Trying not to alienate the husband of this couple

[simeon black]

Ok family I need a quick answer on this one I'm a single straight B/M who enjoys the company that I keep and I'm sure they enjoy me the problem is this I have been swinging with a particular married couple for a little over 2 years the hubby is 60 with medical issues and the wifey is 38 in great health.They are both great people and we have much fun. Lately the wifey has been wanting me to attend parties without her hubby as she love to show me off and I'm sure it gets her off however I NEVER EVER do anything or attend any parties without checking with hubby first and he always gives me his blessing and I have no doubt he is sincere but the problem is that I feel like I'm killing the chemistry we all shared since he is being excluded more and more. Let me back up and say I became friends with him before I met his wife and I truly like the guy. His health has become an issue of late and he does'nt get around like he use to but he still like likes to watch me go at wifey. I have talked to the wife about this but she assures me It's not a problem. Fam my friends are my friends and anyone in my circle I care about deeply the guilt of just leaving him at home really bothers me.Any reasonable suggestions? thanks fam.

[2inSanDiego4u]

Perhaps you should talk to him one-on-one, and tell him that you need to be re-assured that you have his blessing. Explain that you are not at ease with the current situation and that if he ever has a problem with anything, he should immediately talk to you about it. Just keep the communications open between you and him, and things should be fine.

[slevin]

Absolutely. Talk to him one on one (at a time when his wife isn't just on the other side of the door listening in) and let him know that his friendship and respect are extremely important to you.

If he says he is cool with it, then go for it. Make sure he knows that he can always talk to you if he changes his mind about the situation and I think you're fine. I definitely applaud your devotion to your friends, that is far too rare a thing these days and we all need more friends like you.

[aster]

it's sweet of you to be so concerned! sounds like this biggest concern would just be that he misses out on hanging with the both of you, and doesn't feel included.

Perhaps for every night you go out with the wife, you can make sure the three of you do something together? even something simple/casual like dinner. just so that the friendship remains strong as ever!

[Vjklander]

In almost all interpersonal relationships, good communication is the key. If YOU don't feel comfortable going out with her and not him, start off by just telling that to both of them just that way. Maybe doing his wife it in front of him gives you a heightened kick. Maybe they have some issues you're not privy too as well. But it all starts with good communication and respect.

[jjtrindc]

Sounds like you really connected with him before the swinging became a part of it? Why don't you try to reconnect on that level. Grab a lunch, watch a ball game, play golf...whatever his health will allow. That way you can maintain the friendship. Have an open discussion with him and his wife about this, separately and together. Perhaps take a break from the parties with the wife to show that you are serious. You sound like a good guy, hope it works out.

[JustAskJulie]

Have you tried talking to the husband about your worries? Could it be that since he is older and perhaps having some issues with his own performance he is allowing you to be a surrogate for her in more ways that you originally had planned? You won't know unless you talk to him.

[realcplub2]

Originally Posted by simeon black

Ok family I need a quick answer on this one I'm a single straight B/M who enjoys the company that I keep and I'm sure they enjoy me the problem is this I have been swinging with a particular married couple for a little over 2 years the hubby is 60 with medical issues and the wifey is 38 in great health.They are both great people and we have much fun. Lately the wifey has been wanting me to attend parties without her hubby as she love to show me off and I'm sure it gets her off however I NEVER EVER do anything or attend any parties without checking with hubby first and he always gives me his blessing and I have no doubt he is sincere but the problem is that I feel like I'm killing the chemistry we all shared since he is being excluded more and more. Let me back up and say I became friends with him before I met his wife and I truly like the guy. His health has become an issue of late and he does'nt get around like he use to but he still like likes to watch me go at wifey. I have talked to the wife about this but she assures me It's not a problem. Fam my friends are my friends and anyone in my circle I care about deeply the guilt of just leaving him at home really bothers me.Any reasonable suggestions? thanks fam.

Grab a couple of beers, and go and sit down and talk to him about your concerns..

Its a clear cut case when you talk to him.. and make sure you dont mince words.. Put it right out there... and get his postion on all of this..

[screaminggood]

***RING, RING, RING, RING****
CONGRATULATIONS! WE HAVE A WINNER FOR A SINGLE MAN WHO PROVES THE STEREOTYPICAL SINGLE MAN REALLY IS JUST A STEREOTYPE! WHAT A GREAT GUY YOU ARE!

In addition to talking to the husband, you probably should also talk to the wife and tell her the truth from your male perspective: that if she was your wife and you were having the health issues, you might say "okay," verbally but it might be hurting on the inside so you'd prefer to keep the hubby in the loop!

[midnightplayer]

I would go over to their house and spend some quality (clothed) time with the husband or go out with him to an activity that he is able to do; a sporting event or a male theme move (Dark Knight, or something like this not porn), or just dinner without the wife. This will allow him to feel you are not ignoring him for is wife. He might be embarassed that his performance is not up to his expectations and be more than pleased that you are paying the attention to his wife that he cant. Have no fear. If you were getting between them he would tell you right away. Good Luck

[jdavisauto]

If you are feeling uneasy then something is wrong. You need to talk to the husband and get his feelings on this matter. I have two forms of cancer Leukemia and melanoma. With all the medicines I take to keep me alive, I have slow down a lot lately. I still play just not as much. My wife is still very active in everything but I just can’t keep up with her. She deserves better then what I can give her and for some reason she still stays and put up with me. Last thing that I ever want is for her to suffer for my sickness. I tell her all the time to go out and have fun without me and even to find a couple or a single male that she can be friends with. When a man gets to this point the feels that the stops being a man and becomes a burden on the ones he loves. As for me, I CAN NOT allow my wife to suffer because of me.