Went to our first club; have a few questions

[Couple Nxt Door]

Hi. It's been a bit since we've posted. We went to our first off-premise club about a week ago, and I'm just getting around to posting about it! Although we weren't sure what to expect, I'd have to say it's pretty much what I expected

The event was held in the bar of a hotel about an hour from where we live. There was a DJ, and the bar was reserved for the event. No walk-ins. A few times during the night some people tried to crash, but they were bounced.

Basically, it was like going to a bar, except for the type of dancing that people were doing. I was a little surprised, though, because I had expected to see people interacting more. It seemed like no one was meeting anyone else. There were a few people interacting, but for the most part, it seemed like they knew each other from past visits. There was some group dancing among people who didn't know each other, but they never did seem to meet or talk.

Now, I have to admit that I really went mostly to check it out and felt too shy to approach anyone. I really didn't know what to say. We did talk with a couple at the table next to us. But I was still surprised that there seemed to be so many people not meeting other people. I thought that was what they went there for

So anyway, I was wondering about the little interaction, and I was also wondering about one other thing. I've seen posts referring to people in the lifestyle as being "highly sexual." Oddly enough, I don't consider myself highly sexual. Does this mean swinging isn't for me?

The Mrs.

[BradAndJanet]

It sounds like a typical off-premise party, from what I know. Maybe everyone else was as shy as you? I think most people are a bit shy and just because we're swingers doesn't change that. If this is a regular event, try again. You'll be more comfortable next time and maybe talk to a few more people. Down the road, you'll be the ones meeting people from previous visits.

As to your second question... I'm not sure how you define 'highly sexual' anyway. You like sex, right? And swinging interests you? Then swing. Keep it simple, enjoy yourself and stop if it ceases to be fun.

-B

[JustAskJulie]

It really varies from party to party. One thing that often helps is if the hosts set up some sort of "Ice breaker" game to get people moving away from their tables and talking to other people.

From my own experiences I've found that most of the people I've talked to an off-premise parties are those at my table. Granted I've met some great people that way and made some great friends, but there was a whole roomful of people I didn't meet as well.

THe problem tends to occur when everyone is waiting around expecting someone else to approach them. If you see someone you find interesting or attractive, approach them. Say hello, compliment them and see where it goes. If it doesn't go, move on.

Another thing that I've noticed that tends to affect this situation is the layout of the room/party. If it's overstuffed (too many tables too close together) it makes it difficult and uncomfortable to get up and walk around to meet people, so you don't. whereas if there is plenty of room you can walk around freely with no problem. The one off-premise club that I went to that I never had trouble meeting people at was one that was in fairly good sized hall and they set up 8 person long tables along perpendicular to the walls with the dance floor in the middle. You never had to crawl around other tables to get anywhere. And if you wanted to talk to someone across the room, all you had to was cross the dance floor... and even then you might get stuck meeting someone else in the process. They also ALWAYS had an ice breaker game. Granted some don't participate in the ice breaker actively, but everyone ends up meeting a few people from it just because of those who will participate.

This might not have been the club for you, but I wouldn't judge that just yet. I would suggest going back at least one more time only this time being pro-active and going out and doing your best to mingle. If you still feel the same way after that, look for another club.

[Couple Nxt Door]

Originally Posted by JustAskJulie

One thing that often helps is if the hosts set up some sort of "Ice breaker" game to get people moving away from their tables and talking to other people.

From my own experiences I've found that most of the people I've talked to an off-premise parties are those at my table..

I think we plan to try another club or two. We had heard that this was the nicest club in the area. The club, however, does not do any type of ice breakers. They address this on their web site. They say they get criticized for it often, but I guess they feel there are enough people who really don't like cheesy ice breakers that they don't want to do it.

Also, as you mentioned, the setup probably doesn't lend itself very well to meeting other people. Most of the tables are small, round bar tables that have only 2 seats. Some had four seats, and those were occupied by couples that came with friends. In addition, some of the tables were very close together, which did not lend itself to moving around (for some people, it would have been nearly impossible to get up from their table once they sat down).

We'll probably go back again just to see what it's like on a different night. We'll let you know how it goes...

Mrs. CND

[JustAskJulie]

Wow, that is a bit odd. I would have to wonder why people go there since it does seem like it is not to meet other swingers at that point and the club hosts/owners don't really do anything to help along those lines.


Regarding your other question, why not make a seperate thread with it, it could lend to an interesting discussion.

[good times]

This seems kind of odd to me. We regularly go to two different clubs. By far the most popular and for us most enjoyable club is very small, the tables are close together, although they all seat 6 people, the dance floor is very small, and the play room is smaller. The only thing big about this club is its popularity. I think most of that popularity stems from the fact that the hosts are very out going friendly people that are really concerned that everybody is having a good time. The other thing I've noticed is that because it is very small and intimate it is almost impossible to avoid interacting with others. Even at that though, we have attended this clubs on nights when their was a very antisocial vibe in the air, it doesn't happen to often but every once in a while the mix of folks in the club just brings down the mood and almost nothing seems to happen.

The other club we go to is very large and spread out and its seems much harder to get to know people and seems much less friendly than the other club. We normally only go to this club if we are planning on meeting people we already know there. But even at this club we have been there on nights when it was really hopping, and the mix of people was such that it was easier than normal to get involved with others.

So I would say that your idea to go again is probably a good one, if the club has any theme parties try to catch one of those as that seems to bring out the more outgoing people in our experiance.

The clubs we go to don't normally do ice breaker type games although I've seen it tried a couple of times. Both times I saw it tried only about ten percent of the people there seemed to participate. We did, but that's probably why we have less of a problem meeting people than most. We are pretty outgoing, so it is hard for us to understand the people that go to the club and just sit in the corner by themselves.

My advice whenever someone goes to a club is to be the instigator, go introduce yourselves to people, you never know, often times it just takes one person to get the party going and change the mood of the whole room.

[Couple Nxt Door]

Hi,

I introduced myself to three people, had a nice intro to one couple that did not seem to want to talk, other then the hello. They also seemed to not talk with anyone else either. The other intro was really just guy speak and did not go anywhere other then I found out where he and his partner live. The third, was a couple sitting next to us and we had a nice conversation started.

I wanted to dance and the Mrs. is not that fond of dancing (although I love to dance with her) She told the other couple and it turns out the male does not like to dance either and his wife said we are going out on the dance floor the next song no matter what, and we went. Mrs CND and I stayed on the dance floor, the other couple went back and sat down and were approached by another couple (tinge of envy) . We never did get back to their table, although we have been emailing each other.

Over all I had a good time, just suprised how few people spoke to each other.

Mr. CND