House Party question

[des1re06]

We host house parties.

My question involves adding new couples who are different from our group.

Synopsis: A couple contacted us who are very attractive, and he has attributes some of the ladies would enjoy. They would like an invite to future parties. The issue is that he admitted that they have only played with single males (alot).

Should we ask for a STD test?

Understand that our group is very close and we all know each other very well. There is a bit of hesitation on our part to include this couple due to their past experiences.

Mrs. D

[Cpl2share]

Would you be having the same concerns had they only played with females? You do not state it in the post, but is your concern that there has been male male play? If so then you need to address that at that level. I personally do not get into male/male play, but I do feel that you should keep everyone on the same field, there is enough sexual double standard in the vanilla world without us doing it too. Treat them just like you would a couple that wanted to join you who had played with only couples a lot or only females a lot. Just one couples opinion.

[LikeMinds321]

Have you ever asked the couples in your group to get an STD test before you played with them, or invited them to your parties? I would guess not.

I think you are making an assumption that since this couple has only played with single males that they would be more likely to have an STD, which I see no valid reason for at this point.

It would be more important to me to get to know the couple well enough to feel I have confidence in their choice of play partners and sex practices.

Unless it is your group's policy to have everyone tested, including yourselves, before joining the group I don't think you can ask a new couple to be tested unless, in exchange, everyone in the group is prepared to hand over their test results as well.

Personally, I'd be offended if you approached us with this request based solely on us being a couple who has only played with single males.

If you have a tight group of play buddies I can understand wanting to introduce the best possible couples to your group. Maybe you can find a way of spending more time with this couple before you bring them into the fold. I'm guessing you haven't played with them, since you have the STD concern, so I would wait on the invitation and spend more time learning more about them before you invite them to a party.

LM

[sexcupid]

I also wonder if it was a couple that primarily played FMF if you would consider asking for the test.

Is the concern that they might not be using condoms with the single males? Does your group not use condoms with each other, and now that there are newcomers you want to know their status before asking them to come over and have them be the only ones 'required' to use a condom?

And of course the kicker question, if he had never let it slip about them primarily playing with single males...would you even be considering asking them for a test?

Maria

[sweet_tna]

I'm with the other posters on this one. If you haven't asked the other members of your group for a test, why should you ask the new couple?

[fun4Ds]

[quote=des1re06;301331]

Synopsis: A couple contacted us who are very attractive, and he has attributes some of the ladies would enjoy.

like what?

They would like an invite to future parties.

wow des, we are feeling like you are on the spot now, as the hostess and possible playmates of the new couple. that would, well... suck

The issue is that he admitted that they have only played with single males (alot).

we are like everyone els here, and presuming that he is either bi, or been involved with bi males? (i guess clarification here is important). the scales are tilted toward bi males being a higher risk.i cant prove or disprove the facts, but lets face it, we all have concerns.i would be lying if i said we didn't.

Should we ask for a STD test?

we have a solid rule, if we felt someone we would want to play with raised our suspision... we would ask. however its allot easier to just make a few medical suggestions in casual conversations. at our age, and with couples our age, its not that big of a deal.we can comfortably mention our doctors visits. and if a playmate says i haven't been in a very long time its concerning.

and by the way, we have been asked.it was in advanced to meeting/ playing. so we brought our papers with us once..(we were new, we thought it was something every one did) followed by... now lets see yours.. they didn't.. oh they wanted us to understand they didn't mean anything by it.we did understand.but to ask and not present. we parted at the restaurant and haven't seen them since.

Understand that our group is very close and we all know each other very well. There is a bit of hesitation on our part to include this couple due to their past experiences.

we usually have some sort of party list before visiting most house parties we have been to. ill be honest, there is one couple that if they are there, we don't go. but we feel its fair of a hostess to understand our decline without much explanation. so we feel you should value your regular guests opinion. we know we were screened by other attendees at one of the best regular house parties we attend, and didn't take it personal.obviously we weren't blackballed, but we cant make everyone happy.

[BiloxiCouple]

How often does the "group" re-test and is the info shared?

[biornot]

A STD test will not show all STD's. You are not safe on mater how many test you take.Just because they had Male to Male play don't mean they have more of a chance of having any STD then any one ealse in the group. I think you have heard the wrong information. Ever house party I have ever been to know one ask us for any test and I don't know of any one ealse that been asked. A 3some with 2 males don't mean you are having Male to Male sex. We have been in this lifestyle for a long time and don't know any one who had a problem with STD's. biornot

[NumbskullsX2]

Originally Posted by des1re06

We host house parties.

My question involves adding new couples who are different from our group.

Synopsis: A couple contacted us who are very attractive, and he has attributes some of the ladies would enjoy. They would like an invite to future parties. The issue is that he admitted that they have only played with single males (alot).

Should we ask for a STD test?

Understand that our group is very close and we all know each other very well. There is a bit of hesitation on our part to include this couple due to their past experiences.

It sounds to me like your not comfortable with these people. The reason why is immateriel. Maybe your using the possibility of catching an STD as an excuse. If you really need one, you might also consider the possibility that the reason their only into single males is because she has some jealousy issues, or he has some performance issues, because those are also 2 reasons couples look only for single males.

Unless your parties feature a lot of single guys, they probably wouldn't like them anyway.

Some people are asking if you would feel the same if they were into FMF, and the answer is the same - If their making you ucomfortabe, they'll probably make your other guests feel uncomfortable too. It dosen't matter why. For example, if we met a couple that were only into something that we didn't consider mainstream to US, we probably wouldn't bring them into our circle. For example, if they were ONLY into blacks, or HATED blacks, or were into drugs or potty games or whatever, we just wouldn't bring them into our group. Even if they didn't do those things around US, theres still the history and all.

[Sico_tiko]

As your group is a closed one you should ask for STD test and i think this is not embaressing as u want to be safe

[des1re06]

It is a closed group, and we do share results and have built trust. We get to know couples for awhile before introducing them into the group. It's not a "come one, come all" kind of group. We feel "responsible" for whomever we invite. Are we overanalyzing?

We do not use condoms when we are together, but do when we're with other couples. We know there's still a risk, but one we're willing to take.

Yes, if they played with "alot" of single females, then I would also wonder. Key word being "alot" (again, their word). I guess it's the bi male issue that is more of a concern, and would be to all of the other males as well.

I'm just too uncomfortable with them, so I don't think our party is where they should "initiate" themselves into couple play (their words). Thanks for helping me re-think this through.

Mrs. D

[BiloxiCouple]

Maybe I missed part of this somewhere?

How does playing with single guys equate to a bi-male issue?

[TNT]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Maybe I missed part of this somewhere?

How does playing with single guys equate to a bi-male issue?

That's my question too...and, one of the reasons I didn't post on this thread yesterday. As LikeMinds321 said....

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

Personally, I'd be offended if you approached us with this request based solely on us being a couple who has only played with single males.

The "playing with single males a lot" statement seemed like it was the only reason they were questioning this couple and it did offend me (even though Ted and I play with single men...a lot...there was really no reason for it to) it did kind of make me say..."WTF! What has that got to do with the price of tea in China?" So, I didn't want to post until I got over that thought.

I don't know where it is written that MFM threesomes always involves MM interaction...some do, most don't. It is a common misconception that all do so I can see where des1re06 would think this.

I would like to point out that even though MM activity is a higher risk, it is possible that those who engage in this activity are conscious of this and probably play safer than the majority of swingers who only engage in MF sex. The whole swinging lifestyle is a high risk activity and everyone makes their own decisions on how much of a risk they are willing to take.

As I said, Ted and I do play with single men...a lot...but, it's not because of the reasons that NumbskullsX2 gave...they are reasons for some, just not us.

Originally Posted by NumbskullsX2

you might also consider the possibility that the reason their only into single males is because she has some jealousy issues, or he has some performance issues, because those are also 2 reasons couples look only for single males.

Unless your parties feature a lot of single guys, they probably wouldn't like them anyway.

I do agree that unless you have single men at your parties, chances are this couple probably wouldn't enjoy it. Ted and I do enjoy playing with couples and will attend house parties that are "couples only" but...we much more enjoy/prefer parties where single men are in attendance.

Originally Posted by des1re06

It is a closed group, and we do share results and have built trust. We get to know couples for awhile before introducing them into the group. It's not a "come one, come all" kind of group. We feel "responsible" for whomever we invite. Are we overanalyzing?

We do not use condoms when we are together, but do when we're with other couples. We know there's still a risk, but one we're willing to take.

Yes, if they played with "alot" of single females, then I would also wonder. Key word being "alot" (again, their word). I guess it's the bi male issue that is more of a concern, and would be to all of the other males as well.

I'm just too uncomfortable with them, so I don't think our party is where they should "initiate" themselves into couple play (their words). Thanks for helping me re-think this through.

As to your follow-up post...if it's a closed group and you're not comfortable with this couple, then don't invite them...really very simple. I do have a few questions though...just because I'm curious

You said when you play with other couples (outside the group) you use condoms...do the other couples also use condoms when they play outside the group?

Did this new couple say that they had MM activity when they play with single men?

What's your reason for not wanting to play with couples that play with singles (male or female)? (I'm kind of getting the impression that you think there is something wrong with playing with singles).


Teresa

[des1re06]

As you all know by reading my past posts, we do play with singles, both male and female. We always use protection. This couple doesn't. Claims he's "too large". Ha!

We do not, however, play with bi men (that we're aware of). Just our preference.

This couple has only played with single men. No couples.

We didn't intentionally invite them, they asked us. Thus the pondering and post here.

The male is "bi-curious". Sorry, I forgot to include that.

I really didn't mean to offend anyone who plays with singles, as we do, and they are welcome to our parties. But! Protection would be required.

We think singles are a bit more risk. Yes/no?

The general consensus of the group is to use condoms unless they're in the group.

I asked for opinions, simply because I may have over-reacted to their choices. Maybe, maybe not. I do appreciate everyone's comments, even if you think I'm being too judgemental. Sometimes we need a slap in the head.

No offense taken.

Mrs. D

[ncmd_couple]

Mrs. D,

The fact that he won't use protection is probably your main concern. And it is a valid one. Before inviting them to a house party it would probably be a good idea to meet this couple at a club or other venu and get to know them. Talking face to face with possible play one on one first is the best idea. But go with your instincts.

S