If you were faced with this situation....

[Menage_a_Trois]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Honestly? It would certainly catch my attention. My first thought would be certainly not be to recoil in horror or disgust, but rather think to myself: This is a woman with a story to tell. I think I'd be filled with admiration and a touch of humility, seeing someone who loves herself enough to have the confidence to show others how beautiful she knows she is. In my own mind, I would see the wound as a battle scar and know that the woman who bore it was a force to be reckoned with.

I too have to agree with this statement here. Not having been able to make the Meet up and not having had the honor of meeting Laura I have no prejudice.......

I would think that the natural reaction from those at the club is going to be a double take..........human nature. But I find it hard to believe it would be much more than that. Just like those of us who wear the battle wounds of child birth in stretch marks or the god awful c-section from hell - it's just a part of what makes you you! It is like intuition said your battle scar to be worn with pride and honor.

But I do understand the hestitation at flaunting those scars.......... For us I know we will face a similar challenge in the near future with Mrs. Menage once she has her open heart surgery. She is already anixous over the impending scar...... so find what makes you comfortable and go forth with pride and confidence in all that you are......

The Other Mrs. Menage

[intuition897]

I just mean that I'd be so concerned about letting her know that I was not uncomfortable around her, that I'd worry that I was going overboard in that respect. It's a fine line to walk if you don't know exactly how she feels about her scar herself. I think, for someone like myself, it would be best if she just made it clear that it was next to impossible to offend her about it. Then I could stop worrying about it. I know that anything I said or did would only be out of curiosity...but I would worry that my curiosity might cross some sort of line and be interpreted as callous or rude. THIS is my concern.

I think if she approached it positively with a liberal dose of humour, it would put her guests immediately at ease.

[twohots4u2]

The woman of the couple that we had our first full swap with had double mastectomies, but it didn't faze us. It was our second visit to a swing club, and we had planned to only soft swap (no penetration) again that night. We met a nice couple and chatted a while with them. We were all nude except she was wearing a knit top. Tina asked her, "Why the top?" She replied that she had double mastectomies and was embarassed to take her top off. Tina almost died from embarsement for putting her on the spot like that; Tina and I instinctively hugged her; and she assured us that it was alright. But, it instilled in both of us a desire to make sure that she, and her guy, had a fantastic time with us. During the resulting evening, she took off the top, was kissed and licked all over (including her scars) by both of us, had more orgasms (7) than she said she had ever had in one session previously, Bob had sex twice with her, and her guy had sex three times with Tina. At the conclusion of the evening, both of them thanked us profusely for helping her get over her fear of showing her chest to others in the club, and for having such a fantastic time. Wow! What a great memory of our first full swap!

[RW1F]

I think my thought process would take about 10 seconds and it would go something like this...........

Oh shit! Am I supposed to pretend I don't notice? How can I pretend I dont?...........

She obviously doesn't have a problem with it so why should I? I actually admire her for still being able to enjoy herself. Good for her!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I wonder if she'd like to have sex with me?

[sereneiders]

I like Intuition way to put it, and this reminded me of something from my own story that taught me a lesson, and somehow I feel it's fit to comment.

This has to do with an emotional scar I carried over my shoulders for a long time. It wasnt visible, of course, but at some point I felt compelled to bring it to the surface and show it to everyone around me, for several razons, among those, the need for acceptance. My line of toughts by then was: if you can bear with this, fine, if you don't... then fuck off.

People I didn't give a dime for before bringing this subject was surprisingly caring, while people I toguht they was able to take it, had unwanted reactions. It reached a point where I realized I was forcing them to face something unexpected, and perhaps chosing the wrong moments for them (and how I were supposed to know?), but whatever unwanted or unexpected reaction they had, had to do with themselves, way more than with me, my story or my scar. They wasn't rejecting me, but an unwanted idea.

Of course, there is no way to compare scars here, and it isn't my intention, however there is a unavoidable difference here: in certain situations you won't be able to hide it, and here I mean, to choose the right moment or the better way to show it. Your exposition risk is way higher, and for sure you'll face unwanted reactions from people around you, even from people you didn't suspect they could react in such a way.

But, IMO, you have to make up your mind that such a reaction isn't about you, it is about themselves when being "forced" to face things that most of us preffer to avoid or run away from, like illnesses and the unwanted, but way too often unavoidable consecuences. It is their fears for themselves, perhaps their memories reacalling a darest one in the same fight you fought, the idea of having to choose for themselves either to lose a part of their bodies or die. Moreover in a swinging scenario, where we attemtp to squeeze the most from what life have to offer and forget about the problems and the Fate.

Mr. Alura said you're concerned about making people unconfortable. Well, this is unavoidable, however you won't be the one to blame for such an outcome, life is. This is something you didn't want for yourself as much as they don't want for themselves, and this happened to you as they could happen to them, at any time in the future. At most, you'd be a reminder for them, however, there are many, many things able to remind us of unwanted toughts or facts, and there's no way for you to avoid them all.

Moreover, you're not responsible for other people's reactions and feelings when being reminded of something THEY dislike to face, but each one of us is responsible for the way we deal with those things.

All of this have to do with life and death, and I suspect at some point you could be asking yourself if you have the right to enjoy life at the "price" of making people face their fear for death. If I am right, this is an unfair question, and even more, it's a tricky, badly formulated one, because even when we all diskile the idea, we all will die... who knows, today, tomorrow, in thirty years, and yet we all struggle to deal with this fear and to keep enjoying our life. No one but ourselves are responsible for our own fears and for the way we handle them, and it is our right (as it is yours) to enjoy what life is able to provide today.

Now, let me turn the tables to make an stretched, perhaps grotesque example. Let's suppose a woman called Susan who, naturally, doesn't have much breasts. She feels herself dimished since she doesn't look the way a woman is supposed to, she have a plain chest. Now, Susan is invited to one of your meetings, and she knows about your masectomy. She may be asking herself if she should attend, affraid of becoming a reminder for you of your fate. Now, Susan posts a thread in this board asking for oppinions... what would you say to her? In any case, it isn't your RIGHT to choose how to deal with your fears, your scars, and your fate, as to allow her to held responsibility for making you face them?

Well, the same happens to the rest of us.

This also reminds me of a teacher separating two kids who were fighting at the school. He grounded one of the kids for his behavior, and, after looking the way the other was beaten, he said "and you... go home, you already had enough".

You already fought a damn big battle. Please, give yourself a break, and allow us to fight ours. And, please, be patient with us, with those without your experience, because if we have an unwanted reaction, it comes from our own fights with our own fears.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by Laura Alura

Please know that I am comfortable with my body and make no apologies for it's condition. But, that said, I feel that it is part of my job, as a participant in such a situation to present the "body beautiful" or at least the body whole, so as to make everyone else comfortable.

Hi Laura,

I wish I could have met you! Maybe someday.

My first initial knee-jerk reaction would likely be surprise. When people are walking around in a club mingling, it's the furthest thing from their minds. I've never seen a mastectomy. Another initial, fleeting feeling might be that it might scare me a little in only one way: the fear that all women have knowing that breast cancer is so common and could happen to any of us at any time.

After that, I'd only see the person, admire her warm and outgoing personality, and the way she's comfortable in her own skin.

[ShellyM]

OP,
For me I would not react in any negative way. Now, in my business I work very close with paraplegics, quads, hemiplegics, people with cerebal palsy, etc. The one thing that people who have a disability or something like scarring want from what I have seen is to be treated like anyone else. They are people and just want you to talk to them like you would anyone at the store. Now, thats easy for me because I am around this often. For someone who has never seen a mastectomy it may be a surprise. For me, I would be curious. I'd probably be more inclined to ask her questions about it vs. being repulsed...remember that this saved her life most likely and is a wonderful thing. Before these procedures this woman would have most likely died. But again, its easier for me simply because in the medical field I'm used to it.
Shelly

[BradAndJanet]

Originally Posted by intuition897

I just mean that I'd be so concerned about letting her know that I was not uncomfortable around her, that I'd worry that I was going overboard in that respect. It's a fine line to walk if you don't know exactly how she feels about her scar herself. I think, for someone like myself, it would be best if she just made it clear that it was next to impossible to offend her about it. Then I could stop worrying about it. I know that anything I said or did would only be out of curiosity...but I would worry that my curiosity might cross some sort of line and be interpreted as callous or rude. THIS is my concern.

I think if she approached it positively with a liberal dose of humour, it would put her guests immediately at ease.

Exactly how I feel.

-B

[fun4Ds]

laura, iv had the pleasure of meeting you,so i felt biased at first about my answers. mrs.fun says be myself and answer, so my answers are with clarity about how i would also feel in a situation, had these questions been asked by a stranger. under diffrent circumstances.

if i saw a woman in a club with a single breast would i ?

1. avoid her.... no way, thats just not my personality
2. feel she shouldn't be there.... i feel she has as much entitlement as me to be there. 50 bucks at the door... by god, i say lets party
3.recoil.... not if i see good personality
4.be disgusted.... breast cancer/ breast removal is not disgusting to me.
5.feel uncomfortable.... no this dose not make me feel uncomfortable.
6.shrug and go on.... no, its about the attraction to the woman.. breast removal or not.
7.kiss the wound.... now this one realy.... is tough for me to answer i would have to have some further communication with the woman i am with because, iv had some injuries,surgeries. for me the healing prosses the first time(facial reconstruction) was long and painfull as the nerves were mending the sensations were excruciating. i couldnt stand to be kissed on the facial area. as you know i was injured again,but now things are pretty much numb on my cheek, eye area. so if im seeing the question write hopefully you can see how i would have to answer this. i would have to talk about this.
8. ....??... on this one im goint to be honest, we visited with you and al in your room for some chit chat before we left for the club. and running behind we had to make a last minute dash to our room. when we got to our room mrs.fun asked me "would you want to play with laura" my answer was yes. she smiled and said "that would be o.k."

now that we know you a little better it was hard to feel like you would accept my answers as they are, but i will have to say the first instance we met,, you were in a way a stranger. then, as now,.. there was no nee jerk reaction. so therefore there was no nee jerk adjustment as to how i should feel. i hope this gives you some answers and also that this can spread as a way for many, many, other women in the world to find the strength that you have.

[clit pro poet]

I'd (we'd; I speak for Mrs. on this too) would want to meet. Life leaves its tracks on us all. Especially in a club, or nude anywhere, there would be a burnish to such a woman - for both of us. A sexual force emanating, even. Presenting herself thus - is not what anyone could call tentative.
We've a friend, professional photographer, who, decades back, did a group portrait of herself and woman friends, with somewhat fewer pairs of breasts than women. But the occasion wasn't sexual, only quite clear in saying that "we are not maimed, see?"

What, I wonder... someone, say, in a wheelchair? Wars and traffic accidents, for example, are giving us a crop of injured, some of whom might be as inclined as any toward this Board.
All kinkiness aside, we would say, "Welcome, and enjoy."
Sex as theater is between the ears. Our bodies are part of the cast. (no, not THAT kind of cast )

(BTW, what of those of us who are, well, not so young as we once were?) But that's another thread.

[badboyooplik]

Originally Posted by Laura Alura

In an extreme, I can't imagine being asked to leave a club, but I do believe it would be within the rights of management to ask me to leave. After all, the purpose of the place is to be happy and carefree and escape reality for a while. I'm looking forward to your insights. Thanks, in advance.
Smiles!

Well any business reserves the right to refuse service to anyone but that doesn't make it right.

We are going to our first club tonight and I have to tell ya even though I've been swinging for 20 years I'm a litlle worried. So far We've had to deal with all kinds of wierdness our own heads about whether we'll be the only fat people there. Then I'm a bi male and after doing some research I've found that that particular facet of my sexuality (oh about half of who I am sexually) isn't welcome. Its not forbiden at this club but I don't think its going to be happening. Now your saying that you feel like its someones right to discriminate against you because of the loss of a breast. That just don't sound right to me, I'm sorry.

I dunno it sounds like the people in these club places are a little uptight. I'm not too sure I'm gonna have fun tonight but I'm sure the wife will so thats all that matters to me.

To answer the question: I would treat her as I would treat anyone at an orgy. If she's near me and wants me to touch her I'm gonna play, that simple. My way of dealing with such things in most situations is to act as though I don't even notice it. I do that becuase that way I'm treating the person the same as I would anyone else.

[BiloxiCouple]

If you are bringing something different to a swinging play situation, you may want to discuss it prior to play. The examples here are breast removal and being a bi-male.

Personally I am squeamish about some medical conditions. It probably wouldn't bother me, but I would appreciate advanced info. I would hate to be there and feel or see the breast for the first time and go . Just got caught off guard if not told first.

One thing we both don't like is bad teeth. To us that is a no go situation. Not discriminating, just not our bag. We will still talk and party, just no play.

The bi-male thing is the same as the medical condition. You have to tell in advance of play somewhere along the line if that is what you are looking for. You never know who may go for it.

[badboyooplik]

Originally Posted by BiloxiCouple

If you are bringing something different to a swinging play situation, you may want to discuss it prior to play. The examples here are breast removal and being a bi-male.

Personally I am squeamish about some medical conditions. It probably wouldn't bother me, but I would appreciate advanced info. I would hate to be there and feel or see the breast for the first time and go . Just got caught off guard if not told first.

One thing we both don't like is bad teeth. To us that is a no go situation. Not discriminating, just not our bag. We will still talk and party, just no play.

The bi-male thing is the same as the medical condition. You have to tell in advance of play somewhere along the line if that is what you are looking for. You never know who may go for it.

Well of course you have to tell people up front about that kind of stuff. We like to smoke a little weed(we're old hippies, what can I tell ya) but we always ask if its ok before we bring it to someones house or before we bring it out at our house.

Bad teeth well I can't say I blame ya there at least you can see that right up front though. I don't think its the quite the same as a missing limb or breast or whatever. You can hit the dentist any time but you grow back a body part that life decided to take from you.

When I was younger I went to an orgy where there were two vietnam vets. One had lost a leg and the other had lost a hand. (BTW Both were bi) It didn't bother me. And my first wife(who I still see every few years) is into fisting and she loved the guy with the hand gone. So he turned his injury into an asset. So see some stuff like this can even be erotic.

Unfortunatley since in the current war there is a disprortionately high number of amputations I think we are going to start seeing young couples coming into the lifestyle with men who have lost a limb. This issue is going to be getting more attention soon probably.

[couplewanting50]

I think for many, it is natural to look at someone with a feature with which they are not familiar. So, if a person of either gender were to see a woman with one breast, or no breasts, for the first time, they would naturally look. Simultaneously they may feel guilt for having looked, fearing that their choice to look may upset the person with the visible difference. The point being, a first time for someone may cause a double take.

Having said that, having one breast is not a reason to not go somewhere and have a nice time.

The relationship I had prior to my current one was with a woman who had no breasts, having had both removed due to breast cancer. She was very distressed by this at the time of the procedure. I cannot recall the exact circumstances that lead to this aspect of it, but some choice she made caused her to not have nipples.

Some time had passed between her surgery and me making her acquaintance. During that time she had several partners. Very, very early in our connection, and this is before we had ever been intimate, she was communicating to me that there was this problem, as she put it.

To offer some context here, this woman was lots of fun, in the broad sense [we had not been sexual yet], had a really neat personality, and by all indications I had available to me in her company, was quite attractive. To add what may be an odd detail, I am tall and she was the tallest woman I had ever hugged, and I realized I loved how we fit together that way.

She was terrified by the thought of me seeing her nude. So, I assured her that I did not care of she had breasts and that she should not concern herself. As you can guess, initially, she did not simply accept my assurance.

We moved rather rapidly toward being intimate. It is nice how arousal and affection can help someone let go of fear. After we had been together once and enjoyed a marvelous, shared, erotic time, she lost 98 percent of her fear, and after the second time we were together, she lost the rest.

Prior to our first intimate experience, internally I considered that I had never seen a woman with no breasts, but did think that I had seen woman who were entirely flat chested, and were highly attractive and desirable, so I could not imagine why it would matter.

As soon as we were enjoying one another's intimate company, I had verified for me that it did not matter that she literally had no breasts or nipples. She was a vibrant, warm, woman with desires that she wanted to share, and she was a wonderful lover. That I am no longer with her has nothing to do with her situation; we parted for other reasons. In fact, our sexual relationship was possibly the best part of our relationship.

Typing this reminded me that I know one other woman who has no breasts. She is a vanilla world person, so I can't tell her, but I would leap at the chance to make love to her.

I think you should go anywhere you want and enjoy yourself and your sexuality.

[VanHlebar]

Laura:

Because of my families history of breast cancer I know my first reaction would not be of horror or recoil! Like many have already state, it would surely catch my attention, but it would pass quickly and we would move on. This would not keep me from wanting to talk with, flirt with or anything else for that matter. If the woman in particular carried herself with confidence, that would show through and that is what would attract me to her.

Really sorry we missed the meet-up! It would have been fantastic to meet everyone...maybe next year.

-Van