Are we making the seasoned couples angry because we aren't swinging yet?

[here2play]

I'm really glad this topic is here. As a couple, we are new to this lifestyle. Although the Mr. has a few experiences all the way up to full swap, I have only played with girls, and not all the way (damn!). However, we have a few views on this: 1 - as a new couple, making the swinger friends is actually a huge help in us getting more comfortable, sharing desires, experiences, etc. We are, however, completely up front that we have not intentions, but if it goes that route, awesome! 2 - We run into two situations, either the others are so aggressive, we run away, or, they are so full of crap, they don't follow through. It's difficult sometimes to enjoy. So, we have decided, go with the flow, meet new people and enjoy open friendships, when it's time, it's time. This has worked very well for us. As for the clubs, we are to make our first appearance tomorrow, assuming my unreliable body clock holds out another day! Maybe it's nerves, or maybe you just need to be only friends until you meet that "right" couple. Good luck!

[tribbles]

In California there are many, many clubs and parties. Some of them have more sex and others are more for show. We can go to either one and have fun. Even the parties with less sex often have a private area we can sneak off to so we can play together. Once in a while there are parties with NO sex allowed and even they can be fun cuz we always have each other and a good back seat

Just don't lead anyone on who doesn't know you are not playing with others beyond flirting.


Also, you might want to find a private room to play together the first few times.....we did that in the very beginning.

[TNTCouple]

Originally Posted by here2play

However, we have a few views on this: 1 - as a new couple, making the swinger friends is actually a huge help in us getting more comfortable, sharing desires, experiences, etc. We are, however, completely up front that we have not intentions, but if it goes that route, awesome! 2 - We run into two situations, either the others are so aggressive, we run away, or, they are so full of crap, they don't follow through. It's difficult sometimes to enjoy. So, we have decided, go with the flow, meet new people and enjoy open friendships, when it's time, it's time. This has worked very well for us. As for the clubs, we are to make our first appearance tomorrow, assuming my unreliable body clock holds out another day! Maybe it's nerves, or maybe you just need to be only friends until you meet that "right" couple. Good luck!

This is exactly our attitude, especially what you said about the aggressive ones!
Let me know how it goes at your club. I know you'll have fun. We do at ours, albeit "non-swinger".

[lovemonkey#1]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

I read through this thread rather quickly, so I may be mentioning something you've already tried.

Have you had any private meets with one couple for dinner or drinks at a public place that isn't a swinger club/social spot? Someplace at night where the atmosphere is comfortable and sexy (whatever that means to you, whether formal or very casual)?

If not, try this. It may be just the thing for you.

We've attended an off-premise private swingers club a lot this year and the atmosphere is so different than when we meet people privately. The club is noisy, it can be hard to carry on a conversation not only because of the noise but because there are always many other "friends" around who jump into the conversation. It can be hard for us to spend enough quality time with one couple to "get the juices flowing" enough to determine if we are ready to swing that night. It's a great place, and a fun social time, but it is much different than a private meet.

Me personally, when we are with one couple, and I can focus my complete attention on that man - and him me - the connection builds so much more easily and quickly. My husband feels the same way about the woman, and the four of us all bond more quickly.

That one guy you mentioned liking in particular, how about asking that couple out for a private meet? That could be the thing that takes you to a new level.

LM

i agree with this post. i think if you're interested in trying out some things but are uncomfortable doing it in the club you should maybe augment your club visits with some more private get togethers with a select couple or single.

also, we found that a good way to break the ice and discover each other's comfort levels is to play a game like spin the bottle or truth or dare. sure, it's kind of childish but it lets you experiment with different scenerios in a low pressure environment. you can always think to yourself, "this doesn't really count, it's only a game". some of our sexist encounters have been during truth or dare ***thinks about this past weekend***.