Is it common to go to a club with another couple?

I have a question about clubs, Hubby and I are supposed to go to an "orentation" next weekend, then if they decide to invite us then we can join the party. My question is this...We swing with another couple that want to go too, is it common for two couples who swing together to go to the clubs? I don't want that to be the reason they turn us down. And also is it common for them to turn people down? Have any of you been turned down to join a social? Thanks in advance! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

You might wanna read the other posts, especially the ones regarding clubs beforehand....And check out this link to a simular situation, hopefully that'll help too. Most of your questions have already been answered, just gotta take the time to do your research and come to your own conclusions, if you don't have any other concerns then.... http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

As for the other couple wishing to join the both of you to a club, to me, that's the way we'd wanna do it (taking that route of attending our first club function, etc.), attending with another couple-friends whom we know and have that "unique" friendship with to help ease into the club scene of things. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif

Also you might wanna call the club that you're attending, and ask them what their "procedures" are on this matter (amoung others), and take it from there. Of course, every club is different and they have their own policies as well.

http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/For...ML/000073.html


Good luck!
CyberWife

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-19-2001).]

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by K&J:
is it common for two couples who swing together to go to the clubs?

You're talking to a living example of that. My wife and I met a couple at an off premises club, and became intimate with them the next time we were together. While our relationship was going strong, we all four continued to attend monthly meet and greets. It was nice, having a "steady" couple, but it had it's downside as well. Namely, you're pretty well shut out from meeting anyone else at these things while the four of you are together, and while everyone else there knows you're an "item".

Dan

[JustAskJulie]

I agree with both of the below posts. There's nothing wrong with having another couple go with you, but as Dan said the downside is actually 2-fold. 1)It keeps others from approaching you unless they are interested in all 4 of you. 2) If you do meet someone else you want to play with you may feel guilty because you came with this "steady" couple.

Those are issues you need to talk to the other couple about in advance and work out between you so that you all feel comfortable.

As for the club itself, I agree that you should call the club and ask them what their thoughts are on this any any questions you have. Orientations are usually just to make sure that you are who you say you are, are actually into swinging (both of you and not that your husband is dragging you into it), and that you will fit in with the crowd (yes some clubs are very picky looks wise or otherwise).

I think tho that if you call the club and ask your questions you'll feel a lot better about the entire thing and make it through orientation without a problem http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Julie http://www.swingersboard.com

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by JustAskJulie:


Those are issues you need to talk to the other couple about in advance and work out between you so that you all feel comfortable.

I agree, as with everything else involving this lifestyle, talking things out is best. Unfortunately, the couple we were mixed up with seemed pretty possessive. They made a point of letting us know they're never involved with more than one couple at a time, and the implication we got from them was subtle but unmistakable -- they didn't want us with anyone else either. In fact, at the height of our relationship they even came out and asked us if we were talking with any other couples. We said no, but resented the intrusive nature of the question.

Dan

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
-- they didn't want us with anyone else either. In fact, at the height of our relationship they even came out and asked us if we were talking with any other couples. We said no, but resented the intrusive nature of the question.

Dan

Have you & Janette "communicated" with this couple, letting them know that this is how you two feel about meeting others, and so forth? http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/confused.gif

Doesn't this "take away" from all the "fun" of it all? I mean, being "committed" to your spouse is ONE thing, but with another couple....I guess that would make me feel uncomfortable in a situation like yours. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/frown.gif

I've heard of other couples that feel this way too, about them having only ONE couple partners kinda thing....


CyberWife

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
Have you & Janette "communicated" with this couple, letting them know that this is how you two feel about meeting others, and so forth?

Well, we haven't had contact with them for over a year now, but at the time, no, we didn't let them know their question and overall attitude about this bothered us. Why? For fear of rocking the boat. Yeah, I know, not the best way to look at things, but it's hard for us to find and hook up with really compatable couples. These two weren't perfect by any means, but the pluses outweighed the minuses.

In any swing relationship, Janette and I would have no qualms whatsoever about swing partners of ours seeing others. In fact, it'd probably be a turn on for both of us to get the juicy details.

There's that male trait again. Going where another man has traversed recently. One of my absolute favorite porn movie scenarios is watching a woman take on multiple partners. Who says math isn't my strong suit? http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

By the way, just thought you'd be interested in this -- just today, we began talking with a local couple over the internet. The lady is only 4'8", and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I mean, she's not much taller than a kid.

Any thoughts?

Dan




[This message has been edited by CanadianCouple (edited 07-21-2001).]

Well Dan,

You say that you do not really care about skin color, so why does height matter? As long as you know she's an adult, there should be no problem.

CyberHusband

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:
Well Dan,

You say that you do not really care about skin color, so why does height matter? As long as you know she's an adult, there should be no problem.

CyberHusband

Well CyberHusband,

As I stated in my last post, she's not much taller than some kids. Perhaps there's some unpleasant associations there, time will tell if we get to the point of meeting them in person. It isn't a matter of race, as skin color obviously is. Not the best analogy, to be honest.

Dan

First off, I do understand that you both didn't want to "rock the boat" (trying to be considerate and all), but you know our motto....*Which I'm making it one now *lol*)....

"Communication is the KEY to ANY relationship! And with TRUST & HONESTY, which is a necessity to Communication as well."

"Pluses" is a GOOD thing! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/biggrin.gif But for us, if there's any "minuses", we get it out in the open (Communicating with Trust & Honesty), and if we ALL can't cum to an agreement, then it's a "no-go" where any sexual relationships are concerned with any couple/single! And we don't "hold" anything against anyone, where limits & conditions are concerned. But we do gain friendships, which is also a GOOD thing with our continued search in the lifestyle for compatible couples/singes....

This has helped us to avoid the "bad" experiences that most swingers has experienced, and we're quite comfortable with how we handle our "meet & greet" with others. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

As for your newest found friends, we're glad that you've finally found someone in your area, being that it's been a problem! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

But as hubby kinda mentioned, the same goes for skin color, the same goes for HEIGHT! And after reading your last post, while typing this out, I agree with this "analogy" that hubby stated. It's the SAME thing, but in different "color"! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Like in your case, some may "look at" Janette's weight, what's the difference with "height"? No difference to me....

I feel that I'm short (5'-3 1/2"), cause most everyone I/we know is much taller than me. But my "abilities" out "weigh" my "handicap"! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif *LOL*

I have this thing with swinging with ages lower than 27 though. Only because, our children is near that age range, looking at it from a "parents point of view"....

It's getting to know others FIRST, before cummin' to conclusions that we all have to learn to do, not an easy task, but something important we all need to learn in order to find "friends first" in the lifestyle, which is what we're all about. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif


CyberWife

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-21-2001).]

[CanadianCouple]

Originally posted by CyberMWCouple:


I have this thing with swinging with ages lower than 27 though. Only because, our children is near that age range, looking at it from a "parents point of view"....

Exactly. The thought of swinging with people near the ages of your children brings on unpleasant associations for you. Adults roughly the same size as prepubescent children bring on unpleasant associations for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't swing with them, I can tell better after meeting them in person. But it just goes to show we each have our own personal peccadilloes, I guess.

You see, extra weight is a visual turnoff for many people. Lack of stature isn't for me, but the negative associations possibly are. Sorry, I can't see much of a comparison here between that and racial issues, unless one has negative associations with minorities in general.

About communication with other couples, you're right about getting everything out in the open. But this possessiveness on their part didn't manifest itself until we'd already been together several times. No excuse, but more difficult to assert yourself at that point. You don't want to jeprodize an otherwise satisfying relationship.

Dan

I understand in all "3 counts" here! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

I guess with the "color" thing, the analogy that I was thinking about wasn't the "race" thing, but I think more of a "visual" thing, like you just mentioned with weight.

Our first couple that we had our first swinging experience with, she was the same size/weight/etc. as our daughter, but it was their personality and attitude that "caught our eyes", and we had SO much in common between all of us.

Of course, she was much more mature than our daughter, of course being about 10 years or so older than our daughter, made a HUGE difference too! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif

It's all in the "getting to know each other" thingie again, that makes a BIG differenece! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Good luck and hope all goes well for all of you with your new "friends"! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif

Oh and btw....You know the "routine" with keeping us posted here too! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif *lol*


CyberWife

[This message has been edited by CyberMWCouple (edited 07-21-2001).]

Originally posted by CanadianCouple:
...You see, extra weight is a visual turnoff for many people. Lack of stature isn't for me, but the negative associations possibly are. Sorry, I can't see much of a comparison here between that and racial issues...

Close your eyes and tell me what color she is, along with her height and weight. The analogy is EXACTLY right. It's strictly a visual thing. You either like what you see or you have concerns because of it.

If you were blind, would it make a difference?

CyberHusband

[CanadianCouple]

Apparently you're not reading my posts thoroughly. It's the negative ASSOCIATIONS with someone that height. Specifically, they might tend to remind someone of kids when thinking of them in sexual terms. Is it a "visual thing" when your wife is hesitant to swing with people near her kids ages because they remind her of them?

Dan

[LIZA]

I do have to agree with Dan, I could not have sexual contact with a woman who is 4'8!
My 7 year old son, who is very tall for his age, is 4'8. It may be a prejudice but its not exactly the same as the race issue because there are not the same connections to be child-sized.
I am 5'9 and I would feel like a mom out with my kid!
Also on the age thing, I sometimes get email from couples in their late 40's or 50's and would feel uncomfortable in that situation, them being close to my parents age.............It just would feel awkward to me. There are so many people in ALL age ranges in swinging it seems like finding people within 10 years of your age is not all that difficult. But if another couple wanted to play with people signifigantly older or younger I certainly would not judge them!
But again, to me the race issue is different, I guess partly because I am generally attracted to those who are different race's than I am