Behavior at Dances...

[DBL D]

Another thread got me to thinking. When you go to a dance or party, I've heard that it is best to let things happen or flow. And, that when this has happened and play occurs, that it is really enjoyed because you went without any preconceptions.

My feeling is that when we attend a dance, we go with the anticipation that we want to play. Should we not make that so obvious or something?

So...my questions are:

1) How long would you wait before approaching a couple to ask them to dance...should you just sorta hang out and watch others ? Sometimes it seems that (by the way folks sit with each other) people have already paired up.

2) How many couples is it appropriate to dance with? I'd say if you saw more than a few that looked interesting, you should dance with them. Do people really watch to see who you have been dancing with and draw conclusions as to whether you'd be suitable?

Feel free to add any other things that you wonder about regarding behavior at dances.

Male D

[Tybee Swing]

Wow, these are very interesting questions!

Originally Posted by DBL D

1) How long would you wait before approaching a couple to ask them to dance...should you just sorta hang out and watch others ? Sometimes it seems that (by the way folks sit with each other) people have already paired up.

The time I would prefer before being asked to dance, is enough time to at least have them introduce themselves and have a little friendly conversation first, even if just for a minute or two (more than a couple of minutes would be better). After we're making eye contact, smiling and talking, then I like to be asked to dance. The smoother and more natural the progression, the better.

If a man I haven't even seen before just comes up out of the blue and asks me to dance, that can sometimes feel weird.

Originally Posted by DBL D

2) How many couples is it appropriate to dance with? I'd say if you saw more than a few that looked interesting, you should dance with them.

Personally, I think it's appropriate to circulate, mingle, and dance with as many people as you want! The more the merrier. I love socializing and dancing, but dancing and having a great time doesn't necessarily mean I want to end up having sex with my dance partners. Maybe I'm a dance-slut?? If we as a couple spotted another couple we were potentially sexually interested in, asking them to dance can be a subtle way of saying, "we noticed you, and you're interesting". If that's the case, I'd get my flirt on a little more while dancing with the most interesting subjects.

((((shake it like a salt shaker))))

Originally Posted by DBL D

Do people really watch to see who you have been dancing with and draw conclusions as to whether you'd be suitable?

I'm not sure what you mean. Suitable as a sex partner, based on who you had danced with earlier? If people are counting my dance partners and noticing the variety of types that I've been dancing with through the night, they might size me up as a gang-bang queen, and I'm not into that. LOL!

[DBL D]

Originally Posted by Tybee Swing

...I'm not sure what you mean. Suitable as a sex partner, based on who you had danced with earlier? If people are counting my dance partners and noticing the variety of types that I've been dancing with through the night, they might size me up as a gang-bang queen, and I'm not into that. LOL!

Yeah, that's what I mean...suitable. Are people that shallow?

I'm like you...I want to dance with as many as I can. Unfortunately, it's not always possible to have those questions answered during a loud dance. So, Tybee, you are saying that you'd rather have a chat before you dance than after? Now, that is different to me. I'd think if the lady was interested she would invite me to stay afterwards and chat...Sheesh!

M.D.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by DBL D

So, Tybee, you are saying that you'd rather have a chat before you dance than after? Now, that is different to me. I'd think if the lady was interested she would invite me to stay afterwards and chat...Sheesh!
M.D.

Chatting before, as an introduction:
He/they walk up smiling, introduce themselves, make friendly conversation. They are paying attention to cues and signals. All these signals can transpire in a 2-5 minute intro chat (it doesn't have to go on and on). If they're getting green-light vibes, then ask me/us to dance. These people are respectful and intuitive.

By the time we've chatted a bit and danced, we're going to know if we want to pursue stage 2 chat, or if it's time to move on. If I see that the guy is really pursuing it but I realize that I'm not sexually interested, I won't waste his time, and we'd excuse ourselves in a friendly way to move along at that point. Or, the couple who approached would move on, if they felt that way.

Dance first, chat later:
A guy spotting someone across the room, walking straight up and asking her to dance immediately (and she doesn't know him): Sometimes this feels a little too predatory, because he just appeared out of the blue. It doesn't feel friendly, like introducing and chatting first feels.

Personally, I'm likely to be a lot more receptive to a smoother, friendlier approach. By the time we talk, then dance, then the dance ends and it's time to decide, "do I want to know more?" and keep the conversation going, the friendlier, more courteous guy will much more likely be the choice for me.

[BiloxiCouple]

Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt someone else. That is what we are here for.

[fun4Ds]

i was reading your post this morning and was thinking about this today at work
ough o :surrender

we usally know a few couples who will be there from previous chats or the cars in the parking lot but that dosent mean we are paired up with anyone, just a breaker to feel fit in if we sit with someone to start .

mrs.fun is a dancer like tybee and i like getting on the floor also,but for me this last year iv rarely had a saturday off work . so its like work, run, shower, drive get our hotel room, bing bam boom we are at the club. mrs fun is usally socializing while i get her a drink and me a cup of coffee.. she is ready to dance but i need to chill a bit and pray for a boost of energy by this time for sex. we would feel fine and flattered by being invited to dance anytime but you can see our diffrences, i love dancing but mrs.fun is on the dance floor more than me.

in our senario i wouldnt be watching to see who others were dancing with as making a diffrence as being suitable for us by who (they) dance with. but here is something that happend a few weeks ago that your post got me thinking .

we had danced with some friends and they and mrs.fun continued while i took a break and went to the socializing area of the club, this club has a big screen t.v. in this area that is showing the dance floor in another room. mrs fun had told me she was going to do a pole dance.. facelick i asked to sit with a couple that we were interested in.. we were all watching mrs.fun on screen and talking a little and i made a comment "do you guys dance"? his response was " no we like to sit back and see who is with who and what they are into" it didnt realy mean anything at the time to me other than thats cool, but at that time a single bi female came to our table, new to the club and lifestyle asked to sit, and wanted to know a little about us and mrs.fun on the screen dancing. so the conversation kinda went from there, to me, her and mrs.fun. the other couple was from alabama and they were in indianapolis on buisness from time to time and we exchanged e-mail and numbers for their return(they were interested but never play on first meetings. mrs fun came to our table and we kinda pursued the bi.female.

but the thing is... im wondering now by his statement, if were we in fact being juged by who mrs.fun was dancing with. it was a couple we have played with once but no longer do. the gal just gets too drunk for me to want to play with(sloppy drunk,a big turn off for me because i dont drink while playing) the couple at the table hasnt contacted us, but we havent called them either. were they being shallow? i dont know now. they were being judgmental.

i guess what im saying for us, if ya can relate to our reasons. if ya want to dance, ask.no problem mrs.fun loves it.i do to but im saving my energy lately for sex.lets grab a table talk about things...

[sexyshelby]

I understand what Tybee is saying, but...here's a different twist.
If I've been checking some guy out and hes been checking me out from across the room, making some eye contact and flirty smiles. Then there's nothing sexier than him coming up to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me out to the dance floor. (Yes, its happened to me before.)

However, the key ingredient is the eye contact/smiles. This could definitely be quite creepy if I had NEVER seen the guy before, so I totally understand Tybee's point of view.

So, to answer your question and be as helpful as possible...it all depends on the situation!

~SS

[DBL D]

Thank you mrfun4ds,

I guess we just can't help what others think. See? I was onto something!

Your post illustrates the differences that couples take. I have had that same feeling...Like, "glad we're here...boy am I pooped!" ! Not really the way you want to start things off for a long evening, but we've been there.

Anyway, I liked Tybee's explanation too. It all helps me to know that if someone is interested, you just have to talk with folks and allay any of their concerns if you can. If you can't then move on.

Male D

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by sexyshelby

I understand what Tybee is saying, but...here's a different twist.
If I've been checking some guy out and hes been checking me out from across the room, making some eye contact and flirty smiles. Then there's nothing sexier than him coming up to me, grabbing my hand and dragging me out to the dance floor. (Yes, its happened to me before.)

However, the key ingredient is the eye contact/smiles. This could definitely be quite creepy if I had NEVER seen the guy before, so I totally understand Tybee's point of view.

So, to answer your question and be as helpful as possible...it all depends on the situation!

~SS

Yes, I agree!! In addition to the eye contact across the room scenario, it could be a guy you spoke with briefly earlier - maybe you were both at the bar at the same time and laughed about something and exchanged a flirty glance as you walked off with your drink. Now if he shows up awhile later and taps you on the shoulder, introduces himself and asks for a dance, it's "go"!

What I was thinking of earlier (and this actually happens a lot) is someone you haven't seen or spoken with coming up on you suddenly, wanting to dance right now. He's been watching you, you didn't have a clue. You don't have any time to process whether you're interested at all, and this is a yes or no question. Sadly, this is why many of the guys who cruise around just asking women to dance and not bothering to be charming or interesting first (even for a minute or two), get "no" or "maybe later" for an answer.

Eye contact + smiles + charm + conversation = "yes"

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

we were all watching mrs.fun on screen and talking a little and i made a comment "do you guys dance"? his response was " no we like to sit back and see who is with who and what they are into"

This is fascinating, and it never even occurred to me that this is what some people are doing. How do they know "what they are into" just by watching them mingle casually and dance? I guess that maybe they are looking to see which women are bi according to whether they dance with other women. Even that doesn't tell you anything, really. Some women who aren't bi at all dance together. Some very bi women might be preoccupied with a guy that night.

It seems like a lame system to me. What about all of the other couples who are just sitting back against the wall watching everyone? What can they tell about what they are into? Voyeurism, maybe?

[DBL D]

You guys are killin' me...

So...it's eye contact and previous encounter? I guess the idea is that you mostly don't want to just be approached by someone you haven't had those two things with?

M.D.

[mrs good times]

Well DBLD I'm really going to confuse you now because I will dance with anyone (even gay guys in drag ). Seriously, if someone asks me to dance I will because I am just dancing. I am not making any commitment to them either way and it gives me the opportunity to size him up in 2-5 minutes, depending on the length of the song.

Do I care what anyone else thinks, hell no! If they are turned off by it I wouldn't be into them anyway.

You are over thinking this, just go have fun.