Injured During Sex

[sexychoclit]

Hello. I had an issue come up three weeks ago while having sex with a couple that I date. He is into BDSM and tends to get rough at times. He was hitting it from the back and I had my arms spread out on the bed. He took my left arm, twisted it and put it behind my back and put his right hand on my right shoulder holding me down . After we finished I noticed that my arm felt heavy but I wasn't alarmed by it. About three hours later I could no longer move my left arm. When I told him about my arm he seemed remorseful. However, after that I wanted him to take me to the emergency room and he didn't want to because he felt that he might get arrested. I was in too much pain to drive myself to the hospital at that time and went the next day. He had to drive back home and called me later on in the day to see how I was doing. After that he would have his wife to call and make sure that I was o.k. That really pissed me off because she wasn't involved in the sexual encounter that we had and I felt that he should be the one to call and make sure that I was o.k. To make a long story short, my arm has been in a sling for the past three weeks. I have been to the doctor several times over these past few weeks and spent money on doctors visits and medicine. He reimbursed for the fees, but I don't really know where to go from here. I know that we are both consenting adults, but what do you do when someone is injured during play. Who should be held responsible for accidents? I haven't been with him since this incident and I really don't know how I will act once I see him again. Help!

[VegasLee]

It is just what you called it, an accident.

You say he has paid for the expenses. Is there something more you want from him?

You seem to be aware that you are involved in BDSM so you are just as aware of possible out comes as anyone else that ventures into that.

If you don't like his actions or attitude since the ACCIDENT then don't play with him anymore.

Sounds like you two are both consenting adults that played and an ACCIDENT happened.

Unless you feel that he sat out to hurt you on purpose I would say go on with life.

[good times]

While from what you posted here it doesn't sound like you want to hear this, I agree with Vegaslee. I assume he didn't intend to hurt you, so I personally feel that their is nothing more that he could do than what he has already done. In my opinion, he has done more already than I would have expected him to do.

This has actually happened to us once. Mrs. Gt was having a little too much fun with a play partner and was injured in a similar way. Frankly, it never even occurred to us that the play partner might be responsible, she was having fun at the time, it just went a little further than her flexibility limit. As he didn't do anything intentional to hurt her, and she didn't notice anything at the time, how would he know to do anything different? We would have never even considered asking the play partner in question to pay the medical bills, and would have refused had he offered to. Sometimes when your having fun you get hurt, that's life.

[Ed & Bunny]

i have to agree with the others. Unless he stepped over set boundries, I dont understand your problem. He showed himself to be a gentleman and felt bad and then paid your medical bills. Face it, you were playing with BDSM and an accident happened. Get over it.

[sereneiders]

I agree with everyone's else.

If you want to make a cake, some eggs have to be broken. We all face risks when swinging... and you face even more when CONSENTIG to engage in a rougher, BDSM style of playing. This means, we're RESPONSIBLE for the risks we accept... or we shouldn't play at all.

Perhaps you expected to play without risks... well, that's a wrong expectation. And your playmate took his share of responsibility, way beyond what many of us would expect. What else do you want?

[JustAskJulie]

I think more than anything here you are hurt by the fact that he isn't the one calling to check on you, in other words you are emotionally hurt more than physically at this point.

I would suggest that you call him and just tell him that you are hurt by his ACTIONS... not the fact that he physically hurt you but that you feel he let you down by not
- not taking you to the ER when you asked
- not calling to check on you and leaving it to his wife.

Chances are he was just scared and embarrassed and that's why he hasn't called. He knows he did wrong and if you were really hurt (which you were) he SHOULD have taken you to the ER when it happened, so now he feels bad and he doesn't know how to call and apologize.

[LFM2]

I have to pretty much agree with the rest of the gang here.

There are safewords to use in BDSM to stop the play just for these kinds of situations.

I also agree with JustAskJulie. I'd be very upset that he didn't take me to the ER when I requested, and he didn't call to check up on me. In fact, that would hurt me the worst.

[Pepper & Drew]

I completely agree with Julie. It DOES sound like you're angry because you were accidently hurt. It also sounds like to me, and perhaps I'm way off base, like you're expecting flowers and a card and lots of apologetic groveling. I don't think that's going to happen, nor do I think it's warranted. To me, this is just like if you were playing football in the backyard and the football accidently hit you in the nose (a la Brady Bunch). An apology and a few calls to see how you're doing should be enough.

If you feel like he purposely was too rough, or is just too rough in general, just don't play with him anymore. It's just like when you were 6 on the playground.

Pepper

[Additude]

So you think he is not calling for a good reason or not? The guy, by your own words, sounds like an up front responsible person.

Maybe his wife is calling because there is a situation and he can't call, or who knows, but it could be completely innocent. He did take care of all the other issues and he did call you once.

I agree with the others, let it go.

[jnbsmokin]

The arm injury was preventable, you should always stretch before this sort of play, so if indeed there could be any fault, it would be your's for not preparing. I think he was kinder than most would have been. An olympic wrestler cannot demand money for doctors or anything else from another because they failed to stretch before the match, and therefore was injured. He did a lot more than he needed to and so I would be happy with that. VegasLee nailed this on the head, but fellow BDSM girls need to be reminded to stretch before play.

[Darkblue]

At the end of tha day you pay your money and take your chance if you get hurt and he hasnt stepped over any bounderies then i see no problem and you should be thankfull that he has paid the Hospital bill,i would of maybe paid half as the both of you had fun..

As for him not calling i think he may well of felt guilty or embarrassed or like the others say it just was not feasable for him to do so..

Are you looking for some kind of compensation from him?? if so forget it you both played and you did consent so as far as i see it you have no claim..if i am wrong then i apologise to you..

Steve

[sexychoclit]

Thanks to everyone for their imput. Julie hit the nail on the head. I was more emotionally hurt then anything else. He felt bad that he didn't take me to ER and he realizes that he should've called me.

Its not a thing about money or putting him into jail or anything. He is a very responsible person and I would expect no less than that from him. I think that it is more about being adults and discussing issues that may arise. He is into the BDSM lifestyle, and although I enjoy rough sex, he and I have never done anything together that included me being twisted into a pretzel. He enjoys that with other women. He just got a little bit excited.

No one wants to see something go wrong but when it does having conversations afterwards, which might include apologizies and maybe even plans for "what ifs" are very helpful. I have spoken with my partner and he was truely sorry but he didn't know how to emotionally wrap his mind around the situation which is why he had his wife to call me. We discussed it and he realizes that when we have problems between the two of us that we should talk them out instead of putting his wife in the middle.

We got together this past weekend and he was much more gentle. We were both pleased sexually and no one got hurt. We are looking forward to many more happy times together.

Although I hate that this happened to me, I feel that it is a good topic because you see people everday who are arrested or sued because they inflict physical harm to someone else. Although we are consenting adults in a lifestyle I don't think that we are necessarily immune from taking responsibility for our actions.

[JustAskJulie]

Originally Posted by sexychoclit

We got together this past weekend and he was much more gentle. We were both pleased sexually and no one got hurt. We are looking forward to many more happy times together.

I'm glad to hear you guys were able to talk this out and work things out. The only thing worse than feeling emotionally hurt to start with is feeling like you lost a friend (as well as a playmate) over a miscommunication.