House party etiquette

[justdoit222000]

Hi,
we went to our first house party a couple of weeks ago, and had a relatively good time, but have a few etiquette questions for the next one. ok here goes question #1:
If couple #1's wife approaches couple#2's husband, is it then a given that couple #1's husband is playing with couple #2's wife?
Question #2 is advice on what should i have done?
One woman at the house party was making it known she was interested in my husband, and we had discussed it earlier by ourselves that we were interested in them. later in the evening we all ( 5 couples total) got in the hot tub she reached for my husband, i reached for hers. That was when she pushed my hand away. Being a newbie, and not wanting to make a scene at our first house party I backed off while she enjoyed my husband. Again being new I didn't know if this was how house parties work. Later when another woman asked me if she could take advantage of my husband i realized that maybe what had happened in the hot tub wasn't right.
Thank you in advance for any advice you might have for us .
T

She is T He is D

[lovinher]

I don't know much about house party etiquette but we play as a couple or it don't happen. You don't say what your position is on this between you and your husband. If I was your husband I would have stopped any action right then and there, house party or wherever. I can't imagine me going at it while lovinhim was treated like that. Some more back round would be helpful because there seems to be something missing here.

[WildMiCouple]

Hello Justdoit. I'm not quite following this part........

Originally Posted by justdoit222000

Later in the evening we all ( 5 couples total) got in the hot tub she reached for my husband, i reached for hers. That was when she pushed my hand away.

were you reaching for her or her husband? If you were reaching for her, perhaps she's not bisexual and wanted you to reach for her husband. Now.....if you were reaching for her husband, then I would think it would be up to him to accept or reject your advances, not her.

I wouldn't make too much of it. Just take it as a learning experience. In the future, your husband can let it be known to any ladies that you play together or not at all

Good luck at your next house party.

Brett

[VegasLee]

Sounds like there was just some miscommunication that can happen at times.

Laura and I don't ever look to play with couples even though it does happen at times. Just because she ends up with someones husband does not mean I am going to play with the wife.

She plays with who she wants and I play with who I want but we let that be known if we are at a house party or club. We normally only go where there is also singles so it makes it much easier.

After many years of loving this Lifestyle we found that it was just to hard to find four people that all like each other enough to want to play. We keep it simple.

Not all house parties are just couple swap, not all clubs are that way either. Best to always let it be known which way you two swing until you become known with the group you play with.

[justdoit222000]

Lovinher~ He didnt realize until later that that had happened and would have stopped her advances if he had known. We would handle it differently now but hindsight is 20/20 u know?
T

[justdoit222000]

Brett~ I reached for her husband, not her We have decided to take it as a learning experience and not let it deter us from going to another thanks for the advise!
T

[justdoit222000]

Lee~
Wow what a great attitude! I guess what we and I am learning is we need to speak up if something is bothering us, and that our being comfortable is one of the most important things to remember.

T

[lovinher]

It really doesn't matter what other people do or expect. You both should go with what you have discussed (I'm assuming you have) with each other regardless of anybody elses expectations and like VegasLee said, let it be known.

[good times]

Yep, I agree with the others, you just have to speak up. In your example, were we in that situation and had a rule between us that we only play together, as soon as my wife found out that she couldn't play with the husband she would have stopped me and let me know what was going on and I would have stopped playing with the woman immediately. As VegasLee said, these things happen, we have had similar things happen every once in a while.

While it is best to cover your limits with potential playmates ahead of time, when at a party that isn't always practical, but when the flirting and such progresses to the point that it does cross one of your boundaries, you just have to speak up and let it be known that a limit was reached.

[Tybee Swing]

Originally Posted by justdoit222000

she reached for my husband, i reached for hers. That was when she pushed my hand away.

I find this very odd, and we haven't run into this, yet. It's not that the man was necessarily uninterested in you, but the wife was basically saying, "No, don't touch my husband. I can have yours, but you can't have mine". She was in control. Perhaps they are an unusual sort of couple where he's just there to watch, while she is there to do whomever she wants? NOT fair to the other couples at the party, of course. Not fair to you.

Under those circumstances, I'd have stopped her from playing with my husband. (But if he was right there in the same area, he'd have seen what was going on and stopped.) We'd move on to find others.

Originally Posted by justdoit222000

If couple #1's wife approaches couple#2's husband, is it then a given that couple #1's husband is playing with couple #2's wife?

For us, this is true. We won't approach 1/2 of a couple, leaving the other out. If we spot someone whom one or both of us is attracted to, we won't make a move until we see who they're with, and see if we're attracted to them as a couple.

[Cpl2share]

We do not always (often?) find ourselves attracted to both parts of a couple, but: What is good for the goose, etc. ad nauseum.......
If he was not interested he should have said so. If someone wants to play with one of us, they get both. I am there to enjoy the time with my spouse. If she can not join in the play, then I will not be having a good time either. We are one, take us both or leave us alone. Just our position.

[tribbles]

A couple of questions:

Why didn't you ask her hubby what was going on? He was within touching distance so asking might have helped you.

And it sounds like your hubby and this woman were within touching distance as well (she pushed you hand away from HER hubby). Why not join in with HER on your hubby and give him that FMF many guys dream of?

I do understand that what happened, when she pushed you hand away, floored you and left you speechless. It happens. Using it now, as a learning experience is the best thing that can happen. Even events like this can bring you and your hubby closer.

S

[prettylady]

Being a newbie sucks sometimes.
Still feeling the waters, still plenty to learn about yourselves and the lifestyle.
Scene or not, I would have put an immediate stop to her play. Tell her point blank we play together or not at all.
House party, swingers club, or just two on two. It works the way YOU want it to work, not the "rules" of the house.
I hope you can make a stronger stand next time you are in this type of situation. Once and only once I didn't speak up when something bothered me and it stuck with me for a long time. Even now I get upset with myself for not putting a stop when things got uncomfortable for me.
If her hubby was off limites she should have told you upfront.
Your friend,
Prettylady
I am kinda cranky now. I wonder if she took advantage of your newbie status. That irks me.

[socolais]

WELL said, prettylady!!

I'll take that as good advise for ourselves too. The universal rule of life and so fundamental to swinging. I've read it a thousand times and it never had meaning like you applied.

If you don't mind me putting you on the spot (certainly not to imply that this is your position) - How would you recommend the "husband grabbing lady" to communicate to his wife that he was not available? We're gonna assume there wasn't any flirting between the off-limits pair and that he would have communicated the same effect, given time (maybe this part is not a given).

Bruce

[SW_PA_Couple]

#1 -- For us, an exchange of partners was once the rule. If I was getting no attention, she discourage the male half's attention or told him, in some diplomatic way or another, that I was being left out. I began to realize that I was spoiling a lot of her fun so I eventually decided to let the rule fall to the wayside.

#2 -- That woman should not have pushed your hand away and continued to make an advance on your husband. Believe me. You have breached no rule of etiquette.