The other male: Did he have a secret agenda? - Page 2

ShellyM · 10-07-2007, 01:51 PM

OP, I can see both sides in this situation. Ummmm, I read all of your post. I feel that if you feel you have a right to be concerned than definately it is a valid concern. I am also going to have Jay read this later to get another opinion. Well. Your wife had never squirted, and I think you are hurt over the idea that another man caused her to do this the first time. I think that any man would be hurt to some point over something like this. Its natural. In truth I read the post, and I don't honestly think that the other husband had a hidden agenda....I think he got into a sexual zone as we call it and zeroe'd (I know that is mis-spelled) in on bringing your wife to orgasm. I don't know that they did anything because you left the room. When a man finds a woman's buttons he tends to go with it....and had I been the other wife watching something that intense would have turned me on too.
Now, do you have a right to be upset? If you are upset you DO have that right. Please do not get after your wife....this will cause her to clam up in the future, and she'll never relax with another man. I don't think your wife had anything to do if anything wrong was done...she was just enjoying herself. So you applying any guilt will only stop the progress. I would send the other couple a very friendly, non-threatening email. Just mention that in the future you would like to be present...perhaps it should be all play or no play. This is what happens, someone feels left out.
Take care, relax and have fun.
Shelly

nubianzlust · 10-07-2007, 01:57 PM

I'm glad I already know how to make my wife squirt but that was by accident and I was the who ended up with a pearl necklace lol

but conversation shouldve been the key here. Once the other woman said she has learned how to squirt then next once they got there is ask how is it done so you can know what to do but you leaving the room to get a drink and missed out on that moment then sorry a womans body will not holdback until you finish getting your drink. You couldve stayed and asked questions to the couples as to how it is done and does he plan on trying it on your wife(my wife and I are very protective of each other), its best ot get everything out into the open about what is going to happen tonight because some people may try to spring something on you that you may not approve of like anal sex. I cannot even get the head in so if I'm not getting and enjoying anal from my own wife then no else is

Conversations and rules should explained before getting down with the get down so situations like this can be avoided.

2chase3 · 10-12-2007, 02:30 AM

This is exactly why I feel friendship is the first key to a happy lifestyle. I feel some push toward sex to fast without knowing each others expectations or limits. and why? Are they moving? and if so I am sure we could pan a trip. possibly to much was left up in the air?
But I do agree with pet. Giving the situation Im sure it was metioned your wife had not "squirted."

Knowing this, If i were the other male And the intentions were to make her squirt, I would not tried to axhieve this without her husband present. If he had the skill in order to make her squirt he could have easily delayed until you had returned.

my advice is to first dicuss this with your wife truthfully,let her know how you feel about the situation, let her know the idea excites you but you felt left out.

bring the issue to light with the other male "privately"his reaction will give you a strong indication of where the motives were.

ShellyM · 10-12-2007, 09:34 AM

Chase, I see your point. But I don't know that he did anything intentionally to be honest. I think that people get into a sexual "zone"...or this is how it has been described to me in the past. Should he have waited? Mmmmm, its a hard call to say. Yes, perhaps. However, can she hold back an orgasm? What if he would have been giving her oral and she would have squirted, was he supposed to hold back on that too while her hubby went to get a beer? Its a very fine line and hard call. And I know as a woman, if you stop the train usually you'll jump the track and won't get it back lol. I think that if the hubby makes a huge issue out of this nothing good can happen on the part of the wife. Perhaps I'm absolutely wrong in this, and I may be. But I know for me, if Jay were very upset over my squirting or orgasming with another man when he was off getting a drink it would cause me to feel guilt over "allowing" this to happen....this would then cause me to not be able to relax anymore when Jay was present. I would not be able but be thinking "is he mad, is he upset, I have to make sure he is here if I cum", and this would essentially ruin things for me. Rules are a good thing, we all have some to some extent...however, in my opinion when the rules inhibit my ability to have pleasure...why am I here? Again, just my opinion. If its an issue I do not see any harm in talking politely with the hubby. I'm just saying weigh everything before going full barrel on someone. Tact is a good thing. AND if you want to be there when your wife orgasms make sure you have your drinks in the room there with you so you don't have to leave. JMO

couplewanting50 · 10-12-2007, 10:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShellyM

I think that people get into a sexual "zone"...or this is how it has been described to me in the past. However, can she hold back an orgasm?

What if he would have been giving her oral and she would have squirted, was he supposed to hold back on that too while her hubby went to get a beer? Its a very fine line and hard call.

And I know as a woman, if you stop the train usually you'll jump the track and won't get it back lol.

I think that if the hubby makes a huge issue out of this nothing good can happen on the part of the wife.

I know for me, if Jay were very upset over my squirting or orgasming with another man when he was off getting a drink it would cause me to feel guilt over "allowing" this to happen....this would then cause me to not be able to relax anymore when Jay was present.

I would not be able. but be thinking "is he mad, is he upset, I have to make sure he is here if I cum", and this would essentially ruin things for me.

Rules are a good thing, we all have some to some extent...however, in my opinion when the rules inhibit my ability to have pleasure...why am I here?

....if you want to be there when your wife orgasms make sure you have your drinks in the room there with you so you don't have to leave.

+1 to all of that...

and your stopping the train analogy applies to men, too.

wolfnblu · 11-07-2007, 12:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by petdenneedsmore

Should this couple (and the man in particular) told us of his intent and asked us first?

Should he have gone for gold when he knew I was out of the room? (and he DID know)

Should he have involved us and spent time teaching us instead of just going ahead on his own (remember from our initial meeting he was aware of our interest in the topic)?

What are you going to do if someone comes in here and says, "yes, he should have done all of those things." How does it change anything to have your hurt, left out feelings validated by someone else? It doesn't.

I can understand your feelings. But I do think, if you plan to continue swinging, that you should work them out and get over it. Your wife may experience lots of things with a different partner than she ever has with you, unless you have some kind of rule that says, "don't ever do anything with someone else unless you've done it with me first." That's part of the fun of swinging, IMO.

blue.freckles · 11-07-2007, 02:41 PM

i thought that "squirting" was just a chick peeing on the guy, then again im super new to all of this...

anyway, i see where this guy is upset... i dont think he's necessarily upset that she had a great orgasm, i think that he's upset that there was a lack of communication between him and his partner...

in all honesty, i dont know how someone "could not remember how they got into a position", so it sounds like his partner may not be 100% truthful about letting the other dood take control while he was out of the room and i think that she enjoyed every second of it but feels guilty that her partner feels 1) cheated out of watching this occur and 2) that he knows that she wasnt telling the complete and honest truth...

my two cents at least

Sico_tiko · 11-07-2007, 03:03 PM

Man The man who did this is an extreme idiot he should ask you first before doing and beside that u should be there during this, Please never contact this couple again and try to corespond this scene like try to play with his wife and give her a good fuck without he is there.

couplewanting50 · 11-08-2007, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wolfnblu

What are you going to do if someone comes in here and says, "yes, he should have done all of those things." How does it change anything to have your hurt, left out feelings validated by someone else? It doesn't.

I can understand your feelings. But I do think, if you plan to continue swinging, that you should work them out and get over it. Your wife may experience lots of things with a different partner than she ever has with you, unless you have some kind of rule that says, "don't ever do anything with someone else unless you've done it with me first." That's part of the fun of swinging, IMO.

That is an enormous part of the fun..... I agree.

lovemonkey#1 · 11-08-2007, 11:20 PM

honestly, i think that the other guy should have made some sort of effort to clue everyone else into what he was "planning". i'm glad that the OP's wife got to squirt and i agree that things like this happen in the lifestyle and you have to learn to get over it. what i don't like though are the assumptions people make about where limits are or how some people just don't seem to take them into consideration at all. if i was the other guy, i would have at least talked to the husband about it first. i think it's rude to just dive right in and start doing whatever i wanted to the other person's wife without verifying that it was ok with everyone first. yes, they said some soft playing, but even so, there still has to be communication.

i mean, i wasn't there so i didn't see how it all went down but i based on what the OP's saying, i think the other guy overstepped his bounds a little bit. it would have made me uncomfortable too and the OP even said that his wife was somewhat uneasy about it. i'm surprised at how many people are just like "deal with it, man. as long as your wife got off you should be happy." um, NO... isn't swinging supposed to be about the couples and their comfort levels? it's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. i personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.

blue.freckles · 11-09-2007, 12:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovemonkey#1

honestly, i think that the other guy should have made some sort of effort to clue everyone else into what he was "planning". i'm glad that the OP's wife got to squirt and i agree that things like this happen in the lifestyle and you have to learn to get over it. what i don't like though are the assumptions people make about where limits are or how some people just don't seem to take them into consideration at all. if i was the other guy, i would have at least talked to the husband about it first. i think it's rude to just dive right in and start doing whatever i wanted to the other person's wife without verifying that it was ok with everyone first. yes, they said some soft playing, but even so, there still has to be communication.

i mean, i wasn't there so i didn't see how it all went down but i based on what the OP's saying, i think the other guy overstepped his bounds a little bit. it would have made me uncomfortable too and the OP even said that his wife was somewhat uneasy about it. i'm surprised at how many people are just like "deal with it, man. as long as your wife got off you should be happy." um, NO... isn't swinging supposed to be about the couples and their comfort levels? it's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. i personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.

i agree that it was disrespectful to both the husband as well as the wife.. even though she was getting finger blasted by the other guy, what if she wanted to wait to experience not only her first gush, but her first internal orgasm with her spouse?

i agree that if they want to stay swinging, he'll have to get over this, but it was an extremely disrespectful in my opinion

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10-07-2007, 01:51 PM	#16 (permalink)
ShellyM Jay's Bumper Buddy Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,299 Location: San Marcos, TEXAS Status: On the prowl for man meat Swing Lifestyle Name:lost_j1	Re: The other male and his secret agenda OP, I can see both sides in this situation. Ummmm, I read all of your post. I feel that if you feel you have a right to be concerned than definately it is a valid concern. I am also going to have Jay read this later to get another opinion. Well. Your wife had never squirted, and I think you are hurt over the idea that another man caused her to do this the first time. I think that any man would be hurt to some point over something like this. Its natural. In truth I read the post, and I don't honestly think that the other husband had a hidden agenda....I think he got into a sexual zone as we call it and zeroe'd (I know that is mis-spelled) in on bringing your wife to orgasm. I don't know that they did anything because you left the room. When a man finds a woman's buttons he tends to go with it....and had I been the other wife watching something that intense would have turned me on too. Now, do you have a right to be upset? If you are upset you DO have that right. Please do not get after your wife....this will cause her to clam up in the future, and she'll never relax with another man. I don't think your wife had anything to do if anything wrong was done...she was just enjoying herself. So you applying any guilt will only stop the progress. I would send the other couple a very friendly, non-threatening email. Just mention that in the future you would like to be present...perhaps it should be all play or no play. This is what happens, someone feels left out. Take care, relax and have fun. Shelly
	__________________ Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho Shelly

10-07-2007, 01:57 PM	#17 (permalink)
nubianzlust Registered Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Bossier City, LA Status: couple	Re: The other male and his secret agenda I'm glad I already know how to make my wife squirt but that was by accident and I was the who ended up with a pearl necklace lol but conversation shouldve been the key here. Once the other woman said she has learned how to squirt then next once they got there is ask how is it done so you can know what to do but you leaving the room to get a drink and missed out on that moment then sorry a womans body will not holdback until you finish getting your drink. You couldve stayed and asked questions to the couples as to how it is done and does he plan on trying it on your wife(my wife and I are very protective of each other), its best ot get everything out into the open about what is going to happen tonight because some people may try to spring something on you that you may not approve of like anal sex. I cannot even get the head in so if I'm not getting and enjoying anal from my own wife then no else is Conversations and rules should explained before getting down with the get down so situations like this can be avoided.

10-12-2007, 02:30 AM	#18 (permalink)
2chase3 Here to Stay Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 61 Location: Houston Status: Couple Swing Lifestyle Name:2chase3	Re: The other male and his secret agenda This is exactly why I feel friendship is the first key to a happy lifestyle. I feel some push toward sex to fast without knowing each others expectations or limits. and why? Are they moving? and if so I am sure we could pan a trip. possibly to much was left up in the air? But I do agree with pet. Giving the situation Im sure it was metioned your wife had not "squirted." Knowing this, If i were the other male And the intentions were to make her squirt, I would not tried to axhieve this without her husband present. If he had the skill in order to make her squirt he could have easily delayed until you had returned. my advice is to first dicuss this with your wife truthfully,let her know how you feel about the situation, let her know the idea excites you but you felt left out. bring the issue to light with the other male "privately"his reaction will give you a strong indication of where the motives were.

10-12-2007, 09:34 AM	#19 (permalink)
ShellyM Jay's Bumper Buddy Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 2,299 Location: San Marcos, TEXAS Status: On the prowl for man meat Swing Lifestyle Name:lost_j1	Re: The other male and his secret agenda Chase, I see your point. But I don't know that he did anything intentionally to be honest. I think that people get into a sexual "zone"...or this is how it has been described to me in the past. Should he have waited? Mmmmm, its a hard call to say. Yes, perhaps. However, can she hold back an orgasm? What if he would have been giving her oral and she would have squirted, was he supposed to hold back on that too while her hubby went to get a beer? Its a very fine line and hard call. And I know as a woman, if you stop the train usually you'll jump the track and won't get it back lol. I think that if the hubby makes a huge issue out of this nothing good can happen on the part of the wife. Perhaps I'm absolutely wrong in this, and I may be. But I know for me, if Jay were very upset over my squirting or orgasming with another man when he was off getting a drink it would cause me to feel guilt over "allowing" this to happen....this would then cause me to not be able to relax anymore when Jay was present. I would not be able but be thinking "is he mad, is he upset, I have to make sure he is here if I cum", and this would essentially ruin things for me. Rules are a good thing, we all have some to some extent...however, in my opinion when the rules inhibit my ability to have pleasure...why am I here? Again, just my opinion. If its an issue I do not see any harm in talking politely with the hubby. I'm just saying weigh everything before going full barrel on someone. Tact is a good thing. AND if you want to be there when your wife orgasms make sure you have your drinks in the room there with you so you don't have to leave. JMO
	__________________ Merry Christmas and a Ho Ho Ho Shelly

11-07-2007, 02:41 PM	#22 (permalink)
blue.freckles Here to Stay Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 26 Location: Chicago Status: Couple	Re: The other male and his secret agenda i thought that "squirting" was just a chick peeing on the guy, then again im super new to all of this... anyway, i see where this guy is upset... i dont think he's necessarily upset that she had a great orgasm, i think that he's upset that there was a lack of communication between him and his partner... in all honesty, i dont know how someone "could not remember how they got into a position", so it sounds like his partner may not be 100% truthful about letting the other dood take control while he was out of the room and i think that she enjoyed every second of it but feels guilty that her partner feels 1) cheated out of watching this occur and 2) that he knows that she wasnt telling the complete and honest truth... my two cents at least

11-07-2007, 03:03 PM	#23 (permalink)
Sico_tiko Swingers Board Addict Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 185 Location: Eg Status: Single Male Swing Lifestyle Name:sico_tiko	Re: The other male and his secret agenda Man The man who did this is an extreme idiot he should ask you first before doing and beside that u should be there during this, Please never contact this couple again and try to corespond this scene like try to play with his wife and give her a good fuck without he is there.

11-08-2007, 11:20 PM	#25 (permalink)
lovemonkey#1 Here to Stay Join Date: Aug 2004 Posts: 67 Location: DC Status: m of a couple Swing Lifestyle Name:lovemonkeys	Re: The other male and his secret agenda honestly, i think that the other guy should have made some sort of effort to clue everyone else into what he was "planning". i'm glad that the OP's wife got to squirt and i agree that things like this happen in the lifestyle and you have to learn to get over it. what i don't like though are the assumptions people make about where limits are or how some people just don't seem to take them into consideration at all. if i was the other guy, i would have at least talked to the husband about it first. i think it's rude to just dive right in and start doing whatever i wanted to the other person's wife without verifying that it was ok with everyone first. yes, they said some soft playing, but even so, there still has to be communication. i mean, i wasn't there so i didn't see how it all went down but i based on what the OP's saying, i think the other guy overstepped his bounds a little bit. it would have made me uncomfortable too and the OP even said that his wife was somewhat uneasy about it. i'm surprised at how many people are just like "deal with it, man. as long as your wife got off you should be happy." um, NO... isn't swinging supposed to be about the couples and their comfort levels? it's obvious that there needs to be more communication here. i personally wouldn't play with this couple again because the male half seems to show a lack of respect.
	__________________ monday again?

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