On premise clubs-are the patrons less attractive?

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by SnsualPrsuasion

It was the whole "I don't want to even be in the same ROOM & have to look at fat people" mentality.

I have read this thread and I don't think that this line of thought represents the majority here or at a club. We have friends at the club who we wouldn't play with and I would guess we are the friends of folks who wouldn't play with us

Be yourself - enjoy yourself - and don't sweat other folks opinions.

Spoomonkey

PS - Dito to Lee

[SnsualPrsuasion]

Yeah, well, I guess I just woke up this morning thinking I was the poster child for fat chicks everywhere!

I re-read this thread tonight, and realized I was bitching at NOTHING. Well, almost nothing. I mis-read/mis-interpreted a few things & jumped right up on my soapbox without further thought. For one De & Ci were quoting an article on a local club & it was the article that referred to the overweight crowd as skanks. Later on however,

However, we would be uncomfortable going to an intimate on-premise club or party house where everybody was skanky- whether obese or looking like a shriveled crack-whore

That was the one that got me. Left me wondering if obese=skanky?

But I DID realize that the point was, why would anyone patronize a club where the majority of people weren't their type. I GET IT! REVELATION! I'm sorry that I jumped the gun, because though you'd not return to a club with obese people in it, it wasn't because everyone was overweight, it was because ALL OF THEM WERE NOT YOUR TYPE. Duh! I wouldn't go either if every single person in there wasn't my type. What's the point then?

Not only was I using my own insecurities about attending a club to take comments out of context, y'all were saying that you LIKED the mix, LIKED the diversity, and weren't downing overweight people. Well, ya know, sometimes when I'm up there on my soapbox I gotta get knocked down with a ball bat, cuz I'm just too damned stubborn.

Wow, nothing like making an ass of yourself the first few days in the forums, huh? Oh well, it was bound to happen. That's part of bein' me.... now, anyone up for an argument about religion or politics? Seems I'm on a roll!!!!!!!

[BorisNatasha]

That's the spirit! Now, go have fun at a club and then come back and tell us all about it.

Boris

[DBL D]

I love it when the power goes out ..but I am also very happy when it comes back on!

Glad you saw our points; can't see them with no light.

Male D

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by tulippe44

I would probably never be aloud into a club for "pretty people". Please don't take that the wrong way, I would not consider myself unattractive or a BBW, however while I feel that I have an attractive face as I have gotten older and had two children, I have gained weight, I also take medication that causes weight gain, that I will take for the rest of my life. Now, I would never go to a club for only pretty people because I would be so intimidated. I would think that the majority of swingers are your average people. I don't know this as we are new, but that is my guess. But it is somewhat offensive to me to be judged solely on the way you look by an owner and not on personality at all. I am not in the 200+ group, but I would hate to see these people judged on the criteria. If it were the case to allow people into a club like this, my question would be is this owner(s) judgement something you truley trust. I mean, if the owner doesn't like red-heads, but you and your SO do you may never see a red-head in this club.(I am a red-head by the way) This would totally turm me off a club. We want to go somewhere that shows diversity and make our own decisions on what we do. Just my Opinion.

Dito Well said, I am not huge, nor am I some skinny little Barbie type , I'm solid and considered very attractive (according to most men I've met) I enjoy a range of people and hope to find that range when my husband and I try out a club in the near future.

"The Mrs."

[DBL D]

By The Way BorisNatasha, I used your "signature" at work the other day and got quite a laugh! Thanks.

Always the educator...

Male D

[Hapycmpr]

A lot of good points have been made here. Some may consider them valid and some not. I have always believed that the biggest erogenous zone is the brain. Stimulate my mind, and I’m yours…the rest of me is easy!

How many times have you sat down at a club and started talking to a couple/person that you (initially) had no physical attraction to, just making conversation, passing the time. But their personality was such that the more you spoke with them, the more you wanted to party with them. It’s happened to me more than a few times.

On the other hand, Patti and I were at an on premises club not too long ago. Some friends of ours pointed out a “pretty couple” that had been sitting in the corner looking board. He told his wife that they should go over and talk to them, to which she responded, “Do you really think that we have a chance?” WOW. I just looked at my friends and walked over to them and sat down and started talking. I’m not Ken. I’m not a body builder. I used to play football in high school 20 years ago. OK 25 years ago. They were nice people. They weren’t the “pretty people” that my friends had assumed they were, they were just new at the club and a little nervous. After a time, I invited them to the hot tub with us, and they came….several times!

Now, how many of you have been rejected for what ever reason. We all know that no means no. A polite no thank-you is enough for me. I don’t need to know why. Not everyone is interested in me. But a answer like, “Not with you” is hurtful and makes you want to run away. The nuances of everyday human interaction are tough enough let alone in a swinging environment. You don’t need to add humiliation to rejection, and you don’t need to feel humiliated when you get rejected. There are plenty of other wonderfully sexy people out there who DO want to party with you. Don’t let the fear of rejection keep you out of the clubs.

[bear_n_bunny]

Since they live in Austin, I would recommend Ci and Di check out "The Jungle". It's an on-premise...I hesitate to use the word "club". It is a private residence, where they hold swing parties. There is a "screening" process, although aside from the obvious things like keeping out head cases and genuinely skanky people, they do not have restrictions on age or physical appearance. That is, he does allow (gasp!) chubby people to attend his parties.

What you get is a full range of types, leaning towards more of the "pretty people" crowd, or at least the typical "HWP" couple. If nothing else, I would recommend it for just seeing the place; it really is quite unique, and it's in your neighborhood.

We live in Houston, and know which "on-premise" club they are referring to. We have not been in a while, but they are also an establishment that gets the full gamut of types, from the Barbie and Ken clones to your basic middle-aged BBW couples like us. I don't think it is quite as bad as this article made it out to be.

Make no mistake, boys and girls; if someone is a real "skank", a la looks like a crack whore, speed freak, poor grooming and hygiene, etc, he/she will not last long in the lifestyle. Only the most obtuse would think otherwise.

Having said that, the swinger community is indeed "stratified" into various subgroups, based primarily on age, size, physical appearance (body size and physical appearance are not necessarily the same thing), specific interests (like BDSM, for example), social class and to some extent, race.

The various clubs here in Houston and elsewhere reflect this, especially the private ones. For instance, there are several private party groups in town that are for "BBW couples". Why is this? So couples of this type can play and not have to worry about being disrespected because someone thinks they are "skanky" due to being chubby. There are others that only allow people 40 and over, and for similar reasons.

Of course, I'm not saying anything here that is not already common knowledge, and I'm sure it's all pretty much the same way no matter where you go in the country. The various clubs around town here in Houston, public and privare, off-premise and on, all cater to this or that subset of the lifestyle. Some still allow people who fall outside their "preferred" range of physical characteristics admittance, but make no mistake; you will know the instant you walk through the door whether or not you fit their "ideal" guest criteria. Other clubs are not so "choosy", and in those you will find all kinds, from twentysomething "pretty people" to fiftysomething BBW couples, and everything in between.

(Needless to say, we prefer the latter sort of club. It's not that we are any more likely to score with some B&K clone couple than we would at, say, Wish's, assuming we were even interested in such, but the environment is a lot more relaxed and comfortable. I am also a lot less likely to end up busting a chair over some asshole's head for disrespecting Bunny. This nearly happened at the very first swinger party I attended, after seeing some prick shove the woman I was with aside like she was a piece of furniture (this was long before I met Bunny, but she too was on the chubby side). Fortunately for "Dash Riprock", she saw me coming and literally dragged me outside until I cooled off, and so kept me from doing my best to kill that sonofabitch. Damn, I was pissed...)

And whatever sort of club you might prefer is actually pretty easy to find. Most have web sites, and between those and the usual word-of-mouth, you would have no problem at all find the sort of club you'd like. That's how Bunny and I discovered Coach's, and it's also why we would never go to Encounters, because one caters to everyone, the other does not.

And the on-premise clubs, at least around here, are not that much different.

The best way to find what you prefer in this area is to do some research, ask around, and yes, bite the bullet, pony up the cash (on-premise clubs especially are never cheap to get into) and see for yourself (looking on the Net and word-of-mouth will only take you so far, as neither are 100% accurate).

You may strike out a time or two (God knows we have..., but eventually you will find the club or group that has a preponderance of the sort of couple that appeals to you.

-- Bear

[b&J69]

Here in South Florida, our on premise clubs have the whole gamut of people. They seriously range from South Beach model types to everyday good looking people to well, just about everyone. I guess with an attendance of over 300 cpls many nights, that makes for more variety. If you are interested in a specific type of person, you are likely to find at least a few couples at one of our local clubs, especially on Sat evenings as the crowd is the largest then. Also, the crowd dynamic changes as the evening goes on. So, what may seem like a target weak evening at say 11 pm may turn completely around by 2am. The only problem is the SoFla crowd tends to party really late. We have a couple of times had the lights turned on at the most inoppurtune times at 6am while in the middle of play. Arrrgh, coitus interruptus.

[badboyooplik]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

Hmm, Thats a damn good point! At a super exclusive event, I would imagine there would be a substantial amount of subtle competition in the "looks" dept.
To the point that many of the people would be too intimidated to get "nekkid"

Again, we aren't super picky or anything, but even some nights at the off premise clubs we attend, there were no couples that we would have been interested in playing with.

Ok I've read far enough into this thread now that I figure even thoughit my first post I have to say something.

I've been swinging all my life and I've never been to a club. Why? Becuase I have always been with BBWs and I'm BHM. It people with attudes like this that have always scared me and my partners away from on-premises clubs.

I have to be honest, I'm sort of a big biker type, so if we walked up to a club and the guy at the door turned my wife (or me for that matter) away becuase we were, "too fat", I'd be seeing red. Say some shit like that to my wife and see how fast it lands you in the emergency room, there, door man. There I said it, forvive me but I just feel the need to stand up for the big ladies, and the big gentlemen.

All our lives its been people like you who have made us feel like we are somehow "less than", or "not good enough" or "ugly" or whatever becuase of our size.

I went to a doctor recently for a physical and he found some problems. Those problem have been cuased by excessive dieting. Yeah because I have been trying to lose weight for 30 years, and I keep going up and down now my metabolism is all screwed up I may have damaged my kidneys because of something called ketosis and it just keeps getting harder and harder to try and lose it and keep it off. My parents started this when I was 8 by sending me to "fat camp" in the summer, I went for like 3 years before my father got disgusted with me becuase I couldn't keep it off in the winter with the food they kept feeding me. They fed me damn it, so whose frigin fault was it?
The doctors say that if I had just gone through life with what nature had planned for my body I wouldn't have these problems now.

So yeah I got a bone to pick with people who term themselve as "hot, attractive and fit" and yeah if your "Barbie and Ken" we just plain don't like your looks either so the feelings mutual.
It really burns my ass when I go on a swinger personals site like AFF and see people with ads that have stuff in them like, "blubber butts need not apply".

Get real pal this lifestyle is about way more than height and weight proprtions. Or whether you nose is perfect or whether you have scars on you body.

If you saw a vet that had come just come home from the war in a club sitting with his special someone and he had a few scars from battle that were not too attractive or missing a limb are you gonna reject this guy on his looks?

Well this weekend we're going to a club for the first time and I just hope we don't run into any of this crap.

Ok I've ranted enough and I'm sure you'll all think this is a stellar premier post (sarc) but as you see, since I'm planning on sticking around, I'm heavily oppinionated and not afraid to express it.


Peace, Ev.

[Swingercast]

Originally Posted by badboyooplik

Ok I've read far enough into this thread now that I figure even thoughit my first post I have to say something.

Oh my. If you would have read JUST a BIT farther you would have seen that the last post to this thread was in November of 2005.

(I'm ducking for cover....)

The only reason I bring that up is your response made me wonder if the OP (and others too) had changed any of their opinions over time?

Four or five years ago, before I ever went to a club, I probably had similar questions as the OP but in reverse. Am I too fat to go to a club? Is my dick too small? Will all the guys wanna jump my lady? (thankfully this last one turned out to be true).

I'm certainly glad that you have finally decided to make it out to a club. Enjoy yourself, have fun and then come back and tell us how it went.

I've found that the clubs have something for everyone. It's what YOU make of it that counts.

All the best,

John

[sereneiders]

Originally Posted by De and Ci

Other than an on-premise club we visited in Mexico City that screeened customers for attractiveness. We haven't been to any on-premise clubs or party houses in our area. However, we have several friends who have visited a local on premise party house and some on-premise clubs. They have all told us that almost everybody there was overweight and unattractive. We go to 2 local off premise clubs and the quality of the crowd seems to be pretty much evenly distributed from good-looking to skanky. In fact an article in a Houston mag about a fairly new on-premise club also referred to the patrons as skanky and said they were told the clientele has gotton older and heavier since it opened. My theory is that when an on-premise club that does not screen opens for business. What happens is the better looking couples will stop attending if unattractive and obese couples start attending, since they are not interested in playing with them. Of course, if you are unattractive you are not going to have a problem with attractive members. So what happens is the club eventually draws only unattractive couples.
I would like to know if there are many on-premise clubs that screen for appearance, and if they do not, are all of the members unattractive and overweight.

This gives me an odd feeling.

At least here (Buenos Aires) it is illegal for a public place to discriminate people based on appareance, reace, religion or so. On-premise clubs are at the verge of illegality for many reasons unrelated with the sex stuff, as to dare to screen people based on the way they look.

The fact is, there are clubs where you find mostly people of certain range of age, or sharing tastes like musical style, but you have people of many degrees of "beautiness" all mixed togheter.

Even when you can see in the same club people gathering in groups, and it is usual to see a group of "fashon model" like people, you also see a lot of "fashion model" like poeple who step away from them because they doesn't share they choices based on how you look, nor want to be confussed with them. Those groups ends up isolated and sooner or later start losing people just because they get bored.

As for me, I don't know if I fit the "actractiveness" criteria of the clubs you mentioned, but I wouldn't attend such a club. We've meet people in all the shapes and sizes, and we found out our criteria to choose partners has fery few to do with the way they look, and mostly to do with their attitude, humor sense, intelligence, and sensuality (and this has nothing to do with the way you look). We've meet many Ken & Barbie couples who also share our criteria.

I'd dare to say a club owner screening people on "atractiveness" isn't a swinger, or at least and for sure, isn't my kind of swinger: once you fulfill your eventual wish for the "model type" girl or man, it is no longer such a valuable feature. And people not so good looking usually develop their own ways to compensate this with other features or skills.

Besides the moral disagreenment, I feel it's a big loss for a club to deprive the attendants from the chance of meeting those not so good looking people.

And I don't believe the choice for not screening people based on appareance to be a commercial one (and even if it were, it'd be one of the very few cases where your ethics goes hand by hand with your wallet), but an understanding of what swinging is about.

All of this reminds me of Chicup's advice #2 from his Basic newbie swinging mistakes post: "Expecting a fantasy couple". I'd say a club owner screening people on appareance is attempting to exploit this idealistic desire from many of the newbies and some not so newbies.

PS: November 2005? LOL

[des1re06]

It doesn't bother me when older threads are brought back up for discussion, since I wasn't here in 11/05. Is it a faux pas to do so?

Looks like a lively discussion.

Mrs. D

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by des1re06

It doesn't bother me when older threads are brought back up for discussion, since I wasn't here in 11/05. Is it a faux pas to do so?

Absolutely not. It is often interesting to go back and see how opinions have changed/evolved/matured...

Spoomonkey

[LOL_OMG]

Pardon us for not reading all four pages, we are responding to the initial post. Skanky is in the eye of the beholder. Clubs are good because people of all ages, races and body types can get together, if it's an off night for what your looking for have fun with your So, if your in this for the right reasons it should not be a problem.

Lol_Omg