "too intense" was at the wrong party. There is something for everyone in this lifestyle, you just have to find it.

[JustMrJ]

So far the parties my wife and I have attended have leaned a bit toward the 'hardcore' parties, but not to the point that there wasn't socializing to get everyone comfortable.

We have met quite a few VERY nice people and have started to develop very nice 'play partner' friendships. None that fell into the 'close' or 'best' friends category yet, but we'll keep looking.

[two42lovers]

The real issue may be more about someone's comfort zone and level of experience. Nothing wrong if play parties aren't your cup of tea. If someone thinks it's "too hardcore" for them, it probably is.

Most of the private house parties we've attended or hosted include between 5 and 10 couples, and start with a couple hours of very intimate socializing - much more intimate and personal than we find at most large parties or clubs.

After a couple hours, the host and hostess get naked and start the playing. Everyone usually gets naked pretty quick after that... Most people at the party end up playing with most of the other people at the party. It is NOT a free for all. No one touches before asking, but everyone is there for sex. If someone doesn't feel it with someone else, they politely decline.

As host, the goal is to invite people you think will be attracted to each other, and who will fit well together. We try to only invite couples who are fun, easy going, and comfortable in the lifestyle.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by two42lovers

and start with a couple hours of very intimate socializing - much more intimate and personal than we find at most large parties or clubs.

Can you expand a bit more on what you mean by this?

[two42lovers]

The feel we get from a small group gathering tends to be more intimate than a large group. These parties usually only have a relatively small number of couples. The music isn't too loud, and the feel is very relaxed and personal. The couples may be new to us, but they are friends of couples we already know. Because the numbers are small, it's easier to take time and get to know each other. Everyone is usually very relaxed and comfortable.

[good times]

We don't really care for house parties that much, but it has never been that they are too wild for us. Funny thing is, most of the positive reasons given by others for why they like house parties, more intimate, less people, quiet music, for example, are some of the main reasons we don't like them.

I think that one of the main reason we don't like them is because they are at someones house. No matter how well I know the hosts, I just cannot relax and get comfortable at a party in someones home. I can't exactly explain why that is, but it is the way I feel.

The other thing we have noticed about house parties is that in well over half of the house parties we have attended, the activities and tone of the party seemed to be centered around the hosts, rather than the guests. In other words, when at house parties, we often get the impression that if what we want to do doesn't coincide with the hosts plans for the evening, we may as well leave. Which is what we do, more often than not. In fact, I think we have only been to one or two house parties that we stayed for more than two hours before we became so uncomfortable with apparent itinerary that we left.

Finally, compared to most swingers we know, we are very picky when choosing playmates. Most house parties in our area may have around a dozen couples attending the party at most. In our case, unless we make plans to play with a couple attending the party in advance, it is highly unlikely that we will find anyone we want to play with. In contrast, at one of the local on premise clubs with at least double the attendance, it isn't unusual for us to meet one or two couples that interest us in a given evening. So at some point for us, it becomes a cost benefit sort of thing, do we waste the evening and go to a house party, where we normally won't find anyone who sexually interests us and will sit around bored stiff until we can discretely leave? Or do we go to a club where, even if we don't hook up with anyone, we can dance, play some pool/pinball/darts and have a good time for the evening? the choice is easy for us.

The bottom line for us regarding house parties is, if we didn't have any good local swingers clubs, we would probably attend more house parties,as they are better than nothing or the ad sites. But at least from our viewpoint, with three fair to good on-premise clubs (which we much prefer over house parties) within 15 minutes drive from our house, why go to house parties?

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by good times

The other thing we have noticed about house parties is that in well over half of the house parties we have attended, the activities and tone of the party seemed to be centered around the hosts, rather than the guests. In other words, when at house parties, we often get the impression that if what we want to do doesn't coincide with the hosts plans for the evening, we may as well leave. Which is what we do, more often than not. In fact, I think we have only been to one or two house parties that we stayed for more than two hours before we became so uncomfortable with apparent itinerary that we left.

Can you expand a bit more on the apparent iterneraries that you have encountered?

I haven't been to a house party in close to 10 years, that was the majority of my swinging in the early days. The house party we went to most often could almost pass as an on-premise club, they had a room set up with a pool table, couches, and karaoke machine. No one ever seemed to have an issue relaxing... and like clockwork at midnight clothes started flying and the piles formed. However, thinking back to this I can see one issue (that if it is the norm at house parties) could be the very issue that drives you guys away from house parties and that is that as I recall it seemed like most nights the sex party started with an all girl pile up. And while things never had an issue moving past that to plenty of M/F pairing off, orgies, etc. I can see that being a turn off if you are straight. I'm bi, but I've never really been into the girl piles, so I was typically the first female to start the M/F pairings.

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by good times

Finally, compared to most swingers we know, we are very picky when choosing playmates. Most house parties in our area may have around a dozen couples attending the party at most. In our case, unless we make plans to play with a couple attending the party in advance, it is highly unlikely that we will find anyone we want to play with

This is our issue too. Due to the limited couples and somewhat more expectant atmosphere of a house party we are not comfortable unless we know all the couples involved. Its easier to say no thanks at a club than someones living room where there are only 4 couples, easier to escape too.

I have really nothing AGAINST house parties, but so far our experiences just haven't been that great either. Were we childless we would most likely just host them ourselves and eliminate half the variables.

[knb2004]

I think Chicup nailed it, it's all about the numbers. A typical house party is probably smaller, and as such it's harder to hide and not participate, whereas in a club environment, if you choose to sit on the sidelines it's likely to go unnoticed by most.

That having been said, your mileage may vary as we went to a "house party" this past weekend with about 200 people. It was a multiday event, and one of the best lifestyle experiences we've had. Hardcore? I suppose, depends on how you define it. No way you could be there and not see plenty of sex happening... in the pool, in the jacuzzi, on the dancefloor, and most certainly in the multiple playrooms. So, if avoiding seeing sexual activity is why houseparties make you nervous, this is a no go, but if avoiding it without seeming inconsiderate is your goal, it would be a good fit.

[socolais]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

... as I recall it seemed like most nights the sex party started with an all girl pile up. ...

That's interesting because one of the parties we frequent usually have a room specifically designated for the ladies (men are not invited). And they'll usually start the play there - BUT there are sometimes a few ladies that choose to not play with them and it's cool to watch them have their pick of nearly a dozen men. It's apparent that they like the attention. Another thing, when the group of ladies file out of their room, they're clearly in the mood for some hetero action. From my perspective, I'm a porn star and they've been busy "fluffing" each other (hell, even I can get laid in an environment like that)

[good times]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

Can you expand a bit more on the apparent iterneraries that you have encountered?

I haven't been to a house party in close to 10 years, that was the majority of my swinging in the early days. The house party we went to most often could almost pass as an on-premise club, they had a room set up with a pool table, couches, and karaoke machine. No one ever seemed to have an issue relaxing... and like clockwork at midnight clothes started flying and the piles formed. However, thinking back to this I can see one issue (that if it is the norm at house parties) could be the very issue that drives you guys away from house parties and that is that as I recall it seemed like most nights the sex party started with an all girl pile up. And while things never had an issue moving past that to plenty of M/F pairing off, orgies, etc. I can see that being a turn off if you are straight. I'm bi, but I've never really been into the girl piles, so I was typically the first female to start the M/F pairings.

We haven't really had to much of a problem with the bi-girls, no more so at house parties than clubs anyway.

But you did describe what generally puts us off more than anything else, I probably mislabeled it, but generally the big pile atmosphere or expectation of it by the hosts is more prevalent at the house parties we have been to than clubs. While we enjoy a big pile once in a while, it isn't really our preferred way to play, and the only way it really works for me is if I am the one to invite the guests. The problem is, the hosts invite people based on their taste, which rarely matches ours. So basically, so far at least, we have rarely seen a pile form at a house party that we wanted to participate in.

Most house parties also progress like you and several others have indicated, where at some point in the evening, whether initiated by the host or not, "clothes started flying and the piles formed". Frankly, I want to play when I feel like it, with who I feel like playing with, and this idea that someone besides me declares it to be play time just isn't my thing. I am not saying this is a bad thing, it just is not my thing. In fact, I actually think it is a necessary thing. Our experience is that with small groups like are typical at house parties, if someone doesn't initiate the play time, it never gets going at all.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand why most house parties tend to be this way. Besides being a small group, one of the biggest reasons is the available space issue. At our favorite club, a third of the club space is devoted to play rooms of various sorts. So when you get to that point where you and your playmates get the urge to play, you find an empty one and go for it. Or, if you have the urge for a bigger pile, you gather a few more playmates and play in the group play room. At most house parties we have been to, several piles form in the available play areas, and you either join in or wait for a turn that rarely comes.

I guess my point is that, at the clubs, I can do the same things as I would do at a house party, but I have more options, and I feel like I have more flexibility to do them on my own terms.

Don't get me wrong here, we don't have anything against house parties. We realize that some people prefer them over clubs, that is all good in our opinion. In fact, while they aren't our preferred venue, we wouldn't keep going to them if we hated them. I know in trying to briefly answer the original question it may seem that we dislike them more than we actually do. We just prefer clubs, and freely admit it, but we also encourage others to try both because almost everyone likes one better than the other, and you won't know which is best for you until you try them.

[funcpl4life]

One of our couple friends has use of a lake house. It is a lovely location for 2-5 couples. "Expectations" have never really been an issue since we all found out that everybody had played with everybody else (except two couple where the guys are brothers). It's a grand ol' time. Very laid back. The sex happens any time of day. Piles happen, but not as often as 2-4 people finding a bed or couch. Jealousy is not an issue. I once asked around just to see if anybody had left from a weekend at the lake without playing with at least 2 other people and having at least 2 orgasms. Nobody had. It's probably a pretty rare sitch, but it really works for us.

Mr FC4L

[tittietwister]

We have been to two - on large and one small.

We were invited to the large party by a couple who had seen our profile on a site. We did not know them or any of the invited guests. We talked on the phone beforehand and they seemed very nice. This party was characterized by mostly bi play among the women. We are straight as were the hosts. The men hung out at the bar drinking. We couldn't get out fast enough. Discussed with the hosts later and they said it was atypical and that it surprised them too. We have since become very good friends with them but still avoid their parties although we might reconsider since we have become such good friends with them.

The small party we attended was four couples. We had met the hosts once before, vertically, and liked them very much. They understood our poly emphasis on developing friendships in the lifestyle and hand picked the other couples to demonstrate to us that not all swingers eschewed friendship and emotional connections. Playtime was preceded by the couples sharing some very personal stories of the trials and tribulations they had helped each other through. They made their point. Unfortunately, we were not attracted to the others notwithstanding that they were nice people. A process that I now refer to as natural selection ensued where couples paired off. A gentleman "picked" my wife and the host "assigned" me to that gentleman's wife. My wife had separate room sex while I was relegated to a group room. I really dislike same room/group stuff. We went along because it was clear that the expectation was that all would play, we understood that when we agreed to come (why else would we have accepted the invitation) and to not play in such a small group would have meant that half of the people not have played - it would have ruined it for everyone. In the end we did not have bad time - just not a good enough time to want to do it again.

There was less pressure to play at the large house party - easier to get lost and more options for others. I'm still glad we attended both for the lessons learned.

Regarding natural selection, to avoid you must identify and acquire a target as quickly as you can so as not to let natural selection choose your partner for you. For me that is very difficult because my process for qualifying playmates is too complex to rush.