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Of all swinger ads placed on the internet, a significant percentage specify they're looking for "height/weight proportional" only. My question is, is a person's girth really determinate of their sexuality? Would you automatically discount them as bed partners if they don't resemble professional bodybuilders? Of the experiences we've had, only one woman would would qualify as petite, and while I enjoyed her company immensly, it was no more pleasurable than with the other, larger ladies. Personality is paramount over all else, in our opinion. My wife is moderately overweight, and when we're turned down, that's often the reason.

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Guest CyberMWCouple

Personally for me, I tend to "turn down" the body builders/model type looking couples and/or singles. All that bulk muscles just turns ME off! Again, it's just one of MY preferences. And skinny is fine, but to a certain extent. And then again, it all depends on the personalities and chemistry...*Shrugs shoulders*

 

I'm a little over weight, and so far, all the wives we've swung with were smaller than me in "hwp". Hubby prefers a woman with some "meat" on her, but not too much, but JUST right (by HIS choice). Same goes for me with the hubbies/men we seek to play with. But then again, it's all in the personality, how they "carry" themselves, the chemistry gotta be right for all of us, etc... Which is usually why, we rather just meet with others first, see how it goes in person, then determine our next step, and ask ourselves....Is this a "friend" couple/single? Or maybe "more"? Either way, it's a "win-win" situation!

 

What may be the "right" couple(s) or single(s) for us, may not be the same for others, and visa-versa. :) Some people goes for "looks", some for just plain ole SEX! And some like it with a mixture of BOTH! As long as everyone enjoys themselves with each other, that's all that really matters! Right?

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Wife of CyberMWCoulple -

I agree with your assessment, it's the personality and chemistry that count. When meeting a couple socially in person for the first time, we can usually tell fairly quickly if there's a possibility of sex with them in the future. A few of them, we knew it wasn't going to happen even before they sat down, either because it was obvious they'd misrepresented themselves, or they showed up looking as though they hadn't showered in three days. I'd mentioned in an earlier post we've attended meet and greets, and quite often my wife or myself will be immediately attracted to an individual/couple who'll never make the cover of GQ or Vogue. But man oh man, there's just SOMETHING about that person... )

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Well it just depends on the couples you get answering. There are A LOT of people out there that don't care, you just have to keep looking till you find them.

 

I was very worried about it when we first started looking because I am a BBW myself, I know I am beautiful I even do plus sized modeling, but I had seen so many HWP adds that I was really scared we wouldn't find anyone. After the first few trial adds we put up adds with the BBW tag in the first few words and worded the add in a way that showed personality, that we didn't care about hwp and got many more legit responses after that.

 

I am the same though, We are much less likely to be interested with waif like or small women. I just always feel like I would break them or something, give me a nice size 12 to look at any day :) Not knockin the small chicks though- I think in the end it all evens out, there is someone out there to think everyone is beautiful. It is just a numbers game... you have to meet enough people to run into one of those that has the same beauty ideals as you.

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God bless ya, Steph!! Physical dimensions really don't mean anything to us. Just as penis size doesn't matter to my wife, (unless we're talking gargantuan), body size is irrelevant to both of us. We've taken the attitude that if a couple dismisses us because of her weight, it's their loss. We care solely about personality and how well the four of us gel. Speaking for myself, one of the most enjoyable aspects of swinging is simply the physical contact with other women. Whether it's the sex itself, hugging, kissing, or caressing, I just love being with them. And I don't need size 4's for that.

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Although weight doesn't matter to either Dan or I, we do realize it does to others. I was really worried about it at first, but have since come to the frame of mind that if someone doesn't want to be with me because of my size, it's fine. After all it's their loss, not mine.

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Guest CyberMWCouple

I have had small women before. I enjoyed our play with them a great deal, but there was always the worry that I might snap her in two. I prefer a larger woman, although I generally do not care for a woman that is too big.

 

Personality makes up for a lot, but some of us just have a bias that we have grown up with, and have a difficult time getting around. Cheers to all the differences that we have in the world! Without them, everyone would be, act, look the same and what fun would that be?

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Guest CyberMWCouple
Quote
Originally posted by CanadianCouple:

Although weight doesn't matter to either Dan or I, we do realize it does to others. I was really worried about it at first, but have since come to the frame of mind that if someone doesn't want to be with me because of my size, it's fine. After all it's their loss, not mine.

 

That's right! *Agreeing nod grinnin'*

 

But I also realize, that it also happens the other way around for the body builders/models types couple/individuals as well....Again, it cums back to "making our own choices". As long as everyone enjoys themselves and have FUN!

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I think too, that many people misread pride in accomplishment as being self centered or conceited?? Maybe??? That's why hardbodies get passed over a lot because of their looks too. I've wondered about that. Just for the record..two years and roughly 80 some odd pounds ago I was a BBW too.

 

Another thing Ron pointed out to me is that many men are intimidated by women with muscle. It's one of those things that bothers the male ego. Like someone said about anyone passing up a BBW, It being their loss..same holds true for anybody passing up a female bodybuilder OR a male bodybuilder if that be the case. True with their physical strength and conditioning they could kick butt..but ALSO what people fail to recognize is with all that physical conditioning, stamina, and all those high powered vitamins they are on they can kick butt in the bedroom in a way that won't leave one battered and bruised but leave them smiling and suffering from a very happy, fulfilled case of exhaustion! haha. Ron is a good example..he is 51 years old and since he's been bodybuilding he can cum and be bounced back hard and ready again before the woman gets her second wind sometimes! haha.. He couldn't do that 2 years ago before we started weight training. It's true..it's true!..LOL

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Personally.. I don't have a preference on weight for guys or girls.. but hubby tends to prefer women n the small to medium range.

 

However, I don't really enjoy being with the bodybuilder types .. their bodies are just too hard for me. However a guy who is in shape but not over the border into "body builder" land is quite hot to me.

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Pride and accomplishment are fine, we have no qualms with that. Who would? But many ads and attitudes go far beyond that.

 

Take a moment and read closely what others are looking for in partners. And specifically what they're NOT looking for. Many times, "fat" and "dirty" are subtly linked together, insinuating they go hand in hand. One poster here even had the audacity to state all overweight women smell bad. We all have pride in various accomplishments in life, including attaining a certain level of physical fitness, but we take pains not to feel elevated above others who haven't. There's enough class warfare in life without carrying it over into this lifestyle.

 

It's fine if one isn't attracted to extra weight, but we've detected a distinct elitism in several ads and personal meetings. Sad, since life is so short as it is.

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Straightcouple --

 

Regarding muscled women. It all depends on the level of development. I've been bodybuilding for around 20 years myself, and in that time I've seen women's fitness go from toned to steroid-pumped she-males. I'm not in the least bi, and it's hard to get turned on by striated pecs and 17 inch biceps. Any more than a straight woman would be excited by a man with breasts and wearing a skirt.

 

Not many people find gender bending appealing.

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Each to their own I guess... it takes a very special type of man that can accept and is appreciative of a muscular female. Not many of those type men in exsistance. I don't think muscularity in a female is "gender bending" sex change surgery..yep that would be gender bending, but taking what all women have under their skin and developing it to it's full potential is not gender bending I don't think. I Agree that the steroid pumped ones are a bit too much. Don't go that route myself..but sure, if the good lord lets me develop 17 inch arms then I will be ecstatic!

 

Times are changing though...recently a female bodybuilder appeared in Playboy..she broke the steriotype of the Barbie centerfolds that have appeared month after month for nearly 50 years. Ya know it's interesting..her issue was the number one selling issue in the last decade... since her issue came out..memberships in gyms by WOMEN signing up for weight training has gone WAYYY up..interesting...exercise videos for weight training for women..sells have gone wayyy up...interesting. Many of them are doing this with the blessing and encouragement of their husbands or boyfriends too. Maybe I was wrong..maybe there are more of these special men out there than I though. Each to their own...but gee... isn't saying a muscular women is unattractive the same and just as bad as the guy on here who said fat women smell??

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Straightcouple --

You said ". Each to their own...but gee... isn't saying a muscular women is unattractive the same and just as bad as the guy on here who said fat women smell??"

 

First of all, I apologize for the crude cutting and pasting of your quote, I don't know how to isolate in bold a quotation from another post.

 

Let me address that last point you made first. Frankly, it's absurd to compare the desirability of an extremely muscular woman to one's assertion that overweight means dirty and foul. A really poor analogy, in my opinion. It goes far beyond questioning one's attraction to overweight women (or men), but states flat out that one's hygiene is tied directly to what their bathroom scales read. If I'm missing something, please enlighten me.

 

Second, I never said women's muscularity in and of itself was a turnoff. I used the phrase steroid-pumped she males. There's a big difference, just look at the cover of muscle magazines the past several years. Some of these gals today would've given Arnold in his heyday a run for his money, and are a far cry from being considered merely "muscular".

 

Straightcouple, in addition to us being involved in the swinging lifestyle for the past two years, we've been active nudists since 1987. We were members of a nudist camp in western Massachusetts for three years, and another camp in New Hampshire for another 11. I've personally seen, by my estimation, at least two thousand nude women, up close and personal. Name the body type, we've seen it countless times. And I've seen plenty of muscular women, aerobics instructors, gymnasts, and other women devoted to the physical fitness culture. All beautiful, all gorgeous flesh and blood examples of the female anatomy. But they're a world apart from women who are awash in pill-induced testosterone, and these are the individuals to whom I was referring.

 

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Where are you finding all these "steroid-pumped she-males"??

 

I must not be going to the right places, I cannot remember ever seeing ONE female in swinging who I would describe that way

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CanadianCouple,

 

First of all let me explain a couple of things. We ARE NOT STEROID-PUMPED. NEVER HAVE BEEN, NEVER WILL BE. I want this to be understood loud and clear.

 

The prejudice against women OR men who are muscular is great, make no mistake of that fact. We are very decent, fun-loving people. We are not freaks and we do not like anyone insinuating this. We have encountered some truly rude people who profess to be bodybuilders, too. I guess there's rude folks everywhere, hey?

 

As I stated earlier, we only work out to improve our own lives. Period. If others want to live their lives in a vastly different manner, then so be it. We totally agree that there are a lot of people out there who make derogatory remarks concerning BBW's too. WE ARE NOT THOSE PEOPLE. We are some of the ones who actually have consciences....

 

If there were some steroid-pumped person out there we'd be the first to reject him or her, for our own reasons. If you've been a nudist and a swinger for a long time, then I'm sure you are comfortable with yourselves. But so are we.

 

Let's end this on friendly terms, hey?

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Canadiancouple....this is wife of Stratecpl again. Just one quick question. I was curious...When LIZA asked you where you were finding all these steroid pumped she-males? I noticed in your response to her, you specifically singled out the part of my prior post that mentioned many men being intimidated by women with muscle... :) It struck me as interesting that you singled out that particular part of my post when it really had nothing to do with the main point of the argument..i.e. steroid women vs. non steroid muscular women as far as attractiveness goes and it had nothing to do with LIZA's question either? Can we say..BINGO!? :)

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Stratecpl--

 

Don't cash in the chips just yet. I quoted that part of your post to Liza to explain to her how the issue of women's muscularity got started. From there, you made the comparison of a man's repulsion of extreme development and another's assertion fat means dirty.

 

Don't clear that card yet, they're still calling numbers. :)

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Ron --

 

Somewhere in one of my posts I mentioned the fact I've been lifting regularly for 20 years or so. I'm no stranger to the pursuit of the ultimate physique, why would I denigrate anyone who is? My beef was centered on the fact that with some people it goes straight to their heads, and it shows with the derogatory nature of their ads. Overweight people don't like to be called "fatties" anymore than serious bodybuilders being referred to as freaks of nature.

 

No, not everyone is meant for everyone else, that's obvious. I'd just like to see some of the derision in ads gone.

 

I never insinuated you two were "pumped" with steroids, but we both know them when we see them, right Ron? THOSE are the ones I'm referring to.

 

Friendly terms? Never anything but, Ron.

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CanadianCouple,

 

Yes, you're right concerning the derision that's in so many ads. We've read tons of them ourselves and we agree that they are hurtful and downright insulting to anyone who reads them. In this lifestyle there's no room for hurt. We are all of fairly like minds here, and we all seek the advice of others who might have "been there, done that" which we haven't yet....

 

It's like telling your children something that you don't want them to do, because your experience might keep them from making those same mistakes that you made. Naturally, they won't listen to you, but you tried...

 

Racial prejudice is another thing that is filled with hate and callous remarks. There's just no place for that anywhere. We have friends who are of different races and nationalities, and we have found that everyone has much to offer... IF anyone will just pay attention.

 

Too few people are really unbiased, or liberated, if you will. They so-often tend to cling to old adages and old teachings that were the "norm" at one time, but today are outdated. You are right, the caste system seems to still be alive and well in all too many walks of life.

 

The reference I made to that party is an example. There were every type human being you could imagine there, from tall and lanky to short and BBW.... and each and every one of them were of bright personalities, great dispositions, AND no one had this "body odor" that some person brought up on another post somewhere!! That was totally a callous remark. But we enjoyed our visit and we'll return again. What I'm saying is that being of open minds is great. Anyone who disliked this or that would have been unhappy, but we weren't. Everyone fit right in just like a glove.

 

Anyhow, my apologies to all who I might have offended. May you all enjoy a great upcoming fling!!

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CanadianCouple... Oh I'm not ready to cash in the chips yet..I'm still intrigued by your picking that particular part of my post to quote. You explained your reason...however any other quote from my post would have answered LIZA just as well :)

 

Actually I'm ready to move this conversation along...to expand it some. Like maybe discuss your thoughts on Women's equality, women who are aggressive sexually, equal pay, independent women vs. barefoot and pregnant. haha... I just can't help feel that the word "Intimidated" in that post really affected you some.

 

See, since I do lift, I've heard/seen this reaction before and you come across very much the same as other men I've encountered who were men who felt that women lifting weights was an Invasion of their Territory..."Not a Woman's Place" "Ain't Right" "Oughta be Home, where she belongs" that sort of thing...these are actual quotes I've heard by the way.

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I think that above all else we need to remember to show respect to others. I'm sure that everyone whether BBW, skinny, buff or a wet noodle, we all have feeling and no one deserves to have them hurt. Just say it isn't your thing and leave it at that.

 

I'm one of the BBW, and I get p----- off at being labeled. She big so therefore she must eat non stop. NOT TRUE!! She's big so therefore she must smell. AGAIN NOT TRUE!!!

 

I'd love for the person that made these two comments to stand in line behind some of the same people I have. After all whether big, small or whatever--- ANYONE OF THESE CAN SMELL.

 

Well enough ranting. Hope all have a great day.

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Wife of stratecpl--

 

Liza had asked where she would find these "she males" I referred to. I took her question to be facetious, but if she was indeed serious, I'd suggest she place an ad specifying what she's looking for.

 

You asked me my opinions on a few things. Here goes --

 

"Women's equality?" All for it.

 

"Sexually aggressive women?" The answer to my prayers.

 

"Equal pay?" Yes, for equal work.

 

"Independent vs. barefoot and preggars?" Puhleeze, I had the big 'V' done in '96. I don't even want our hamster pregnant.

 

Seriously, you're hung up a bit on the word 'intimidated'. For me not being sexually attracted to women who resemble men on WWF, doesn't mean I'm intimidated, it just means I don't go for gigantic muscles on women. Just too masculine in my eyes.

 

Remember my post about the nudist women athletes I've seen? They didn't get that way popping beer can tops, they hoisted more than their share of iron to get in that condition. And yes, I'm ALL for women lifting, and any other form of exercise. They look wonderful to me, as long as they're still recognizable AS women from the neck down. Please don't misinterpret what I've been saying all along on this topic -- a fit body is indeed sexy in itself, but one doesn't necessarily need to be that way to be sexy.

 

One other thing you said I wanted to address. You stated (I'm paraphrasing) that since you and hubby were 'hardbodies' so to speak, you found some others weren't attracted to you. I'd suggest it isn't a matter of lack of attraction on their part ( who wouldn't want to have sex with a hardbody), but rather a realization on their part that it's unlikely there'd be an attraction on YOUR end if they aren't similar in build. Again, I'm not singling you two out, but the vast majority of "model" types do think that way.

 

In our experience, that is.

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Canadiancouple...I think you misunderstood my point...It's not about other couples not being attracted to us because we are fit for whatever their reason may be. I still believe in each to their own there...

 

It's about others automatically assuming that ALL people who are fit are conceited and have a better than thou attitude Not ALL fit people are like that..I believe that's where all this started in this thread.

 

I'm not hung up on the word intimidated really, although I do enjoy getting under the skin of men who ARE bothered by the word... BUT, you know as well as I do there ARE men who ARE intimidated by muscular women. It's a fragile male ego thing obviously. And it's a fact..they do exist.

 

And on the subject of labeling people that your wife brought up in her post, she sounds like a very savvy woman, btw....The words Fattie or heavies or whatever are cruel labels....agreed??? So is "she-male" I find that very derogatory as well.

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I used that word to illustrate someone who seems hellbent on adopting the physical characteristics of the opposite gender. If that word offends you, none was intended. But again, it's unrelated to using pejorative terms to describe someone's weight. Be honest with yourself, if a man took hormone shots to develop breasts (NOT pecs), wouldn't you think that person is at the least a bit odd? And perhaps crack a few jokes with your friends? Most of us would. But if overly developed female physiques were common in the lifestyle, I certainly wouldn't use the term 'she-male' while listing what weren't not looking for in others, in our ad. Remember, it's the ads I'm talking about, and the terminology used. When someone uses "fatties" and "uglies" in warding off unwanted replies, believe me it tells me volumes about that couple. I've even seen ads stating they're looking for couples above a certain income level. Good Lord, we're not looking for life mates here, but bed partners.

 

If extra weight is a turnoff for you, that's fine. But we've scanned so many ads from slim/athletic couples that follow that pattern, it's hard to ignore. Sure, being a typical male I have a mental vision of my perfect swing partner. Same with my wife, but we both realize that to get the maximum out of this lifestyle, we both have to be flexible to a certain degree. We'd just like to see a bit more of that from some others.

 

Yes, my wife is a very savvy woman, thanks. She has a great deal to share regarding swinging issues, but was initially quite shy about posting here. I encouraged her to, without being too pushy, since I believe there should be as much input from women as possible. The weight issue is a prominent one with her, for personal reasons. Overweight women in general are not treated the same in society as others. I'm sure since losing the 80 pounds you've noticed it yourself.

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All I have to say I don't care if the other person is big or skinny as a rail muscular or not as long as they have a good personality and are secure in themselves and are not bitter we have no problems we have met people of all shapes and sizes I have seen others put on their profiles no fatties and that seems so rude to us and you can bet even though we are not fatties we won't be replying to their ad we have no room for shallow people in our life. Just my 2 cents.

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Guest <Chicup>

My wife and I are a bit fatter then when we started swinging *heh* but we still fall in the "HWP" realm (though if I don't go on a diet it won't be for long). This seems to be a common topic on swingers message boards, but is kinda pointless and reminds me of the 'bi-male' topic.

 

We only swing with people we are physically attracted to, and neither of us are attracted to overweight people. Some seem to act like this is totally unacceptable, narrow minded, etc, but we like having sex with people we find pleasant to look at naked. This is what we want, and while it all might feel the same when the lights are out, we have our preferences. This doesn't mean we hate fat people, won't be friends with etc, we just don't want to have sex with them.

 

We have been rejected based on looks before and it hurts, but we get over it.

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Quote

We only swing with people we are physically attracted to. We have been rejected based on looks before and it hurts' date=' but we get over it.

Well to bring a new twist onto this subject...

 

I can't find myself attracted to stupid people...sorry but for me there has to be a brain wave...I can see thru the lack of conventional looks and appreciate the character underneath.. A lot of people find this hard to believe but it is very true in my case. While I would not consider a relationship with a person I find physically repulsive on the other hand I find charisma and intelligence really attract me. Stupid people give me no pleasure as they just drive me nuts...granted some people are not what some would consider lookers but spend some time with them and you might be surprised how your opinion might change.

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We're of a similar mind, specifically we like to be around people who can carry conversations that extend beyond the weather and what's on Springer today. We enjoy exchanging opinions on various topics of social and even political nature, perhaps learning something new in the process. We quickly tire of couples who can talk of nothing but the lifestyle, as interesting as that may be. We really have a keen interest in garnering a more well-rounded (pardon the pun) view of the couple we may soon be sleeping with.

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Personally I do not care what someone looks like. I am not looking for strictly sex, so the person has to have a personality.

 

I don't care what your body looks like, if your personality is crappy, then there is no way we could get together. I have met plenty of women where it wasn't "lust at first site" but after talking with them i was attracted to their personality, which made their exterior looks unimportant.

 

I have talked to a lot of people online and the ones that seem so concerned with HWP I am not even interested in meeting. There is no way I could feel comfy with someone that may be taking mental notes on any "extra padding" I may have.

 

I am not sure if I would use the word narrow-minded for people that are concerned with HWP, but I have often wondered if those people just have that preference about people they are with in the "lifestyle" or is that in general. I mean do people that prefer only hwp actually leave their spouses or partners because they were no longer hwp or do they actually adjust to it and if they adjust would they still seek hwp in the lifestyle?

 

lol...I think this subject could go on and on, with people just continuing to add to it.

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Unfortunately, that is a fact you have to live with. Not too many people get turned-on by heavy couples. When we started this Swinging thing,we couldn't get anywhere. Took 3 months off, lost a few pounds and voila - everything started happening for us. Otherwise, be patient, sure there's others in your situation and maybe you'll hook up with them (just a thought).

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I am so totally offended when it was said that heavy people aren't attractive. I certainly don't have trouble attracting couples of any size. I am 5'2" and 180 pounds. I am round and I don't have a problem with it. My husband and I attend on premises clubs and I get my fair share of the attention. We have never left a club with out meeting another couple. Size only matters to someone who is superficial. Being nice and friendly is much more appealing than a flat stomach any day.

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There are certainly people that will not swing with me because they find me physically unattractive. Many find me handsome though. It is strictly a matter of taste. I would not feel in the least bit offended if someone found me unattractive though. I would never have sex with someone that I find unattractive. There just has to be some chemistry. For some it is weight, or some it is age, for some it is ethnicity. No need to be offended though in my opinion.

There are many people that are beautiful from within but I would never have sex with them. Does that make me a shallow person?

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This is our second post and we must say that my wife and I are two different builds. I am 5'6 135 and she is 5'4 and 160. We don't care if any couple is over/under weight because that does not define how person is mentally and socially. Besides that, it is great to have a variety of couples right? We also don't have any hang ups on the topic of age which seems that a lot of swingers do. Either way we are all discriminated in one way or another. If it's not weight, it is age.

 

Who cares? We don't!

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I am so totally offended when it was said that heavy people aren't attractive. I certainly don't have trouble attracting couples of any size. I am 5'2" and 180 pounds. I am round and I don't have a problem with it. My husband and I attend on premises clubs and I get my fair share of the attention. We have never left a club with out meeting another couple. Size only matters to someone who is superficial. Being nice and friendly is much more appealing than a flat stomach any day.

 

We like your attitude. In fact, I (Dan) can tell you that a woman's positive self image and confidence in herself is a big turn-on for me, much more so than physical measurements.

 

It DOES bother me to read posts in here from people advising others to lose weight in order to attract more potential partners in the lifestyle. Going on a diet solely to please strangers is one of the worst reasons for doing so I can imagine.

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I get tired of people obsessing about weight! I have been told by a lot of people I am attractive..granted I am not slim I am about a size 16..but if I tell people my weight they fall over..at that size I weigh in at over 200 lbs..I carry a lot of muscle and bone so my weight is not the reg for my height and size..grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even whem I was thin I was at the top of the sliding scale! So when people go on and on about weight it annoys me..I do not even consider weigth when I meet people..and I usually wont meet with peple untill I know them pretty well by conversation..then a lot of times looks to me are such a different thing... I'll say ti again I am a personality person..and well a brain person cant stand those stupid ones!!

 

An

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Hey, I am 6'2" and weight 295#. I have been "big" all my life. It was a blessing in sports when I was active and could have my way with most others in competition, but now at 52 it isn't fun anymore.

 

I have yet to meet an overweight person like myself who doesn't want to lose weight. You can be happy, but it doesn't mean that you wouldn't like to lose weight.

 

It seems whenever I meet someone else who is carrying a few extra pounds we inevitably wind up talking about dropping some weight.

 

The truth is people with normal body weight have more options in the swinger's world. Fat people have just as much sexual pleasure, but the pool to pick from is generally limited. No matter how we curse people for being narrow-minded about the way others look it won't change a damn thing.

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Guest <Chicup>

Personaly I'm offended by people who consider someone like me and my wife 'shallow' just because we don't want to swing with over weight people.

 

This is just like bi-couples who say that straight couples must have a problem if they don't like bi-males at a club or the like.

 

Its not about tolerance, its about preferances. I find fat women sexualy unappealing. I'm not talking a few extra pounds but fat. It grosses me out, I don't want to see them naked, I don't care how good they are in bed, I'd rather go without. Thats the way I am, and it doesn't matter if its cultural, genetic, or some other quirk of development, I just don't like it.

 

Does this make me a mean intollerant jerk? No it just means I don't want to have sex with fat women.

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Guest <Larry Bud>

The statement above and the truthful way it was expressed without slamming anyone is aboslutely the core of the whole issue.

 

People who are overweight can't be pissed at people who don't want them because they are fat.

 

I was with a fat girl once and I had to push her in all sorts of contortions just to get my medium sized you know what in. The whole experience was bad for me. I did it because I liked her as a person and thought I could overcome her weight. Wrong...

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Well just to be curious..what do most people who don't ant to consider swinging with an overweight person consider too far? Hey I would love to lose weight and am working on it..diets dont work for me I have to work it off..so What is fat to different people??

 

AN

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Guest NateNJen

I know that one of our concerns, being newbies, was that few people would respond to us because of our weight. I (Nate) am 6' 4" and weigh 290# (down 40# from a year ago). Jen is 5' 8" and around 240#. However, looking at us, few people can guess our actual weights. We have been blessed with frames that carry our weight rather well. In fact, according to all those height/weight charts out there, my ideal weight is between 190#-210#. Honestly, I think I would look like a skeleton anywhere in that range.

 

We have found that, so far anyway, people tend not to treat us solely on "face value." We have joined a few lifestyle sites, posted a few pics (G rated, but that's another topic :) ) and have been pleasantly surprised with the response we have gotten.

 

Speaking for myself, there is definitely an initial attraction to fit, tanned, "beautiful" people. However, there is so much more than physicality that makes someone "sexy" to me. Sexy is so much more an attitude: how you carry yourself, how you express yourself, how you flirt, how you caress. One of our "goals" in this lifestyle is to make some good, close, like-minded friends. With this in mind, looks fall to pretty low on the check-list.

 

I have "suffered" from a rather poor self-image for most of my life. But I think much of that came from allowing other people's opinions and judgments too much influence in my life. I have recently resurrected my quest to get myself in shape, but my goals in doing so are for reasons that go quite a bit beyond just looks. Yes, looks are a part of it, but I consider it more of a side-affect. I will be turning 30 this summer, and while that is still quite young, I am starting to think about the things that I didn't do (or rather, didn't allow myself to do) in my teens and 20s because I wasn't in good enough physical condition. I would love to try rock climbing, but I lack the upper body strength to do that effectively; I would love to do more cross-country cycling, but I lack the cardio-vascular endurance to do that well. And (as if that's not enough), Jen and I are planning on starting a family sometime in our 30s... I want to be able to keep up with the kids!!!! :D

 

Just my thoughts. :)

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You know I would also like to know what people consider to fat. I see ads that say "no heavies" or "no overweight". Just what do people think that is? I am not a small lady but I truly don't consider myself a "heavy" or an obese person. I wear a size 16 and I am currently lossing weight. When I think heavy or obese I think or people who are pushing 300# or more. I mean the average womenin the united states is between a size 12 to 14.

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Hi PA_RACERS,

 

I myself wonder that a lot we have had people introdce themselves online and then when they read our profile say they aren't interested because of my size!! UGH! Well I sometimes think about posting one of my pics and let people get a look at what thye are missing...LOL..I did a photo session once for the place I worked and a few of my online buddies got the hots..it was kinda funny! However it sounds liek some people are thinking a size 16 is obese and on some people yesit is..but when I got married I was a thin size 9 and I weghed almost 150# so no one who sees my wedding pics believes first of all that I was that size..I see a lot of modles who post their measurements..they line up with what mine were at those yet they are size 2&4's?? Go figure!LOL..Hey all I can say is I am ok with my size who isnt heavy that wants to be thinner but I can live with it..makes me wonder with the size obsessed people how thye will end up in their later eyars..you know what they say..be careful what you say..

 

An :rolleyes:

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I think the only thing that really offends me is when someone say's "No Fatties" in their ad.

 

To me that is just downright mean.

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Yes i think weight does matter...but so does a million other things. if the person sucks in bed...personality...facial features...if both the males and females are interested in the others partner. Just because you may be overweight doesn't mean no one will be interested and just because you are not overweight doesn't mean everyone will want you. It's all a matter of perference and what turns you on.

 

i agree with K-2..Everyone has and is entitled to their own opinion. I just do not think anyone had to be rude, in their search.

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If I was given a free ticket to do the "Wild Thing" with either Roseanne Barr or Brittany Spears guess who I would take? I may be overweight but I am not stupid.

 

So therein lies the cruncher. Sure, great looking people who take care of themselves and work at it deserve to be picky. But, I will gravitate towards a woman that is too hot for me every day of the week.

 

I could go on a diet, workout every other day, and in 6 months be hot property for a guy my age. However, I am basically lazy when it comes to being structured and having order to my life.

 

The only "plus" I have going for me is that I love DATY and really get off on taking a woman up to that plateau just prior to orgasm and then slipping them in an out of the big "O" as long as they can take it.

 

Maybe next month I will go on a diet and work out. Don't know if I could handle all of the pressure of being desired though. I am used to groveling and have it down to a science.

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It really is a preference,Im not attracted to larger women (200+) simply because it doesn't turn me on. I had a sexual experience with one and it was really awful. I know it's going to sound shallow but that's the way things are. I workout five times a week to keep myself in shape so I'm looking for women with thin athletic maybe even average build. There's a personals ads I visit which mostly has BBW in a 20 mile radius from where I live. Believe me these women probably get dozens of emails a day. There's no shortage of guys that'll fuck any woman no matter what shape she's in. :p

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Guest <dreamofme69@hotmial.com>

I once was "queen size." Recently, I have lost weight to become just a "larger woman". My husband is also heavy.

 

I feel that it is all a matter of personal taste. My husband told me when we first started dating that he liked the fact I was bigger - that he's afraid he will 'break' really small/thin women. We tend to look for couples that are somewhere in the average range - not way too light or way too heavy.

 

I feel much less comfortable with my body if I am with the proverbial "Barbie & Ken". I know this is one issue I need learn to deal with (and have been working on it.) :)

 

The whole idea of swinging is to have fun with other people that "do it for you." I am not bothered when people state that they want only hwp's - any more than by those that state a specific race only or sexual preference only (bi,str8, etc.)

 

I do take major offense to those that use the term "fatties". But again, just like in any group of people you will find the ignorant, biased, and racists.

 

Happily Married & Swinging in Florida.

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Guest <dreamofme69>

Quote

I do take major offense to those that use the term "fatties". But again' date=' just like in any group of people you will find the ignorant, biased, and racists.

I did not mean to imply that people who are not attracted to others based on their weight fall in the above categories, just that those who use derogatory terms in their ads are.

 

To each his/her own!

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It may seem kinda shallow but, most people are who are into swinging at some point are looking for some sort of physical play right? That is not to say that there are not swingers who are just friends. But it is all about preferences. And if someone says they are not into larger people, wouldn't you want to know that from the beginning :confused: . It is in all fairness, just being honest with them. I do however agree that there are some rude people out there that need to use a little tact in the way they word there likes and dislikes.

 

To answer the initial question, size would have something to do with my decision on who to swing with. From what I've seen in the adds and board posts, almost everyone has something that would be a no go for swinging no matter what it is, ie. size, color, str8 or bi, smokers etc. How about the others that no one seems to have a problem with ruling out "Must Be Well Endowed or No Single Males :( I have yet to hear anyone complain about being shot down for one of them.

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