Wife's Friend Flirts with Me...

[WesternSwing]

Originally Posted by travcouple

I have been debating about putting this here for a while and I have finally decided to do so. Please bear with me.

My wife has a friend that flirts with me often and I flirt right back. I have always viewed this as harmless since she is not (to my knowledge) in the lifestyle. Her huband is very conservative and somewhat a jerk. If he knew that she and I flirted the way we do he would be pissed. Like I said I have always viewed this as harmless and nevr thinking it ould go anywhere. I would like it to go somewhere.

I moved my family away due to my job. My wife and her friend stayed in touch. While I was traveling for business last summer her friend came to visit her. One night, after a few drinks, they decided to send me some pictures. Nothing to explicit, lingerie for my wife and bra and panties with one of my shirts for her friend. Now I'm not so sure of the innocent flirting. I talked to her shortly after I got the pictures and thanked her for them (my wife got a much more ardent thanking when I got home).

My wife and I have talked about me being with her friend and of course my wife has no problem with it. I am now moving back and I would like to move past flirting with this friend, but I am not sure how to approach it since seh doesn't know about our lifestyle. I also don't want to make the attempt to move past flirting and jeopardize my wife's friedship with her or the friendship I have with her.

So what are your opinions.

My answer is simple: stay out of their marriage. You'll be the bigger person for it in the end.

[sweet_tna]

After reading a lot of these responses, I guess I look like a pretty big jerk. My body tells me to go farther with the attraction, however my mind does not. I think I really knew what most would say before I posted this, but wanted to get it off my chest anyway.

As long as you listen to what your mind tells you, you look less like a jerk and more like someone who's learning from a mistake.

=)

[Dagney]

Originally Posted by travcouple

OK, I think I had to put this here to confirm what I already felt.

There are some other details I haven't put here, just to not get too detailed in cas someone who Knew us and some of the situation stumbled upon this.

After reading a lot of these responses, I guess I look like a pretty big jerk. My body tells me to go farther with the attraction, however my mind does not. I think I really knew what most would say before I posted this, but wanted to get it off my chest anyway.

Thank you all for your input.

I don't think having the guts to post this makes you look like a jerk.

I like what someone else said above about how if we were not in the lifestyle we wouldn't have these problems, but because we are we have to be even more careful when flirting with non-swinger friends (especially if they are prone to cheating). I think many of us have had this dilemma... and we all deal with it in our own way. Kudos for posting this. I think the others gave some good opinions and advice. Now you must do what your mind and your heart tells you is right for you.

[travcouple]

I will say that I definately do not want to ruin the friendship my wife has with her and I don't want to ruin the friendship I have with her either. Something didn't seem right so I figured I would see what others had to say. Everything rang true to me and confirmed my own suspicions, I will keep everything at the status quo; friends with casual fliring and no farther. It is the best for everyone involved.

[interested-05]

This is only a question, so please don't flame me for asking.
Let us suppose, this friend has filed for divorce and has no intention of working things out with her hubby. Would the advice given, still be the same or would you view it differently.
would you insist she wait til the divorce was final?
I know a gal who filed for divorce and the only reason he refused to sign the papers was that he would be losing the health care that her insurance was providing. her situation is a good example.

[fun4Ds]

As for us, we would wait till the divorce was final. Some agree and accept that its over when the papers were filed and thats true, in most cases. Its just our personal feelings. We have seen so many file and never go through with the divorce and then get back together.

One case I'm referring to caused more complications about what happened while separated, and just made things worse, until the divorce was final. It got even more ugly with the new people involved. It happens.

This is a touchy subject at best, My feelings are just that. Why would she be dependent on the insurance ? A medical reason no doubt, Most states the person has to carry the insurance for the uninsured spouse for a period of time after the divorce. In a sever case or with children involved, its unlimited and up to the judge. It still allows time to get another policy or Medicaid/Medicare (personal experience with my sisters divorces)

I personally have my opinion, don't get me wrong. But why drag out a divorce and be having sex with others causing more drama, and not move on over such a thing, unless its a critical medical issue?

These are just my opinions we all have em. Its just me on this, Mrs fun would have a different perspective.

Its like another poster here that is dating a guy who is staying in a bad relationship over possession of the house. I have a different attitude and Mrs.funs thoughts are different than mine about her boyfriend.

Here is how I feel, Our home is Mrs.funs no matter what. I feel its my responsibility to be respectful as I would in any womans home. I have my personal possessions. My weapons and my Tools and a few memorabilia. Her home is not something I would fight over. Just my perspective, me staying around while getting a divorce would just be lame and against who I am, But thats my feelings and beliefs. I know other men that don't share my philosophy in life... I couldn't imagine coming home every weekend from fucking others and drag out a divorce because of this issue. Like i say its my wifes home, its to be respected, I am a guest. Sorry I'm different

Even with a medical issue there are alternatives. For me personally even in the worst case divorce why would I want to deprive my wife of insurance? She needs that, hell we all do these days? Insurance Its not my weapon of choice in battle.

[Additude]

Originally Posted by Alura

I don't know about California, Travcouple, but Oklahoma is a "concealed carry" state. That means that if you act out your fantasy, you could be looking down the wrong end of a Colt .45, especially since they already have domestic problems.

It happened here in Tulsa recently. A man and a wife were carried out of a motel room feet first, and a husband is in jail facing two capital homicide charges. Three children are orphans.

Is it worth the risk?

Mr. Alura

I just had to respond to this thread...and comment. No offense for what I am about to say Mr. Alura.

It doesn't require a CCW permit to have a gun to shoot somebody if that is a persons intention. My guess is that 99.9% of gun crimes are committed by people that do not have a valid CCW permit.

Second, it doesn't take a gun to kill somebody.

Third, although it has happened, I wouldn't say the thought of imminent death for having extra-marital sex be a major deciding factor as to whether one should or should not.

Anyway, not to hi-jack this thread....

Travcouple,

Let your mind be your moral compass in this situation. Let the person you are make the best decision for yourself.

I'd suggest talking to your wife and telling her your feelings and concerns. I'd suggest that if you and your wife still want to persue it, then she set up a meeting with the three of you and all three of you then discuss the ramifications involved, the options and possible results. It's possible the other lady has information about her marriage you and your wife do not know that would remedy the situation. Who knows, but you need to talk together first before you decide to make plans and get naked.

Are you helping this other woman cheat on her husband? I say No your not. It's her decision, it's her choice. She doesn't need you and your wife to cheat.

Is it possible you and your wife will suffer some drama from this act if it is discovered by the husband of the other woman? Yes, but that is the result of your choices.

If you do plan to move forward with this, you had better have made provisions, like a cover story, in case your plans are exposed by the husband of the other party.

The world is full of deceit and cheating partners (Cheating BTW, is just a social or personal morality. Many in our society consider swinging an act of cheating, swingers however have just re-defined the word cheating to fit their personal morality; it's only right or wrong depending on who your talking to. There are also societies that do not believe in monogomous sex). My point is, you can't change those worlds, you only have control over your own world as you see fit.

My advise is not to "Do it or Don't Do it", it's if you decide to do it, prepare yourselves for possible exposure. If you decide not to do it, live with your moral decision, but then you'll always wonder what it would have been like....

Time and patience is your best asset.

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Additude

I just had to respond to this thread...and comment. No offense for what I am about to say Mr. Alura. ...

No offense taken, Additude. You're right, it doesn't have to be legal for a person to carry a gun, but in a "concealed carry" state, the statistical likelihood of somebody having a shootin' iron in pocket or purse is much higher.

Personal safety is paramount.

Mr. Alura

[prettylady]

Originally Posted by fun4Ds

But since I'm in a great mood this morning

Well why Mr. Fun are you in such a good mood

Don't tell stories like that unless you are certain other people are either near a friend or a toy. Now I need a moment and I have neither.

Your friend,
Prettylady