Outed before we started

[purpletiger]

Originally Posted by AdamInEve

He is wacky and there is nothing I can do about his crazy thoughts and won't even confront him about them.

Thanks, Adam

...and if anyone is brave enough to say "your neighbor told me you were swingers" you can respond as above "What, so that's what that wacky old man is saying now" as you shake your head.

I'm sure everyone knows his situation and his feeling toward you.

[couplewanting50]

Originally Posted by sigh35

I agree with deny, deny, deny..! Just look at your accuser like they caught you off guard and say "what?!!" that's crazy! who told you that? my 19 year old? "so, you go around believing stories told by 19 year olds? Wow! Maybe you wish it were true and this is your way of propositioning me hu? Heehee!

...and you could add that you were a front man for a Colombian drug cartel. Who would suspect someone in a small town of working for the Colombians? Offer to cut the questioning person in on the action, and tell them that they would look great in a white, 7-series BMW.

[intuition897]

Oh Lord. What a stinky mess.

I'm not sure what the situation is with your 19-year old, but I certainly wouldn't let that go without a confrontation. If it were me, I'd let him know that - surprise surprise - his parents are adults, and yes, ew gross, they have sex. What he discovered was SOOOOOO no his business, and I don't care WHAT it was he found, he had NO business relaying any part of it to anyone. It was not his information to give away, and he had no right to it. What you and your wife do in the privacy of your bedroom, in your sex life, is none of his concern. As a near-adult, it's about time he learned about such boundaries. Sadly, lots of young people grow into adults who STILL think that they have a right to know everything about everything, and have some right to stand in judgment of it. To put it plainly? I would be seriously pissed at him!!

The dealings with your neighbour. Sounds like quite the asshole. Luckily for you, the vanilla world is one that runs on loopholes and technicalities. Have you put your penis inside another woman's vagina or ass, or has your wife had another man put his penis in either of these two of her body cavities? If not, don't worry about it. Rumours will fly of course. I grew up in a small town, too and this kind of grist for the rumour mill is just about as juicy as it gets. To be honest, you have nothing you even need to deny. I find that vagueness (a socially accepted method for appropriately protecting one's privacy) with a slice of honesty works well for subjects like these. The truth? For the masses who have no reason to need to know vagueness alone or the quirky-eyebrow-confrontation would work very well. For those for whom you choose to provide an explanation, all they need to know is that all you did was read up on it because you heard about it from someone. You were curious how people could do this kind of thing, and you were looking it up. And now, according to Crazy Al the wacko next door, you're a full-blown swinger! Surely the person to whom you're explaining things wouldn't be so gullible as to believe a nut-job like Al. You know how he gets.

While it's unethical to start rumours about someone, I don't see anything wrong with using that charming small-town communication network to make it absolutely plain that you've done nothing to be ashamed about. In fact, and I don't care WHERE you live, gossiping is just plain rude and mean, and anyone who had a hand in spreading this kind of BS about you should be ashamed of themselves.

[ncmd_couple]

This is something that we thought about before entering the lifestyle. At the time we started, all of the kids were gone, but as it sometimes happens, my son (22) returned. So I sat him down and talked to him. The funny part was when he said, "Dad, don't worry about it, resteraunt people are the biggest swingers out there!" We also live in a small town.

As for your neighbor, ignor him and don't talk to him about this. If he is a nut case then he won't believe anything you say anyway because he has already made things up in his mind anyway. Any discussion with him would just make the situation worse. And the last thing you want is to get sucked into his divorce. And if he does try, as you have never done anything wrong, you have nothing to defend. It is he who would have to provide proof, something he can't do.

If anyone asks you about "swinging" just play stupid. Remember, persona is what people see. But I doubt that anyone will ask you about it. If someone does hear that you two might be swingers chances are that they will say "Damn, I wish I could do that!"

[Vjklander]

Take up swing dancing.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by Vjklander

Take up swing dancing.

LOL!!!

[AdamInEve]

Good idea VJK, it may be less headaches.

[havefuninsun]

Originally Posted by AdamInEve

Good idea VJK, it may be less headaches.

I think he may have meant ... if someone asks you about swinging, you can say, "yeah -- we've been researching swing dancing ... what's your point???"

You're still swingin'

I know 3 years ago if I said I was going out swinging, or to swing, it meant a WHOLE different thing than it does now ... LOL!!

[AdamInEve]

Ah Ha, My Bad. Thanks for explaining

[Vjklander]

Hehe, I kind of left it open-ended that way. Let folks take it however they want.

[turnuptheheat]

A slight variation a la Dane Cook
" Are you outa your fuckin' mind!?"
if they persist, "You are outa your fuckin' mind".

I really hope this turns into something you can laugh about in a few weeks.
Good luck and talk to that 19 yo

[LOL_OMG]

We were camped outside my brother's place this summer. Nice day, had my laptop outside on a table. I went to take a nap....cause nap = guud. Hubby says, "hey it's nice outside, imma go check out swingersboard on the wifey's laptop!" Then he says, "hey, nap = guud" and leaves SB up.

Sister in law comes home and looks at the screen, and I get drilled ....WTF was that? I know what swingers are!!! Why are you on that website???!!

I told her, "what website? was that one of the Mr's porn site? He's so bad at the porn sites.....such a sex machine...."

Mrs

[sereneiders]

I agree with what was told so far. And if you're going to lie, (as you did) make it resemble the trust for the most part.

Back to your son, and why he spread the voice... I wonder if he wasn't lead by his own prejudices toward swinging, plus the distorted version of what harms a relationship comming form your paranoic neighbohr, to the point that when he found out that book, he could become anxious, out to the fear that his parents (you two) could be travelling on the same road your neighbor did, and facing the same concecuences in the near future. If so, and since at 19 he already should know the gossip is a "social engineering" tool, he could be doing this on purpose, knowing how the gossib will bounce back to your wife, as a deliberate measure to prevent the outcome he'd be fearing.

I would dig in deeper on his motivations to open his big mouth, and treat him as an adult who, by now, should be aware of the consecuences of his little talk with your neighbohr, and should talk like an adult about his fears, instead of treating him like a slow kid, wich, by the way, wouldn' help him face nor express his fears. Perhaps, all your soon is needing after the shock of his finding is to be reasured that your marriage is doing great and there's no chance for a divorce, no matter of what.

As an aside, I am curious about the lack of understanding of privacy your son seems to have. I remember when I was a kid at my parents home, they never locked themselves in the bedroom, and we all know everyone of un, inside the house, had a place where to hold our private stuff. My parents didn't peek on my dwarves without asking permission first, I valuated that and felt obligued to respect each other privacy. As for today, I wouldn't dare to look for a pen in my wife's pursue without asking her first -or even better, handle the pursue to her so she's the one sticking her hand inside it-. The question I am asking is, ¿does your son have his own privacy at home, that you valuate and respect?

[AdamInEve]

I went to take a nap....cause nap = guud. Hubby says, "hey it's nice outside, imma go check out swingersboard on the wifey's laptop!" Then he says, "hey, nap = guud" and leaves SB up.

Sister in law comes home and looks at the screen, and I get drilled ....

This is funny, but I guess it wasn't at the time. Perhaps like TurnUpTheHeat says after a few weeks we can look back on this and laugh too.

As an aside, I am curious about the lack of understanding of privacy your son seems to have.

Yes Sereneiders, we were wondering that too. Eve also confronted him today and after a couple days of reflection she feels he truly understands he F-ed up. Especially after he found out that Eve was the one who wanted him to start packing his bags. I guess some kids grow up later than others.

BTW, There is now a key lock on the bedroom door. LOL

Adam / Eve

[intuition897]

Sister in law comes home and looks at the screen, and I get drilled ....WTF was that? I know what swingers are!!! Why are you on that website???!!

LOL.. Holy hell. Talk about your overreaction, eh? Was she really that outraged? Was she actually verbally attacking you or was she more scared do you think? My first thought would be "Oh shit" and then I think the next would be, "And this concerns you HOW?? Butt out sis."

I hadn't thought about taking up swing dancing. That would certainly take care of that, woudln't it??