Ok say you really like this couple at a house party. How do you make that next move?

[redgirlwithfrec]

We are really shy at times...YES we are. and it is very rare if ever that one of us will make the next move. We guess it may be that fear of rejection that lingers back from childhood. Who knows. Anyway how do you all deal with it and do you have any suggestions?

[iapr]

Give yourself permission to be rejected and then tell someone you are interested in them and ask them politely if they would like to play with you.
If you are rejected the world will not come to an end and there will be someone else that will be interested.

Even the most beautiful lingerie models get rejected now and then because some folks are not into beautiful lingerie models. Rejection is a fact of life in the lifestyle. The first time it happens it stings a bit and you are afraid noone will want you. Just get back on the horse and get back in the game. The next time you go out you may be like a porn star and can't miss no matter what you do. It is all in the magic of the moment.

Look at it this way, if your pastime is fishing you are going to get smelly hands, if it is boxing you are going to get black eyes and a broken nose. If you are into gardening you are going to get dirty fingernails and if you are into bicycling you are going to get some road rash. If you are into swinging you are going to get rejected now and then no matter who you are, how good looking and sexy you are and how nice of a person you are. Noone screws everyone.

If you put on your game face and put yourself out there and go up to people and introduce yourself and are friendly and respectfull and just come right out and ask people if they would like to play with you, you WILL get rejected from time to time. The good news though is you will SCORE a lot as well!

[BiloxiCouple]

Go with as few words as possible when asking.

Wanna fuck?

Wanna get naked?

See it isn't that hard to do it. The worst they can say is no.

[redgirlwithfrec]

Thanks IAPR for the advice. We've been doing this for almost a year and you would think it would have gotten easier by now. The making the first move thing at least. Once that barrier is broken we always have alot of fun though.

[redgirlwithfrec]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

Wanna fuck?
Wanna get naked?
See it isn't that hard to do it. The worst they can say is no.

We wish we could be that forward. lol

[BiloxiCouple]

It's easy and it works. Sometimes we even haven conversation first.

[sweet_tna]

Just RELAX and be yourselves, and stop thinking so doggone much. Now if I can just learn to heed my own advice, lol

[lovelygirl2]

This is one we struggle with a lot. We go to a party, flirt, talk, have a great time, and then once in a while we meet that couple that we want to play with and don't know how to take it to that level. Sometimes we end up seeing them over and over again and no one makes the first move - and we now feel like we missed the boat and are too good of friends.

My NY resolution of sorts is to put myself out there more and not be so afraid of rejection. Can't know unless you ask, right?

[socolais]

We're pretty shy too, so this was an obstacle for us (and it still is sometimes). Most of the times we'll just be talking with someone and they'll say, "ya wanna get a room?" We haven't yet had the opportunity to turn someone down. We've asked the same question to other folks and we haven't been rejected yet either. If there's any magic involved, it must be the communication before the question - it's pretty easy to gage someone's interest by their body language. That's not to say that we play with everyone we happen to talk with but rather there's a pretty good idea of the response before the question is asked.

[Ed & Bunny]

Originally Posted by redgirlwithfrec

We are really shy at times...YES we are. and it is very rare if ever that one of us will make the next move. We guess it may be that fear of rejection that lingers back from childhood. Who knows. Anyway how do you all deal with it and do you have any suggestions?

While we are very new to this, it took us only one really bad experience to figure it out. Anytime we go for anything dealing with swinging, we plan on having fun and then going home or to a room alone to screw like rabbits. Anyone else added in is just a bonus. Rejection doesnt bother us if we keep that attitude and we have easily been able to bluntly ask couples if they want to swap without fear.

[des1re06]

The best line a lady has used on us is: I think we should move this to someplace more private.

Classy and works!

Mrs. D

[BiloxiCouple]

Originally Posted by des1re06

The best line a lady has used on us is: I think we should move this to someplace more private.

Classy and works!

Mrs. D

I like that one

[screaminggood]

I catch her/his eye on the dance floor and smile. If there's a response that's close to a "maybe," we'll dance closer to other couple. If they like us, they'll gravitate closer, too. Pretty soon the women are dancing back to back so it's not difficult to turn around and smile and start dancing with her...and go from there. No words needed!

[Sico_tiko]

I prefer that u go and try to break the ice first by few words like "hi would u like to have a drink with me" for example and then let words flow then try to offer a laying time, i think like that u wont be rejected and if u r it will be in a very nice way.

[Thrax]

I'm pretty much an introvert, and combining that with being a single male in the lifestyle (I have to tone down any advances I make towards a single female or couple) can make "the next move" problematical.

I've learned to take the rejection in the same way that it occurs in vanilla dating: For whatever reason the target of my interest does not find me attractive. Oh, well, time to move on!

Anyway, since I started dabbling in the lifestyle eight years ago I am much more aware of body language. I haven't been 100% correct in my guesses, but within a few minutes of conversation at a house party I can tell if a single female or couple is even remotely interested in me.

If someone engages in extensive conversation with me, or seeks me out to converse numerous times, that's a good sign. The closer the woman stands to me, and the more she touches me -- just a hand on my biceps or shoulder -- indicates an interest also. The occasional direct gaze, not necessarily a hard stare, is positive, too. If she/they invite me to a quieter area to talk, ask me if I'll accompany her/them to the buffet, or -- better yet -- ask me to join them in the hot tub or the pool, then things are looking very good.

You can look for these and similar signs to evaluate whether a couple is interested in you, and conversely, if you are interested in another couple you can subtly use some of these tactics on them. As long as they react positively -- or even neutrally -- you can move forward. There are no guarantees, but if you pay attention you'll have a better idea if there is the possibility of taking things to the next level.

And if you're not sure which way the wind is blowing, near the end of the evening hand them a slip of paper with your email addy on it and tell them that you had a great time talking with them. If they are interested in getting together to possibly get better acquainted (a wonderfully vague term), then they can contact you.

Good luck!

Thrax