Male of couple vs single male at clubs?

[arvcpl]

There is a good sized party at the local club this weekend and my wife is going to be out of town. She suggested I go without her to see friends and enjoy the party but not to play without her. I have no interest in playing without her so it is not like I will be approaching anyone for sex or anything like that. I have some reservations though in that even though we have friends as a couple will I be treated differently as a male half of a couple without my better half. Will I be viewed as just another "dreaded single male?" Have any of you husbands gone to the club without your partner (with permission) and were given the cold shoulder by your supposed "friends?" If you are a couple that does not like single males, would you be friendly with a male half of a couple flying solo or would you assume he was cheating or would otherwise not enjoy his company if you ran into him? I am just curious as to what the club environment is like for a male half of couple going solo to the club?

[good times]

We see this quite often at the clubs, and as long as you aren't approaching people for sex I doubt if you will be treated much differently by those you already know. People that don't know you will probably treat you as a single male, but as you aren't looking to play that shouldn't be a problem either.

All that being said, we have seen guys show up at the clubs without their wife who were trying to hook up, and in that case, they are pretty much treated like a single male, even by those they already know.

[arvcpl]

Thanks Good Times for the info. I really do appreciate your response and you are telling me what I was thinking anyway. As I do appreciate your response I am saying this tonque-in-cheek so don't take it as an arguement, but it is pretty funny that it is ok for me to go to a SWINGERS CLUB as long as I do not try to have sex with anyone at the SWINGERS CLUB. There just seems a little something wrong with that statement. I realize that I am just going to see friends and to get out of the house for an evening but it does seem a little inherently unfair that the only way I could be even slightly accepted is if I go as a eunuch.

[curiousagain]

"Poetic justice or tragic irony. You be the judge." The Penguin in one of the Batman movies.

[Spoomonkey]

Our experience is that when a married male becomes a single - for whatever reason - he is treated as a single. This may vary from club to club, but it is what we have observed. We had a friend who was part of a rather popular couple - and mostly because of him - but when they split, he came, sat in a corner, and drank the night away.

He was expecting all of the women who went nuts over him as the part of a couple to go nuts over him as a single. Didn't happen...

The club owner, chatting with us later, told us that this is the way it always was and in his experience no married guy was immune from it.

I do know that in different places the club culture is varies, but this is how it works at ours.

Spoomonkey

[iapr]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Our experience is that when a married male becomes a single - for whatever reason - he is treated as a single. This may vary from club to club, but it is what we have observed. We had a friend who was part of a rather popular couple - and mostly because of him - but when they split, he came, sat in a corner, and drank the night away.

He was expecting all of the women who went nuts over him as the part of a couple to go nuts over him as a single. Didn't happen...

The club owner, chatting with us later, told us that this is the way it always was and in his experience no married guy was immune from it.

I do know that in different places the club culture is varies, but this is how it works at ours.

Spoomonkey

I have no doubt whatsoever that a male half from a couple will be treated differently by some than if he was there with his partner but I am not sure that a comparison of a guy sitting drinking alone in the corner expecting women to come to him vs a guy who's wife is out of town is fair comparison. The OP stated he was just going for the socialization and not to try and hook up.

Frankly I wouldn't hold it against him if he did try to hook up with permission, however he would need to realize that the same rules of respect and courtesy would apply to him as much or even more so than a regular single guy. The reason I say more so is that rightly or wrongly a garden variety single guy is somewhat expected to be an ass. If a male half screws up he really shoots himself as well as his partner in the foot.

To answer the OP's original question if we were not interested in a single male at that particular time, we would have no problem socializing with someone for awhile, however at some point we would need to break away and search for what we were looking for and a single guy hanging around us would probalby be a hinderance to that which I assume the OP would probably understand and be ok with.

That's the bad news, now the good news is if we were in the market for a single male (doesn't happen often, but does happen) we would be more likely to pick a male half of a couple with permission that we knew and trusted vs a single male.

I don't know if that is right or wrong in the big scheme of things but that is how we would view it.

[LOL_OMG]

I'm kind of curious why you would go without your spouse who says you can't play? Why put yourself in a situation that will A) get you all hot and 2) you can't do anything about it? I would rather stay home and do myself.....and I'm not joking...

Mrs

[prettylady]

If you are going to hang with friends and have a few laughs, I really don't see the problem. Your wife is good with it, your good with it, so I don't see the issue. Guys go out without their wives all the time.
I am still new here, but I do have an issue with this one. I have been to a club with a great friendly atmosphere and I had a riot. I would be ok with Dog going here on his own to just hang out and play pool with friends.
I flew solo at the Ohio meet up. I had a riot, at no point was I turned on, I was too busy having a good laugh and getting to know my new friends.
Like I said I am still green behind the ears. Perhaps I have not been around long enough to really get the club atmosphere.
Your friend,
Prettylady

PS. if you were a buddy of mine out to have a few drinks, I would not shun you just because you were with out your wife, unless of course you tried to make a move. Then I would have to show you a thing or two about respect. But you don't seem like that type of guy

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by iapr

I have no doubt whatsoever that a male half from a couple will be treated differently by some than if he was there with his partner but I am not sure that a comparison of a guy sitting drinking alone in the corner expecting women to come to him vs a guy who's wife is out of town is fair comparison.

Fair?

Maybe - maybe not...

But an accurate representation of how things work at our club? Absolutely. The "newly single" was the most ready example. But certainly, there are men who come without their wives for various reasons - with permission - and they are lucky to find a partner to play pool with. In the end - they are pretty much left out of the party.

One guy came alone for the better part of a year because of his wife's health problems. Another guy comes alone now and then because of his wife's work schedule. Both are great guys - but alone, they are treated worse than singles. Could be that with so many couples around - and a fair handful of singles roaming about - why dig into something that may or may not be legit? But - I really don't know what the reason is for that culture developing at our club...

As I said above - club culture differs from place to place and is often driven by a bit of tradition that is set by the long time members. Go to any other club in the country as a married guy hanging out single, you might have a great time. At our club - the crowd will be down right cold. Right or wrong - it doesn't matter, because it is what it is.

Would we - personally - be friendly with a married man who we were friends with as a couple? Yes. But there is a small matter of "time economics" here - and the truth is, we would not spend nearly as much time chatting with him as we might if he were there with his wife. Why is that? I'd think the answer might be fairly obvious.

Spoomonkey

[prettylady]

OK Spoo, I get what you are saying. Swingers in general go to clubs to swing. Plain and simple. facelick
I can see not spending alot of time with this single guy for reasons of "economics" as you say. But......Oh I don't know, I just can't see being cold to someone who is not cheating on his wife, and is just out with who he conciders friends to play pool or have flirty fun.
I want to say I get it, but I don't. Not trying to be combative, I am genuinly trying to understand this. OOOHHHH I hope I don't anger you guys by pushing this point. :surrender
It is a different lifestyle altogther, I need to get that through my head and when I do, I will stop pushing you guys to explain again and again the same point.
Your friend,
Prettylady
Just when I start to get the hang of things someone has to throw a new curve into the mix. Well, I have always said I love learning new things. I think the learning is never going to stop around here.

[oncewere]

I can see how different things are from when we were swinging. In our club when a spouse was traveling, others would purposely invite the one left alone. Why should he or she be deprived, especially since the traveling spouse would probably be invited to parties at the destination. There would usually be a phone call for permission but we trusted and loved each other (the norm in the club) and relished the opportunities. When Barb passed away, though, I did get a few sympathy romps and was always welcomed but I just didn't feel comfortable without her and fell away from the club. I guess one difference was that when either she or I were to travel we would ask our friends to take care of our spouse while we were gone. And they did, thank you very much. It was always fun to reprise our experiences upon return.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I can see not spending alot of time with this single guy for reasons of "economics" as you say. But......Oh I don't know, I just can't see being cold to someone who is not cheating on his wife, and is just out with who he conciders friends to play pool or have flirty fun.

I really want to re-emphasize what I have said in both posts above - I am talking about how things work in OUR club, based on our observations and the observations of the owner (we had a long talk about it with him one night when this happened to our "newly single" friend).

I am not saying that it is the way someone ought to be treated...

My point about "time economics" was fairly simple, I think. If we are interested in play, we will invest more time into someone/a couple than we would if we were just being friendly and saying "hello". And as the night unfolds, this would likely mean that "flying solo man" would drop off of our radar. It is not that we are treating him unfairly - I really don't think we are - but chances are, we have found someone whom we are interested in for more than a little "how ya doin'?"

It just so happens that at OUR club (again, I am emphasizing the point since I know other clubs are different) men without their wives are persona non-grata - and they are going to end up sitting there alone when the rest of the party turns towards play.

Are we being cold to him?

Think of it this way... You head to the gym for your work out. You get up early, fired up to hit the weights/cardio machines/etc. When you walk in there is a friend who recently had a back injury. Great friend - has spotted for you before and shared the elliptical next to you - but he can't work out. He just wants to talk about how much he loves to work out and how much he misses it.

But you - you really want to work out...

Of course, you can't burn your morning sitting around talking to him about how his back is doing, so you chat with him for a bit and then excuse yourself to exercise.

You are not being cold - you are simply doing what you came for and not wasting what little time you have to "shape up". He watches you and feels a little left out; wonders why you aren't sitting there chatting with him. He may even think you have snubbed him a little as he sits there drinking a Gatorade and decidedly not breaking a sweat.

The bottom line is this: the experience is going to be different for a married male coming to the club without his wife, for whatever reason. If they interpret that as the club being cold, it doesn't mean that it was. It just means that they ultimately didn't like sitting on the side lines when people started towards the cardio machines

Spoomonkey

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by Spoomonkey

Think of it this way... You head to the gym for your work out. You get up early, fired up to hit the weights/cardio machines/etc. When you walk in there is a friend who recently had a back injury. Great friend - has spotted for you before and shared the elliptical next to you - but he can't work out. He just wants to talk about how much he loves to work out and how much he misses it.

But you - you really want to work out...

Of course, you can't burn your morning sitting around talking to him about how his back is doing, so you chat with him for a bit and then excuse yourself to exercise.

You are not being cold - you are simply doing what you came for and not wasting what little time you have to "shape up". He watches you and feels a little left out; wonders why you aren't sitting there chatting with him. He may even think you have snubbed him a little as he sits there drinking a Gatorade and decidedly not breaking a sweat.


Spoomonkey

Oh sure use my love of the gym against me.
I understand what you are saying, I really do.
The best way to teach someone or explain a point that someone is not getting is to put it in terms that makes sence to that person.
You have done just that, so I will do what few people are willing to do.
Ahem, I was wrong .....to a point. :rollseyes
I just couldn't let you think you were completly right here.
Your friend,
Prettylady

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by prettylady

I just couldn't let you think you were completly right here.

Mrs Spoo and I wrestle to settle disputes...

Just throwing that out there, in case this gets ugly

Spoomonkey

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by arvcpl

I am saying this tonque-in-cheek so don't take it as an arguement, but it is pretty funny that it is ok for me to go to a SWINGERS CLUB as long as I do not try to have sex with anyone at the SWINGERS CLUB. There just seems a little something wrong with that statement. I realize that I am just going to see friends and to get out of the house for an evening but it does seem a little inherently unfair that the only way I could be even slightly accepted is if I go as a eunuch.

Hi arvcpl,

If we knew the couple, and if we knew the male half definitely had his wife's blessing to play alone, we'd play with him - he wouldn't have to be a eunich. If he didn't have his wife's permission to play or we were less than 100% sure of that, we'd be friendly and cordial if you were just there to hang out.

I don't know if either one of us would want to just go to hang out and do nothing else at a swinger's club, though. Friends or no friends there, it seems like an exercise in futility and a source of frustration. Without me there with him, I think that Mr. Tybee would rather go play poker.

Did you end up going? If so, I'd love to hear how things went for you. Hope you were received well.