My play partner's penis is bothering me...

[anon7882]

My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for a while now. We got into this with the idea that we would be emotionally detached from who we slept with. A while back, we met a couple that made us rethink this stance because they were so interesting. I would go so far as to say that everyone involved has grown very attached to each other to the point that we can say we love them and vice versa. We built a great friendship with them that we see lasting forever. So where is the problem you ask? Well...

Until recently, our play with them has only including me and the other wife with the men watching (which both of the men *loved*). Our last experience we did the full swap thing. Everything was going great until I got an image stuck in my head that would not go away. When I went to go down on the other husband, I immediately thought "Oh no.... He looks like my dad...". In my family, we were nudists minus actually going in public naked (if you get what I mean), so I should meantion that before everyone screams child abuse because that thought popped into my head. That thought was, understandably, *very* disturbing to me. That caused the rest of the night to go downhill for me. While everything before that was HOT HOT HOT, and everything involving my husband and the other wife after that was even more hot, I couldn't enjoy myself. I was a trooper though because I wanted to enjoy myself and I especially didn't want the other husband to know my thoughts and reactions.

After they left, I ended up crying to my husband because I was so guilty about not being able to enjoy it after that thought. His response was that we shouldn't go there with them anymore. If it was any other couple, I would quickly agree. My problem is that I know how much my husband enjoyed his experience (well, until he heard about mine), I know how much the other couple enjoyed it, and I know that I really wanted to enjoy it. I told my husband that I want to try it atleast once or twice more to see if it goes away, but he thinks that will be too traumatic for me. He may be right, but I would feel really bad cutting off future swapping with them because of a silly thought. They did nothing wrong (actually, they did everything oh so right), so I don't think that is fair to them.

What say you?

[tangyspecial]

I would say not to do anything you don't totally want to do. I'm sure you will get great advice from some of the veterans around here. I am not the best with words.

N-Mrs.

[Alura]

My guess is that you need help putting your irrational thoughts about your father behind you, Anon... from your husband and the other couple.

In my opinion, and as you wrote, no one else did anything wrong. It was all in your mind. It's up to you to get it out of there but you don't have to do it alone.

Start with, "Y'know, a funny thing happened in my mind last time we were together." Stress how good the evening was but that the thought of your father put a real chill on you. If your husband and the playcouple are as great as they seem to be, the four of you can see the humor in it and they (particularly the other husband) can do their best to make him decidedly "undadlike."

Good luck and please keep us informed.

Alura

[dayhiker]

Hi Anon,
Amazing the games our mind can play on us. Yet, each thing is so real. Indeed this is very real to you, so its hard to say if you can change it.
First, since your close and inlove with this couple, I'd encourage you to tell them the story.
How to deal with it, no do a and it is behind you. But since your mind has played this real game with you, there is a game you can play back on your mind I imagine. Once you have told the other couple they probably can help you with the situation. Basically I think you got to come to see his penis as his. Now you see his penis as your father's. So play games, sexy, not sexual, that will help you see this guy's penis as his.

Hope the idea helps!
dayhiker

[Laura Alura]

Anon, in my mind, your brain is not playing tricks on you. It is doing exactly what you have trained it to do, all those years ago. I've often wondered what the impact of "living nude" as a family might be. It occured to me that
learning that the body is not merely sexual might have some unintended repercussions; such as, I believe, what you've described.

So you trained yourself that your father's body was not sexual. Cool, and as it should be. Now in your sexual life you find a body like his. Your brain does
not see it as being sexual. It's doing what you taught it, like a good brain should. I don't think that you can undo that training overnight - or even by next month.

My suggestion would be to, first share your childhood story with the other couple. Let them know where you're coming from. Then suggest a learning situation for all of you. For example, y'all might start exploring the sensuality of silk or satin; as in lingerie (his and hers) or bedding and focusing on the stimuli of that feeling instead of the visual stimuli. Another possibility might be trying different massage oils and lotions and fragrances. The purpose here is to give everyone a new begining/experience - make everyone equally innocent and naive. Hopefully, the four of you will continue to find your way in a growing friendship.

Best of luck to you!
Smiles!

[ratpatch]

Blindfold? facelick

[lovinher]

I have no constructive advice other than you have no reason to feel guilty.
You are lucky to have a husband who understands and is looking out for you.
Let us know how things work out, if, or whenever that may happen.