How to approach people you have an interest in at parties!

[CanadianCouple]

We find it a little hard to approach a couple we are interested in. Does anyone have any tips on this? We are both very easy to talk to just a little shy stepping out of the gate. Any pointers would be greatly appreciated.

Wife of CanadianCouple

[Jessie B]

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I look forward to seeing a lot of answers to this question. We could all use a few good opening gambits.
In our case, my husband leaves it to me to make initial contact with the woman. That establishes the women as being in charge of the situation - which I think is only proper; I detest the concept of ‘wife swapping'
When Ted and I have agreed that a couple appear interesting, I drift by and start a conversation with the woman to lead up to introducing myself and adding "I'd like to introduce you to my husband: he's the sandy haired man over there by the sandwiches.". She will usually say she'll check with her husband and I'll move away. If she doesn't get back to me, there's a minimum of embarrassment.
Jessie B.

[Stratecpl]

Well, we are also new to this, my friends. I guess that our best bet would be to just smile and boldly introduce ourselves. If they are friendly enough and also introduce themselves to us, then we ask how they are doing and if they would care to join us for something to drink or to just pass the time. I know, it's awkward.... but communication is the entire key, once again. FAILURE to communicate can get you into lots of hot water, but POSITIVE communications can get you into a tub full of hot water, some wine and candles, and who knows WHAT else... LOL.

Isn't it great, though?? Something the two of you can do together, involving others in what may well become a wonderful and fulfilling relationship. Whether my wife or I am the one who instigates the meeting, doesn't matter, just so we DO try. Maybe these people are just as anxious to meet you as you are to meet them, but they are too timid or unsure of themselves to make that first move. It would be a shame to pass up a golden opportunity because one or the other didn't want to make the first move!!

I must agree, though, that the wife is usually better at making that first stab at communicating... after all, she's much better looking than I am!! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[CanadianCouple]

Thanks for the good advice.
Jessie B :
I see where you're coming from with the wife making contact. For us it doesn't matter who makes contact.We always discuss how we both feel after all have met and whether or not we want it to go any farther.

Ron:
Agree that communication is the key factor in all of this. I am normally a very very outgoing person. That is until it comes to this. I seem to freeze up when it comes to approaching other with what is on my mind. I suddenly become bashful.
Yes it can turn into a wonderful time for all. Dan and I have discussed the fact that others may be just as timid about making the first move. I guess we're just going to have to take those steps up to the plate so to speak.
Do you think others in general prefer to be approached by one or both of a couple?

Wife of CanadianCouple

[Stratecpl]

CanadianCouple,

I think that if someone were approaching my wife and I, we would much prefer to meet with BOTH people. That way, we could all see the facial gestures, the "Yes, that one's nice" or the "No, thanks" type looks. Everyone has a chance to meet and interact up front. After all, it involves all four people!!! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif

But I can sympathize with becoming shy. That really is my nature, although I've overcome much of it in recent times. But it certainly is awkward to meet and try to discuss something this risque that first time!!

That's why the swinger parties idea is such a good one. Anyone who is there is there of one accord and for similar pleasures. Otherwise, they might have taken a wrong turn somewhere!!! LOL

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[newcpl2swinging]

We are new to this and have been to a club a couple of times. We are really glad this question was asked! After we got over a little shock and embarassment, we were wondering what to do next, and or how to meet others. I liked the idea that they (others) are just as anxious as we are! That should make the meet and greet a little easier. We will watch with interest as the debate continues on the "Send in the Wives" strategy!

Thanks,

T & L

[MiCpl]

I think it would take a pretty seasoned swinger to not be the least bit nervous at a swing party about meeting new people. It's really nice if you can have at least one other couple there that you know and feel comfortable with. When it comes to introduce yourselves to others, don't be afraid to make the first step.. after all if you sit on the wall all night chances are you won't meet anyone. The funny thing I've noticed is that usually when people are too shy to leave the wall and talk to people.. everyone else assumes they are stuck up (or think they are too good to talk to anyone there/ make the first move). It's really hard for everyone I would think.. cuz just like singles at a club you never know for sure that someone else is interested unless they make a move. Guess ya just gotta take a chance.

As far as approaching singly or together I think that depends a lot on each person and on what the two of you are looking for. IF you only swing with other couples (as couples) then I would think it would be best to meet them together.. if you swing seperately.. I don't think it's a big deal if you never meet the other half (well I'm sure you'll meet them eventually).

GREAT responses everybody! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif

As for us, hubby is the initiator as far as communicating with others first! But once we get to know each other, there's no telling what will happen then....*lol*

We'd rather meet BOTH individuals of a couple as well, although we've never been to a club or swingers party, but it's the same as "meeting" others for the "first time" no matter where we meet them, I feel...

Being honest & open up front from the get-go works best for us, once I get started, I just dive right in and the questions & answers amuses us to no end. http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/wink.gif


Wife of CyberMWCouple

[Stratecpl]

Many great thoughts flowing here on this thread, guys!! http://www.swingersboard.com/ubb/smile.gif I think anyone would prefer to get honesty instead of a crock, and I'm sure that most couples would rather meet BOTH members of the other couple, since not just one person in that couple will be playing.... UNLESS other arrangements have been discussed. Still, I think it's only common sense that you know what you're getting into beforehand. But it's true, the female member of a couple usually gets more attention than the male does. Hey, you ladies are just more attractive, what can I say!!! LOL

Remember, COMMUNICATE!!! Such a huge word, you know!!

Ron, Husband of Stratecpl

[JustAskJulie]

^Bump^ - Any new thoughts?