On premise clubs-are the patrons less attractive?

[fun4Ds]

well as for the clubs we dont know yet we havent been, were new. we were askin some chat friends about them. 1 cpls reply when we asked about a paticular club was " they are all fat and ugly" were told by our friends that we are attractive. they were an attractive cpl. go figure their personality. off our list they went.

[BorisNatasha]

Originally Posted by BorisNatasha

There are 3 clubs in Denver that STRONGLY hint on their websites that their clientele "take pride in their appearance" and are "fit". Don't know what happens when an overweight person shows up. We're going to 2 of them this weekend for the first time so I guess I'll find out what everyone looks like.

Just to follow up after our trip to the clubs - both clubs had overweight people at them and were not nearly as discriminating (if at all?) based on body type as we were led to believe by the websites. I see this as a good thing, because the idea of excluding people based on any physical trait makes me a bit uncomfortable.

All that being said, the vast majority of people at both clubs were attractive and not overweight. Could be that Halloween brings out the show-offs so we'll see how it is when we go back for a regular night. It may also be because Colorado is the skinniest state in the country; we may therefore have a higher percentage of fit couples going to the local clubs.

There was one playroom where the participants were all on the heavy side, and they were putting on a hell of a show. Any ideas I had that overweight people can't be sexy were put to rest right then and there.

Boris

[FisetyCouple]

We are new here and new to the lifestyle. We are hoping to learn and pick up some pointers here from the experienced people.

After reading the posts in this thread I must say that we are now so frightened at being rejected it may not be worth the effort any longer. We are both larger people and probably would not fit into the "trim" category that seems to be highly sought after. The possibility of being reffered to as "skanks" is a very daunting thing.

Is it that there is no room for large people in this lifestyle? I hope that is not the case.

By the way, I do believe we are an attractive couple, just in a larger package. We dress well and are well groomed.

Thanks for allowing me a small rant and I hope I have not offended anyone.

[Carol_Danny]

We are 20 year veterans of the club scene, and have seen the changes over the years. Back in the 80's and early 90's, we were involved with a Swingers Rights group, and travelled to many different clubs through Canada and the US. We've seen many differences in clubs, but that is to be expected. There are the regional differences of the people and local laws that affect what goes on. What is typical in one place is considered totally bizarre somewhere else. That has homogenized over the years, and those differences just aren't as apparent now.

We have noticed things over the years that stand fairly true. Swing Clubs that do a lot of fancy "Sexy Dress Up" events and themes tend to attract the more "beautiful people" who love to dress up and show off. We've found that while those clubs can get busy, there sometimes are a minority of true swingers in attendance. The remainder think they are doing something "dangerous" by dressing sexy and teasing each other. For us, those were the boring places. (We aren't into Dress-Up these days)

Other clubs that have loyal memberships tend to have cliques formed. The "beautiful people" sit over there, and don't really associate with the others. But we have seen the same in reverse, with the older or less attractive couples staying together and not allowing anyone else into their "group". Like many other things in life, "we" tend to look for "our" own, and stay with them, not trusting people we deem different.

The best clubs we were ever at had a great dynamic where everyone just got along, regardless of perceived beauty, age, or body type. I'm not talking about sex here, just personal interaction. When we started, I was 23 years old and at the club we started at there was an older couple in their late 50's. While we never "swung" with them, they were amazingly fun people we loved to hang with at the club. People that only look for a certain type of persons are ignorant and don't know what they are missing. We entered the Lifestyle not just for the Sex, but for the interaction with like-minded people. Many "Swingers" that became close Friends were people we have never had sex with!

If you walk into a club, and the first thing you think of is "where are the sexy people" you are really missing out. I challenge everyone to go into a club, and look around at the people who are there. Who appear to be having the most fun? Who appear to have personality? Who look like the friendly people? In almost all cases, it's just your average couple enjoying a night out, and not concerned with their beauty. Now look at the "Ken & Barbie's".....half the time they aren't even smiling! I've seen this at both Swing Clubs and at Resorts, and I always make it a point to see if that belief still holds true.

Danny & Carol

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by FisetyCouple

Is it that there is no room for large people in this lifestyle? I hope that is not the case.

There is room for all in this Lifestyle. The differences between us all are what help make things interesting. I didn't come into this Lifestyle looking for clones of us, or just a certain type of person, I came in to experience things that I don't normally experience in day to day life.

Welcome, but take your time to understand the dynamics. If you are overweight (as am I) you will experience rejection. That is a fact and there is no point to gloss over it. Accept it and move on. You'll soon find the real people who aren't just looking at body type, but are looking at the true person.

Danny & Carol

[tjwilderness]

We attend The Farm Travel Club (www.thefarmtravelclub.com) and there are plenty of "bigger people" there. In fact on guy told me he wasn't going back there...Too many fat people. Well being bigger myself i told him where he could put his skinny self.
I agree at the farm it is the "Ken and Barbies" that don't have as much fun. We have a few fit playmates but we have found the "real" people are much more fun.
Our opinion is age and weight are just numbers. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. We want to have sex with people to share our abilities and to enjoy theirs. Teri and i always stay close to each other and ALWAYS wake up together.

Jay (&Teri)

[SnsualPrsuasion]

Wow, I was going to ask a question about being a BBW attending clubs, but I guess it's all been summed up for me in this thread quite succinctly. I would be absolutely TERRIFIED to attend one now. Though we've met plenty of people through our various ads that don't mind the BBW factor, apparently, there are WAY more people that mind it, and I'd never get through the door. I DO realize 'to each his own'. Not a problem, but it just seems mean to me to hear people say they wouldn't attend because they don't even want to LOOK at an obese person. I keep myself well groomed as well, and wear nice clothes that suit my shape, I never felt myself unattractive simply because the body I inhabit isn't what I'd wish it to be. (I've had four kids, and that's NOT an excuse for being out of shape, laziness is on my part, I admit it) On my part, hubby & I both prefer playing with heavier people, not because we don't appreciate a fit body, but it is actually what we like. We like more to hold onto..etc..our reasons are our own just like everyone else's. I just hate feeling like I'd make someone throw up or run screaming if they saw me walk in the door. Wow, though, I'm SO glad I saw this. (Not being sarcastic, being quite serious) Now I won't ever have to find out what it feels like & I can stick with meeting on my ad so that everyone knows up front what I look like & I don't cause anyone's eyeballs to melt from their sockets and leave a big mess all over the club floor! Phew!!!!

[tjwilderness]

There is a place near Pittsburgh PA called the Mountain Retreat. I have never been there personally but know people who do. They are acceptive of ALL people just like the Farm is.
DON'T WORRY WHAT OTHERS THINK. If you are clean and a good person then look at it like this...if they are the kind of person who would judge just on size then they aren't worth sharing your body anyway.
Also when you go to a club you should have no expectations anyway. Go with the plan to dance and enjoy the company of like-minded people. You will find shallow people (thats human nature) BUT you will also find incredible people who don't judge. And more than likely you will hook up with a fun couple or single. But most of all you will enjoy. The first three times we went to a club we only played with each other.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by SnsualPrsuasion

Wow, I was going to ask a question about being a BBW attending clubs, but I guess it's all been summed up for me in this thread quite succinctly. I would be absolutely TERRIFIED to attend one now.

If I was you I would not even start to think this way. Why? Because a "few" people make judgements? The great thing about this lifestyle is there is something for everyone.

We have many BBW people come to the club we host at all the time. I get lots of email asking what others think of it. Our forums have many threads about this subject and the people that come there do not look down on BBW. I have seen many of the BBW's partying more then the "pretty people" crowd.

You seem happy with who and what you are, why worry about a few others? Why let them dictate where you will go and party?

Yes, there is people that don't want to have sex with BBW's. So what. There is also people that don't want to have sex with tall people, skinny people, white people or black people. Does not mean you can not have a good time. We all have our personal desires of who we want to party with. As you stated, you like to party with larger people. Should I feel bad about your choices and stay home because of them?

Don't take what people say personally in this lifestyle and definately don't take what people say on a public message board personally. Who are these people to you? Do you meet them? Do you party with them? Do you go to the same clubs as they do? Betting the answer to most of those questions is NO!

Get out, have fun. That is what life and this Lifestyle is all about. Not what anyone else thinks of you and your choices in life.

[FisetyCouple]

I am glad to see there are others here that took a bit of exception to the tone of this thread. Being very overweight we have and do expect some rejection.

However, being rejected for friendship or sex is two different things. I would imagine if everyone openned their minds a bit there can be some very good friendships that may not include sex.

Just a thought.

[DBL D]

Hey SensualPrsuasion,

I agree with Vegas...Don't be swayed by what some think. Besides, you're likely to find what you are looking for even if some of us don't.

Never Give Up!

Male D

[SnsualPrsuasion]

It's not that I'm not all about personal preference, like I mentioned earlier, we have our own! If someone doesn't like the way I look, it's ok, and I fully expected to run into this when we first started swinging. There are people that love BBW's & people that don't. It was the whole "I don't want to even be in the same ROOM & have to look at fat people" mentality.

I was seriously going to inquire about how BBW's are received, and I'm not terrified because we have expectations to play & are afraid that nobody would based on our size, (We didn't expect to do anything our first time there beyond observe anyway & I DO know it's harder to find partners that don't mind BBW's) but at the reception I'd receive even as an observer in my ever-so-concealing street clothes.

My point was that our worries were confirmed, and we probably won't be attending. There might be a few great people there that wouldn't mind striking up a conversation with us, but if the masses would think us 'skanky' or that we aren't fit to breathe the same air, then why put ourselves through it? Ya know? I kind of just assumed that there would be variety, and that if someone approached us, cool, if not, cool...I didn't realize that people would even stop attending if bigger people started to frequent the clubs.

Hey, it's all good. We're still having fun. We have a playdate tomorrow night as a matter of fact & expect to have lots of it! I am not knocking anyone that doesn't like a little cushion on their play-mates. Just irks me that there are those out there who think we're not fit to be in the same room. Ain't like I'd have my huge boobs & jiggly butt up in anyone's face! LOL

[BorisNatasha]

Well I hope my comments did not contribute to your decision, because I think you're making a bad one. We all keep saying people "have their preferences" to explain why some will not have sex with obese people. It's true. I personally would not have sex with an obese woman because I don't find that attractive, but Natasha does not mind large men. There you have two totally different perspectives from the same couple. And neither of us would THINK of being rude or in any way discourteous to a person based on their body shape. We save our rudeness for people who prove that they deserve it.

From what I saw at our first 2 clubs there was no discrimination and certainly nothing going on that made me in any way think the heavier people were being shunned. We met a BB couple at our first club and talked to them for a good 45 minutes out on the back deck. Just because we were not going to have sex with them doesn't mean we couldn't enjoy a good chat.

As I said in my first post in this thread, the websites for the clubs seemed to go to great lengths to explain that their members are typically attractive and fit, and yet we did not see any discrimination at either club based on who was there. Why do they even put that on the websites then? I don't know. But there were all types of bodies there and everyone was having a good time.

It just seems to me that you are going to miss out on a great experience because you are afraid one or two assholes are going to treat you badly. Well, assholes do that to everyone so just put them in their place, move on, and have some fun with the other 95% of the people in the club.

Boris

[Chicup]

Based on the cross section of the clubs in chicago, I can't see why anyone would feel intimidated by looks at these clubs. If I were to give an average, I'd say the average age was 40 and the average weight was +30 lbs over weight, with a very wide range in both.

One thing to think about is economics. If a club only caters to the uber hots, which in my area would be around maybe 5% of the swinger population, they are going to have a VERY hard time staying open. There are only so many swingers out there, and clubs need to have a minimum number of couples on any given night.

The clubs we have been to have been safe, clean, and we met some very friendly people. I wish we would have known this sooner, as newbies we were very reluctant to go to the clubs and had visions of dueling bangos.

[VegasLee]

Originally Posted by SnsualPrsuasion

My point was that our worries were confirmed, and we probably won't be attending.

Where were your worries confirmed? You have not been to a club. Are you saying they where confirmed by a couple people posting on this board?

If that is the case then your right, don't go to a club if you are swayed so easily by people that don't mean anything to you or have ever met you.

Hard to believe people that enjoy this lifestyle would let NO ONE guide their life and their fun.