Meet and Greets Question

[brew82]

We have been to a few meet and greets over the past few months at local bars. We have had a tough time meeting people due to the loud music and the not knowing who there is looking for what.

Has anyone else had the same experience? Is this normal for meet and greets or have we just picked the wrong events to attend?

[JustAskJulie]

Probably just the wrong events. Different groups do things differently. We try to arrange meet and greets for people here on the board a few times a year and typically try to do so at a restaurant where people can talk. From there we may move to a bar or a club to dance and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Our local swinger group does the same thing about once a month, maybe you can check with this group you've been meeting with and see if there's a group of them that get together for dinner first.

[Chip_n_Muffy]

Beats the hell out of me why they play the music so damned loud! Further, nearly everyone I talk to says the music is too loud, but no one ever does anything about it. I guess you are supposed to sit and smile and nod your head like some bobble head doll. Perhaps the ringing in your ears enhances the swing experience for some.

Chip

[TheSwingerSet]

Originally Posted by brew82

We have been to a few meet and greets over the past few months at local bars. We have had a tough time meeting people due to the loud music and the not knowing who there is looking for what.

Has anyone else had the same experience? Is this normal for meet and greets or have we just picked the wrong events to attend?

We know about the level of the music and at our meet n greets there is nothing we can do about it, its the bar that decides how loud is ok.

At our private events we do ask the DJ to leep it a a level that will still allow you to have a conversation with out yelling or feeling like you have a tongue in your ear.

I see that you are in WI if you are anywhere near us please check out our club, our next private event will be sometime in April.

K

[28volts]

We had our meet and greets for awhile in the main area where the music is loud (most bars or clubs are), but after I suggested to the people that run the greets, it has moved to a room that was set for private parties. The doors stay open to hear the music and it is alot easier to talk, be comfortable and some flirting does happen. We have thought about doing dinner before the greet, but that hasn't happened yet.

As for meeting people, at ours one has to mingle and find out what the other couples like. There are regulars and we already know what they are into, so sometimes you know before meeting their friends. We probably will not play, but I like meeting new people.

Good luck,
Mr S

[spectraschain]

feeling like you have a tongue in your ear.

So THAT's why the music is so loud...

[catslaughing]

If people do not attend dances that have the music too loud, they will die off. Such things tend to be self correcting. But they are amazingly popular, I just do not get it either.

[Alura]

Many years ago I had a roommate who managed a bar. The music was loud for one reason: People drink more when the music is loud. Perhaps it's because they give up on talking and pick up their drinks more often.

Bars don't want you to talk; they want you to drink.

Mr. Alura

[good times]

Originally Posted by catslaughing

If people do not attend dances that have the music too loud, they will die off. Such things tend to be self correcting. But they are amazingly popular, I just do not get it either.

Actually, in real life clubs, if the music is not loud enough or is of too poor quality, either in material or sound quality, people will quit coming.

Funny thing is that the music that people complain is too loud rarely is, it is usually just poor quality sound which sounds louder to the human ear than music that is pure and clean but at high volume. The average bar or night club plays their music at 92-98 db (decibels), through the cheapest system components they can buy, yet when we play a club with a sound system of exceptional quality, we play the music at a level as high as 110 db and people think it is quieter than the regular music that is played at the club, and they can talk over it which they normally have trouble doing with the regular club music.

Originally Posted by Alura

Many years ago I had a roommate who managed a bar. The music was loud for one reason: People drink more when the music is loud. Perhaps it's because they give up on talking and pick up their drinks more often.

Bars don't want you to talk; they want you to drink.

Yep Alura, your roommate is correct. Their are a couple of additional reasons though but they tend to relate to the same thing. When the music is loud enough, people actually dance, whereas, if it is played below about 98 db they don't. People that are dancing drink more than people who are sitting. Additionally, it has been found that people who are rhythm impaired can dance to loud music but they have trouble dancing to quieter music.

Who new that my background in audio engineering and dance club management would come in handy on the Swingers board?

[warkman]

Originally Posted by good times

we play the music at a level as high as 110 db and people think it is quieter than the regular music that is played at the club, and they can talk over it which they normally have trouble doing with the regular club music.

Is it really 110 db at the location where people are trying to converse? It's all up to the individual I guess. I have an spl meter that I use to calibrate home theater surround systems and I generally use 90 db levels. That's pretty loud. Pink noise is lot less listener friendly than music, but I believe I would have to shout over most music at 110 db no matter how good the sound system was and how well the material was recorded. From what I've read the swinging community seems to be heavily steeped in the club, music, dance culture. One could say I guess that sex is the ultimate dance , but I tend to find loud music annoyingly oppressive when I'm trying to speak to somebody. Maybe I'm too old.

[good times]

Originally Posted by warkman

Is it really 110 db at the location where people are trying to converse?

No, that would be at 4' from the front of the speakers, the sound dissipates rapidly with distance, we generally set the system up so that we have an SPL (sound pressure level) of 104 to 106 db at the center of the dance floor when we pink the empty room. Additionally, the speaker system that I use is horn loaded and highly directional. What that means is that the sound level drops rapidly as you get off axis to the speakers so that if you were at a table 20 feet from the speakers and over 45 degrees off axis from the front of the speakers the SPL would be down to about 88 db. If their were a lot of people around you it would be even lower in the mid to high frequency range which is the range that interferes with your hearing of speech the most, because peoples bodies tend to absorb those frequencies.

By the way, this is way more technical than we should probably get on this forum, but now days we rarely use a pink noise generator because it is so annoying to listen to. What we use is a sweep burst generator and a peak recording spectrum analyzer. it is much more user friendly as the sound coming from the speaker only lasts a little less than a second for a sweep from 20-20000 hz.

[Tybee Swing]

We would do real on-premise or off-premise clubs if we had the opportunity, but there are none within a 2-hour radius of where we live...and the really good ones are much further than that. We only get to visit those every once in awhile. So, the local meet-and-greet serves a purpose for us and helps locals connect.

Originally Posted by brew82

We have been to a few meet and greets over the past few months at local bars. We have had a tough time meeting people due to the loud music and the not knowing who there is looking for what.

Has anyone else had the same experience? Is this normal for meet and greets or have we just picked the wrong events to attend?

We used to host a monthly meet-and-greet in our town (and are considering picking that back up again). It was at a dance club/bar. How we overcame the awkward first moments, how to help people find us (the group), providing a chance to talk and get acquainted:

Talking: We started early, at 8:30 - 9:00. Hardly anybody else was in the club yet at that point and it was very easy to find the group. Music was playing, but not loudly yet. We could easily talk at that point. By about 10:00, the music got louder and people started dancing. It got more crowded and would really get going by about 11:00 or so. It was progressive.

Originally Posted by brew82

We have had a tough time meeting people due to the loud music and the not knowing who there is looking for what.

Finding each other: We were meeting in a public place and needed to be discreet. How to find each other without walking around asking, "are you with the swinger's group?". We'd post a picture of me (hostess of the event) wearing the shirt I'd be wearing that night on our Yahoo group. Everybody said it was very easy to find us that way. We'd have a cluster of tables kind of pushed together - very approachable.

People like the dance club atmosphere for several reasons. Dancing is sexy. It's foreplay, and a chance to really flirt - even when you're in a public place. Our goal wasn't to conduct the meet and greets like private dates where you talk for hours, but more as a chance for couples to meet many local people, hopefully get a vibe or connection with some, exchange numbers/email addresses, and take it from there. Personally, we got really tired of the drudgery of endless profile searching, emailing, and if they would meet, blind dating. At a social, only the truly interested swingers are coming out (the wannabes just emailing forever won't come). We'd rather have a "speed dating" opportunity of just meeting a lot of people, socializing, and if a spark of connection is started there, great...we'll get their number!

Since you already have a few meet and greets in your area but it sounds like they could be doing a better job of helping people find each other, etc, why not pass these suggestions along, or any others you may have, to the group leaders? Maybe they need help, and will appreciate it.